by Eva Chase
“They don’t know,” he suggested as soon as Jenson had spoken. “The staff. That’s why we’re meeting out here—you’re hoping they won’t find out.”
He’d mentioned to me, last time and in snippets from times before, that he’d been something of a business prodigy—and a cutthroat one—in his life before the college. The strategic precision that success must have entailed came across in how easily he’d pieced together the current situation.
I nodded, relieved that I didn’t need to explain that one point. I wasn’t entirely sure where I stood with the guy who was both a student here and acting math teacher. He’d gone out of his way to avoid me for most of the last two weeks… but he’d ended up doing more to help me unravel the mysteries around the school than anyone else had managed, while also admitting some sort of attraction to me. An attraction I had the sense we’d acted on at least once in earlier run-throughs of my time at Roseborne.
“From what they said, I got farther than I ever have before,” I said. “And this is the first time I’ve been able to hold onto any memories of being here—at least, I think it is. How… how many times has it been?”
Ryo offered me a pained smile. “This would be number eight, if I’ve counted right. And until now, you’ve never shown you had any idea you’d been through this before.”
Elias inclined his head in agreement.
That wasn’t as bad as I’d been afraid of, really. Still a hell of a lot more missing time than I’d have wanted to face, but I’d been prepared to hear I’d been fumbling through this cycle unknowingly for years. Seven previous cycles was more like a few months, assuming the previous ones had gone on for about as long as the most recent ordeal.
“How much exactly do you remember?” Jenson asked. He’d propped himself against the wooden wall in a stance that should have looked laidback, but the tension in his shoulders indicated he was far from at ease. Because he didn’t like to think of how much of his crappy behavior I might remember?
“The last time is totally clear in my head,” I said. “The same way I remember things from before I came here. The rest—it’s more like fragments and impressions. I don’t know what happened when or how they all connect.” I glanced around at the three of them. “I guess you guys can help me figure that out if anything comes to mind that seems important.”
“Of course,” Ryo said. “Anything you need.”
Elias was still studying me with his penetrating gaze. “What happened last night? I know you were planning on trying something against the staff… Whenever they send you back to the start of this whole process, there’s a sort of wave of energy that rushes through the school. I didn’t notice that it felt any different from before.”
Ah. That explained why everyone expected me to start out the day acting clueless again. My hand rose instinctively to the starburst scar on my arm, tracing the thin lines as if they could defend me from the awful scene I’d stumbled into just hours ago.
“There’s a door at the end of the hall with the staff’s rooms,” I said. “It’s labeled Bushfell. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it?”
“I figured that was a professor who just wasn’t around anymore,” Ryo said. “There are a couple of names that don’t fit anyone I’ve met at the school.”
I shook my head. “It leads down to a second, larger basement area. I managed to break in, and I found what I have to think is the source of the staff’s power here. There was a huge room with a rosebush growing out of the floor, but all twisted up with no flowers and thorns way longer and sharper than any regular plant… And it had what looked like mementos from students who’ve died caught all over it. I saw a lock of Delta’s hair.”
One of my roommates had passed away yesterday evening, wasted and weak as if the school had drained all the life from her. We hadn’t exactly been friends, but she’d offered me a little advice. The memory of her gaunt, vacant face made my stomach clench up.
Ryo shuddered, and Jenson grimaced. “How the hell does a rosebush grow in a basement without any sunlight?”
Elias shot the other guy an irritated look. “That would obviously be the main sign that it’s something supernatural.”
“Not just that,” I said. “This eerie energy came off it, all through the room. I could just tell there was power in it. There were also— Eight student photos were attached to the wall. I think they might be the same ones the portraits in the hall by the dean’s office are based on. Do any of you know who those people are or what that’s all about—or why there are only seven of them now?”
“It’s an assignment given out in art class every now and then,” Elias said. “The professor shows everyone photo references to work from. He’s never explained why…”
“After a while here, you learn you’re better off not asking too many questions,” Ryo said, making a face. “They hardly ever answer anyway.”
“Maybe those pictures or the people in them have something to do with the staff’s power too.” The images from that underground room swam up through my mind. “There were stains on the floor that looked like blood. Maybe the staff used those students in some kind of sacrifice to set everything in motion, who knows how long ago? The paintings might help keep their powers going.”
“Do you really think breaking their hold could be as simple as destroying the portraits?” Jenson asked with obvious skepticism.
“No.” My sense of the twisted rosebush’s energy echoed through me. “Doing that might help, but I can’t see it being enough to stop them on its own.”
Ryo reached out to squeeze my hand. “You must have done something that got in the way of their power, or you wouldn’t have held on to any of this.”
“I—” That memory temporarily closed my throat. The anguish I’d felt over my brother’s fate and my part in it, the stabbing sensation of the thorns slicing into my flesh. “The professors and the dean had all come after me. They told me about the cycles and started to send me back. The only thing I could think of to do was—I said the school should take me in Cade’s place and threw myself at the bush on the thorns. I just hoped it would throw something off in the whole system they have going here.”
