A Ghostly Mortality: A Ghostly Southern Mystery (Ghostly Southern Mysteries)

by Tonya Kappes

  “Beulah!” I screamed, making her jump to her feet.

  “Emma Lee Raines, you are crazy!” She brushed her hands down her suit jacket. “Heavens to Betsy, I hope Doc Clyde gave you some good medication last night because if you haven’t noticed, you have on a nun’s outfit.”

  “So you are the one spreading the rumors about Doc Clyde coming over.” I glared at her.

  “What do you want?” she asked in her long southern drawl.

  “You aren’t taking care of Granny,” I stated. “She’s about to burn the kitchen down.”

  “She was passed out cold when I got here.” Beulah shoved past me and down the hall into the kitchen. I followed her. “Zula Fae Raines Payne, you get back up in that bed.”

  “Have you lost your ever-loving mind?” Granny asked. “I’ll do no such thing. I’m gonna find out who did this to my granddaughter.” Granny glanced up at the clock. “That darn news should be here anytime.”

  “News?” I asked, not telling her that they were outside when I had gotten there.

  “I’m going to sell this place and give the one-million-dollar reward.” Granny wrung her hands and got back up from the chair. She skedaddled over to the teapot, filling it back up and sticking in more tea bags. “They are going to love my tea.”

  Instantly my mouth watered. Granny was right. They would love her iced tea. She made the best tea in the entire state of Kentucky.

  “There is no such thing going to happen.” I nixed any notions Granny had in that little red head of hers. “Besides, you can’t be on camera looking like that.”

  “I look bad?” Her hand felt around her head and she dipped down, looking at her reflection in the oven door. “I’ll be. I look like the last rose of summer.

  “I still haven’t heard from your parents,” she called before she scurried out of the kitchen. When I felt like she had climbed the steps to her bedroom, I turned to Beulah as I heard Granny say, “I still haven’t heard when we are getting Charlotte’s body back.”

  “You listen to me.” I stalked closer to Beulah. “You better take good care of her before I get back. And don’t you let her talk to any news media. You hear me?”

  “Yes, sister.” Beulah gave me the stink eye before she pushed me out of her way and walked over to the boiling tea water, stirring it slowly.

  Chapter 14

  Charlotte had conveniently disappeared again while I rushed home and changed my clothes before I headed down to Higher Grounds. I had tucked Candy’s file in the bedroom dresser drawer. Charlotte needed to tell me what she remembered about Melinda and her veiled threats.

  It was a nice day so I decided to walk down to the café. The fresh air would do me good and help clear out some of the jumble up there.

  Higher Grounds was located on the Main Street right in front of the town square. The sun was already peering down and illuminating the beautiful park in the middle of Sleepy Hollow. The backdrop of the mountains was breathtaking. And to think that there were hikers and climbers up there already exploring the caves we were famous for. I’d imagine some of the inn customers Granny had kicked out were up there camping.

  The smell of freshly baked bread twirled around my head as soon as I opened the café door and stepped inside.

  “Emma!” Cheryl Lynne yelled from behind the counter. She rushed around to greet me. “How are you?”

  “Oh, you know. Numb.” It was true. Even though I was acting like a madwoman trying to figure out who killed Charlotte. I still had those moments where I couldn’t believe that after I did figure out who killed her, that I truly wouldn’t see her again. Thinking about it brought tears to my eyes.

  “Oh, honey.” Cheryl put her arms around me and pulled me in for a big hug.

  Out of nowhere, the waterworks were turned on and I sobbed for the very first time about Charlotte. Cheryl gently patted my back.

  I pulled away and took the paper napkin she handed me and wiped my face off.

  “And I thought I was doing good,” I said.

  “Clearly you aren’t and that rash on your face is stress.” She nodded her head. “You need a good cup of coffee.” She held up her finger and hurried back around the counter. “And a muffin.”

  “Make it two.” I pointed to the two-person café table next to the window. “Jack Henry is going to meet me in a minute.”

  “You got it.” Cheryl went to work on my order while I took my seat at the table.

