by Mira Grant
Most of the bloggers we know applied, either singly or in groups, and we wanted that posting so bad that we could taste it. It was our ticket to the big leagues. Buffy had been operating under a Class B-20 license for years; as a Fictional, she didn’t need the clearance for field work, political reporting, or biohazard zones, and so she’d never seen the point in paying the license fees or taking the tests. Shaun and I rushed her through her A-level tests and classifications so fast that she just looked sort of stunned when they handed her the upgraded license. We sent in our application the next day.
Shaun was sure we’d get it. I was sure we wouldn’t. Now, still staring at my monitor, Shaun said, “George?”
“Yeah?”
“You owe me twenty bucks.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, before standing and throwing my arms around his neck. Shaun responded by whooping, putting his arms around my waist, and lifting me off the ground in order to whirl me around the room.
“We got the job!” he shouted.
“We got the job!” I shouted back.
After that, we devolved to shouting the words together, Shaun still swinging me in a circle, until the bedroom intercom crackled on and Dad’s voice demanded, “Are you two making that racket for a reason?”
“We got the job!” we shouted, in unison.
“Which job?”
“The big job!” Shaun said, putting me down and grinning at the intercom like he thought it could see him. “The biggest big job in the history of big jobs!”
“The campaign,” I said, aware that the grin on my face was probably just as big and stupid as the grin on Shaun’s. “We got the posting for the presidential campaign.”
There was a long pause before the intercom crackled again and Dad said, “You kids get dressed. I’ll get your mother. We’re going out.”
“But dinner—”
“Can go into the fridge. If you two are going to go stalk politicians all over the country, we’re going out for dinner first. Call Buffy and see if she wants to come. And that’s an order.”
“Yes, sir,” said Shaun, saluting the intercom. It clicked off and he turned on me, holding out his right hand. “Pay up.”
I pointed to the door. “Get out. There’s about to be nudity, and you’ll just complicate things.”
“Finally, adult content! Should I turn the webcams on? We can have a front-page feed in less than five—” I grabbed my pocket recorder and flung it at his head. He ducked, grinning again. “—minutes. I’ll go get some nicer clothes on. You can call the Buff one.”
“Out,” I said again, lips twitching as I fought a smile.
He walked back to the door between our rooms, stepping through before he shot back, “Wear a skirt, and I’ll release you from your debts.”
He managed to close the door before I found anything else to throw.
Shaking my head, I moved to the dresser, saying, “Phone, dial Buffy Meissonier, home line. Keep dialing until she picks up.” Buffy has a tendency to leave her phone on vibrate and ignore it while she “follows her muse,” which is basically a fancy way of saying “screws around online, writes a really depressing poem or short story, posts it, and makes three times what I do in click-through revenue and T-shirt sales.” Not that I’m bitter or anything. The truth will make you free, but it won’t make you particularly wealthy. I knew that when I chose my profession.
Playing with dead things is a little more lucrative, but Shaun doesn’t make enough to support us both—not yet, anyway—and he isn’t willing to move out without me. A lifetime spent within arm’s reach and counting primarily on each other has left us a little dependent on one another’s company. In an earlier, zombie-free era, this would have been dubbed “co-dependence” and resulted in years of therapy, culminating in us hating each other’s guts. Adoptive siblings aren’t supposed to treat each other like they’re the center of the world.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, that was an attitude for a different world. Here and now, sticking with the people who know you best is the most guaranteed way of staying alive. Shaun won’t leave the house until I do, and when we go, we’ll be going together.
By the time Buffy picked up her phone, I had actually managed to find a dark gray tweed skirt that not only fit, but that I was willing to wear in a public place. I was digging for a top when the line clicked, and she said, peevishly, “I was writing.”
“You’re always writing, unless you’re reading, screwing with something mechanical, or masturbating,” I replied. “Are you wearing clothes?”
“Currently,” she said, irritation fading into confusion. “Georgia, is that you?”
