by Abra Ebner
“So how long does this take?” I asked, pointing at the slowly charring carcass.
Heidi shrugged. “A bit longer.” She turned the stick, cooking the other side as the fins curled.
“Tell me about Edgar.” Heather was fidgeting with her hands.
“Heather,” Heidi scowled at her, as though asking me about Edgar was a dumb thing to do.
Heather scrunched her nose at Heidi.
“No, it’s okay.” I added, defusing the situation.
Heather smirked. “You mentioned him yesterday, quite a bit, actually. I was just curious who he was to you?”
I watched Heidi’s face from the corner of my eye, seeing it stretch into a smile. I felt my heart tighten in my chest. The first real feeling of anguish I’d felt toward the subject.
“Edgar was my husband,” I said plainly.
Heather looked a little shocked. “You had a husband? But you’re so young!”
I laughed. “Not really.” I watched Heidi, judging her reactions and hoping it was acceptable to divulge myself to Heather. I was The One after all. I suppose I could do what I wished. “I know that I look eighteen,” I continued. “But I used to be immortal. I have been alive for over a millennium. Edgar and I have been married for a long, long time.”
“Millennium?” she gasped. “Wait a second. I don’t believe you.” Her eyes narrowed, her fox like features sharp with doubt.
“I’m serious. Given all that’s happened, can’t you believe that?” My face held no hint of a smile.
“Then why didn’t you tell me that yesterday?” she challenged.
I laughed again. “I was telling you about magic, not immortality.”
Heidi scowled at Heather again, now learning about the conversations we’d had while she was sleeping. “Heather, your manners?” she threatened.
Heather ignored her. “But now you’re no longer immortal, right? Clearly I can see because of the gash on your leg, and the obvious fact that you are quite ill, and famished.”
I tilted my head in thought. “I suppose not anymore.” I pinched the skin on my arm. “I’m not used to feeling so soft and vulnerable. When I was a little girl—”
“Little girl?” Heather interrupted. “I thought you were immortal?”
Heidi chimed in then. “She was re-born, into my care.”
Heather nodded slowly. “Oh, I get it now. So that’s how you two know each other. I didn’t quite understand before. You keep everything so secret.” She was mocking Heidi.
I let out a slow breath, trying to think of a way to explain it more clearly. “I am immortal, or rather was. There was a time when I was badly injured and I sort of died, but really I was being held by the gods.”
I saw Heather was trying to follow as she mindlessly watched the fish.
“They eventually let me go, and I was re-born. I grew just like any child, and I had no memory of my life before. I was always different and I knew it, but I never understood how.” Heidi was nodding. “I was sad and alone. Nothing brought me any joy. I couldn’t smile or laugh, and because of that, I was never adopted. Nor did I want to be. I hid my talents from everyone,” I paused. “Well, I guess you knew, Heidi. And well, it was that emptiness that brought me up here. I thought that by getting away, I could remain inconspicuous, but then I met Edgar.”
Heather’s face lit up. “Tell me more. Did you recognize him right away?”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t that I recognized him as much as I felt something pulling me toward him. Now that I know, it was our soul that had brought us back together. By then, I was back to being who I was before. Back to the same age, and I think fate knew that. It was my time to return to what I was meant to be. Together, Edgar and I shared the same soul, and the heart of the raven that you saw on the tree.” I smiled. “You cannot understand how it felt for me to feel that way again. It was beautiful.”
“Are you sad now because he’s gone? I mean, of course you’re sad, but are you sad like you were before?”
I shook my head, touching my cheek and remembering the feeling of his touch. “I still have a piece of our soul, enough to be human. But, he has the rest of it.”
“So you seek to feel that again, with him?”
I wanted to scream that of course I did, but I did not want to be rude. My body erupted with chills, remembering his touch like a drug. “Yes. Whatever it takes, I will feel it again, even if that means waiting.”
