Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  The bell rang. River approached my desk as I packed up my books. “Dope lesson, huh?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Do you like Nirvana?”

  “I like a few of their songs.” I wasn’t going to admit I was a geek and preferred music before the rock era.

  “You seemed to be zoning out during class.”

  “Guess my mind was somewhere else.” In my peripheral vision I saw Faith and Harmony looking in our direction.

  “And where was that?” He sat on my desk.

  “With April. I’m worried about her. Promise you’ll tell her to call me next time you talk to her?”

  “I told you. She barely returns my phone calls. But she’s fine. Just busy playing nurse to her mom.”

  Faith interrupted us. “Maryah, let’s go! Louise and Anthony want to leave right away.”

  “Right.” I stood up and rolled my eyes. “I have to go.”

  He straightened, looking more alert. “Do you want to hang out this weekend? There’s a big party Saturday night.”

  River was asking me to go to a party with him? Talking to me at school was one thing, but being seen with me in public? “I, um—I would, but we’re going to this thing in New Mexico.”

  “You’re skipping town.” He smiled his Cheshire cat grin. “I’m jealous.”

  Faith whined from the doorway. “Come on, Maryah!”

  I shrugged my backpack over my shoulder. “Please tell April to call me.”

  “Enjoy New Mexico. Don’t miss me too much.”

  I followed Faith as she prattled on about how much fun this weekend would be. We were taking a road trip to Albuquerque for a Balloon Fiesta to celebrate Nathan’s birthday. I’d never seen a hot air balloon in real life, so I was kind of looking forward to it.

  Not to mention, I’d finally meet the renowned Nathan.

  ∞

  Everyone was ready to go when we arrived at the house.

  Anthony had already loaded my bag into the trunk. Carson had changed clothes and packed his car. It felt like River and I had only talked for a few minutes, but Carson grumbled something about me taking forever as I passed him on the porch.

  “Let’s get this train out of the station!” Anthony shouted from the driveway.

  Louise explained that Helen’s company sponsored a balloon in the event, and she and Edgar were supposed to be home in time to go with us, but they got delayed in England. Anthony’s Mustang led the parade of cars, followed by Shiloh’s boxy FJ Cruiser, containing him, Faith, Harmony, and Dakota.

  Carson insisted on illegally driving his new car. How Louise and Anthony were okay with it baffled me. Everyone else refused to ride with him, so I had to choose between riding with Mr. McSnotty, getting windburn from riding in the convertible, or being smashed in a backseat for hours with Dakota and Harmony. Reluctantly, I chose physical comfort over mental ease.

  The first hour of the ride, Carson and I didn’t talk. Then, during the best part of a great song, he turned down the radio and pushed his white mirrored sunglasses to the top of his head. “Can I ask you something?”

  Oh boy. “Sure.”

  “Do you like River Malone?”

  I peered at him under my hat. What an out-of-nowhere question. “Why does it matter?”

  “He’s cocky, and an attention whore.” Yet another wrongly accused victim on Carson’s growing list. “I’ve seen you two walking around school together. He’s obviously interested in you. I didn’t think you’d go for that type of guy, but lately you look kind of…happy, when I see you with him.”

  No way was River interested in me. Not only was he way out of my league, but he loved April and had been pretty good about not flirting with other girls. “We’re just friends. We relate to each other.”

  “Relate how?”

  “Music. Friends. He lost his father at a young age and I…lost everyone.”

  “You didn’t lose everyone. Lots of people here love you.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Carson said something nice to me. “Thanks for saying that, but don’t worry. River’s not interested in me. Plus, I’m friends with his girlfriend.”

  “How come you never had a boyfriend in Maryland?”

  “I don’t know, guess I never—wait, how do you know I didn’t have a boyfriend?”

  He fiddled with his rearview mirror. “Lucky guess.”

  I refused to let Carson make me feel inferior again. “I made the choice not to date. Why waste my time with the wrong person? I like the idea of waiting for that one person meant for only me—no matter how long it takes to find him.”

