by Suzy Shearer
“I will. I can.” She sobbed louder. “Go away! Leave me alone!”
“Please, little one, please.”
Lisa turned in his arms to face him and put her hands on his chest trying to push him away from her but he held her fast. “Go away. You’re good at that.”
“Please, little one. Let me help you. Don’t cry.”
She shouted at him, “I don’t want your help. You made it clear what you thought of me by walking away after you fucked me. Get lost!” She felt the tears flowing fast down her cheeks.
“If I let you cry, will you let me hold you?” He seemed genuinely upset by her crying. Part of her wanted to run away but most of her just wanted someone to hold her. Someone to tell her it would be all right. She did not care who it was, she just needed to be held so she nodded her head.
“Come.” He pulled her down onto a lounge chair, holding her in his arms like a baby. He pushed her head onto his shoulder and began rocking her. It seemed like the final straw to her and she burst into fresh sobs, unable to stop.
* * * *
Richard followed the sound of crying and found her at last, amazingly in Paul’s arms. Paul looked over her head at Richard. “I know. I am sorry, I was wrong but she scared me with the depth of emotion I felt for her when I first saw her. Then when I bound her, I could not help myself. I am so sorry.”
Lisa had no idea what they were saying, it was meaningless to her. All she knew was she wanted to cry. She felt dirty and used by him yet she wanted to stay in the arms of the same man who was comforting her. She started to shiver, she felt herself separate from her body and drift. She was starting to lose sense of where she was. She wanted to just switch off.
“Paul, we need to get her inside. It is cold out here. She is in shock. Take her into the red bedroom.”
She felt herself lifted and carried, and part of her wondered how a man could lift her, she was not a petite woman, but the main part of her felt disjointed. Fleur met them as they entered from the garden. Richard asked her to go ahead, unlock the red room, and begin filling the bath. Lisa felt herself floating away, nothing made sense and she did not care. She just wanted to close her eyes and go away.
Richard was worried. He knew that whenever people performed, all participants needed contact and comforting immediately after. They needed to be reassured that everything was as it should be, that they were loved and wanted. Instead, Lisa probably considered she had been rejected by Paul walking away. On top of that, the woman had never performed in front of an audience. She thought it was just three people. Yet when the blindfold was removed, she would have seen Paul leaving and dozens of faces looking her, all aroused by what they had witnessed but shocked by Paul’s treatment of her.
She would be feeling confused and rejected and probably dirty and used. She already had poor self-esteem, and this would only make it worse. She was such an amazing woman, beautiful and so very sensual. He could not understand Paul at all. The man had been in the BDSM scene for all of his adult life. He had had two partners during that time. One girl had stayed with him only a year before, decided she did not like the lifestyle while the other had stayed for ten, then, out of the blue, announced she was getting married. It had shaken Paul, and for the nineteen years since then he never gotten close to anyone, preferring to use reds and purples, but he knew exactly what was needed and yet he had walked away.
Paul was his best friend, but right now, he felt like punching him in the face.
They reached the red room and Paul carried Lisa into the opulent bathroom. He turned to Richard. “I know what you’re thinking and I deserve it, but I will make it right. Let me take care of her.” Richard looked at his friend, shook his head, then turned on his heels and walked out with Fleur in tow.
Paul gently removed the kimono from Lisa and gasped when he saw that some of the ropes had left red bruises on her body. She also had a bruise on her upper arm, and he knew he had not bound her there. He had started tying the rope loosely, but somewhere along the line, he had gotten so aroused that he forgot he was with a novice and instead had tied them tighter.
Feeling deeply ashamed of his treatment of this beautiful woman, he lowered her into the bath and quickly stripped off and got in behind her. He held her to his chest. She was no longer sobbing. In fact, she was offering no resistance but she was stiff in his arms. He was worried and turned her head to look at her face. She was lost, far away within her head.