“It ain’t Shaun.” I pulled on a white button-down shirt, jamming the hem under the waistband of my skirt. “We’ll be there to pick you up in fifteen. ‘We’ being me, Shaun, and the ‘rents. They’re taking the whole crew to dinner. It’s just them trying to piggy-back on our publicity for some rating points, but right now, failing to care.”
Buffy isn’t as slow on the uptake as she sometimes seems. Her voice suddenly tight with suppressed excitement, she asked, “Did we get it?”
“We got it,” I confirmed. Her ear-splitting shriek of joy was enough to make me wince, even after it had been reduced by the phone’s volume filters. Smiling, I pulled a crumpled black blazer out of my drawer and shrugged it on before grabbing a fresh pair of sunglasses from the stack on the dresser. “So we’re picking you up in fifteen. Deal?”
“Yes! Yes, yes, deal, hallelujah, yes!” she babbled. “I have to change! And tell my roommates! And change! And see you! Bye!”
There was another click. My phone announced, “The call has been terminated. Would you like to place another call?”
“No, I’m good,” I said.
“The call has been terminated,” the phone repeated. “Would you like—”
I sighed. “No, thank you. Disconnect.” The phone beeped and turned itself off. With the strides they’ve been making in voice-recognition software, you’d think they could teach the stuff to acknowledge colloquial English. One step at a time, I suppose.
Mom, Dad, and Shaun were in the living room when I came breezing down the stairs, shoving my handheld MP3 recorder into the loop at my belt. The backup recorder in my watch has a recording capacity of only thirty megabytes, and that’s barely enough for a good interview. My handheld can hold up to five terabytes. If I need more than that before I can get to a server to dump the contents, I’d better be bucking for a Pulitzer.
Mom was wearing her best green dress, the one that appears in all her publicity shots, and Dad was in his usual professorial ensemble—tweed jacket, white shirt, khaki slacks. Put them next to Shaun, who was wearing a button-down shirt with his customary cargo pants, and they looked just like the last family publicity picture, even down to Mom’s overstuffed handbag with all the guns inside it. She takes advantage of her A-5 blogging license in ways that boggle the mind, but it’s the government’s fault for leaving the loopholes there. If they want to give anybody with a journalist’s license ranked Class A-7 or above the right to carry concealed weapons when entering any zone that’s had a breakout within the last ten years, that’s their problem. At least Mom’s responsible about it. She always secures the safety on any gun that she’s planning to take into a restaurant.
“Buffy’s going to be ready in fifteen,” I said, pushing my sunglasses more solidly up the bridge of my nose. Some of the newer models have magnetic clamps instead of earpieces. They won’t come off without someone intentionally disengaging them. I would have been tempted to invest in a pair if they weren’t expensive enough to require decontamination and reuse.
“The sun’s going down; you could wear your contacts,” Dad said, sounding amused. He’s good at sounding amused. He’s been sounding professionally amused since before the Rising, back when he used his campus webcast to keep biology students around
the Berkeley area paying attention and doing their homework. Eventually, that same webcast let him coordinate pockets of survivors, moving them from place to place while reporting on the movement of the local zombie mobs. A lot of people owe their lives to that warm, professional-sounding voice. He could’ve become a news anchor with any network in the world after the dust cleared. He stayed at Berkeley instead, and became one of the pioneers of the evolving blogger society.
“I could also stick a fork in my eye, but where would be the fun in that?” I walked over to Shaun, offering a thin smile. He studied my skirt and then flashed me a thumbs-up sign. I had passed the all-judging court of my brother’s fashion sense, which, cargo pants aside, is more advanced than mine will ever be.
“I called Bronson’s. They have a table for us on the patio,” Mom said, smiling beatifically. “It’s a beautiful night. We should be able to see the entire city.”
Shaun glanced at me, murmuring, “We let Mom pick the restaurant.”
I smirked. “I can see that.”