“I wish I could love like that,” she added under her breath. Heidi took the fish from the fire.
“You can. You are no different than me. You have a soul mate out there, just as I did. It’s harder for you because all the feelings you have are so numb, it’s hard for you to find each other. But you will. It could take many lifetimes, but I do believe that when you do find him, that lifetime will be your last because you are finally together.”
Her eyes looked into mine with hope. “Like the stories you hear of the old couples dying together in their old age. They’re true soul mates, aren’t they?”
I blinked a few times. “Yes, they are. Love is the one thing we all truly crave in the world, but we are faced with so many challenges, that we forget that. Money, power, and greed have no place here. But, they are put in our path to make our journey to love more fulfilling. The gods never wanted us to be happy. They wanted to use us for their entertainment. Now, though, I believe we can get back on track. This new world will be free.”
Heidi poked the fish and then began to pull it apart. “Here.” She handed me a chunk from near the tail.
I took the chunk greedily, the white meat now appetizing. I ate like a pig, the protein bringing me back to life. When I was done, I could only hope that the food would remain in my stomach this time.
“Thanks for that.” I announced to both of them. I felt helpless for relying on them, but I could not survive alone. That much was obvious.
Heather swallowed her last bit of fish. “Shall we get going? If we leave now, we can make it there by sundown.”
I stood, holding my stomach with my hand. “Yes, I think walking would be good for me.” I whistled to Jack as his head shot up out of a patch of grass and he walked toward me. Sugar also came, following behind Jack.
By evening, we had made it far enough that I no longer recognized the peaks I had grown so used to seeing everyday. The valley was wider now, and I knew we were getting closer to the foothills. Heather was pulling me and Heidi as we both sat on the horses’s backs. I had grown used to Jack’s lulling motion as he stepped with his large hooves, rocking me to sleep. Unfortunately, the fish had not stayed in my stomach as I had hoped, leaving me even weaker than I was before.
The sun’s rays sliced through the branches of the trees, a deep orange as it began to sink below the mountains. My eye lids were heavy and tired, longing for a good night’s sleep someplace warm and comfortable. It was then that I saw a long straight log jut from behind a tree up ahead. I felt Jack’s pace pick up in time with Sugar’s, Heather tugging at both their manes.
Heather said nothing as I watched the log, now growing into more logs, lined in rows near the river. My excitement grew, now seeing smoke and hearing the echo of voices off the hillside.
“Are we here?” I asked, rather shakily.
Heidi nodded beside me, looking at me with a grave expression. “We are. You can rest now.”
Heather looked up at me then. “Yes, time to get you something real to eat. Introduce you to the world!”
Heidi hushed her, seeing that I was too weak and tired to handle the excitement.
I blinked a few times, finding my eyes had a hard time staying focused. My stomach ached with starvation and I had already lost weight, my arms thin and frail and my ribs showing.
I heard a cry of happiness echo from a distance away. I squinted as I saw a small figure burst through an opening in the log wall. Its miniature legs beat the earth with such fervor, that I knew this small being must have thought Heather was rather important.
“Aunt Heather!” The being got closer now and I saw it was a boy of about four. I couldn’t help but smile as he ran into Heather’s arms with the trust of a mother.
Another figure emerged from the opening in the log surrounding, walking toward us slowly at first, then very fast. He was stumbling over the ground as he came, his red hair bouncing on his head. He grew close enough for our eyes to meet, and I saw him nearly topple over in shock and happiness.
“Elle! Elle!” He yelled, now running, his arms flailing at his sides for balance. “I never thought—” his voice trailed off as he reached us, reaching up to hoist me from the horse and into his arms.
“Scott,” I murmured. He seemed stronger now.
“What’s wrong with her? I’ve never seen her in such a grim state.” I heard him ask Heidi and Heather.
“She’s weak. She can’t seem to keep any food down. I just hope she didn’t eat anything before I found her that was poisonous.”