I resisted the urge to hug myself as a tremor ran down my back. I’d been ready to die if it meant making up for what I’d done—what none of the guys around me had any idea I was capable of. They thought I was so much better than them…
All of them looked stricken by the lengths I’d gone to. Elias recovered first with a thoughtful frown. “Something about that act must have interfered with their powers, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“They’ve never been able to totally control Trix,” Ryo said, and met my eyes. “You said everyone who knew your brother forgot he’d ever existed—that you figure the same thing happened to the people who’d have known all of us, which is why no one wonders why we’re stuck at the college or comes looking for us. But you remembered Cade. They weren’t able to wipe him from your mind.”
That was true, but— “I have no idea why.”
“Don’t you think that’s why they haven’t kicked her out?” Jenson said abruptly. “Why else would they let her stay at Roseborne when she’s peeling away their secrets?”
Ryo nodded slowly. “They know that if they tried to send her away, she’d still remember Cade and this place. She might make even more trouble for them from outside. They were going to let her leave this time, though.”
Thinking of the dean’s proposal, I swallowed thickly. “I only agreed because they managed to convince me that I couldn’t help anyone here, not even Cade. I started to think I was only making things worse. If I’d left with that mindset, maybe their magic would have worked on me.”
“But you didn’t give up,” Elias said. “There will be answers—we just have to find them. That’s why you called us all here, isn’t it? So we can come up with a plan going forward?”
A large part of me had just wanted to see them, to show them I’d made some kin
d of difference and to confirm for myself that I had allies here. But having three more sets of eyes and ears on my side would be awfully useful.
“I’d like to get back into that basement and take a more careful look around if I can,” I said. “That would be easier if we can get our hands on a key for it. And I want to find out more about the students from the portraits and how they fit into the whole situation. Other than that, anything we can observe about how the staff function—weaknesses they might have, or things they need before they can work certain powers—could help too. I know that’s all pretty vague…”
“It’s a starting point,” Ryo said, running his thumb over the back of my hand in an affectionate caress. “We’ll see where it gets us.”
His touch stirred up a totally different set of memories: our hasty hook-up last night, the kiss I’d shared with Jenson and the hug I’d given Elias, the snippets of more distant pasts that showed a more intimate connection with all three of them. They’d all been invested in me more than I’d understood when I’d “arrived” here last time. That thought was both thrilling and unnerving.
I wet my lips. “Maybe there’s something else we should talk about before we go all Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys on this place. I—I don’t remember exactly how it all happened the times before, but I know I ended up getting involved with each of you at least once. I had no idea at the time—I wasn’t trying to jerk anyone around—”
Ryo’s fingers tightened where they were twined with mine. “Of course you weren’t. None of us thought that.”
For a moment, Jenson looked twice as tense as before, his mouth twisting, but then he shrugged and managed to pull off a slanted smile and a blasé tone. “Who says you owe anyone anything? It’s no big deal.”
He caught himself with a tightening of his jaw as he must have realized his mistake. Yesterday, he’d conveyed to me the only way he could what curse Roseborne had laid on him—he couldn’t say anything true. Most of the time he resorted to questions and commands when he needed to get a point across, but any direct statement he gave was a lie.
The fact that we’d hooked up some time in the past mattered a lot more than he’d wanted to say.
“We can all be adults about it,” Elias said firmly. “If there’s a way to get everyone free from this place, that matters a hell of a lot more than any romantic entanglement. It’s not as if any of us are in a position to make some kind of commitment.”
“Exactly,” Ryo said. “We can just see where that goes too, as it comes up.” He held my gaze. “I think you’re wonderful, Trix, but mostly I want to see you happy. As far as I’m concerned, if that means turning to all three of us for whatever you want in that moment, there’s no reason you should hold yourself back. Might as well make the most of what we do have here.” He waggled his eyebrows and then shot a look at the other two as if daring them to argue.
His words sent a tingle through me that I liked more than I was totally at ease with. Jenson pushed himself off the wall. “Sure,” he said, and caught my eyes. “Do what you want. Now why don’t we get on with the important stuff?”
Chapter Three
Jenson
I might have regretted some of the things I’d done in the past serving the principles I’d grown up with, but I still believed in a few of the lessons I’d gotten from my parents. For starters, if you found yourself more off-balance than you could adjust for in the moment, you were much better off making a quick excuse to get out and regroup than barreling ahead on shaky ground.
I meant to take that advice to heart with the wrap-up of our little meeting with Trix. But before I could take my leave with Elias and Ryo, Trix caught my arm. The warmth of her hand bled straight through the thin fabric of my button-up shirt and sent a deeper heat rippling through me that only stirred up the emotions I’d been trying to settle down.
“Hey,” she said, fixing me with those light green eyes that had always been more perceptive than I’d liked. “Can we talk for a minute, just you and me?”
