by Abra Ebner
“Thanks for doing that, Edgar.” I tried to get him to look at me but his eyes continued to avoid mine.
“I’m sorry I have to take all this.” He motioned to the house around us.
I laughed. “Edgar, it doesn’t matter. Why are you so scared? It’s only a few days. Then I’ll be back.”
He frowned, fidgeting with his hands. “I know.”
I tried to be the strong one as I touched my hands to his arms. I felt his energy seep into my skin, and it knocked the wind from my lungs. He was so frightened that it chilled my whole body, making me more afraid than before. I shut my eyes, trying to calm myself.
“I saw the future, Edgar. Have faith in that.” He looked at me as I opened my eyes.
“Faith? That hardly makes me feel better.”
I slid my hands under his shirt, splaying my fingers across his back. I smiled. “Well, you have to believe in something. You are an angel, after all.”
I saw his mouth begin to curl, though I know he was trying as hard as he could to remain sullen. “I believe in you,” he reassured me, knowing that I was just as scared. He wrapped me in his arm, pulling me against his chest.
I breathed in his scent: lilac. I exhaled. There was nothing that could replace the way his body felt, though the absence of the heat I once loved was gone. The physical pressure of his touch made me want to stay here forever, forget everything and just live. There were things to be done, though, or it was all for nothing.
He kissed the top of my head. “Elle, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.” His voice wavered.
I looked up at his face, resting my chin on his chest. “About what?”
He backed up and sat on the bed, his hands resting on either side of my hips as I stood before him. He thought for a moment, his eyes dark and black. “I’ve always left you under sudden circumstances, never like this. A long goodbye does not suit me.” He leaned his head against my stomach.
I placed my hands on his head, running my fingers through his hair. “It’s better this way, Edgar. This way we can say our good-byes in a proper way.”
He looked up at me with an angered face—not anger toward me, but something else. “It’s not goodbye,” he protested. “I refuse to say that to you. I’ve been so afraid of losing you, and I am ashamed of the way I’ve been acting. I fear I’ve wasted the time we had together.”
I laughed. “I know that. I realize now why you were acting so stubborn.” I bent down, putting my face close to his. As always, I felt our soul stitch us together and pull me in. His breathing stopped.
“Elle, do you know how much I love you?” His words found their way into my heart, touching it gently.
I nuzzled my nose against his. “I know.” His eyes were a deep black as he tried to pull away from me.
“Elle, don’t.” I saw the struggle in his face.
I took one step back, letting go. Since the day he came home, there had been a distance between us. I still longed for the intensity we once had.
He sat up straight, his eyes looking away from me and to the ground. He looked nervous and bothered. The wings on his back extended across my bed. I watched as they rose and then fell in gentle waves, as though he were breathing, though he wasn’t.
I turned away from him, walking to the wall across the room where my paintings hung. My jaw was tight, as it had been for the past few weeks. I looked at the one painting of myself.
I used to see this girl as someone that was happy and carefree, but now that I knew better, I saw something far darker. What I saw was someone that struggled with her confidence day by day. She was someone that was tormented in the same way Edgar had been. I over-drove my emotions in the hopes of achieving my idea of true happiness, but was that even possible? What would have happened if I had let go of all my responsibilities and just lived? Would we even be here?
I turned away from the wall, annoyed with myself. My eyes locked with Edgar’s and I realized he was still here. I needed to stop pretending he was gone. His face was impassive, as though he were no more than a statue. I licked my lips, watching him as he watched me walk back toward him. When I reached him, I saw in his eyes something I’d missed. I thought back to the first day we met, back to the day when I didn’t know who he was, and the way his eyes had both frightened and amazed me.