I felt Scott’s arms wrap around me even tighter, inspecting my face closely. “We need to get her inside. We’ll see what we can do. Heather, take the horses to the barn.”
I had never heard Scott respond with such direction, and I knew he had found his calling.
“Elle, darling, you’ll be alright.” I felt him begin to walk, jostling me as he went. Though I was too sick to talk, I prayed he wouldn’t trip.
SAM
I felt warm wool against my cheek as my eyelids fluttered open. My body felt relaxed, the warm light of a fire flickering across my vision. I moved slightly in my attempt to see if anyone was nearby to notice. I heard nothing. Slowly, I sat up, feeling as my greasy hair stuck to my brow, coated with a thin layer of sweat.
I looked down at my clothes, seeing that someone had changed me into something that resembled a potato bag and I cringed. I swallowed some spit down my swollen throat, mucus slicing its way down my esophagus like knives.
“Hel—” I tried to say something but the words came out like a croak. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Hello?”
No one answered. I was alone.
The fire crackled as I pushed the blanket that covered me to the side. I twisted and sat up, pulling my legs around and placing them on the floor. I felt the soft dirt under my feet, and the warmth of the earth. I inspected the space, seeing it was a built into a perfect square. It had respectable construction, each beam placed perfectly atop the other. The fire was set into a crude pile of stone that stacked up and out the top of the cabin, guiding the smoke out and away from the room. The space was no more than a couple hundred square feet. It was windowless, the doorway covered by an old green door that didn’t quite seal the entire opening.
The bed on which I had been laying was set up on large chunks of wood and then covered with dead grasses and a blanket. I slowly stood, wavering for a moment before catching my balance. I shuffled to a basin that sat on a coil of rusted steel cable in the corner. I looked down into it, bracing my body on it. The water there looked fresh and cold. I cupped my hands inside it, splashing it on my face as I let it drip down my neck and into my potato sack gown.
I wiped away the water as my vision began to clear. Next to the basin sat a broken brush, a razor, and a gritty looking toothbrush. I felt nauseated at the sight, looking away and back to the fire as I breathed through my mouth. Why did I feel so weak? Why wasn’t I like Scott? I looked down at my injured leg, seeing it was just beginning to heal, a salve of some kind sparkling in the light of the fire.
I looked back at the basin, grabbing the razor with a shaky hand and making my way back to the bed where I sat down. A bowl of boiled grains and oats sat on a small table beside the bed that I hadn’t noticed before. I did not feel like eating it. I looked at my bare knees as they protruded before me, thinner now than I had ever seen before. I swallowed and continued to breathe through my mouth, hoping to avoid smelling anything that could make me nauseous.
I lifted the razor in my hand, looking at it and allowing the thought on my mind to manifest. I lifted my other hand, turning it and exposing the veins on my wrist. I held my two hands before me, a few inches apart, looking from my wrist to the razor and then back again.
Slowly, I brought my hand with the razor to my other, pressing the sharp tip against the soft skin and pressing lightly. I held my breath, judging the sensation and finding it didn’t hurt as much as I had expected. Pressing harder, I then felt as the razor broke the skin, a small bead of warm blood oozing from the cut and staining the razor’s tip.
I took a deep breath and dragged the razor back, blood oozing faster now as it trailed from the cut down and over my skin. I felt it pool on the underside of my wrist where it released from my skin and dripped to the dirt. I watched it, seeing as the brown dirt coated the small pool of crimson. I licked my lips, pulling back once more as the dripping became more frequent, and then a steady stream. I dropped the razor to the ground, watching as the warm crimson stained my pale wrist. I blinked slowly, the blood dripping into my palm and through my fingers. It was warm and thick, like the way I would imagine honey would feel.
I began to feel weak as my eyes fluttered. I lay back against the straw bedding, closing my eyes to wait. My breath dragged in and out of my mouth, becoming more laborious with each drip of blood. I listened to the sound, like a ticking clock.
