“They just turned eighteen, so they’ll be expected to now, but before they worked on other teenage couples, getting them to cheat. Neph are to steer clear of sins with adults or any spotlight while we’re underage to avoid any scandal to our fathers’ reputations among humans.” He paused, switching lanes and swiping hair from his eyes. His face and tone were grim as he continued. “The twins’ father, Astaroth, had a daughter in his last lifetime who was caught having an affair with a politician when she was only fifteen. Astaroth was dabbling in politics at the time, and there was a huge public uproar. Her actions affected his influential position, so he staged her death to look like suicide. Then he left his body and started the life he has now. Everyone thought his heart gave out from stress.”
“He killed her?” I shouldn’t have been surprised.
Kaidan gave a dry laugh of contempt. “Had her killed, most likely. Wouldn’t want to exert his own self.”
I shook my head, imagining what fear the twins must face.
“Marna and Ginger both have a special talent, like you—the female thing,” Kaidan said.
“Oh, yeah? What’s theirs?”
“They can sense bonds between people when the feelings are mutual. Attraction, romantic love, commitment. Their father sees the bonds, too. That’s how they know who to go after.”
“Wow. Girl power, only in a disturbing way. Okay, so that’s three of your friends. Who’s the last one?”
“Kopano.” He said this name with a slight frown and a tone akin to annoyance. “His father is Alocer, Duke of Wrath.”
I shivered at the mention of Wrath. “Is he mean?” I asked.
Again with the dry laugh and strange tone. “No. He’s practically a celibate monk.”
“And where does he live? Kopano.” I tried out his name.
“He’s from Africa, but he’s at college here in the States now. Kope’s situation is very hush-hush. None of the demons know about this except his father, but Kopano is lucky to be alive. A few years back he turned to God and was prepared to die rather than do his father’s work. But when he told Alocer, he allowed him to live.”
“Why?”
“Alocer loves Kope, or respects him, at the very least. It’s unheard of among our kind.”
I studied Kaidan’s face. There was something wistful in his voice. Jealousy?
“Kopano is a mystery,” he stated. “Here’s the exit.”
We ended up on the Hollywood strip. I was ecstatic to see palm trees everywhere, some short and squat, some tall with skinny trunks stretching high. But my excitement faded when I caught sight of the general emotional climate of the people crowded together everywhere. There were some happy tourists, just passing through like us, but the primary sins were present in abundance, pressing in on me. I could sense the undercurrent of addiction in so many people that I found myself clutching the door handle. I gulped hard, willing the jitters to leave me.
An attractive woman passed, keeping her head down, and from a certain angle I could see that her face was not right—not natural. Her skin was tight, her lips were overly full, and her cheekbones stuck out sharply. She was dark with self-loathing. I wondered how many plastic surgeries she’d had. It was clear that underneath all of the changes, she had been a beautiful woman to begin with.
Nearly every ear had a cell phone attached to it. There were so many homeless and prostitutes. I barely saw the Chinese Theatre or the stars on the sidewalks. All I could see were the souls and emotions.
“Is it too much for you here?” Kaidan asked me.
“It’s hard,” I said. “But not because it’s Hollywood. Even Atlanta is hard for me sometimes.”
“I’ll get us out of here.”
We stopped at a red light. I shook my head and managed a small smile for the man who passed my window with a flyer offering tours of celebrity homes. When he walked away I met the eyes of a homeless woman sitting on some gray newspapers that matched her gray aura of despair. I opened my little wallet and pulled out two bills.
“You’re wasting your money,” Kaidan warned.
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
She came, dragging one leg, to the window when I rolled it down and held out the money.
“God bless you,” she said. Her eyes reflected the pale green swirl of gratitude around her. She was not high or drunk, nor did she have the undercurrent of addiction running through her. I wondered what awful circumstances had forced her to live in the streets.
