Say what?! My heart gave a great bang in my chest. I’d almost forgotten about the drummer with the strange starburst. Or it could be that I’d blocked the encounter from my memory.
“Coming here?” I asked. “Tonight? Why?”
“Because this is the best party ever! There are people here from, like, everywhere. Everybody knows about it!”
“Still, I wouldn’t get your hopes up too high.” I wondered if I was saying it more for his benefit or my own.
Scott was making his way toward the basement with our two drinks held high in the air. I called out to him, jumping up and waving my arms until he noticed. His forehead creased as he glanced from me to Jay. He made his way over and handed me a cup.
“Thanks,” I said. Jay and Scott nodded at each other.
“What’s up, man?” Jay asked rather coolly.
“Not a whole lot. How ’bout you?”
“Chillin’. Chillin’.” A heavy silence followed. I’d never noticed the feelings between Jay and Scott were about as warm and fuzzy as a bald cat. But then again, I’d never been around them both like this. Their auras brimmed with jagged gray irritation. Scott took a big drink and I looked down at my reddish-orange juice.
“So, what are you kids drinking?” Jay asked, eyeballing my cup.
“Beer for me. I just threw together some different juices for Anna. No alcohol.” Scott turned to me. “You ready to go downstairs?” My heart sank.
“Oh,” I said. “Um, actually I came back up here because most of the seats are taken and there were some shady guys smoking up.”
His face fell.
“Jay!” We all turned toward the trilling voice of Kaylah, who was rushing at us and jumping into Jay’s arms.
“Whoa, hey!” He laughed.
“I think the band you were talking about just pulled up!” she told him.
“Ha!” Jay let go of Kaylah and turned to me, doing a funny little in-your-face dance with his tongue out. “What’s up now, hater?”
My heart raced and somersaulted as the two of them grabbed hands and left us. I did not want to see Kaidan Rowe again, did I? No. And besides, for the first time a boy was showing interest in me, and I was interested, too. I didn’t want to worry about some disrespectful guy messing things up.
I was suddenly parched, so I took a huge gulp of my juice. Yum. Tart, but sweet... and something else. I took another drink. What was that? I sniffed the liquid. There was no burning smell of alcohol.
I took another long gulp, then I chugged, knowing even as I did it that there was something in that drink, but I couldn’t—no, wouldn’t—stop myself. I waited for the panic to rise, but instead I felt myself relaxing. This party wasn’t half-bad after all, even if the most passive-aggressive, rudest, sexiest guy in Georgia had just shown up. I didn’t have to talk to him.
“What band was he talking about?” asked Scott.
“Lascivious. They’re Jay’s favorite.”
“Hmph. Never heard of ’em.”
Kristin Miller and Veronica from Spanish class made their way to us whispering and giggling, their cheeks flushed from drinking. They had similar haircuts, brown bobs that went up their necks and slanted downward in front to their chins. Veronica’s hair was darker, though, almost black, and she had new chunky red highlights. Veronica was the drunkest, her colors blurry. She slung her arms around my neck and let out a silly, happy squeal, slurring her words.
“Girl, can I just say you are the coolest little thing ever?! I’m so glad you’re here!”
Normally I would wonder whether she was making fun of me, but I was feeling very light and buoyant at the moment, so I found myself going along with it, even enjoying it.
“Thank you!” I shouted. “And I love your highlights, by the way.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh, my gawd! You are so gonna be my BFF tonight. Come on! Let’s go dance!”
Kristin rolled her eyes at us.
“Wait!” said Scott. “Finish your drink so it doesn’t spill on the dance floor.”
Excellent idea. I finished every drop of the delicious juice and handed the empty cup to Scott.
“Come on! I love this song!” Veronica pulled my hand, and I let her lead me.
“Come with!” I called to Scott over my shoulder. He and Kristin followed. The four of us weaved through the people to the dance floor, where the music boomed, rattling windows with the bass.
