No one could convince Douglas otherwise.
Since their good-bye they’d both grown and suffered and maybe back then they wouldn’t have made it.
If they’d never said good-bye, they wouldn’t have their daughters.
Maybe they would have hurt each other in worse ways that couldn’t have healed and it might have driven them apart.
Maybe it’s time I stop questioning God and listen to my heart.
Connor’s body tightened around his cock, feeling so achingly good and so damned sweet, perfection and hunger and deep, dark desire all swirling together and focusing him on Connor’s gaze.
Connor planted his hands on either side of Douglas’ head, caging him with his body. He tugged on Douglas’ lower lip with his teeth, sucking on it. “I need to feel you come for me, Douglas,” he whispered. “I need to feel you come inside me.”
Douglas stroked Connor’s sides, his thighs as he started moving over Douglas, Douglas’ hands finally settling on Connor’s gorgeously tight ass. Time had been kind to him in some ways, for sure.
Connor dipped his head again for another kiss and Douglas couldn’t resist the old game, the sweet, dear things they’d shared. “May I please come, Sir?”
“God, yes!” Connor’s strokes slowly picked up speed and force as his body adjusted to Douglas’ cock fucking him.
Except, as good as it was…there was something missing, and Douglas finally realized what it was. He raised his arms over his head, positioning his wrists by Connor’s hands and waiting.
Connor’s eyes widened and he paused, shifted position, clamping his hands around Douglas’ wrists and allowing some of his weight to rest on them.
Freedom.
* * * *
Connor spotted the way Douglas’ gaze softened, and he tightened his grip on the man’s wrists.
He barely dared to blink as he watched Douglas, not wanting to miss a moment of it, of this. Connor rode his cock hard, knowing this was merely the first of many countless times ahead of them, wanting—needing this dark baptism, the only truly sweet and dreamless nights he’d ever had coming after letting Douglas fill him and then falling asleep in the man’s arms.
Good memories, the best feelings, the proven antidote to drive away the nightmares and memories he wished he could scour from his brain.
The love of his boy, his cherished, unblemished soul.
Connor didn’t stop, didn’t play games to drag it out, and Douglas flexed his hips, trying to move with him. And when Douglas finally tipped over the edge, Connor watched as his eyes squeezed shut, his whole body stretching taut beneath him, the way his breath grew ragged and uneven, the sounds of his rumbling groans vibrating through him.
The feel of his cock pulsing and twitching inside Connor’s ass.
He didn’t stop until he was sure Douglas had finished. That’s when he slanted his lips over Douglas’ and his boy whimpered, a familiar, sated noise he used to always make when they made love.
“My good boy,” Connor whispered.
Douglas laced fingers with him, squeezing, staring up into his eyes. “I love you so fucking much, Connor. I belong to you. I’ve always belonged to you.”
Connor’s cock, which had gone a little soft, jerked to life, throbbing with the good kind of ache.
Connor had to release Douglas’ wrists and sit up, reluctantly pulling Douglas’ spent cock free from his ass. Douglas felt around and found the bottle of lube, where it’d landed in the sheets, and flicked the top open.
But Connor took it from him and drizzled lube on his fingers, leaning to one side and then the other so Douglas could pull his legs up and back, out of the way and spread wide for him.
One finger first, gently rubbing and pressing, that sweetly glazed look returning to Douglas’ grey eyes. Connor took his time, smiling as he spotted it when Douglas watched a drop of pre-cum that had pearled on Connor’s cock finally fall free, spinning a temporary web before puddling on Douglas’ thigh.
The way Douglas’ tongue flicked out, over his lips.
Connor knew what his boy wanted, but Douglas would have to wait for a taste. That could be round two, after he’d completed this, renewed his mark on his boy’s soul and ass.
Before, he would have stopped at scissoring two fingers inside him, enjoying his soft whines and moans. Before, if they were fucking, he nearly always fucked Douglas first and then rode his cock to get him off, taking his time and letting him enjoy it for as long as Douglas could hold out.
Now, he wanted to savor this. And he’d need to use a third finger if he didn’t want to hurt his boy.
He definitely didn’t want to hurt his boy. Not like that. For himself, he didn’t care, and the aching ass he knew he’d feel in the morning was a glorious price he’d willingly pay over and over again.
Nowhere to be right now, no one to walk in on them.
No one to justify themselves to or hide themselves from.
For the first time, they could be together and be themselves, and all they had to worry about was locking the bedroom door at bedtime if they were going to play.
But there was nothing “wrong” with what they were doing now.
There was no hell to pay.
They’d survived Hell already, making their way through it and finally emerging on the far side scorched—charred, even—but also tempered and maybe stronger for it.
No, definitely stronger for it.
Connor stroked Douglas’ cock for him as he worked the third finger in, smiling down at him as the desperation built and Douglas’ cock even started twitching, inflating.
“Damn,” Douglas gasped. “You did grow up.”
“I warned you.”
“Give it to me. Please!”
“I will, baby.” He blew him a kiss, smiling as Douglas tried to rock his hips and urge him deeper.
It was only when he was confident he wouldn’t hurt Douglas that he lubed his own cock, using plenty of it before nudging in and pressing the head of his cock against the man’s rim.