“Wait,” I called out. I snapped open my wallet and pulled out my entire savings, pressing it into her palm. Her lip trembled as she pulled it to her chest. Our eyes stayed locked until the light turned green and we drove away.
I realized too late that I would have to depend on Kaidan financially for the rest of the trip, not that he’d let me pay for anything so far anyway.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him. “That was presumptuous of me. But she—”
“What on earth are you apologizing for?” His eyes were soft, taking me by surprise. I looked back down, feeling bad.
Traffic was stop-and-go on the strip. Kaidan watched the road, lost in his thoughts.
“Legionnaire,” he said. My attention snapped to where he pointed. “Whispering to that man in the blue suit. If he comes this direction I’m going to ask you to hide. Be ready to move.”
I nodded and slunk lower in the seat. I still couldn’t see any demon, but I watched the man, walking and talking on his cell phone while his guardian angel rushed around him. He clicked the phone shut and stopped walking. He seemed to waver in indecision, looking around to see whether anyone was watching. Then he turned and, with a rush of determination, walked back to a woman standing by a light pole in a black leather dress with a faux-fur wrap. A prostitute. She dropped her cigarette and crushed it underfoot. Her colors went to a nervous light gray when he approached, changing to a soft blue relief when he passed her money in his palm. As they walked away together, a dirty cloud of guilt and apprehension spiked with yellow-orange excitement blazed around the man.
“Father would be satisfied to see the success of one of his whisperers,” Kaidan said with disdain. “I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
I tore my eyes from the people now, and instead watched Kaidan’s hand on the steering wheel, and his long legs on the pedals. This kept me busy until we were out of the city, back on the highway, where I could stare out at the city lights. Kaidan handed me his cell phone, since Patti would be calling soon.
I talked with her while he got us checked in at the hotel.
“You sound sad, honey,” Patti said.
“We just drove down the Hollywood strip. There was a lot of suffering. But I don’t want to think about that. Today was a good day.”
I told her about the Native American reservation and the Mexican restaurant. She loved every detail. I was glad to hear the strain gone from her voice.
“Be strong tomorrow, Anna. Everything will be fine. I just know it.”
“I miss you,” I told her. “I wish I could have one of your hugs right now.”
“I miss you, too, so much. Here’s a hug.” She made a mmnnn sound, like she was squeezing, and I giggled. “We’ll talk at this same time tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, sweetie.”
We lay on our separate beds, contemplating what to do. We weren’t tired, even though we’d both changed into pajamas. I’d been surprised when Kaidan changed, but I didn’t mention it.
“We could go for a swim,” he suggested.
“Can’t,” I said. “Didn’t bring a bathing suit.” On purpose.
I sat up against the tower of pillows on my bed. I wanted to keep him talking for as long as possible, in case he planned to go out.
“Kaidan, what happened to all of the Nephilim? Why are there so few of us now?”
He came over and sat on my bed, a respectful distance away. He rubbed his face, as if weary, then began.
“All right.” He sighed. “Over a hundred years ago there were thousands of Neph and their descendants on earth. The offspring down the line had full powers, just like us. It started getting difficult for the Dukes to keep track of them and control them. A few Neph were using their abilities to rise to power among humans, taking high places of leadership, starting wars, committing genocides, in general bringing too much attention to themselves. The Dukes want Neph to be like them, influencing humans to cause chaos, but not taking starring roles. So they decided on the Great Purge. All Neph were hunted down and killed, whether they’d defied the Dukes or not. Within several years they were all gone.”
Kaidan’s face was bleak, and I batted away depressing emotions.
“It’s like the Neph are even less than humans in their eyes,” I said.
“Ever since the purge, they’ve taken measures to make certain the Neph don’t overpopulate again. The Duke of Pride, Rahab, tried to insist that the Dukes not reproduce, but he got shot down on that one. Instead they’ve made certain the Neph won’t have children.”
“You mean... ?” I covered my mouth, feeling very sick. “They sterilized them?” He nodded, making a snip-snip gesture with his fingers. I pointed at him, as a question.