My inhibitions dropped like bricks off of me. When Veronica hollered, “Wooo!” I threw my arms up and did the same. My head was so fuzzy inside. I’d lost my ability to sense other people’s colors, and it was freeing. The clouds were still there, but they’d become like extensions of the people, in my mind. Nothing could bother me at that moment. I didn’t care whether I saw Kaidan Rowe right then. Even he couldn’t bring me down.
Veronica and I danced. It was complete and utter bliss. Everyone was being so nice, not minding when I bumped into them. The warmth of close-huddled bodies was wonderful. I could feel each brush of my own limbs against others as I let my hips move and my eyes close.
I faintly heard Kristin talking beside me.
“She can’t be feeling it already?”
“Shut the hell up!” Scott’s voice hissed.
Veronica lifted her cup to her mouth, but someone fell into her, knocking the cup to the ground.
“Aw, crap!” she said, and we both laughed, falling all over each other. My laughter was not right. It was smoother and lower than usual, and I was suddenly much too calm to work up a good belly laugh. I noticed how soft Veronica’s shirt was. I rubbed it between my fingers.
“You’re feelin’ it now, girl!” she said.
“What was in my drink?” I asked, curious.
“Some crushed-up X. Don’t be too mad at him. You’re so lucky! I would have done it tonight, too, but my dad won’t give me any money.”
I wasn’t mad. Just the opposite. Scott had been right. I wanted to thank him. I threw my head back, submerged in the sensation. The fact that I was high was what mattered. It was like a long-lost friend had found me and wrapped me in a cozy blanket. I wanted it to last forever.
There was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, but I ignored it. Soon I couldn’t focus on anything except the fact that my mouth felt like it had been stuffed with a sock.
“My mouth is so dry!” I yelled. “And my teeth are chattering.”
“Come on. Let’s go get you some water and gum. That’ll help. And I need another frickin’ drink, too!”
Once again Veronica pulled me through the crowd by the hand. I felt as if I were walking on a squishy cloud and everything were in slow motion. We pushed our way to the kitchen, where she spun to me and shouted, “Holy hot guy! Who the heck was that? Did you see him?”
“Who?” I looked around.
“Back in the hall. Hel-lo! When we passed him he was staring right at you!”
I looked in the general direction of the hall, but there were too many people.
“I don’t know. I didn’t see him.” I shrugged. “I’m happy we’re friends.”
“Aww! You are so sweet. I can’t believe we’ve never hung out before.” Veronica slid a piece of gum in my mouth. I chewed like crazy, my jaw racing with a mind of its own while she made herself a drink, splashing stuff all over the counter.
Someone tapped my shoulder. My movements were sluggish as I turned, and it took a few seconds to process his face.
“Jay!” I brought my arms up to his shoulders, gazing at him and letting my head flop back.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I am so good.” I tried to talk normally, but the breathy voice that came out was totally unfamiliar. I rubbed little circles on his shoulders with my palms. “You are the bestest friend, Jay. I love you.”
“Are you drunk?!”
Uh-oh. He was upset. No, no, no. Everything was so nice. So perfect. I needed Jay to be happy, too.
“She’s rollin’,” Veronica said, popping some pea
nuts in her mouth with manicured fingers.
He looked at me with huge eyes, and then moved my arms down and took a step away from me. “What the hell, Anna?”
“Jay, please. Please don’t be mad at me.” I reached up to him, but he deflected my arms.
“That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?” he asked, his face tight. All I could do was stare like a fawn in a spotlight. Jay had never, ever yelled at me.
“Whatever, man, forget this.” He reached between Veronica and me, grabbing a half-full bottle of clear liquor before disappearing into the movement and noise around us. I was thankful when Scott walked up and filled in the empty gap Jay left behind. I didn’t want any gaps tonight.
“You just missed Jay being a total buzz kill!” Veronica said to him. “And did you know that me and Anna are totally best friends now?”
Scott looked at me hesitantly, but when I smiled he slid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. Jay’s words had already filtered through me and were gone. There was no room in paradise for anything as ugly as anger.
