“Amy, what’s up? You’re late.”
“I know.” I wipe at my eyes. “I’m sorry. Listen, I can’t come in today.”
“Are you okay? Are you sick?”
“No, nothing like that.” I take a deep breath and explain everything—from my mom finally getting kicked out, to having to pack up her belongings all night, to the talk we have to have with her today.
“Amy, I’m so sorry. Of course you can take the day off. Take the week off if you need it to get things squared away.”
I snort. “No way can I afford that. Today will be enough. Thank you for understanding.”
“Anything you need, I’m just a call away.”
I’m about to thank her again and say goodbye when a loud crashing sound fills my ears. My eyes pop up to the door, and in a split second, I hang up the phone and run from the room, finding Ethan and my mom in the kitchen having a heated discussion.
“What the hell is going on?” I ask, rushing to Ethan’s side.
“I’m hopeful with time things will start coming back to her. She didn’t remember getting kicked out of her house last night. And…she’s angry she can’t find the vodka.” He says this like it’s just an ordinary sentence.
I want to laugh, but the seriousness of it all dampens my amusement. “Mom, we need to talk.”
“I’m not going. You…you don’t understand.” Her dark hair is a mess all around her, and she has dark circles under her bloodshot eyes.
“How about I make us all some coffee, and we can sit around the table and talk?” I hold out my hand.
Her wild eyes go from my hand, to Ethan, to me, and back to my hand before she finally takes a deep breath and reaches for it. Slowly and cautiously, I guide her to the table and sit her down before turning around to brew the coffee.
It only takes a minute before the coffee is ready, and I pour us all a cup before taking my place beside my brother and mother.
“Mom, what do you remember about last night?” I ask before taking a sip, eyes glancing between her and my brother.
She thinks over the question for a minute. “I don’t remember anything.” She shakes her head.
I bite the inside of my cheek. How in the world can this life be okay for anyone? How can you live day by day, not remembering anything that happened the day before? Why would you want to?
“Mom, you haven’t paid rent in months. You’ve already had your power, water, and phone turned off. Now you’ve lost the house. You have to see that this isn’t okay.”
“I don’t need those things,” she retorts.
My eyes feel like they stretch wide with her response. “Then what do you need?”
“I need you to leave me alone,” she mumbles like a child who’s being punished.
“So you can do what? Where would you go? Where would you live? Under a bridge? You want that life?”
“You two don’t understand. I can’t just stop drinking. I’ve tried so many times. I get sick. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I need to drink. I have to drink.”
I shake my head. “No, you don’t. What you need is help. Let us help you,” I plead.
She takes a drink of her coffee and wrinkles her nose—probably because it’s not Irish. “And how can you two help me? Stick me in some facility and let me become someone else’s problem?”
“Mom, those facilities would be like a fucking vacation! They’ll keep you from experiencing the withdrawals as badly. There is medicine to wean you off. They know what they’re doing. They won’t just lock you in a room and let you wither away.”
“Mom, I know this is how you’ve lived your life for the last twenty years, but you have to see it isn’t working anymore,” Ethan adds on. “You’ve lost everything you had to lose.”
I don’t say anything. I just sit, waiting—praying—that she will finally accept that this is the end.
“Can we at least take you to a few of the places and let you look around? You can see it with your own eyes,” Ethan begs.
“And then what? When I get released? Where will I go?”
“By then, I’ll have my own place and you can come stay with me. I’ll help you get back on your feet. I’ve left this hanging over Amy for so long that it’s her turn to go out in the world and find her place.” He reaches over and takes my hand that’s resting on the table.
I offer him a small smile as a thank you.
“Okay. I will go look at these places. But I’m not promising anything,” she finally agrees.
Ethan and I both nod as we push away from the table. “Let’s get dressed and we’ll go right now.” I leave them alone in the kitchen while I go to dress, afraid that if we both leave her alone, she’ll sneak out and run off.
When I dress and walk back into the kitchen, Ethan leaves to get ready.
“What was he talking about with you finding your place in the world?” Mom asks. “Are you planning something? Are you leaving?” This is the first time I’ve heard her speak clearly in years. Usually, she wakes up still drunk from the night before and reaches for the bottle, never sobering up. But last night, her drinking was cut short, and there’s nothing here for her to start back up with. I know we have to get her into rehab soon before the withdrawals start.
“I’ve recently bought a building in town. I’m opening my own coffee shop,” I answer, turning to grab my purse and keys.
When I face her, I see her nod once before finishing off her coffee. It feels like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. Instead, she sits quietly waiting until Ethan is back.
“Ready?” he asks.
“I’ll drive,” I volunteer, pulling out the email I’d printed out that Vesper gave me weeks ago with the list of facilities.
It’s going on five o’clock when I’m pulling up to the ranch. I climb out of the truck and walk toward the barn, finding Tyler putting away a horse.
He turns when he senses my presence. “Hey, you never called me back. I didn’t know if I’d see you today or not.”
I walk straight up to him and wrap my arms around his middle, resting my head against his heart.
“Rough day?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.
“You have no idea,” I mumble, refusing to let go.