Douglas lifted his arms over his head again, waiting.
It was sexy back then when they were teenagers, and it was even sexier now.
Connor pinned Douglas’ wrists over his head and kissed him, resting his forehead there, noses touching. “Ready?”
“Please do it, Sir. I need you.”
He took his time, knowing what Douglas wanted but not ready to give it to him yet. His boy wanted his ass plowed hard, the way Connor used to sometimes fuck him, especially when he wanted to prove to Douglas who owned him.
They’d both loved that.
Today, Connor wanted to savor the sensation of warm, tight heat slowly engulfing his bare cock.
He’d never fucked another guy raw.
He’d never fucked another guy face-to-face.
So many things he’d only done with Douglas, would only do with him.
Couldn’t bring himself to do with anyone else, despite the dozens of nameless guys he’d fucked over the years while futilely trying to fuck Douglas out of his heart and soul and memories.
After pressing through the second ring of muscle, he paused, waiting for a moment, both so Douglas could adjust and Connor could bite back the hungry, nearly painful release clawing for freedom deep inside his belly.
Douglas draped his legs around Connor’s waist, hooking his feet together behind him and giving him a little traction to start rocking under him.
“Please give it to me, Sir,” he begged. “I need it.”
Connor bent his head and sucked on Douglas’ right nipple, loving the way the man’s ass squeezed his cock in response.
Some things never changed, he was happy to see.
He repeated it with the left nipple, knowing he was driving his boy crazy with renewed need and enjoying feeling Douglas’ cock inflate where it was pinned between them.
They hadn’t managed this too many times, because one or both of them was usually too hair-trigger horny to last long enough.
/> But it was the other reason he’d wanted to get Douglas off first today.
When he slowly started fucking him, it was with their bellies pressed together and his lips crushing his boy’s lips, and hoping his body could coax a second one out of him, like this.
“Come for me, baby,” Connor mumbled against his lips. “Give me another one. Let me feel you.”
* * * *
Whether it was muscle memory or the connection their souls still shared, Douglas didn’t know. It surprised him most of all when his cock recovered so quickly and begged for more.
Every thrust of Connor’s cock dragging along his sweet spot made Douglas’ cock twitch in response between them, pressed between their flesh.
Connor shifted his hands, lacing fingers with him again, and then Douglas felt his release burn and build deep inside him. Never had orgasms felt as satisfying as when he was with Connor, like they emerged from the depths of where their souls were forever entwined, instead of from inside their balls.
“Yes,” he breathed, needing this, needing Connor—needing his Sir and knowing maybe it’d made him a bad Catholic and a shitty damn priest, but Connor was his higher power and always had been, the first in his soul, and he’d been lying to himself if he ever thought otherwise. It wasn’t a false god if it was his truth and his way and his light, the only thing that ever could complete him.
Connor settled in, found his rhythm as he fucked Douglas.
And yes, that fucking gorgeous cock had only gotten better with time. The man could still work magic with it.
Proof being that Douglas soon had both their bellies slick with his pre-cum spilling from him as Connor ground his cock inside Douglas.
Connor’s eyes narrowed, his breath quickening. “Give it to me, boy. You know you want to.”
One second, it’d been a slow-burn deep within him. The next it was like the caldera collapsed and the world dissolved. He was aware of his ass clamping down on Connor’s cock, and then Connor was fucking him, catching up, gasping and crying out—and then crying with him as they held each other and kissed, their bodies joined above and below, their souls joined forever.
As it should be.
Amen.
Chapter Nineteen
Now they needed another shower, and to change the sheets.
Both of which they did together, not getting dressed yet, touching and kissing and holding each other. Douglas didn’t want this moment to end, this little bubble in time, this Heaven right here and now.
He felt like the icy blizzard his soul had been buried in for the past several weeks had broken and in swept a warm, sweet spring.
With new sheets on the bed, Connor dragged Douglas into it one more time, climbing on top of him in a sixty-nine. This time it took them a little longer to get over the edge, but it left both men sated and slow-to-move, happy to lie there in each other’s arms, legs hooked together and fingers laced.
Still familiar despite the years that had passed them by, Connor on the right side of the bed, Douglas on the left.
“We get the happy-ever-after,” Connor softly said. “After all these fucking years, we finally get it.”
“About goddamned time,” Douglas mumbled against Connor’s shoulder, kissing him there.
Connor nuzzled his head against Douglas, unable to get enough contact with him. “Did she know about me?”
“She knew about you when we were in college together,” he said. “I never told her your secret, but she knew everything else between us. I wanted to be as fully honest with her as I could be. I led her to believe it was only my Catholic faith, and guilt, that made me want to become a priest. I never told her the other reason why. She knew I was going to attend the seminary and become a priest, and I wanted her to know why I wouldn’t sleep with her then.”
Connor lifted his head and stared down at him. “Wait a minute. You didn’t sleep with her in college?”
“I didn’t sleep with anyone besides you until she showed up at my rectory fourteen months ago.”
He didn’t understand the horror filling Connor’s face as he sat up and stared down at him. “You were alone all that time?”