My fingers touched his collar bone, tracing back and around his neck. I was remembering his outline, and the way I worshiped every inch of it. He put one hand on my waist, the ring on his finger burning through my shirt and stinging my skin. It was the only part of him that still glowed with life. I lowered my face until our eyes were level with each other, my breath passing my parted lips. He leaned toward me but I mirrored his movements, leaning away from him. I was too drawn by his gaze to lose it just yet. I saw calm and unity locked inside those eyes, something the world held little of these days.
He did not smile or find my resistance at all amusing. His hand on my waist tightened, pulling me toward him. Still, I resisted. The look on his face grew frustrated and angry as he tried ever harder to lean in and kiss me, but as I stared at the voids of his eyes, I could not give in. There was still a part of me that wanted to punish him for the way he’d acted toward me, but I found it was hard to resist falling in love all over again. My mind began to fog.
He stood, putting his other hand on my waist and gripping tighter. I dropped my hands to my sides as we stepped backwards across the room in a dance. My back met the wall. I was trapped, and though I could not take another step back, he took one step further, closing any gap that was left between us. His hands left my waist, trailing up the wall to my neck where his thumbs grazed my collar bones, his fingers wrapping my shoulders.
His touch was light, but I knew if I tried to move, he wouldn’t let me. I lifted my hands from my sides, and put them on his waist, feeling his belt below his shirt. He was breathing now, falling into the old habit easily in his distraction.
His fingers slipped into my hair as he pushed my long locks back from my face, twisting it into a pony tail and then letting it drop. He was stalling, fighting with himself and the things he could, or could not control. I leaned toward him, our noses grazing. I touched my lips to his upper lip, kissing it as he stayed frozen.
His lips were cold but soft, almost foreign to me. It felt as though I was kissing him for the first time. My lips were hot as I leaned back, allowing our eyes to focus on each other. A tight but warm feeling filled my chest. It was a feeling I had missed, a feeling that tingled through my every limb.
He pressed me against the wall with more force. His mouth parted, and I saw that his teeth were clenched, trying his best to hold onto his sanity. He exhaled hard, pressing his cold cheek against mine. My face was flushed, his lips kissing down my jaw with an electric chill. He kissed my neck, and as much as I knew we should stop, I also knew that he was not going to be the one to initiate it this time. I tilted my head back, allowing his mouth to become the only thing I felt.
His hands left my neck and pressed against the wall on either side of my head, his breathing erratic. I pressed my palms against his chest as though to playfully push him away, but he resisted, pressing back. I felt his teeth bite the skin on my shoulder with a gentle pressure, annoyed that I had tried to drive him away.
He continued to kiss my skin, so I pressed harder on his chest. His hands curled against the wall, pushing back with an even greater force than before. It was becoming clear that I would not win this fight. My heart was racing, my body heat causing the sweater I wore to grow warm. With all the strength I could muster, I pushed once more. At last, I was able to break him away from me. He stumbled back in shock, as though a spell had been broken between us.
His expressionless face never turned away from me, and his black eyes were fixed. I had a look of anger on my face, the feeling of my weakness toward him teeming in my blood. The tight feeling in my chest was one I had begun to forget, one I hadn’t felt in what seemed months. I did not want it to go away
, and I certainly did not want to forget it ever again.
I stared at him for another moment, his eyes showing that his control had been regained. I gave up thinking, instead stepping forward with haste. I pressed my lips against his. His arms wrapped around me like a snare, our lips intertwined. I pushed him backward but he lifted me off the ground instead, taking control.
The world around me whirled as his drug finally engulfed my last ounce of sanity. I could not shake the feeling that it felt like the end, the real end, but I had to believe that I would succeed. I would never rest, always fighting. This was the way I was made. No matter the cost, I had to find my way back to this feeling. It was my only hope.
Edgar grasped the hem of my sweater, pulling it over my head. Our hips pressed together, and my hand found the buckle of his jeans. This was it, he wasn’t going to stop me this time. His hand trailed up my bare back, his kissing controlled, and his mind made up.
I opened my eyes, seeing him watching me. His lips curled against mine before he shut his eyes once more, twisting my body onto the bed and under him as all control was lost.