  “Sorry I’m late.” Jack kissed the top of my head and took the seat across from me.

  “No problem.” I smiled at my handsome boyfriend, grateful he was here.

  “Here you go.” Cheryl put a plate with two big chocolate chip muffins on it in the middle of the round, glass-top table and came back with two cups of coffee and a carafe. “You two take all the time you need. Emma, I’ve got a box of pastries and pimento cheese finger sandwiches for you to take home with you.”

  “Thank you.” I was thankful for the small town we lived in. When I had gone back to change my clothes, Vernon Baxter had left a note on my apartment door. He wrote that there was plenty of food in the kitchen from people hearing about Charlotte. Food was comfort in the south and there was no time like a funeral to need comfort.

  “What was up with the nun thing?” Jack asked with a mouthful of muffin.

  “You told me to get the files back into Hardgrove’s.” I smiled. “I couldn’t just waltz in there, so I used Beatrice Roan’s nun costume her family had left as a backup outfit for her funeral. They never picked it up and I had it in the office closet.”

  “Pretty smart if it worked.” Jack picked up the coffee and took a drink. “Dangerous, but smart.”

  “I couldn’t drive the hearse, so I used Granny’s moped thinking she wouldn’t notice since Doc Clyde had given her those sleeping pills. I was wrong. Plus she’s still hell-bent on doing the one-million-dollar reward.” This was when I hated being a Betweener and keeping it from Granny. “I wish I could tell her Charlotte is here.”

  “Maybe you can.” Charlotte sat cross-legged in the window. Her eyes closed as the warmth of the sun beamed down on her.

  “How?” I asked with sarcasm.

  “How what?” Jack asked, looking at me strangely.

  “Charlotte.” I pointed to the window. “Oops.” I looked around to make sure no one was looking. It was times like this when people saw me talking into the empty space around me that made them think I had the “Funeral Trauma.”

  “Zula does not need to know about this Betweener gig.” Jack knew it wasn’t a good idea, just like I did. “We really need to go visit that psychic again to tell her that it’s just not your clients you are seeing now.”

  “We do.” My eyes were drawn to the outside where the orange tabby narrowly missed getting hit by a car. I drew in a quick breath.

  “What now?” Jack asked.

  “The cat nearly got hit, but I’m sure it can’t die twice.” I shrugged and went back to my muffin.

  “Nope, they have nine lives.” Jack laughed at his own joke. “Apparently Cat used all his.”

  “Good one.” I smiled at his contagious laughter and cuteness. “Anyways, I returned the files with no problem, but Arley took the opportunity to feel like he needed to confess.”

  “To you?”

  “Duh, nun,” I reminded him. “He said that he felt bad because he thinks Charlotte was threatened by a disgruntled client. When I pressed him, saying God needed his full confession, he got tight-lipped.”

  “Emma Lee, have you no shame?”

  “Not when it comes to why my sister was killed.” I looked out the café window that overlooked the town square. Cat was running up to the people and sniffing their shoes before he darted to the next. It looked like he was trying to find a scent. I looked over at Jack. I said, “Maybe you can put the squeeze on Arley at softball practice.”

  “He wasn’t there last night.” Jack popped the last bite of his muffin in his mouth. “Something about his dad being
sick.”

  “Oh, that’s right.” I remembered him telling me his dad had a bad case of COPD. “He did mention his dad was on oxygen all the time.”

  “That’s awful.” Jack pushed the cup of coffee away from him. We stopped talking when Cheryl dropped off the check and put the bag of goodies for me to take on the table.

  I thanked her and she mouthed, “You’re welcome.”

  “How is your rash?” Jack looked at my chin, which was the worst part.

  “Itchy. Which means I better get going. The ointment Doc prescribed is probably ready at the pharmacy.” I got up and walked over to him. “I understand I’ve got some good food waiting back at my kitchen, so you want to come by tonight for a smorgasbord of food?”

  “You bet.” He stood up and gave me the “we are in public” kiss. Nothing to make my toes curl or heart flutter. “My mom even made some lasagna for you.”

  “Really?” I drew back. “Well, well, it took my sister’s death for her to like me?”