“I’m done here for today. Let’s go back to my place and you can tell me all about it.” He releases me only to place his finger under my chin, directing my eyes to his as he bends down and presses his lips against mine.
This kiss causes everything else to fall away. I forget about last night. This morning. My mom. All of it gone and replaced by him and the way he makes me feel.
It only takes us minutes to drive down the old dirt road to his cabin. When he pulls the truck to a stop, he rushes around to my side and catches the door as I’m opening it. Before I can step out, he’s holding me in his strong arms, carrying me into the house and setting me down on the brown leather couch.
“You want a glass of wine?” he asks, tossing his baseball cap onto the chair, followed quickly by his tight t-shirt.
“Please.” I reach down and remove my boots, kicking my feet up on the couch.
Moments later, he’s back with two glasses of wine. He lifts my feet and sits down, then places my legs over his lap.
“Tell me about your day,” he requests. His hand lands on my knee, gently rubbing up and down my legs.
I take a sip, then a deep breath, and dive into my day, hoping that talking about it will help the tension leave my body. “Ethan and I talked Mom into checking out some rehab facilities today. To my surprise, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be, but I guess talking to her sober is easier than talking to her drunk.”
“Well, that’s a step in the right direction, isn’t it?”
I nod. “It is. I’m just worried that she’ll leave as soon as things get hard, you know? She’s not ordered to be there, so she can leave at any time.” I take another sip, then put the glass on the table and I slide down, lying on
my back. “We ended up visiting four different facilities today before we finally talked her into staying at one. I’m beat.”
Tyler finishes off his glass and sets it on the table. He picks up my foot and starts massaging it. “I’m sure it’s been hard on you, but just think about how everything will be easier from here on out. I mean, your mom is being taken care of. You no longer have to worry about finding her dead, or wonder if she’s taking care of herself. Plus, I’m sure having Ethan home is a big help.”
“He is a big help. He’s even volunteered to keep her with him once she gets out, just to give me a bit of a break. I think he’s blaming himself. I mean, he’s been gone all these years, so he’s been able to pretend this situation didn’t exist. But coming home to it all, and seeing firsthand how bad things have gotten…”
He releases my foot. “Things are getting better, Amy. Just trust.” He climbs up my body, resting his hips between my legs as his hand cradles my face and his lips move against mine.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says against my lips, “and so giving and caring.” He deepens the kiss. “I don’t deserve you, Amy.”
I break away, looking into his dark eyes. “Why would you say that?”
He tears his eyes from mine. “You’re just…so selfless. I mean, you’ve spent nearly your entire life taking care of your mother and you’ve never asked for anything in return. And I ran away from home the minute life got hard for me.”
I push him back as I sit up. “You did what was best for you, Tyler. You needed distance and space to heal. What your fiancée did to you would be painful and damaging for anyone.”
He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t mean that.” He sits up completely, grabbing his glass of wine only to realize it’s empty. “I guess I haven’t been completely honest with you, Amy.”
My mouth opens, but no words come out.
“That wasn’t the only reason I left home.” He takes a deep breath and places the glass back on the table. “When I found out that my older brother was getting the ranch, I was pissed. I had been the only one to ever show any interest in it. James was only there because he was required to be. He would’ve rather run off and found his life someplace else. The twins couldn’t find a ranch from a hole in the ground. But my dad, he was dead set on his eldest child taking over. He forced James to stay and claim his rightful place, even though he knew I wanted that life. So when I didn’t get what I wanted, I had a fit and ran off. That’s when I came here. If my dad didn’t want me on his ranch, then I’d run a different one.” He lets out a deep laugh, but it sounds menacing. “That’s who I really am, Amy. I’m not a guy who deserves you. I’m nothing more than a child having a temper tantrum.”
I lift myself to my knees, placing my hand on his jaw and forcing him to look at me. “That’s not true, Tyler. What could you have done? Stayed, knowing that you’d never get the life you wanted? Watched as your dad gave everything you ever wanted to your brother who didn’t give a shit about it? I think,” I say as I climb into his lap, “you did the right thing. You left. You came here, and you grew as a person. You saw that you didn’t need their handouts. You were determined to get what you wanted in life, even if that meant leaving everything you knew behind. And,” I quickly press a kiss to his lips, “you got me. Now we can work for everything we want together.”
He lets out a soft chuckle. “You think so? You don’t think I’m just a baby who ran away from his problems because he didn’t get what he wanted?”
“No way.” I shake my head. “You’ll get everything you ever wanted, Tyler. You just have to trust.”
His lips turn up into a small smile as he closes the distance between our mouths. In one swift motion, he stands, cradling me against his chest as he walks us into the bedroom, never breaking the kiss.
He gently lays me down on the bed and covers my body with his. His hardness presses against my core, making me yearn for him. My stomach tightens and my whole body tingles with anticipation. My legs wrap around his hips, wanting, needing him closer. It’s only been a few days since Tyler and I have been together in this way, but now that I’m finally able to feel his touch, it feels like years.
My arms snake around his neck, pulling his mouth closer as my tongue tangles with his—tasting, needing, consuming. His hands tug my hips toward his, pulling the junction between my legs against his growing erection. He grinds his hips into me, causing a gasp to slip past my lips.