  The car slowed. Carson gaped at me as the engine grew quieter, then he fixed his eyes on the road and accelerated again. The shock of me sticking up for myself must have temporarily incapacitated him.

  He reclined in his seat. “I guess we’re opposites. I don’t date because I know there’s no one person meant for me.”

  “You don’t know that. My mother says everyone has a soul mate.”

  “If she believed that then why—” He paused. “Never mind.”

  Sadness body slammed me against my seat. I realized something for the first time. My mother would never see me fall in love, never attend my wedding, and never know her grandchildren. “Say it. If my mom believed that, then what?”

  I thought I saw warmth flicker in his eyes before he covered them with his sunglasses. “Then she’d agree that River isn’t right for you, and to be on the lookout for your soul mate. I’ve heard they’re never far away.”

  My stomach felt queasy. My mother used to tell me the mean boys on the playground only teased me or said cruel things because they liked me. Was Carson’s crappy attitude his twisted way of flirting? I didn’t know what to say, so I grunted and watched the desert zip past us for the rest of the ride.

  ∞

  By the time we arrived at our hotel, the sun had disappeared and the temperature dropped. I put on my sweater before climbing out of the car. Shiloh had already parked his truck and Faith was bouncing around the parking lot.

  “How exciting is this?” She clapped her hands together like a toy monkey with cymbals.

  Carson, Shiloh, and Dakota grabbed bags from the truck. Harmony didn’t bother waiting for anyone. The back of her black-and-purple head disappeared through the hotel entrance.

  Louise and Anthony looked even happier than usual. I felt so out of place. This was an important family event, and I didn’t want to be a party pooper. I faked a smile. “Woo-hoo, my first trip to Albuquerque. I’m stoked.”

  Faith’s smile fizzled, and she reached for my hand. “Come on, ya big liar, let’s go see if Nathan’s here yet. Shiloh, you guys can handle our bags, right?” She didn’t wait for an answer.

  We entered the lobby and found Harmony sitting in a chair shuffling several keycards. “Sorry to kill your buzz, but he hasn’t checked in yet.”

  Faith stomped her foot. “Dang it!”

  “Don’t worry. He’ll be here soon.” Louise patted Faith’s back. “Let’s get settled into our rooms. My head is vibrating from listening to that engine for the past five hours.”

  I knew how she felt. Mustangs were loud, and my head was rattling with a headache too. Then again, I always had headaches, but complaining never helped.

  Faith, Harmony, and I were sharing a room. Louise and Anthony took the one next door to us. Carson, Shiloh, and Dakota claimed the room across the hall. The illustrious Nathan would be staying in the guys’ room. I had to admit I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I’d heard about Nathan every day since I arrived in Sedona. It was time to put a face with the name.

  Faith and Louise wanted to wait for Nathan before going to dinner, but it was getting late and Anthony and the guys were starving, so we made our way to the hotel restaurant. Faith checked her phone about a hundred times during the meal, hoping to get an update from Nathan about his arrival time. But no calls or messages ever came, and he didn’t reply to the ones she sent him.


  “Where is he?” Faith whined.

  “Give the guy a break,” Carson chimed in from the end of the table. “It’s hard for him.”

  “I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t show at all,” Harmony snorted beside me. I was majorly disappointed when she chose the seat next to mine. “He might take a rain check given the circumstances.”

  Trying to keep up with everyone’s encrypted conversations was draining. We had to get up early in the morning, and I had tried to decipher enough for one night. The waiter brought the bill, and I asked where the restrooms were then excused myself.

  I splashed water on my face, unsuccessfully trying to wash away my headache and tiredness. I headed back to the restaurant, determined to get our room key so I could go to bed, but everyone had gathered in the hotel lobby. They all turned to look at me at the exact same moment—all except one.

  I froze dead in my tracks. Everybody else disappeared into the background.

  All I saw was him.