  “Didn’t say she liked you.” He winked and smacked my tushy.

  “Officer Ross, that’s off-limits while you are in that uniform.” I flirted before walking out the door.

  Cat saw me walk out and darted across the street, barely being missed by another car. I was beginning to see exactly how he had died. There was no way I was going to track down an owner of a car that might’ve hit and killed Cat.

  After grabbing the file and keys to the hearse, I was on my way and happy that Charlotte joined me.

  “Did you love him?” I wondered about Charlotte and Sammy.

  “Love is a strong word, but Sammy was kind.” Charlotte gestured to the house I was looking for coming up.

  It wasn’t the best subdivision to live in. The ranch homes looked like small boxes. It was as though the developer took a mound of building supplies, and used the same cookie cutter, plopping the same house down every few inches. Each house had a front door and a window on each side. There was a driveway with a car port at the end and a square concrete slab under the front door, big enough for two people to stand on.

  I pulled up to the house and took a look around. I wanted to get to the bottom of what happened to Charlotte, but not at my own expense.

  “I know he is married and I know he was never going to leave Mary.” Charlotte sighed. “That is what’s so appealing. He didn’t want any more than what I wanted.” Charlotte looked at me. “Oh, stop getting all high and moral on me. I know it was wrong and I do have a little knot in my stomach that when I do face”—she pointed her finger up to the sky—“you know who, that He’s going to ask me why I slept with a married man.”

  “I’m not taking a moral high ground,” I murmured even though she was right. Pastor Brown down at the Sleepy Hollow Baptist Church would definitely not agree with Charlotte’s behavior. “What did you do all those years in Sunday School and Sunday morning church, not to mention Wednesday night suppers?”

  My mouth kept going like it had its own gears.

  “I listened.” Charlotte shrugged. “I guess now my legacy is going to be the cheating Raines.”

  “Maybe not. Maybe I should confess to me being a nun.” I laughed. I looked in my rearview mirror when a motorcycle pulled up. The squirrely Dennis boy was on the back and he got off. The driver knocked the kickstand down and cut the engine. “Looks like we have company.”

  I sat for a moment calculating what my next move was. I watched the Dennis boy look in the back of the hearse; he obviously didn’t know I was there. The driver got off the motorcycle and unsnapped the helmet, pulling it off, and the black frizzy hair sprung out like a spring. I knew I should be surprised that it was Princess Candy, but she was as manly as they came without being a man. She definitely wore the pants in the relationship.

  “Who’s in there, Dale?” Candy asked with a twang. “It ain’t Mama, is it?”

  “I don’t see nothin’.” His head jerked side to side like a chicken pecking for seeds.

  “Well, shit.” Candy put the helmet under her armpit and put the other hand on her hip. “You go right now and find out who is dead. You hear me?”

  Dale Dennis hung his head. I opened the door and popped out, the file in my grip.

  “Hi there.” I smiled my sweetest southern smile, hoping Candy didn’t recognize me. “I’m from Hardgrove’s.” I held the folder up. It made me feel a little less of a liar, as though I had proof. “I wanted to go over the wedding plans.”

  Candy rubbed her belly as she eyed me. Her jaw moved front to back, her lips side to side, before she opened her lips and used her tongue to make a suction noise against her teeth.

  Dale Dennis stepped up. He pushed back his loose curly hair. “Umm, we didn’t know anyone was comin’.”

  “Yeah, that’s right.” Candy stepped up next to her man, a foot taller than him. She planted her elbow on Dale’s scrawny shoulder. “Me and Dale ain’t got no business with the Hardgroves until they get things straight.”

  Candy glanced over my shoulder. She lifted her chin in the air.

  “What’s with the hearse?” She squinted. “It ain’t like we got a dead body in there.”

  “It was the only company car left to take. You know I’m not using my own car for work.” I knew I was going to have to get on their level. I opened the file. “I just wanted to come by and make sure that everything got squared away since I understand you had a little spat with your coordinator, Charlotte Raines.”

  Dale pulled out a cigarette from behind his ear. He took a lighter from his pocket and lit the smoke. Candy wacked him with the back side of her hand and nodded her head toward me.

