by Tonya Kappes
“So, what do you expect me to do?” I asked and drank the rest of my glass. “I guess I could give them back to Arley.”
“Arley? The grave digger at Hardgrove’s and the guy on the Eternal Slumber softball team?” He threw his head back with an exasperated gasp. “This is getting worse and worse.”
“Oops.” I bit my lip. “I didn’t tell you that part?” I tried to play stupid but he knew better. I was far from dumb and everything I did was always deliberate.
“I don’t want to know any more. You just give him back those files and get him to put them back where you found them and hope he keeps his mouth closed about you stealing them.”
Chapter 12
The next morning, I knew I had to get up and get the files back to Hardgrove’s before anyone saw me. The cop told Arley Burgin to keep me off the property and I was sure the cop told everyone else who worked there that too. Plus, I didn’t know exactly how I was going to get in there.
“You could wear a costume,” Charlotte chimed in over the sound of the shower.
Ghost Charlotte had lost her ever-lovin’ mind. “Do ghosts lose all track of time, because it’s clearly not Halloween.”
I peeled back the curtain and Charlotte was sitting on the toilet with her legs crossed, swinging the top one to and fro. “I know you can’t go in as Emma Lee.”
I shut the curtain back and scrubbed the shampoo in my hair. The foam was thick. With my eyes closed, I stood under the showerhead and let the water run over me, wishing it were ideas instead of water.
My eyes popped open and I turned the water off. The curtain rings screeched along the shower rod when I flung the curtain open. “I’ve got an idea!”
“Oh no. I don’t like the excitement in your voice.” Charlotte watched me jump out of the shower and grab the towel from the towel rack on my way out.
I put the towel around me and tucked the edge in and hurried down the hall and into the funeral home.
“What?” Charlotte asked, following me down the long hall.
“You know how we have clients bring in clothes for Mary Anna to dress their loved ones?” I opened my office door and headed straight to the office walk-in closet where I kept my funeral clothes and other items the clients’ families hadn’t picked up. Things like extra clothes. “Where is it?” I pushed the hangers with the bags attached to them. The bags held the extra clothes clients would bring for their loved ones.
I always asked my clients to bring a couple outfits just in case the one outfit they picked out for their loved one to be buried in just didn’t fit right. In mortuary school, there was an entire class on how to dress a corpse. It was more involved than just sticking a shirt and tie on them. Corpses become stiff and it was easier to cut the shirts or jackets in half up the back and dress each side, tucking in the back edges.
“Voila!” I grabbed the hanger I knew was my ticket into Hardgrove’s.
“Beatrice Roan?” Charlotte looked at the tag. “She’s been dead for years.” Charlotte looked off into the distance. She smiled. “She sure was a lot of fun.”
“She was.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Do you remember why she was so much fun?”
“Duh.” Charlotte stuck her hands on her hips. “Because she always”—her eyes grew big and so did her grin—“always dressed up in Halloween costumes even though it wasn’t Halloween!” She clapped her hands in delight.
“And her family brought both of Beatrice’s nun outfits.” I wiggled my brows and held the hanger with the bag up between our faces. “And I only used one. And this is the one they left behind.”
“That’s right.” Charlotte snapped her fingers. “I remember I tried to talk them out of burying her in the nun costume, but they insisted that she be buried in one of the nun costumes and with the Baptist hymnal so she was guaranteed to get into heaven.”
“Right as rain.” I took the bag off the hook of the hanger and took out the extra nun outfit. “It’s perfect.”
“Well, you better get back in there and get it on.” She pointed to the door of the office. “But what about the hearse? Everyone knows you drive that hearse.”
“Oh.” My ride was something I hadn’t thought of. “Thank God you are a ghost and can meet me places.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” Charlotte said.
“Trust me.” I couldn’t help but think I was a genius. “Just meet me at Hardgrove’s in forty-five minutes.”