  He was looking down at his phone. Black sporty sunglasses covered his eyes, but I knew without question, it was him. His short dark hair, the sharp angle of his jaw, his flawless skin, even the way he dressed. My movie-star angel man. Was I asleep? Or was I so obsessed with him that I didn’t need to be asleep to see him? Maybe he really was the angel of death and he had come to finish his job.

  Faith stepped out of the fuzzy cloud of figures surrounding him. She came into focus and took my hand into hers. “Maryah, it’s time you met Nathan.”

  My feet wouldn’t move. They were cemented to the floor. There couldn’t have been more than six feet between us, but he felt so far away. He raised his head and stepped toward me.

  I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there, paralyzed, as he made his way over to me. The dinging of the elevators, the murmurs of hotel guests, they all faded away until only he and I existed.

  He slid his phone into the pocket of his jeans then stopped in front of me.

  His chest rose, expanding wider, then his warm breath grazed my forehead and I fought the urge to touch him. I slowly raised my chin. He seemed so tall now that he was close to me, close enough that I could see my ghostly reflection in the lenses of his sunglasses. He took them off and locked his emerald green eyes with mine. The same perfect, breathtaking, jewel-like eyes that had been haunting my dreams were now very real. My knees weakened. My heart stopped beating.

  “Hello, Maryah. I am Nathaniel.”

  They were the only five words he uttered, but that’s all it took. My ears buzzed louder than ever. Pain radiated from the back of my head into my eyes. Faith gasped beside me, and then I passed out.

  PIECING IT TOGETHER

  Nathaniel

  “Nathan!” Harmony bellowed, clenching the dashboard. “How about demonstrating some self-control?”

  It was a childish thing to do, but I squealed my tires as I drove out of the hotel parking lot. “Please put your seatbelt on.”

  Harmony was used to my adrenaline-fueled actions. She joined me in almost every extreme sport I participated in regardless of the danger, so the speed of my Mustang Cobra hardly alarmed her.

  “Well, that was unexpected.” She relaxed into her seat.

  “You find it comical that she fainted?” My engine roared as I merged onto the highway at a speed well above the legal limit.

  “Come on, Nate. The girl has been walking around like a shattered shell of a human. The first real spark of light she showed was when she saw you. You revealed your eyes to her and she collapsed from the overwhelming love she felt. Comical—no, entertaining—yes, and it takes a lot to entertain me these days.”

  “We don’t know for certain what caused her to faint.”

  “Faith said she felt love, Nate—love and recognition. What if she does remember?”

  “She doesn’t. You’ve seen her eyes. They are devoid of all imprints and indicators. Not one shred of who she used to be shines through.”

  “We’ve been wrong before. What if there’s an exception to this rule too?”

  With great care and empathy I chose my next words. “Harmony, you and I share a similar pain, but Gregory did not erase. I know how desperately you want to find him, but,” I placed my hand on top of hers, “Maryah does not, nor will she ever, have the ability to help you. It’s impossible.”

  For a moment Harmony fell silent then she turned to face me. “For once in your lives, stop clinging to the old. Most ancient rules have been broken, or at least bent. Besides, I thought you were coming here to push the envelope. What happened to that plan?”

  My stomach lurched like it had when Marcus first told me the story. Marcus knew of an Element who erased in the eighteenth century, but was reunited with his kindrily. “The circumstances were different, and his memories and ability never returned.”

  “But he chose to retain after every lifetime since his erasure. And he’s still with his soul mate, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Can you imagine? Existing without your ability? Knowing what you once had, and watching everyone around you have exceptional gifts? How miserable.”

  I shot her a sideways glare, waiting for her to realize that type of existence is precisely the only kind Maryah would ever live, but Harmony was focused on the star-filled sky.

  “Still,” she said. “If we could ease Maryah into understanding our way of life then you two might have a fresh start.”

  I didn’t want to start over, but it seemed the only way we could be together again.