FALL OF DARKNESS
Estella
It was dark when I slid from the bed, dressing quietly as Edgar slept. I couldn’t bare another long goodbye. I had to get started, now. Carefully I slid the red cube off the night-stand, stashing into the leather satchel as I tied the flap shut. I tiptoed to the door, slipping out and shutting it behind me as the candles in the hallway came to life. I brought my finger to my mouth, hushing the light and it dimmed. I threw the satchel over my back and began to descend the stairs.
I heard a small creak behind me, twisting as I looked back. A part of me expected it to be Edgar, but as my eyes met those of my follower, I saw it was Sam. He had one hand on the rail, his mouth drawn into a gentle smile. He said nothing, just stood there, watching me in a relaxed pose. I was afraid he would stop me, but then again, that wasn’t his nature. He nodded slowly, and I nodded back. Goodbye, I thought. He smiled, letting me go for the first time since we met.
I turned then, making my way down the rest of the stairs and walking to the door, opening it without a second thought. I took a deep breath as the wind fell across my face. The smell of death lingered within it, the scent of ash and mold. I glanced over my shoulder once more as I stepped out and shut the door behind me.
The whole house slowly disappeared, the handle gone from my grasp. I shivered, knowing that was the last time I would ever see it as it is now: in the meadow of my past. Now alone, with the familiar black feeling of my youth returning to my soul, I disappeared into the night before I could allow myself to second guess my actions.
ALONE
Estella
I watched as the sun rose above the lake, now a river since damn had given, leaving nothing but rubble and rushing water. The beach was wide, more like a long sandy beach where the water had once pooled. The university lay behind me up the bank, abandoned. I let the deafening sounds of waves and water drown the thoughts in my head. I picked at the gravel on the ground, rain falling around me as I huddled under my hood. Overhead, the cry of flocking birds cut through the noise. Looking up, I saw ravens fighting through the wind, headed toward the cave.
Since the age of Matthew, I hadn’t seen many of his magic ravens. I had figured that they’d all died when he did, but since the contract had been forged, I had begun to see them everyday. Any bird that Matthew had cursed was forced away from here, forced back to their own magical world, though their power had little effect on human life. Regardless, they had been touched by Matthew’s evil, and evil was contagious.
The trees around me were all browned, their dead needles lying in piles at their trunks. The school itself had taken quite a beating. The cafeteria that once seemed so solid had collapsed. Shards of glass were strewn across what once was the path I had taken to the hatchery, the door to the nurse’s office off its hinges and shattered on the nearby rocks. The water of the lake had washed a ways onshore before the dam had broken, leaving everything waterlogged and gathered into piles. It was as though a bomb had gone off—the sticks of bare trees a chilling sight, like skeletons on a battlefield. The decimation spanned as far as I could see.
I pulled the satchel that was next to me into my lap, reaching inside and grabbing the red cube. I rolled it in my hands as I exposed it to the daylight, bringing it to my face as shards of luminosity streamed inside it. I peered through it, the world doused in red. I blinked a few times, surprised at what I saw, looking over the cube to be sure it was real, but it wasn’t. I looked through the cube again, seeing the world perfect and alive, the trees lush and the skies open. I looked above and over the cube once more, comparing the two worlds.
I pressed my lips together thoughtfully, wondering exactly how this worked. I unfolded my legs and pushed myself off the ground, holding the cube in a ray of light that tried to shine through the clouds. It was then that the sun burst from the cube in a bright beam, lighting the spot beside me as the sand there began to move.
I watched in amazement as some groundcover rose from the spot, spreading rapidly as it wrapped around my ankles and continued on across the entire beach. It spread to a nearby tree trunk, climbing slightly before giving over all control as the tree began to grow back. I stopped breathing as pine needles sprouted from bare dead branches, the growth finally stopping as the clouds closed in and the ray of sun was lost. I expected the plants to die then, but they didn’t. I dropped the cube to my side, breathing once again.
