Hence why Douglas found himself, for the second time in nearly two years, wearing one of his black button-up priest shirts.
With his clerical collar in place.
And a neatly trimmed beard and mustache that drove Connor wild.
Rev. Sellis continued. “Some of you have already met Dr. Strickland. He’s a ministerial candidate in the process of working toward becoming certified with our church. He spent fifteen years as a Roman Catholic priest, and he has a Master of Divinity degree, as well as a doctorate in psychology. He currently works locally as a clinical psychologist. We are blessed to now count him among our congregation, and are grateful for his participation as one of our volunteer ministers and pastoral counseling staff. Welcome!”
“Welcome!” the congregation responded.
“And this,” she continued, “who some of you have already met, is his husband, Connor, and their daughters, Zee and Kayleigh.”
“I’m Kayleigh, and dat’s my widdle sistuh, Zee. And that’s Daddy and Papa,” she helpfully chirruped before she waved at the congregation, making the reverend, Douglas, Connor—and everyone else—laugh.
“Welcome!” Rev. Sellis finally managed after she stopped laughing, and a still-chuckling congregation responded.
Once the laughter had died down, and the reverend had composed herself, she retrieved and opened her tablet from where she’d left it on a stool near the center of the stage. She preferred to walk around during her services and didn’t hide behind a lectern, which Douglas found refreshing and engaging. She began reading from the call-and-response ceremony Douglas had written for this, one he’d agonized over for weeks, wanting it to speak more to one particular person than to the congregation as a whole.
“Every soul is a precious and unique spirit, and worthy of love and acceptance. What we celebrate are those spirits, regardless of how we view higher powers beyond the scope of our sight. Today we celebrate love, we celebrate family, we celebrate community, and we celebrate the beginning of a new journey of hope and discovery.
“Today, we recognize that, no matter what, we support and uphold the blessings of love, the blessings of spirit, the blessings of grace and peace. We join together to openly worship in many voices with one message: Welcome.” She lifted her hand to the congregation to prompt their response.
“Welcome,” the congregation responded.
“Jesus said, ‘Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.’ And therefore, today, we say welcome.” She signaled for the response.
“I Corinthians 13:13 tells us, ‘Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ It is in these three things we welcome you to our church—in faith, in hope, and with love. Welcome.”
Douglas dared a glance at Connor during that response, and spotted the way his eyes looked too bright, the way he was blinking now, trying to hide it.
“Jack Kornfield wrote in regards to Buddha’s teachings, ‘The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?’ We openly embrace compassion and love and thus choose to nurture hearts and souls and spirits, regardless of the paths they’ve travelled, or where their paths might lead. Welcome.”
Connor’s right hand closed around Douglas’ left and squeezed, hard, and he knew it was taking everything in Connor’s soul not to break down crying right now.
He prayed that was a good thing.
“It is written in the Yajurveda, ‘The one who loves all intensely
begins perceiving in all living beings
a part of himself.
He becomes a lover of all,
a part and parcel of the Universal Joy.
He flows with the stream of happiness,
and is enriched by each soul.’ And today, in that spirit of happiness and love and joy, we say, welcome.”
Connor sniffled, the congregation’s response covering the sound of it.
“The Talmud tells us, ‘Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, Grow, Grow.’ And thus we also whisper to you, to grow, to learn, nurturing you as the Angels whisper to you, loving you as the Angels love, completely and without reservation. And thus we say, welcome.”
She gently laid her hand on Zee’s head. “To Mackenzie Leanne Koenig Strickland, we say welcome.”
She moved to Kayleigh. “To Kayleigh Melinda Koenig Strickland, we say, welcome.”
“Thank you,” Kayleigh said, cracking everyone up again.
She smiled. “You’re welcome.” When she reached out to Douglas, he bowed his head so the much shorter woman wouldn’t have to stretch. “To Douglas Phillip Koenig Strickland, we say, welcome.”
Finally, to Connor, and this order was as Douglas had specifically requested of the reverend without betraying any confidence his husband had ever taken in him. Connor bowed his head for her, too, his eyes closed and tears now freely falling.
“To Connor Davis Koenig Strickland, we say, welcome.” She paused for the response, but didn’t move her hand from Connor’s head. “We welcome you with blessings, and with love, and open hearts. We offer you peace and healing, and lift you and your family with us in celebration. We hope that, with us, you have finally found your spiritual home where you will feel like you belong. Welcome.”
Connor nodded and wordlessly mouthed, “Thank you.” His hand nearly crushed Douglas’ now, but Douglas wouldn’t complain, wouldn’t pull away.
Rev. Sellis turned to the congregation. “I present to our congregation our newest members, the Strickland family—Mr. and Dr. Strickland, and their daughters, Kayleigh and Zee. Welcome.” She started applauding, and the congregation’s response mixed and flowed with their enthusiastic applause.