It didn’t take long for me to get ready. I didn’t bother putting on makeup or fixing my hair. There was no need if I was going to be tucking it under the bandeau. I used a belt underneath the habit and strapped the files there so they couldn’t be seen. With Granny knocked out, I snuck into the kitchen door of the inn and grabbed her moped keys off the hook by the door. After I unchained the moped from around the big oak tree in the front of the inn, I pulled the throttle down as far as it would go. With the wind blowing the veil behind me, I held on tight and let the moped whiz under me all the way to Lexington.
Arley stood on the sidewalk of Hardgrove’s with a shovel in his hands and the darn security guard was next to him. They looked at me when I pulled up. My stomach churned. I hoped and prayed they didn’t recognize me.
“Good day.” I slightly nodded, avoiding eye contact. For some unknown reason, a British accent came out of me. “Haven’t you seen a sister drive a moped?”
“No, sister, but you sure do look funny.” Arley snickered. The guard used the back of his hand to smack Arley on the arm.
“I’m sorry, sister.” The guard apologized to me. “My friend here doesn’t go to Catholic church.”
“It’s okay, son.” I did a quick sign of the cross and scurried into Hardgrove’s. I looked up to the sky and whispered, “Please, forgive me.”
“He will if you find out who murdered me.” Charlotte had ghosted herself into the lobby of Hardgrove’s.
“Sister?” The assistant stood up out of respect. I felt a little bad, but not bad enough since she was so nasty the other morning. “Can I help you?”
“I . . .” I swallowed. I never imagined she’d be here this early.
“Tell her you are here to bless the chapel.” Charlotte casually leaned up against the desk and drummed her fingers on top of it.
“I’m here to bless the chapel.” I smiled and looked down, moving my mouth as if I was saying a silent prayer. “For the wedding of Candy.”
“No.” Charlotte groaned.
“That wedding has been canceled.” The receptionist looked at me.
“Yes. I’m cleansing the bad vibes.” I did a sign of the cross toward her.
“You are going to hell.” Charlotte laughed. “And I love it.”
“Oh.” The receptionist gulped. “You can go on back.”
“Thank you, dearie.” The British accent was coming out with ease.
“And why are you acting like a nun from England?” Charlotte led the way to her office.
When we were safely inside, I pulled the files from underneath the habit and Candy’s file was on top.
“Why on earth would Candy cancel her wedding?” I asked. “They were all set to go.”
“Her and her mama were so mad about the flowers.” Charlotte laughed. “I know that I really did try to sell you and Granny on the idea of the Legacy Center and all the things we do here, but the truth is, people like Candy’s family, they just have a hard time wrapping their heads around walking down the aisle to begin a new life while another family is in the next room saying goodbye to a life.”
“That is exactly what I said.” I opened the file cabinet and started to put the files back in just like Jack Henry had told me. “But I just can’t stop thinking about them the day Granny and I was here.” I shook my head. “Princess Candy with the two-toned hair and the scrawny boy?” I asked, vividly remembering the joy I took out of hearing the accusations fly at Charlotte when the mom went cuckoo on her.
“Yeah. Well, they did threaten me.” Charlotte’s voi
ce drifted off. She looked out the window for a second. “I did go to their house, but I can’t remember what happened.”
“Did you go alone?” I asked.
“No.” Her eyes popped open. “Sammy and I were out to dinner and Melinda, the mama, was there. I got a call from her saying that she knew I was sleeping with Sammy and she knew Mary Katherine from school and she was going to tell her if I didn’t . . .” Charlotte tapped her temple.
“Didn’t what?” I encouraged her to hurry up.
“Shoot.” Her chin dropped. Her lips turned down. “I can’t remember now.”
“Well then.” I shut the file drawer but kept out Candy’s file and lifted up the habit and strapped the file back under the belt. “We are going to go pay her a visit.”
“Like that?” Charlotte’s eyes drew up and down my outfit.
“It’s been good so far.” I winked and waved. “I’ll see you there.”
“Sister?” Arley stood at the door just as I was walking toward it. “Are you lost?”