“Yes, me, too,” he said, voice soft. “All of us had the procedure.”
“Except me,” I said, and then I felt myself pale, imagining that my father would make me.
“The worst part is how fast the pain meds burn through our system. But it’s better this way. To get someone pregnant is to kill them.”
“I understand that. But it’s their reasoning that makes me mad—it’s the fact that everyone’s choice is taken away!”
“It is what it is.” I had no doubt that had been the Neph motto for thousands of years. Kaidan rested his chin on his forearms, looking down with heavy eyes.
He’d been right to think I’d cry. The thought of such cruelty. The complete lack of love and respect for life. I stood and went to look out of the window, trying to hide my tears from Kaidan.
“I knew it would only upset you,” he said.
“Of course it upsets me! Doesn’t it upset you?” I turned to him now, and he lifted a solemn gaze to me. Yes, it was clear from the blue depths of his eyes that it upset him, too.
“There’s no use wasting time thinking about things that can’t be changed.”
Was there nothing that could be done? Couldn’t we somehow fight back? As much as I wanted to believe we could, the idea of destroying the Dukes felt monumentally hopeless.
I walked back to my bed, where Kaidan lay, and sat against the headboard with my knees pulled up to my chest. I pushed my cold feet under the covers.
Kaidan sat up on the edge of the bed and moved closer to me. Much closer. I was too busy hiding my nervousness to look up at him.
“Nervous?” he asked.
“Umm...”
“About tomorrow?” he specified.
“Oh.” Now that he mentioned it... “Yeah.”
“You’ll do fine. I’ll drop you off and come get you the moment you call.”
He took my hand gently in his. My heart was beating too fast. I watched him run the pad of his thumb back and forth over my thumbnail. I knew that if I looked up now he would kiss me. I wanted him to. All I had to do was lift my face. But it felt wrong that I should keep kissing someone who wasn’t my boyfriend. The thought of Kaidan as anyone’s boyfriend was laughable. He probably thought boyfriend and husband were bad words.
After I’d refused to look at him for long enough, he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my thumb. I rested my cheek on my knee and closed my eyes. The sweetness of his gesture was too much. Just as I was about to stop fighting it and turn my face up to his, he stood.
“Get some rest,” he said, letting go of my hand.
I burrowed down into the covers and tried to resume normal breathing. I heard him get into his own bed and become still.
“Kaidan?”
“Yes?”
“I’m not trying to judge. I’m just curious. Um...” I twisted the blanket in my hands. “Are you going out tonight?”
The pause was long and weighty before he said, “I don’t think I will.”
Yes! I reined in any hopeful thoughts and feelings about what this might mean, but I could not deny the speed of the hummingbird zooming around inside of me.
“Ann?” he whispered.
“Yes?”
“It won’t bother me if you need to, you know, properly pray, however you do it.”
“Oh. Okay, thanks.” He’d caught me off guard, but I felt willing to share my private moment with him.
I felt self-conscious at first as I clasped my fingers in front of me and closed my eyes, but as I began, a peace settled over me. I thought about all I’d seen that day, and what I’d be facing tomorrow. I asked for strength of heart to face my earthly father. I begged that the Nephilim could find reason to hope. And the last wish in my heart was for Kaidan to experience love in his life, both the giving and receiving.
Once finished, I reached for the lamp switch and saw his handsome face on the pillow watching me. Warmth rushed through my limbs.
“Good night,” I whispered, and turned out the light.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MOURNING HEAVEN
I awoke at the first crack of dawn and lay listening to Kaidan’s steady breathing as he slept. I was glad this day was finally here. I wanted to get it over with.
I crept to the bathroom and took a shower, then dressed in the nicest outfit I’d brought—khaki shorts and a button-down yellow shirt with a white tank top underneath. I tried to think positive, peaceful thoughts as I towel-dried my hair.