“Hey, you.” Scott’s voice was all melty and buttery in my ear. “Sorry, Veronica, but I’m going to have to steal your new best friend.”
“Y’all behave yourselves, now.” She winked.
I turned to her and we hugged like we’d never see each other again, and then Scott was weaving the two of us through the partygoers, up a curved wooden staircase, down the hall, and into a room.
The sudden quiet was a shock to my ears when he shut the door behind us. Scott led us to what looked like a guest bed. He sat, so I sat. He lay back on his elbows, so I did, too. When he turned his body to lean over me, I dropped my elbows and lay back, completely still.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked. I shook my head.
“Everything feels so soft.” My fingers caressed the sides of my jeans. Even the normally rough feel of denim was like silk under my fingers.
“When I’m on E,” he said, “I always think everyone should be naked. Just like Adam and Eve.”
That made perfect sense to me at the moment, and it seemed funny. “Just completely natural and happy,” I said, and we smiled at each other.
“Do you know when I first started to like you?” he asked. “Remember last year after state match, when I got the, um, cauliflower ear?”
I’d forgotten about that. He’d been so embarrassed about the grossly swollen ear that he’d gotten from the wrestling mats at the state competition. His girlfriend had even been disgusted enough to dump him.
“You were always sweet,” he said. “You didn’t stare at it like everyone else.” He laid his arm across my belly and caressed my waist. “You know, Anna, it wouldn’t take much for you to be more, I don’t know, popular or whatever. I’ve seen you play volleyball and softball in gym. You’re good. You could go out for sports and maybe wear some different clothes or something. I mean, you’re pretty, but you could be, like, hot. You know?”
I was quiet for a second. Part of my brain contemplated being offended, but it was overruled by a heavy blanket of peacefulness in my bloodstream.
“I’m sorry, Scott, but even if I had the money, I just don’t care about those things. I want people to like me for who I am. Isn’t that what you want, too?”
I reached up to touch his face, but he grabbed my hand and held it.
“Have you kissed many guys?”
“I’ve never kissed anyone,” I admitted.
“Not even Jay?”
“No way. He’s like my brother.” I tried to think of Jay now. What had been wrong with him earlier? It made me feel sad, but I couldn’t recall why.
“How long will this last?” I asked. “This feeling?”
“About four hours. Then it takes a couple hours to come down.”
Come down? That sounded awful. I wondered if I could talk Scott into giving me more.
“Anna.”
“Huh?” I tried to focus on him.
“I want to be your first kiss.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Before he even had a chance to lean down, the door banged open, letting in the party’s earsplitting volume. We both sat up on the bed and I found myself staring into the deep blue eyes of Kaidan Rowe.
“What the—” Scott started.
“Ah, there you are, luv. Let’s go, then.”
Kaidan was looking at me. And waving me toward him. I sat there weighed down with shock.
“Can you walk, or will I have to carry you?” Kaidan asked.
Scott raised his voice. “What are you doing, man?”
“I need a chat with Anna.” But Kaidan didn’t look at Scott when he said it. His eyes stayed on me.
He remembered my name. And it sounded so lovely when he said it. Scott and I turned to each other. It never crossed my mind not to go with Kaidan. He was the most amazing part of my whole wakeful dream.
“I’ll be back,” I said, standing.
“I wouldn’t count on it, actually,” said Kaidan, coming forward to take my hand and pull me from the room. I was pondering how many people had tugged me by the arm tonight just as Scott yelled, “Dude!” and Kaidan slammed the door shut behind us.
CHAPTER FIVE
LIKEWISE
Kaidan kept a firm grip on my hand. I concentrated on where our bodies connected, marveling at my hand inside of his. I didn’t recall leaving the house or walking down the dock, but when we stopped I processed the fact that we were outside the boathouse. Kaidan banged the doorway with the side of his fist.
“Everyone out,” he told them with authority.