“Oh no.” I lifted my hands and chin in the air. The British accent automatically came back. “I was sent here by a higher power to bless this room for some reason.”
I brought my hands together in front of me and whispered gibberish under my breath. Slightly I squinted toward Arley and he had pulled his hat off his head and lowered it as if he were praying.
“I’ll be on my way now, son.” I swept past him and made sure I didn’t give him eye contact.
“Sister.” Arley’s voice made my skin crawl when he called me back. The worst situation I could imagine. “I, umm.” He paused. I stopped with my back to him. “I need to confess something.”
I twirled around.
“Something about why I was summoned by the Great One?” I refused to say God because I was lying. Did he know something? I looked at Charlotte’s name plate to make it seem like I had no idea whose office it was, “Charlotte Raines?”
Slowly he nodded his head.
“Go on, my son.” I tilted my chin slightly down and to the side, keeping my eyes lowered the whole time.
“I think she came across a crime that is being committed here in the Legacy Center and that’s why someone killed her.” His voice cracked.
“A crime? Ahem,” I cleared my voice when I realized my British accent left me. “A crime was committed here with Charlotte Raines?”
“Yes, ma’am. Sister,” he corrected himself. “She’s dead.”
At the same time, I drew in a deep gasp and planted my hand on my chest.
“Dear son, do you need to tell me something?” I asked. “In strict confidence, of course.”
Strict confidence, my ass. I glared at him and thought evil thoughts.
“I heard that Ms. Charlotte had made some people mad.”
“Mad? Like who?” I asked trying to get more out of him, but not alarm him.
“I don’t know. I’m feeling guilty because I probably should’ve said something but I didn’t and now she’s dead.” Arley hung his head. His hair flung down in his face. His hands were folded in front of him.
“Who did you hear this from?” I asked.
“Aren’t you going to tell me that I’m forgiven?” Arley’s voice bit back.
“You will be forgiven after you give me a reason to forgive you, like”—I rolled my wrist in front of him to encourage him to come forth with what he knew—“give me the name who you heard this from.”
“I don’t know.” Arley sulked. “I just know that she made some pregnant girl and her mama mad. I even heard them threaten Ms. Raines.”
“You are forgiven,” I said, realizing he had no idea what Charlotte had run up on, but placed Candy at the scene. I wasn’t sure if Charlotte knew what she had seen because she never mentioned running into something bad. I started to walk toward the front of the building.
“Wait,” Arley called out from behind. “Aren’t you going to do that cross thing so I can be forgiven?”
Arley Burgin was beginning to get on my nerves. Harmless, but on my nerves. I didn’t have time for this. I had to get to Candy’s and figure out what her crazy mama knew about the affair.
“Yeah, yeah.” I turned around. Walking backward I did the sign of the cross in the air before I twirled back around and headed straight out the door, and zoomed down the driveway of Hardgrove’s.
Chapter 13
The more I tried to reason in my head that Sammy Hardgrove had killed Charlotte, the less he became my number one suspect. His sister, Gina Marie, was an altogether different story.
She was the one who stood to gain the most from Charlotte’s death. If Charlotte was out of the way, maybe Sammy and Mary Katherine would reconcile and Mary Katherine would not get some of the business like Gina Marie had said in her heated discussion with Charlotte.
Obviously, Melinda and Candy were suspects since there were two people who had heard them threaten Charlotte—me and Arley. I was going to have to go see all three of them.
The sirens behind me on my way back to Sleepy Hollow brought me out of my thoughts.
“Sister.” The familiar voice walked up behind the moped. “I’m sorry to pull you over, but I have a report that this moped has been stolen from the Sleepy Hollow Inn.”
“You can’t be serious?” I kept my head down, playing with Jack Henry. My British voice returned. “I’m doing the work of the good man and you think that I stole a moped?”
“Sister, I’m sorry and I do feel bad for pulling you over, but I will need to see some sort of proof that you own this moped.” Jack was so cute in his politeness, I figured I could toy with him a bit.