Bronson’s is the last open-air restaurant in Berkeley. More, they’re the last open-air restaurant in the entire Bay Area to be located on a hillside and surrounded by trees. Eating there is what I imagine it was like to go out to dinner before the constant threat of the infected drove most people away from the wilderness. The entire place is considered a Level 6 hazard zone. You can’t even get in without a basic field license, and they require blood tests before they let you leave. Not that there’s any real danger: It’s surrounded by an electric fence too high for the local deer to jump over, and floodlights click on if anything larger than a rabbit moves in the woods. The only serious threat comes from the chance that an abnormally large raccoon might go into conversion, make it over the fence before it lost the coordination to climb trees, and drop down inside. That’s never happened.
Not that this stops Mom from hoping to be there when it near-inevitably does. She was one of the first true Irwins, and old habits die hard, when they die at all. Shouldering her purse, she gave me a disapproving look. “Could you at least pretend to comb your hair?” she asked. “It looks like you have a hedgehog nesting on your head.”
“That’s the look I was going for,” I said. Mom is blessed with sleek, well-behaved ash blonde hair that started silvering gracefully when Shaun and I were ten. Dad has practically no hair left, but when he had it, it was a muted Irish red. I, on the other hand, have thick, dark brown hair that comes in two settings: long enough to tangle, and short enough to look like I haven’t brushed it in years. I prefer the short version.
Shaun’s hair is a little lighter than mine, but still brown, and when he keeps it short, no one can tell that his is straight and mine wants to curl. It helps us get away with just saying we’re twins, rather than going into the whole messy explanation.
Mom sighed. “You two realize the odds are good that someone already knows you got the assignment, and you’re going to get swarmed tonight, yes?”
“Mmm-hmmm,” I said. “Someone” probably received a quick phone call from one or both of our parents, and “someone” was probably already waiting at the restaurant. We grew up with the ratings game.
“Looking forward to it,” said Shaun. He’s better at playing nice with our parents than I am. “Every site that runs my picture tonight is five more foxy ladies around the country realizing that they want to hit the road with me.”
“Pig,” I said, and punched him in the arm.
“Oink,” he said. “It’s all right, we know the drill. Smile pretty for the cameras, show off my scars, let George and Dad look wise and trustworthy, pose for anyone who asks, and don’t try to answer any questions with actual content.”
“Whereas I don’t smile unless forced, stay behind my sunglasses, and make a point of how incisive and hard-hitting every report I approve for release is going to be,” I said, dryly. “We let Buffy babble to her heart’s content about the poetic potential of traveling around the country with a bunch of political yahoos who think we’re idiots.”
“And we make the front page of every alpha site in the country, and our ratings go up nine points overnight,” Shaun said.
“Thus allowing us to announce the formation of our own site early next week, just before heading out on the campaign trail.” I slid my sunglasses down my nose, ignoring the way the light stung as I offered a brief smile. “We’ve thought about this as much as you have.”
“Maybe more,” Shaun added.
Dad laughed. “Face it, Stacy, they’ve got it covered. Kids, just in case there isn’t another chance for me to tell you this, your mother and I are very proud of you. Very proud of you, indeed.”
Liar. “We’re pretty proud of us, too,” I said.
“Well, then,” Shaun said, clapping his hands together. “This is touching and all, but come on—let’s go eat.”
Getting out of the house is easier with our parents in tow, largely because Mom’s minivan is kept ready at all times. Food, water, a CDC-certified biohazard containment unit for temperature-sensitive medications, a coffeemaker, steel-reinforced windows… We could be trapped inside that thing for a week, and we’d be fine. Except for the part where we’d go crazy from stress and confinement and kill each other before rescue came. When Shaun and I go into the field, we need to check our gear, sometimes twice, to make sure it’s not going to let us down. Mom just grabs her keys.