“We were here first,” one of the boys inside said.
“Sod off.” Kaidan’s tone was scary calm.
The six figures brushed past us with weak protests and headed back to the party. When they were gone, I expected Kaidan to go into the boathouse, but instead he walked out to the end of the dock and sat. I followed, sitting on the edge with my feet hanging over, not quite reaching the water. I took in his brown T-shirt with a golden dragon stenciled down one shoulder and across the chest. It was just snug enough to accentuate his toned body underneath. When I looked at his face I was shaken to see how intensely he was looking back at me. A breeze brushed my skin like a feather.
My teeth chattered, but I didn’t know if it was from the X or the cool air.
“Who are you?” he asked me yet again.
“I don’t know how you want me to answer that.”
A sudden flash throughout my body cracked my fuzzy dream state. I gasped.
“What is it?” he asked. There it was again, but longer this time. Reality was seeping back in. I was beginning to feel insecure and anxious.
“I think... It feels like it’s starting to wear off. But he said four hours!” I couldn’t sit there. I stood up, feeling panicked. I was shaking inside. Kaidan stood, too, pulling my chin up to make me look at him.
“Have you ever been sick?” he asked, holding my eyes with his.
“Sick... ?” I couldn’t think.
“The flu. Tonsilitis. Anything?” Now he had my attention.
Another spasm pushed me further out of my dream state as I bent over with my hands on my knees.
“Maybe this little sweet will help you.” He held a small white pill. Yes! I grabbed for it, but he was faster.
“Answer all of my questions first. Any illnesses in your lifetime?”
“No.”
“How far back can you remember?”
This question stilled my trembling. We stared hard at each other. He couldn’t possibly know about that. It was my ultimate secret.
He moved closer, just as he had the night we met, and lowered his voice. “Answer the question.”
I stared up at his mouth, his handsome lips, and for a second I forgot about the pill. I cleared my throat.
“Fine,” I whispered. “All the way back. My birth, and even before that. Happy?”
He nodded, straight-faced. I couldn’t believe I’d just admitt
ed that out loud to him, and he hadn’t reacted as if it were the slightest bit strange. I looked down at his hand by his side in a tight fist, my escape from reality held within it.
“Now for the important part,” he said. “Who is your father?”
“I-I don’t know. I was adopted.”
“Bollocks. You must have some idea.” He raised his arm, and his hand hovered over the water.
“There was this one man! I remember him from the day I was born. Jonathan LaGray. I’ve always assumed he was my father, but I’ve never even talked to him. Please! I don’t know anything about him. He’s in prison.” I stared at his hand as he lowered it to the safety of his side.
“Yes, of course,” said Kaidan, eyeing me differently now. “I should have guessed from your behavior tonight.”
My thoughts weren’t coherent enough to care what he meant. I was shaking all over now, frantic with longing. I had to stay in my escape world. I couldn’t go back.
“My pill,” I pleaded.
“You mean this one?” He held it up and my eyes widened. “Sorry, luv, just an aspirin.” And to my horror he nonchalantly tossed it into the lake, and with a light plunk it sank.
“No!” I screamed. He stilled me by grasping my upper arms in his strong hands.
“How long ago did he give you the drug?”
“What? I don’t know, maybe thirty, no, forty minutes?”
“It should be completely out of your system very soon. You’ll be fine. Just sit here and try to calm yourself.”
He released my arms and I sat down, resting my forehead on my knees and rocking back and forth, battling minor tremors. He was cruel for tricking me with that pill. I hadn’t wanted something that badly since those pain pills years ago.
The wind blew against my skin again and I heard tiny waves splash the rocky shore. After two minutes, the thick fog in my head started to lift and I was racked with the ugliness of clarity.
I should not have come to this stupid party. I should have left the second I found out Gene’s parents weren’t here. I couldn’t believe Scott thought it was okay to give me Ecstasy. Why had I loved it and craved more, like some kind of fiend? Ugh, I almost got my first kiss while I was high!
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