“Little one. Come back to me.” He crooned her name and rocked her in his arms. “Hush, everything is okay now. You are safe now, little one.”
Slowly, after about thirty minutes, he felt her relax as the warm water and his soothing voice finally began to penetrate her mind. He heard her take a gasp, and then he watched as the tears began to flow down her cheeks again. “You hurt me,” she whispered.
“I am so sorry. Please, little one. Please forgive me.”
“Why?”
He knew she was not talking about the binding. “You scared me.”
She turned in his arms to look into his face. “Scared you? You were the one who fucked me then threw me away,” she said harshly.
Paul flinched as if he had been hit but she was right. “I am so sorry. I should never have left you.” He bent his head to rest on her forehead. Whispering, he tried to explain to her. “I saw you when Richard brought you into the room. You took my breath away. I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life.”
“Then you noticed me. I wanted to race over and rip that green gown off you and put you into a black one, my black one. I didn’t want anyone to have you.”
“Nice way of showing it. You left me.” Her words cut into him like a knife.
“I saw all those suitors. I knew any of them could have you but I wanted you for myself. When Richard saw me looking, he knew what I was thinking.”
“Oh yeah, I bet he did. ‘Here is an old fat hag that you can fuck then throw away.’ I want to leave.” She tried to get out of the bath but he held her tight.
“Please, please let me explain.” He felt her stop fighting but she was rigid in his arms and made no answer.
“When we made the switch and I started to bind you, I could not help myself. I was only going to bind you, finger-fuck you till you came then untie you, but I could smell your arousal, see your flushed face. I wanted you. I wanted to stake my claim on you and warn off anyone else. I am not a Dom but I want you, I love having a bottom and I saw that in you.”
“Then when I thrust into you, I felt like I had come home, like all my life I had been waiting for that moment and it scared the hell out of me. I panicked. I have never felt like this for anyone. That’s the truth.”
She still made no answer.
“I have never been in love in all my life. I am forty-eight years old but as I was fucking you, I knew. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you and I was terrified.”
“Terrified? What terrified that you might have feelings for some old fat woman? That I look like a quick fuck,” she replied harshly.
“No! You are not old and definitely not fat! However, what you do look like is my woman.”
He turned her head to look at his face. “No, I was terrified that you could not love me in return. Scared you would laugh in my face when I removed the blindfold. Terrified you would go and accept one of those others and not me. I ran. I couldn’t face your refusal.”
He saw her eyes watching him, listening. “Then you came into the garden and I realised I had done the one thing that I should never have done. I left you without comfort and love.”
His eyes filled with tears. “I am so sorry,” he whispered.
Lisa did not know what to say. She was confused, torn between her desire for this man and the very real need to hit him. She pushed herself off him and sat at the opposite end of the very large bath, and he moved his feet either side of her. She knew if he were within striking distance, she would slap him.
She look
ed at him. My god, he was gorgeous. This was really the first time she really looked at him close up. He had vivid blue eyes and gray hair, white at the sides. He had a moustache and goatee trimmed short, almost like a five o’clock shadow. His face was strong, powerful, chiseled. He had muscles everywhere she looked. No wonder he had been able to carry her inside.
Moreover, he looked so contrite, so remorseful, and so sad that she felt her heart turn. She looked away and felt the tears start again.
“Don’t cry.”
“You told me I could,” she mumbled.
“Yes I did. But I said if I let you cry, you would let me hold you.” She gave a weak grin but shook her head. He lifted one foot and began to massage it. She would never admit it but it felt wonderful. She could feel her resistance melting away.
“Will you give me a chance to make it up to you? I am prepared to try for the rest of my life if you will let me.” Lisa looked at his face. He seemed so earnest and truthful. She was wary but she really wanted to believe him. She felt such an attraction for this man. She could fall in love with him with the snap of his fingers.
“Little one, please,” he begged.
“Tell me, shout loud. Tell me exactly what you want.”