“I don’t know what it is about you, Amy, but I need you.” He begins moving downward, pressing kisses to my jaw and neck. “I need you like I’ve never needed anything or anyone before. I crave your touch. I yearn to taste you and to feel your skin against mine.” He pulls away enough that he can look down on me as he begins to unfasten my jeans. “I can’t get you off my mind, Amy. When I’m alone, I can hear the way you cry out for me—those soft moans and gasps that leave your beautiful lips when I slide deep inside you.” He tugs my jeans down my legs, then uses his thumb to press against my aching nub. “You consume me, Amy.” His fingers slide between my folds, making my back arch as a whimper escapes my lips. “You own my mind,” he breathes out, sliding his fingers inside.
His voice is deep and hushed, almost sounding pained. It’s a tone I’ve never heard him use. It’s like he needs me, like I really do own him and he’s powerless to break free. It makes my heart pound in my chest and my lungs stop breathing. Seeing him this way, completely bare for me—physically and emotionally raw—amplifies the emotion between us. I can feel every word he says. I can taste it like a charge in the air. I’ve finally worked my way beneath all his layers the way he’s done with mine.
He loves me, even though he’s still too afraid to say the words or to even admit it. But I don’t need those words. I just need this. He doesn’t have to tell me he loves me for me to feel it. He shows me he loves me by the way he touches me, the way his body aches to touch mine, and the way he looks into my eyes and bares himself to me. He can’t say the words, but I can feel their meaning.
When he lowers his mouth to my slit, my eyes roll back and close, reeling in this feeling. His hand never leaves me, and his mouth only adds to the pleasure he’s already making me feel. I fist the sheets, holding myself down, because I know I’d be floating away right now. Everything inside me is filled with so much love for this man—this broken man who’s slowly finding all his pieces once again.
“Tyler!” I call out his name, but he doesn’t stop. He only works harder, forcing me to feel the way he feels: loved, happy, and overwhelmed with everything changing between us. But those things don’t scare me. They make me feel alive—like I’m finally getting everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
When I shatter, he withdraws himself. Pulling away, his hooded eyes lock on mine as he gets himself to his knees and works his jeans down his hips. I quickly sit up and remove my shirt and bra, wanting to be completely bare for him, needing to feel his skin against mine. The second I drop my bra to the floor, his hand lands on my cheek, long fingers wrapping around my neck, as he pulls me back in for a kiss. I can taste my arousal on his tongue, and it only turns me on more. The way my body reacts to him is all its own. I don’t have to think about the way I feel about him because it’s right there, demanding to be noticed.
Somehow, he manages to break the kiss and flip me over in the blink of an eye. I don’t know what’s going on until I’m up on my knees and he’s sliding into me, filling me with every long, hard inch. My back arches as he pushes on the back of my neck until my cheek is resting against the pillow.
He grabs the end of my ponytail and twists it up around his fist, pulling my hair until my head is off the bed with my chest pressed against the mattress. “You like that, Amy?” he asks, hushed and out of breath as he continues to move inside me.
I can’t talk. My brain can’t process words. My only reply is a loud moan that makes him rock against me, brushing the perfect spot inside of me that has me seeing spots. I call out his name loudly as I shat
ter around him.
Chapter Thirteen
I wish I knew how to explain how I feel about Tyler. I wish I knew how he over-flooded my senses, how he can take over my body with one touch, and how he makes me forget all my problems the minute he slides into me. I’m coming to realize that there is no way to explain how I feel. There are no words. It’s just something deep inside of me that knows that I belong with him, and that he belongs to me. I couldn’t break this off now even if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. The way he looks at me, touches me, talks to me, and claims me, it’s everything I ever wanted. There’s something that connects us on a deeper level, and even though I’m just now realizing this, I think it’s been with me all along—from that very first introduction. I ignored it then because I thought he was interested in Vesper, but now I know what drew me to him that night. It was the other half of my heart and soul I’d been living without.
When he flips me over and positions himself at my opening, his dark eyes lock on mine, and it feels like something’s being exchanged. He pauses, changing gears from hard and fast to soft and slow. He pushes forward, sliding into me as he lowers himself against me.
“I love you, Amy,” he whispers against my lips, rocking his hips forward just enough to make me feel his love.
“I love you too, Tyler.” I grasp a handful of his hair, tugging it as I jerk his lips to mine. I love it when he takes his time with me, but right now, I don’t want slow. I want passion fueled by desire. I want pain—pain to remind me that this is real.
Pain is the only thing in my life that has kept me grounded. I’ve had dreams of living the life I wanted. I’ve felt happy and loved and excited, but the pain was always numbed, only leaving the positive feelings. And that’s how I always knew I was dreaming. And now, the pain I’ve always felt is gone.
Now I’m craving that pain to make me believe that this isn’t a dream—that this is really happening, that this is the life I’ve always dreamed of.
His hands hold firm at my hips, pulling me into his thrusts. It’s like he understands what I need without having to be told. The pain in my hips from his hold, the pain that’s cutting through me with each of his thrusts, I find the beauty in it. This is real.
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