Buffy was waiting at her neighborhood guard station, dressed in an eye-popping combination of tie-dyed leggings and knee-length glitter tunic, with star-and-moon hologram clips in her hair. Anyone who didn’t know her would have thought she was completely devoid of sense, fashion or common. That’s what she was aiming for. Buffy travels with more hidden cameras than Shaun and I combined. As long as people are busy staring at her hair, they don’t wonder why she’s so careful about pointing the tiny jewels she has pasted to her nails in their direction.
She waved and grabbed her duffel bag when the van pulled up. Then she ran to hop into the back with Shaun and me. The footage of that moment would be on the site within the hour.
“Hey, Georgia. Hey, Shaun—good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Mason,” she chirped, buckling herself in while Shaun slammed the door. “I just finished watching your trip to Colma, Mrs. Mason. Really great stuff. I would never have thought to elude a bunch of zombies by climbing a high-dive platform.”
“Why, thank you, Georgette,” said Mom.
“Thrill as Buffy kisses ass,” Shaun said, deadpan. Buffy shot him a poisonous look, and he just laughed.
Content that all was right with the world, I settled back in my seat, folded my arms across my chest, and closed my eyes, letting the chatter in the van wash over me without registering it. It had been a long day, and it was nowhere near over.
When blogging first emerged as a major societal trend, it was news rendered anonymous. Rather than trusting something because Dan Rather looked good on camera, you trusted things because they sounded true. The same went for reports of personal adventures, or people writing poetry, or whatever else folks felt like putting out there for the world to see; you got no context on who created it, and so you judged the work on the basis of what it actually was. That changed when the zombies came, at least for the people who went professional. These days, bloggers don’t just report the news; they create it, and sometimes, they become it. Landing the position of pet bloggers for Senator Ryman’s presidential campaign? That definitely counts as becoming the news.
That’s part of why Shaun and Buffy keep me around. My journalistic integrity is unquestioned by our peers, and when we make the jump to alpha—the suddenly feasible jump to alpha—that’s going to cement our credibility. Shaun and Buffy will bring in the readers. I’ll make it okay for them to trust us. They just have to deal with my depressed personal ratings because part of what makes me so credible is the fact that my news is free from passion, opinion, and spin. I do op-ed, but for the most par
t, what you’ll get from me is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
So help me God.
Shaun elbowed me when we reached Bronson’s. I slid my sunglasses back into position and opened my eyes.
“Status?” I asked.
“A least four visible cameras. Probably twelve to fifteen, all told.”
“Leaks?”
“That many cameras, at least six sites already know.”
“Got it. Buffy?”
“Taking point,” she said, and straightened, putting on her best camera-ready smile. My parents exchanged amused looks in the front seat.
“It’s all uphill from here,” I said.
Shaun leaned over and opened the van door.
Before the Rising, crowds of paparazzi were pretty much confined to the known haunts of celebrities and politicians—the people whose faces could be used to sell a few more magazines. The rise of reality television and the Internet media changed all that. Suddenly, anybody could be a star if they were willing to embarrass themselves in the right ways. People got famous for wanting to get laid, a stunt men have been trying to achieve since the day we discovered puberty. People got famous for having useless talents, memorizing trivia, or just being willing to get filmed twenty-four hours a day while living in a house full of strangers. The world was a weird place before the Rising.
After the Rising, with an estimated eighty-seven percent of the populace living in fear of infection and unwilling to leave their homes, a new breed of reality star was born: the reporter. While you can be an aggregator or a Stewart without risking yourself in the real world, it’s hard to be an Irwin, a Newsie, or even a really good Fictional if you cut yourself off that way. So we’re the ones who eat in restaurants and go to theme parks, the ones who visit national parks even though we’d really rather not, the ones who take the risks the rest of the country has decided to avoid. And when we’re not taking those risks ourselves, we report on the people who are. We’re like a snake devouring its own tail, over and over again, forever. Shaun and I have done paparazzi duty when the stories were thin on the ground and we needed to make a few bucks fast. I’d rather go for another filming session in Santa Cruz. Something about playing vulture just makes me feel dirty.