No. Bad idea. I didn’t think I could trust what might come out of my mouth or show on my face. I’d already put my foot in it once, however much she’d realized that, and I’d been more abrasive in general than I’d have preferred to be. Bold but smooth was the proper approach when you wanted things to go your way. But these days being around the other two guys sharpened my temper, and being around Trix opened up raw spots better left undisturbed. Both factors in combination was a disastrous recipe for my self-control.
I couldn’t give her that excuse, though, and what other good one did I have? She’d know anything I could say was bullshit. Why oh why had I thought it was a good idea to demonstrate my curse to her?
“Why not?” I said with a casual shrug. Ryo shot me a smile that looked slightly amused as he brushed past us. I held myself back from glowering at him.
It’d been easy for him to talk about “making the most of what we had” when it came to our shared interest in Trix. He was the one she’d turned to almost every time; he had the confidence of that history. He probably figured no matter what had happened or happened again with Elias and me, he could count on her turning to him when it really mattered. And given that he barely seemed to give a shit about anything or anyone in general, why should he care what she got up to with anyone else in the meantime as long as he got what he wanted in the end?
Not that I was planning on getting up to anything along those lines with Trix ever again. Even if the brush of her lips against mine last night was burned into my memory alongside the more distant moments we’d shared before. I’d learned that lesson too.
As the door swung shut behind the other guys, Trix stepped back to the other side of the hall to give me space. Or to give herself space? I couldn’t tell. She swiped her fingers through her artificially bright orange hair to sweep it behind her ear and sucked her lower lip under her teeth, just for an instant, before she met my eyes again. A brief hint of vulnerability from this girl who rarely let anyone get to her.
Was she nervous about what I’d say now that it was just the two of us in the vacant building? Only thin light streamed through the narrow windows at either end of the hall, and the tang of the aging leather tack hanging on the walls made my nose itch. The momentary silence crept over my skin. Why wouldn’t she be nervous, when the clearest memories she’d have of me would mostly be of me trying to shame her into leaving Roseborne?
Only with her, impatience got the better of me. “What is it, Trix?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest. At least I managed to keep my tone mild rather than accusing.
“I just—we haven’t really had a chance to talk—” She cut herself off with a sound of frustration as if she were struggling as much to get the right words out as I often had to around my curse. Her shoulders squared. “Ryo’s always been pretty clear about where I stand with him, and Elias has told me enough that I think I understand where he was coming from. But you… You came at me right from the start last time, with all the taunts and insults.”
“Didn’t I make it clear enough that I just wanted you to get out of here while you could, before the assholes who run this place could screw you over like they do us?”
Her eyes narrowed at my deflection. “You didn’t have to be a total asshole about it. Maybe I can’t remember the times I’ve gone through this cycle before that very clearly, but the bits I do remember—I don’t think you ever went after me like that before. I get the impression we enjoyed each other’s company pretty well.”
Enjoyed each other’s company. That was one way of putting it. How much could she tell from the bits of memories she had? The bantering conversations where she somehow ended up drawing more truth out of me than I’d known I was capable of expressing? The two heart-wrenchingly short encounters when we’d outright collided in a blaze of heat that felt almost desperate?
One time, her path here at Roseborne had crossed with mine in just the right way, and I’d been hooked. Just one time. I convinced myself at the
time it was all in good fun, making the most of this godawful situation while we could, like Ryo had said. And then seeing her gaze pass over me with no recognition just a couple of days later, watching her fall back into old habits with Ryo and then, of all the pricks in this place, the stuffed shirt that was Elias…
I looked at her, imagining the words that would answer the question she hadn’t quite asked. I never let myself care about anyone I got close to before. I never let myself do anything more than pretend to get close in the first place. And that was fucking smart, because caring and then losing is like having your guts cut out with a rusty knife.
Why would I want to go through that again? Even if she wouldn’t forget next time, which we couldn’t really assume, it wasn’t as if I deserved her caring in the first place.
The best place for her was still on the other side of the campus walls, as far as she could get from all us sorry souls incarcerated in here. And if waving goodbye to her meant shielding myself from an agony the staff had nothing on, who could blame me for being on board with that side effect?
I grappled with the words to get across as much of that as I was willing to admit to. “How selfish would I be if I gave you reasons to stick around this hellhole instead of reasons to take off?” I said. “What am I supposed to do other than make use of the resources I have?”
“Resources like the ability to make someone feel like crap for trying to do the right thing?” She studied me, her eyes turning more alert by the second. “You knew exactly what jabs to throw at me for maximum impact, didn’t you? I thought you were making good guesses from a few observations, but you had the benefit of who knows how much history to mine for material.”
When she put it that way, yes, I sounded like the biggest prick that ever walked the earth. I shifted my weight, shaping my next comments with just as much care. My curse would let me get away with orders as well as questions as long as I didn’t push them so far they turned back into outright statements of fact. “Don’t look at it that way. Look at it as me giving my attempt to save you all the effort I could.”