Sunlight, that’s what I needed. I looked to the sky, inspecting the thick cloud cover and the mist that rose from the water. I would need to get above this to make it work, but not yet. It wasn’t time. I sat back down on the beach, rain continuing to fall as the groundcover around me created a bed. The dawn was now turning to morning, the last morning this sad world would see before the new beginning.
I wondered what it would be like in this new world. Hopefully, it would be more beautiful than I had ever seen it before. I thought about the cities we had seen crumble, wondering what would come of it. I thought about all the souls we had already lost. It should never have happened this way, and I felt ashamed that the decision was left to me. Edgar hadn’t understood, but it was his nature to kill, after all. Perhaps he knew, perhaps those that we lost were meant to be lost. I could only hope that there was a reason for all this, and a plan that was bigger than me. Perhaps I am only one small part.
By mid afternoon, I found myself flipping through the pages of the Book of Us, idly reading but finding myself far too anxious to allow me to pay attention. I kept looking up at every little sound, watching as one creature after another made its way into the forest and toward the caves, each somehow touched by magic. I exhaled in amazement as a large eagle flew overhead, letting out a heavy cry that echoed over the roaring wind. As daylight began to fade, I put my head in my hands, feeling my cold, numb skin and trying to warm it. I tightened the strap around my head, hoping the hood could shelter me, but it didn’t. I allowed my whole body to shake for a moment as the groundcover around me also tried to help keep me warm, growing up my back.
Twilight came and the wind began to calm. I allowed my body to relax, my muscles sore from shaking so much. It was then that I saw a bright light flicker on a wave and it distracted me from the chill. I focused on the spot, hoping to see it again, but as I waited, I saw nothing. I tucked my satchel under the bend of my knees, sheltering it as I stuffed it away from the rain.
Another flash of light lit up my vision and I looked up, squinting as I watched the water with increased intensity. I dropped every thought that racked my mind as a glow began to form under the waves. It was hard to see at first, but as the murky green water, rich with debris, glowed with an ever lighter shade of turquoise, I recognized what it was. I watched as the light approached, my spine steeled. A slow breath released from my lungs as the source of the light threatened to break the surface of the water. I grew anxious, wondering if I should sta
nd or stay still. It was then that the source of the light emerged from the water. Its shrieks broke the surface as the large Pegasus fought through the waves. Water washed over its crystal body, quickly channeling down its flawless surface. It hoisted itself up the bank as its wings emerged from its flanks, flapping off the excess water and glittering like glass in the moonlight.
It walked right up to me, as though I were nothing more than a rock. I heard it snort, sniffing the ground, its long neck reaching toward the lush groundcover. It grabbed a mouthful and yanked it from the earth, sand flying from the roots as they curled in agony. I winced, watching as it continued up the hill, its feet smashing through the glass shards that were left on the path. It swished its tail once, sending a spray of glittery water floating to the ground. As it entered the copse of barren trees, I inhaled deeply, realizing I had stopped breathing as my lungs began to sting. I watched it for a while longer, the bare trees allowing me to observe as it climbed at least a half mile up the hill. As it finally disappeared, I turned back to the lake, impressed that I had never seen it here before and wondering how long it had been living there.
At last, the final glow of daylight disappeared and I moved toward a nearby log and began to gather wet wood. My eyes enjoyed the darkness, preferring it to the dismal of the recent days. I tilted the larger spare pieces of wood against the main log, creating a sort of shelter that I then covered with loose bits of bark. Sounds began to rumble from deep in the woods behind me, and I knew it was nearing the time for the caves to close. I heard an owl hoot, echoing the noise. I shivered. The sounds were eerie, cries of defiance and sadness. I felt sorry for all those that had been touched by the magic the gods had brought upon the Earth, but it was the way it had to be. Humans and magic did not mix. Together, we could never survive.