I felt myself slipping away. Where are you? I grew frightened then, wondering if he would ever come, wondering if—
“You think a little cut is going kill you? If you know anything about medicine, than you know that eventually the blood will clot.”
I wanted to smile but I couldn’t. My body felt paralyzed by weakness.
“What are you doing, Elle? No wait, don’t answer that. I get it. You missed me.”
That time I managed a laugh. Opening my eyes ever so slowly, I saw the whole cabin spin around one central figure. Sam’s wings were at his sides, yellowed from the light of the fire.
“You’ll get better, Elle. And I’m not referring to the cut. You, the way you feel, it will pass. Unfortunate side effect, I’m afraid.”
I tried to understand what he was saying. For the first time since I’d known him, I was glad he could read my mind. This way, I didn’t have to talk.
“I remember that first day in the meadow, do you remember that? You were so rebellious then—naive.” He chuckled. “Yeah, you remember. I remember that you thought I was a cute. Ha! Good thing I never told Edgar.” He paused as though hoping I’d fear his warning, but I didn’t. “I won’t tell him about this, either. I promise,” he added, still hoping to bug me.
The stream of blood was slowing now, reminding me that I had little time left to be with him before the blood would clot the wound.
“You really want to know what’s wrong with you? Are you sure?”
My breathing shook, my lips trembling.
He laughed. “You’ve got a bun in the oven, Elle. You’re pregnant. So, I guess what I’m saying is, you’re not dying.” He snorted as though embarrassed. “It seems as though Edgar was good for something after all. He finally got the guts to take the dive and now you’re knocked up.”
I felt my body weaken as the blood drained. My mind was not clear, but I was certain of the words he had said. I’m pregnant?
Sam laughed at my thought response. “Buck up, girl. You finally got what you wanted.”
It was hardly what I wanted. How could I do this here? How could I do this alone? I felt the warmth of blood begin to return to my toes.
“It seems it’s time for me to go.” I felt a cold hand on my cheek. “This time, Elle, it’s goodbye for real. Till death.” I felt him kiss me on the forehead, leaving me chilled. I blinked a few times but he was already gone when my focus finally returned. The door to the cabin creaked open and I heard a woman gasp.
“Oh, Elle.” It was Sarah’s voice.
I heard her feet shuffle across the dirt and to my side where her hand grabbed my wrist, squeezing it to stop the bleeding,
though it already had. I heard her rip a piece of wool from the blanket at my feet and take it to the basin where she dipped it in the water and came back to me.
“Why did you do this, Elle?” She pressed the cold rag against the wound, cleaning the blood from my hand.
“Sam,” I murmured, watching her. “Sam was here.”
I saw her shocked eyes relax at the utter of his name, seeing why I had done what I did. “You are one crazy girl. You know that?”
I tried to smile. “Sarah,” I whispered. I waited while she continued to tend to my arm. “Sarah.”
She finally looked at me, seeing I was smiling.
I smiled back. “I’m pregnant.”
Part III
EVER AFTER
August, 2091
Many years have passed since then, and our small village grew. I gave birth to my little girl in the afternoon the following spring. I named her Margriete, unable to completely forget the days I spent with my dear friend.
I reluctantly brought her into a world of change, afraid of what it would do to her. Soon, people flocked to our small village, brought by the passing tale of the tree and the white raven.
Over the years, we managed to rebuild, moving back into the cities and rebuilding civilization. But things were different. The departure of dreaming had left us hollow. Though our independence was great, it came at a steep price.
Eventually the world grew used to things, and only the elders that were there could still recall what dreaming was even like. Legends were born in their place, and stories like dreams themselves.
Smarter forms of conservation were finally put into use and everything changed. The world was now self sustaining. Seeing us now, you would never have believed that anything had happened at all, except for the few telltale signs.
I aged and my life prospered, but I never could forget the way Edgar’s blue eyes would watch me as I fell asleep.