Paul laughed, recalling the words he had said to her just before he fucked her.
“I want you to love me forever!” he shouted. Lisa smiled at him. Her face was transformed. He thought her beautiful but when she smiled at him, she captured more than his heart.
“Little one, I truly am sorry. I honestly do not know what came over me. I put myself before you, that was so wrong. I promise, if you will have me, I will never, never again. You will always come first.”
Finally satisfied that he really did mean what he said, Lisa replied, “Oh, sometimes I may let you.”
He looked puzzled. “Let me what?”
“Come first.” Paul could not stop laughing. “Little one, I promise I will ask you before I do.”
He sobered. “Little one, how do you feel?”
She knew what he meant. “Better. I felt so dirty, so used. I honestly thought you saw me as a quick fuck. Then when you walked away…” Her eyes filled with tears again.
He pulled her up to his chest until she was curled sideways to him and she went willingly. “Never. I wanted you so much. I still want you and I know I will forever.”
Lisa could feel his hands running up and down her arms. His head was resting on the top of her head. She could feel his erect cock pressed against her stomach. Suddenly she felt safe, she felt finally she belonged. Lisa felt him sigh. “I am bloody lucky. You could have told me to fuck off.”
“Have to admit I sort of shut down, then here in the bath I was very close to it. I wanted to hit you.”
“I know. That was my fault. It was shock—shock from discovering you did something you didn’t expect and then having no one to comfort you afterward.” He turned her around so she had her back on his chest.
“When was the last time you were bound?”
“When I was twenty-one, but that was just having my hands and feet tied. And before you ask, I have never done anything in front of an audience.”
“Oh my god!” No wonder she had gone into shock and why it hit so hard. “Little one, I am so sorry. I never knew. No wonder you felt that way. I will never leave you again, I promise. I will never make you do that again.”
Lisa took a deep breath. If this man was truthful in all he said then she needed to be also.
“Actually, I kind of liked it. I mean, I didn’t know people were watching me, except for you and Fleur. I thought it was Richard, although it felt different.”
She felt him kissing her neck. “If you had not left, I think I would have been fine. It was a shock to see everyone watching me but at the same time, it was exciting.”
She thought a little then said, amazed, “They threw cards and clapped.”
“You deserved the applause. You were magnificent. I could not believe how responsive you were. I wanted to taste you, to fuck you, to do everything I could to you. You excited me so much. You excited everyone. I could hear the ripple of excitement go through The Club and then everyone came to watch.”
“It was unnerving to think of all those people watching me naked, watching me get fucked, but if I am honest when I think about it now, it is arousing and powerful.”
Lisa shivered and Paul realised the water was cold. “Come, little one. Let’s get you out of here.”
Chapter Five
He stepped out then reached down for her hands. She allowed him to pull her to her feet and lift her from the tub. He wrapped a towel around her, grabbed one for himself, and carried her into the bedroom. Lisa looked around. It was luxurious.
A large oversized bed sat in the centre of the room. There was a chaise longue and two smaller sofas. There was a St. Andrew’s Cross on one wall and a padded wooden bench with restraints. A large wardrobe was on one side and Lisa had the feeling it did not contain clothes. The other side was a small table with two chairs, and the table held a telephone and a small clock. She was amazed to see almost four hours had passed since she arrived.
He stood her beside the bed and she realised why he kept calling her “little one.” Although she was five eight, he stood close to seven foot.
“How tall are you?”
“Six eight.” She looked down his body. “Oh.”
He smirked, knowing she could see his arousal. “Your fault, I have been at least half-erect ever since I first saw you.” She felt flustered and tried to look anywhere but at him. He laughed and put a hand under her chin to lift her face. He bent his head and kissed her lightly. She clung to him, breathless, as he deepened the kiss. When he broke the kiss, he looked down at her. Her face was flushed and he thought his was also.