In the room, Kaidan was lying on his back with his hands resting on top of his stomach. He didn’t look fully awake yet.
“I ordered us some room service for breakfast.” In his sleepy state, his voice was even deeper than normal.
“Thank you,” I told him.
He watched as I sat in a chair and brushed through my wet hair, snagging light tangles as I went. I was too nervous about the day to feel self-conscious. He didn’t take his eyes off me the entire time I French-braided it.
Our breakfast came and I took two bites of a waffle. Nerves had shot my appetite, but I forced down half a glass of apple juice.
Kaidan stared out of the window at our grungy city view. I went and stood next to him.
“You’ve gotten scruffy,” I said, reaching out to run a hand across the stubble on his jaw.
He grabbed my hand and pressed it against his cheek, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again I was startled by the crushing, desperate look he gave me. And just as quickly, he was dropping my hand and turning back to the window, crossing his arms. I swallowed, confused. I started to turn away but then he spoke.
“I have something for you.”
He pulled his hand out of his pocket, and when he opened it, sitting in his palm was the small, beautiful necklace of turquoise I’d admired in New Mexico. I stared in disbelief.
“I saw you looking at it and thought you liked it,” he said.
Oh, no, not the tears. Please not the tears. I blinked the stupid things away, thinking about how much I did not want to clean mascara from my face.
“Have I upset you?” he asked.
“No! I’m not upset. I’m just surprised. I can’t believe... I mean, I love it. Nobody’s ever given me anything like this.” I wiped hard under my eyes and then clasped the necklace around my neck.
He cursed under his breath and roughly pushed the hair from his eyes, looking away. “This was a mistake.”
“No.” I grasped his arm. “It wasn’t.”
“Don’t read into this, Anna. It would be a mistake to romanticize me.”
“I’m not. It was a nice gesture. That’s all.” I tried to reassure him, though I wasn’t certain myself.
I would deal with this torrent of emotion later. Right now I had a demon to meet.
We sat in the parking lot of the Federal Correctional Institution of Southern California. Other visitors were sitting in their cars, too, or loitering by the entrance. We hadn’t spoken within five miles of the prison, in case my father was listening. I clutched at my stomach, which contracted and growled.
He gave me a soft admonishment. “You should have eaten more.”
“I couldn’t.”
I looked at the clock; it was time.
Car doors opened and slammed shut around us. The visitor doors were unlocked.
“You’re up,” Kaidan said.
It took awhile to get through security. They had to look for the fax Patti had sent giving me permission to visit as a minor. She’d jumped through major hoops to make it happen. The guard who took my name became interested when I told him I was Jonathan LaGray’s daughter.
“First visitor Johnny LaGray’s had in seventeen years,” he stated.
Not likely, I thought, envisioning a steady stream of visiting demon spirits scoffing at the prison’s security measures.
The guard gave me a rundown of the rules. Hugging and holding hands were fine in moderation, but the guards would be watching to make sure I didn’t pass anything to my father. He didn’t have to worry—hugs and handshakes were not on my agenda.
He explained that my father would be notified that he had a visitor, but he had the right to refuse to see me.
The other visitors and I were led into a room the size of a small cafeteria and told to sit and wait in our assigned places. Mismatched tables lined the room, surrounded by guards. I sat down in a chair as wobbly as my stomach. The room filled with murmurs of adult conversation and the high-pitched voices of children. The general atmosphere was bleak, with gray auras most prevalent.
Sounds of heavy metal doors opening and chains clanging made me panic. I worried I might get sick. Prisoners entered single file, hands cuffed in front of them, chained feet dragging, wearing orange jumpsuits. People craned their necks to see.
I recognized him at once, head shaved smooth. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. His short brown goatee from the day of my birth had grown into a long, pointed beard with a bit of gray. His badge shone a deep, dark yellow. And then I saw his eyes and remembered them from the day of my birth—small and light brown, curved downward at the corners, the same as mine.
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