How to Train Your Hodag
Page 5
From her seat at the table, Ethel taking a seat waved at John and patted the cushion of the patio bench next to her. As one the gathered people tried to make polite excuses, but a second firm nod from Mrs. Millar refuted all and everyone quickly acknowledged that they did in fact have a few minutes to keep an old lady and her friend company on a Sunday afternoon, and so they sat and drank tea.
By the time John staggered back to the house, he was scratched, sore, likely concussed, and above all, full of tea. He collapsed onto the porch without even acknowledging Connor.
The little fairy sat perched on the roof overhang, breaking off bits of stick to throw at Cerberus, who ate each piece gleefully. “Well, how did that go then?”
John groaned in response and sat up. He stared at Cerberus who, upon realizing that Connor wasn’t going to throw any more sticks, turned his attention to John.
John stared at the hodag for a long while. “I am too tired to deal with this, and I have to pee.” He staggered to his feet and forgoing all propriety staggered to a tree and undid his fly. Cerberus followed gamely behind, and after a moment sidled up to John and lifted its own leg, joining John in the likely toxic watering of the tree.
John blinked and looked down at Cerberus, who looked back up at John. Unnerved, John sidled away. Cerberus did a three-legged hop and tried to follow John without lowering his fourth leg. John sidled away again and his pet hopped along after.
They continued this way, three quarters of a circuit around the tree before John stopped to stare at the little green hodag. Cerberus finished emptying its bladder in a stream that sizzled as it hit the ground.
John turned to Connor who stood a short distance away with his head cocked to one side. “Connor, are you seeing this?”
“Yes.” Connor stood up on the roof. “Can’t be good for the lawn, and that tree has probably seen its last summer.”
“Exactly! Hodags live in the forest, right?”
“Yes,” Connor said.
“If they peed on everything it would kill off everything.” John zipped up his pants.
“Do you have a point?” Connor said. “As a side note, your aim is improving.”
John rolled his eyes. “The hodag packs mark one spot. Keeping the forest alive. They’re communal pee-ers. Connor, Cerberus will pee where I pee.”
The little fairy’s eyes widened. “You’re saying all we have to do is fence off a bit of the basement away from everything for defecating?”
“Exactly, and we all take turns going to the bathroom in that spot.” John scooped up Cerberus and swung him around, and the hodag yipped happily to have John’s attention.
“That’s brilliant, man!” Connor jumped on the back of Cerberus behind his head. “One tiny favor?”
John stopped spinning to look at Connor. The little fairy stared off into space and rubbed his hands together firmly.
“Try not to tell the rest of the clan about your new bathroom plans.” A wicked grin graced his tiny face. “Those bets are all mine.”
John rolled his eyes and started walking away. Connor followed after him.
“I’ll split it with you, naturally. 80–20 my way, but again, strict confidence.”
Without another word, John went into the house with Cerberus, and Connor close behind.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
MAKU KASAI
Maku is an East Coast-based writer, who grew up on the West Coast, but feels truly at home on a Pacific Island. He is a big fan of British comedy, Ice cream and sunny days at the beach. He started seriously writing after being convinced into it by an old school friend at a convention in Phoenix. He also collects jokes if you know any good ones.
KUTA MARLER
Kuta Marler is the author of Eden's Outcast and one of the founding members of Heads and Tails Publishing. She currently lives with her family in Utah.
You can find Kuta Marler online at www.kutamarler.com. You can also find her on:
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