“What if I take you back over behind those woods and give you a romp you will never forget? I have so much pent-up passion under this robe that it’s time I release the inner goddess in me.” I let out a little giggle.
“Um . . .” Jack stuttered, “Sister, I don’t think that’s appropriate.”
“Oh, it’s so appropriate.” I lifted my hands in the air and stared at him, using my real voice. “Come here, big boy.”
Jack’s mouth dropped and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Emma Lee Raines, what the hell are you doing?”
I gulped. “I thought you might think this was funny.”
When Jack Henry cursed, I knew he wasn’t happy.
“A nun is not funny. A nun on a stolen moped is definitely not funny. A nun with a supercharged dirty mind . . .” He didn’t finish his sentence; he simply shook his head. A slow smile crept up on his lips, making my toes curl.
“I might be dressed as a nun, but my thoughts are not pure.” I winked.
“Emma.” He blushed. “I kinda like it, but you took the moped?”
“Yes.” I bit my lip, squinted my nose, and closed my eyes. I knew what was coming next.
“And why are you dressed as a nun?” he asked.
“Long story over coffee?” I asked and scratched my chin. “I need to get this thing off, get to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription for this darn rash, and I need a coffee.”
“Fine. But you explain to Zula why you took her moped. She freaked out.” He sucked in a deep breath before he bent down to kiss me, but he pulled away. “Something just isn’t right kissing a nun.”
“Give me a kiss.” I grabbed his uniform shirt and twisted it in my fist, bringing him closer. I slapped a big sloppy kiss on him just as a car passed and honked at us. “I’ll see you at Higher Grounds in a half hour.” I winked, waved and zoomed off, leaving him in the dust.
The news crew was knocking on the door of the Sleepy Hollow Inn when I got back into town and chained up the moped on the oak. Before they could run down the front steps of the inn and get me on camera, I ran to the back of the inn and rushed in the kitchen door.
“Is the good Lord coming to get me?” Granny held her heart and jumped back into the kitchen table chair.
“What?” I asked.
“Emma?” Granny put her hand on the table and eased up to standing. �
�Well, clutch my pearls, what on God’s green earth are you doing in that outfit? Please, tell me you haven’t had a case of the ‘Funeral Trauma’ and gone to join the Catholic Church. We are Baptist, baby. Southern Baptist,” Granny cried. “Both of us can’t be crazy. Who will run Eternal Slumber with me and you in the nuthouse and Charlotte six feet under?”
“No.” I ripped the bandeau off my head. “I had to go incognito and use your scooter because everyone is all hovering over me because of Charlotte.” I bent my head down and pretended to say a silent prayer in honor of Charlotte and for good measure with Granny. “I’m trying to hurry this investigation along and figure out who hurt Charlotte.”
“I heard Doc Clyde came over last night.” Granny eased back down in the chair.
“News travels fast.” I groaned and noticed how disheveled Granny looked. Her normally vibrant short red hair was matted down on the side and the back while the other side was sticking straight out. I sat down in the chair next to her and scooted it closer. “Granny, are you going to be okay?”
“I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my sail.” The corners of Granny’s lips dipped down. “It ain’t natural for your grandchildren to pass before you do. And Charlotte Rae had some flaws, but not enough for someone to kill her.”
“I do not have flaws.” Charlotte appeared and huffed over to the stove. “Emma.” She pointed down into Granny’s teapot on the stove.
I got up and looked at it. The water had boiled and the tea bags were practically dried and the burner was still on low.
“Granny!” I grabbed the steel handle and nearly burned my hand off. “You can’t be making tea right now. Where is Hettie?”
“Hettie had to do yoga and she sent Beulah Paige.” Granny jerked her head toward the swinging door between the kitchen and the rest of the inn.
I hit the swinging door and walked down the hall looking for Beulah Paige Bellefry. The loud snoring led me straight to the front sitting room where Beulah was laid out on the sofa in her perfect, coifed style. She had on a pantsuit, her pearls strapped around her neck and wrists and not a single hair out of place.