“I only wanted you. I only slept with you, and then with Mackie after I married her last year.” Douglas captured his hand and brought it to his lips, pressing them against Connor’s palm and flicking his tongue to taste the salt on his skin. “I loved you.” He traced the lines of Connor’s palm with his tongue.
There was…something in Connor’s expression, and Connor looked away.
Douglas reached up and turned his face back. “I meant it—I don’t care who or how many you slept with. That was my vow to you in my heart. I never expected you to be a monk. One of us being a priest was bad enough.” He smiled, hoping it would lighten the mood.
“I just…I thought you meant you slept with her in college.”
“No. She even tried to talk me into returning to Florida to find you before I entered the seminary.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I didn’t know how to find you if you’d moved. I didn’t know where you even lived, for sure. I knew it’d break my heart if you’d moved on. It was emotionally safer for me to stick to my vows. I could lie to myself and say it was for the Church, when really it was always for you.” He shrugged. “And I couldn’t give up without at least trying to take that fucker down for you first.”
Connor leaned in and kissed him again. “Thank you for giving me another chance.”
“I finally had a greater fear than simply finding out you had moved on.”
He brushed his thumb over Connor’s lips, those full, pouty lips that could spew the most delightfully filthy things, or could sing country songs, or could explain complex anime plots to him.
That could smile and lift his soul.
“We’re dads,” Connor said as he settled next to Douglas again.
“Yep.”
“Of little girls.”
Douglas nodded. “Yep.”
“That scares the fucking shit out of me.”
Douglas chuckled. “Yep. Me, too.” He captured Connor’s hand again. “At least we’ll be terrified together.”
Connor ran a hand through Douglas’ hair. “Now that I know what you did, I don’t know if thinking of you dressed like a priest turns me on or not. I think it might. Does that make me a sick freak?”
“No, that doesn’t make you a sick freak, Sir.” Douglas grinned, laughing when Connor playfully shoved him.
“Asshole,” Connor muttered, but in that way Douglas knew was another way Connor had of saying I love you. For a moment, he could see and hear the kid he had desperately loved with all his heart inside the man he would always love.
Douglas cleared his throat. “Ahem. You tied me to the bed one afternoon with my arms spread out like on a crucifix and made me hold my damn rosary in my mouth as a gag after you’d found it in my pocket because I forgot to leave it at home, and then you edged my cock for like ten hours.”
“It was only an hour or two. Maybe three.” Connor’s sly grin made Douglas’ heart throb.
“Fucker.”
Connor’s grin widened. “Not the worst thing you ever called me.”
Douglas rolled on top of him, and for a minute, it felt like they were seventeen with a whole weekend ahead of them alone in the house since Connor’s mom was working.
Connor’s hands settled on Douglas’ ass and they stared into each other’s eyes.
“Husband,” Douglas softly said. “I called you my husband.”
* * * *
Goosebumps rippled across Connor’s flesh. He hadn’t consciously thought about it in years, but…yeah.
They’d been sprawled across his bed after having sucked each other dry for the second time that afternoon. Ah, the joys of youth, when they could have gotten it up five or six times a day, easily.
“I wish I could tell everyone you’re my boyfriend,” Connor had said as he’d stared at his ceiling.
&n
bsp; Douglas had rolled over, his head resting on Connor’s stomach. “I wish I could tell everyone you’re my husband.”
In that moment in time, Connor had frozen, the utter bittersweet perfection of it threatening to break his heart. Both because legally it couldn’t happen back then, combined with Douglas being terrified and deep in the closet. Well, they’d both been in the closet. Even then, Connor had known he’d eventually stick his head out.
But back then, Douglas had been terrified of his family, terrified of the Church, scared for their souls.
He remembered stroking Douglas’ head, where he’d looked up at him. “I wish I could tell everyone you’re my husband, too. I’d marry you in a heartbeat.”
“Me, too. I do.”
“I do, too.”
Connor reached down and stroked the plain gold band on Douglas’ left hand. “She might have gotten to marry you first, but at least I got to sleep with you first.” He smiled. “Hope I set the bar pretty high.”
“Oh, she had sooo much patience with me.” Douglas laughed and something loosened and eased inside Connor, like another puzzle piece finally jiggled back into its rightful place.
“What do you mean?”
“Beyond basic biology classes, and some porn, I had no fucking clue how to make a woman orgasm. I’d never slept with a woman before. At least she was enlightened enough to take charge and…” His voice faded as his eyes unfocused.
“What?”
“I…I just realized something.”
“What?”
He laughed, but this time it sounded sad. “She was in charge in bed. I mean, basically by default, not in a kinky way like you were in charge. I was happy to follow her lead. And she was damned patient. Especially in the beginning when I was fumbling around. Thank God for vibrators for the assist, or she would have hated my ass.”
Connor continued stroking his hair, soothed by the feel of it through his fingers. “I don’t mind if you want to talk about her. I’m glad she loved you and made you happy. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you lost her.”
Douglas pressed a kiss to Connor’s abs. “I gave serious thought to leaving her at the rectory and driving down to Texas and killing that fucker for beating her.”
Come in From the Cold Page 16