“Wow! Little one, if I spent the rest of my life only kissing you I will die a very happy man.”
The towel had fallen to the ground. She picked it up and wrapped it around her. “I don’t have my clothes.”
Paul wrapped a towel around his waist, went to the table, and picked up the phone. She heard him ask for Richard. “Rich. Hey, man. No, it’s all good, in fact it couldn’t be better. Can you send her clothes please, and a black kimono? Yes, I mean it, the best please. Oh and something to eat, I’m starving.” He looked over at Lisa. “Are you hungry?”
She nodded. “Thirsty?” She nodded again. “Coffee?” Smiling, she nodded a third time.
“Did you get that, Rich?”
Richard must have asked Paul something because he looked over at her and smiled. “She’s mine, Richard. I don’t want to see one more card and neither does she, you understand?”
There was silence from Paul’s end again then he replied, “Honestly, Rich, I know I was an arsehole. I can’t believe she accepted me after what I did to her.”
“No, I won’t. Honestly, Rich, I mean it.”
This one-sided conversation was frustrating for Lisa. She sat on the bed and tucked her feet under her, listening but not able to figure out what they were talking about. “Yes, I was a complete idiot. Don’t worry, she told me off good. Thanks, man. I mean it. You will? Thanks, I do not deserve her. Yes. Do you want to ask her? “
He held out the phone to Lisa. She got up and took it from him then nervously said, “Hello.”
“Lisa. Are you okay? I know this has been a shit of a night for you but are you sure this is what you want? You do understand what a black kimono means?”
“Yes, I do. Fleur explained it. It means I am with him and no one else can touch me ever unless I want it.”
“Are you sure, Lisa? Paul is my best friend but what he did tonight was so wrong, very wrong. Everyone knows it and no one would blame you if you walked away. I know you were attracted to him from the start but as long as you are following your heart.”
“Thank you, Richard. I do understand. We have had a good talk about what happened and it will never happen again, I know that. I may be older but I a
m not stupid. If it does, he knows I will walk out the door without a backward glance.”
“As long as you are okay and happy. Believe me, nothing would make me happier. Paul has been alone for far too long and you are one hell of a woman. If I weren’t married to Fleur I’d make a play for you myself. That was something to watch, no wonder you got so many accolades.”
She giggled, going red. “Thanks, Richard. I didn’t think I would ever do something like that, even more I didn’t think I would ever enjoy it.”
“I’ll send the things over. Just to rub it in, I’ll send some of the cards, too.”
Lisa laughed and Paul looked at her quizzically. “Thanks but keep them. I’ll keep him on his toes.”
“Bye, beautiful lady. Tell the fool he is one lucky bugger.”
“Thanks. Bye.” She hung up the phone and walked over to Paul. “He is sending the things over now.”
“He is a good friend. He is my best friend. I am surprised he didn’t sock me on the jaw.” He suddenly looked stunned. “I’ve just realised I don’t know your name!”
She smiled. “It’s Lisa.”
He took her hands in his. “Hello, Lisa. My name is Paul.” Lisa could not help it, she started to laugh, and it seemed funny that she had had sex with this man, was now agreeing to stay with him, and hadn’t even known his name.
Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door, and Paul walked over to answer it. Fleur and Richard came in with a waiter who carried a tray filled with covered dishes and a coffeepot.
Fleur raced over to Lisa and took her hands. “Oh, you are all right. I was so worried. We all were.”
“I’m okay now. Thank you, Fleur.” Fleur glared at Paul but before she could say anything. He knelt in front of her and took her hands.
“Mistress, I am so sorry. I know how wrong I was. Please forgive me.” Fleur’s eyes widened in surprise, as did Richard’s. It was unheard of, anyone kneeling before a sub, but it brought tears to Fleur’s eyes as she realised how earnest he was. She dropped his hands and touched his head. He stood and then kissed both her cheeks. She gave him a slap on the arm. “Don’t you ever do that again!”