  “I don’t recall a spat.” He took a long draw off the cigarette. “The way we see it”—smoke came out with every word—“my Candy wants a wedding of a lifetime and I’m gonna give her what she wants. If she wants goats, she gets goats.”

  “Goats.” Candy smiled. “Could you imagine us with fainting goats and little crowns of flowers around their cute itty-bitty heads?”

  “That wouldn’t work.” I shook my head.

  “I said”—Dale’s voice escalated—“if my woman wants faintin’ goats, she’s gonna git faintin’ goats.”

  “Why wouldn’t it work?” She pushed herself and her protruding belly in front of Dale.

  “The goats would eat all those fancy flowers you’ve ordered.” I tapped the file.

  “You are so good.” Charlotte smiled. “Maybe you should add a wedding package at Eternal Slumber. You have a knack. Plus, you could use the inn as a reception hall.”

  “Oh,” Candy snarled. She smacked poor old Dale on the arm again. “See, I told y’all there was a reason Charlotte had them stinkin’ flowers there. But no, you had to get all . . .”

  “What’s goin’ on out here?” The front door slammed shut and Melinda stood on the porch. She looked at the hearse and stepped off the four-by-four slab porch. “Is somethin’ wrong with the baby?”

  As she got closer, I saw she had something strapped around her waist. A fanny pack of sorts.

  “Wait, find out what Candy was going to say to Dale.” Charlotte stomped.

  “What were you going to say about the stinkin’ flowers?” I quickly asked, trying to beat the answer out of them before Melinda got there.

  “Nothin’.” Dale put his hand on Candy’s belly. She smacked it away.

  “I done warned you to stay away from me. You did this shit.” Candy pointed to her stomach. “No nookie until after the baby.”

  “What about our wedding night?” he whined.

  “You see this?” She swung her belly side to side. “Does it look like I want you to jump on this? No.”

  “When was the last time you talked to Charlotte?” I asked.

  “Why you want to know? And who are you?” Melinda’s brown eyes lowered. “What do you want?”

  “Mama, go on inside. You don’t feel good today. If you up and die, where am I and this rug rat going to go?” Candy stopped talking when Melin
da twirled around and looked at her.

  “You go on in the house and put them feet up. They are looking like sausages.” Melinda pointed to the house. Her stern voice made me shimmy shake and be thankful she wasn’t my mama. She moved her stare to Dale Dennis. “You too. Go on.”

  When Dale and Candy were safely in the house, Melinda turned to face me.

  “Now, you and I both know that you are here for other reasons. I remember you from the wedding place. I already told them people you work for that I am not going to have my Candy’s wedding at your facility and it stinkin’ like the dead. So if you ain’t here to give me my deposit back,” Melinda snarled, “I suggest you get on out of here. You hear?” She bent over and held her stomach like she’d done at Hardgrove’s that day.

  “Can I ask what is wrong with you?” Curiosity got to me. She clearly wasn’t well and her face was grayer than I remembered.

  “I got kidney failure and liver damage.” Her head jerked side to side. “I wanted to do right by my baby and give her a wedding to be proud of, but it don’t look like I’m gonna make it that long to see it. So I figured I’d just give her and that baby of hers the money to keep going without me.”

  “Gosh. I’m sorry to hear that.” I shuffled my feet. I wasn’t good with the living ill; I was good with the already dead ill. I never had the right words. “If you have any needs, I’d be glad to help.”

  “I’ve done had my gut full of you people. I done told you that I wasn’t going to be needing your services. Not a wedding and certainly not my dead bed. Now get on out of here before I call the cops!” she yelled and pointed me out of the subdivision.

  “You need somethin’, mama?” Candy’s protruding belly popped out of the screen door. Scrawny Dennis boy peeped over her shoulder.

  “Call the poe-leece!” Melinda yelled over her shoulder. The screen door slammed shut. “You go on and git outta here.”

  That was all I needed to hear to jump back in the hearse. The last thing I wanted was Jack finding out that I had been arrested for bothering these people.