  “Of all people,” Harmony grunted. “I can’t believe someone outside of our kindrily convinced you to face Maryah. I also can’t believe you’ve found no trace of Dedrick.” Her pierced brow rose as she leaned across my armrest. “You are telling me the truth about not finding out anything, right?”

  My thoughts sped by as fast as the yellow lines of the road. No trace of Dedrick existed anywhere in Liverpool, but I had discovered something about the Nefariouns. Something I didn’t want to accept as truth. Something so disheartening that I couldn’t tell anyone until it was confirmed. And even then, I’d need time to sort out a complicated plan.

  “Nate?” Harmony snapped her fingers. “Earth to Nathan.”

  “Sorry. I can’t get the look on Maryah’s face out of my mind.” It wasn’t a lie, and it served its purpose of changing the subject. “Even though it’s impossible, it did seem like she knew me.”

  “If Faith is right, if she did recognize you, then maybe—and if you say it’s impossible again, I swear, I’ll punch you—she might have retained some things. Even a broken clock shows the correct time twice a day.”

  Did Faith assess the situation correctly? Had Maryah felt love and recognition? Faith was rarely wrong in her analysis, yet how could she be correct? Maryah had been staying at the house for over a month and hadn’t uttered a word about any memories.

  “There has to be a realistic explanation. Even Marcus agreed, retaining any memories would be imposs—”

  Harmony clobbered me in the shoulder. “You of all people should know that anything is possible!” She folded her arms over her chest. “Gregory should’ve been there. He’d tell us whether or not she remembered.”

  My soul ached at her words. We were approaching the two-decade mark since her soul mate had been taken by the Nefariouns. If I could trade places with Gregory so he and Harmony could be together again, I’d do so without hesitation. I’d give my own life if it spared Harmony from the pain she suffered.

  She gazed out the passenger window again. Her eyes fixed upon Gregory’s star. “Do you think he’s okay?”

  “Gregory’s star still burns. He is out there and we will find him.”

  “Yes, but wherever he is, do you think he’s safe?”

  “Neither you nor I know the answer to that, but as always, time will tell.”

  “And time will heal,” she vowed firmly.

  I pulled to the side of the road. “As you can imagine, the incident at the hotel was difficult for m
e. I’m asking you to grant me time to myself.”

  “Louise will be upset if she finds out I left you alone.”

  “I’ll speak with Louise and explain that I made a reasonable request, and you sympathetically respected it.”

  “Are you sure you want to be alone?”

  “Place yourself in my situation. What if it had been Gregory standing in that hotel lobby? Wouldn’t you want—wouldn’t you need time to yourself?”

  “No. I would’ve never left his side—passed out or awake, memories or no memories. I would’ve stayed just as you should’ve stayed.” Harmony was the only soul I knew who could relate to my feelings.

  “Forgive me. It's insensitive of me to keep mentioning Gregory, but you and I are different.”

  “Different, but so similar.”

  I nodded. Perhaps I should have stayed at the hotel and waited for Maryah to wake up, but running away had become my defense mechanism. “You’re welcome to take my car back to the hotel. I’ll be gone for a while.”

  She held out her hand.

  I placed my keys in her open palm then grabbed my boots and snowboard from the trunk. “Thank you for understanding. I’ll find you in the morning before the ascension. Please make sure Maryah gets sleep and eats something before seeing me tomorrow. I didn’t enjoy watching her crumble to the floor, and I don’t wish to see a repeat performance.”

  Harmony chuckled. “Every entertainer deserves an encore.”

  “Good night, Harmony.” I closed my eyes, imagining the summit marker at the top of the peak and recalled the exact magnetic frequency of my desired location. Opening every cell in my body, I attached my energy to a lunar flare and prepared to dissolve into the wave.

  “Night, Nate. You know where I am if—”

  I was standing atop the mountain before she finished her sentence.

  At just over fourteen-thousand feet, Mount Massive lived up to its name. I threw my board down and prepared to ride the slopes until the shock of interacting with Maryah wore off. Which meant I was in for a long night.