Connor finally released Douglas’ hand to wipe at his cheeks, and then Kayleigh spotted he was crying.
“Why are you crying, Daddy?”
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Because Daddy’s really happy right now, sweetheart.” He turned and met Douglas’ gaze, then gave him a quick peck on the lips, and a playful wink that sent relief coursing through Douglas’ heart.
As music started again, Rev. Sellis hugged them all. “Feel free to duck out the side door and return that way when you’re ready.”
“Thank you, Reverend,” Douglas said.
They’d left Zee’s diaper bag in the nursery earlier. After taking both girls there, once they were alone in the hallway on their way back to the main sanctuary, Connor pulled Douglas in for a long, desperate hug.
Connor had already attended a few services at the church with Douglas, of his own free will, without Douglas asking him if he wanted to attend. Each time, Douglas had quietly waited for him to talk about it later and bring things up to discuss. He hadn’t wanted to push or press or beg him to attend with him.
He’d hoped the warm, welcoming nature of the reverend and her congregation would draw him in.
“Thank you,” Connor choked out. “That was beautiful. It was perfect. I felt…” He kissed him. “I never thought I’d ever feel comfortable in a church again, or feel like I would ever want to go to one. But I did miss it. Thank you.”
Douglas closed his eyes as he held him. “God’s always been with you, the way I’ve always been with you, and the way you were always with me. Even though you couldn’t always see or hear or feel me. His grace was always there for you, waiting for you. He was just waiting for you to be ready to talk to Him again, in whatever way you felt able to.”
“Amen.”
“Amen.” He waited until Connor ended their hug first, and they ducked into the men’s room so he could wash his face and blow his nose. “Are you okay, Sir?”
Connor nodded and laced fingers with him as they returned to the hallway. “I’m the best I’ve ever been in my entire fucking life.”
“Oooh, swearing in a church.” Douglas smiled. “Might make a minister out of you yet.”<
br />
Connor playfully goosed him and lightly smacked him on the ass to get him moving again.
Mr. Sellis returned their phones to them when they quietly re-entered the sanctuary and quickly dashed back to their seats while the choir was still singing the last opening hymn.
Despite Rev. Sellis beginning her sermon, Douglas couldn’t resist taking a look at the still pics, which were on his phone. He’d have to wait until later to watch the video on Connor’s.
One of the pics had been perfectly framed, catching a smile on both their faces as Rev. Sellis laid her hand on Zee’s head. He quickly set that as his lock screen picture before lacing hands with Connor and exchanging a smile with him.
For the first time that Douglas could ever remember since originally meeting him, Connor actually looked…peaceful.
Compared to all the other times he’d thought peace had filled his guy, whether when watching their daughters sleep, or while singing along to their favorite songs, or even come-drunk and satisfied—all those expressions paled to the beautiful serenity filling his husband’s face right now.
Douglas nuzzled Connor’s cheek and then tipped his head over onto Connor’s shoulder to listen to the sermon.
Connor squeezed his hand, long and hard, and rested his head against Douglas’ after pressing a kiss to the top of it.
Amen.
THE END
WWW.TYMBERDALTON.COM
PLAYLIST
Douglas and Connor have drastically different tastes in music, but all of these songs fit into the story in various places. I’ve included a link to this YouTube playlist on the book’s page on my website at: http://bit.ly/ciftc-playlist
I Don’t Remember Me (Before You) - Brothers Osborne
Slow Your Roll - Brothers Osborne
Arms of Fire - Brothers Osborne
While You Still Can - Brothers Osborne
Stay a Little Longer - Brothers Osborne
Rum - Brothers Osborne
Shoot Me Straight - Brothers Osborne
Pushin’ Up Daisies - Brothers Osborne
Love the Lonely Out of You - Brothers Osborne
21 Summer - Brothers Osborne
Couple Wrongs Makin’ It Alright - Brothers Osborne
Let’s Go There - Brothers Osborne
Heaven Can Wait - Meat Loaf
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf
I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) - Meat Loaf
It’s All Coming Back to Me Now - Meat Loaf
Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are - Meat Loaf
Glitter in the Air - P!nk
Just Give Me a Reason - P!nk
Beam Me Up - P!nk
Chaos & Piss - P!nk
Change the World - Eric Clapton
Sober - Little Big Town
Slow, Hot & Sweaty - JJ Grey & Mofro
Details In the Fabric - Jason Mraz
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Church - Lyle Lovett
All My Love Is Gone - Lyle Lovett
I Got Love For You - Michael Franti & Spearhead
All I Want Is You - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Have a Little Faith - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Nobody Right, Nobody Wrong - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Miss You Love You - Maroon 5
Coming Back For You - Maroon 5
Animals - Maroon 5
Won’t Go Home Without You - Maroon 5
This Love (Acoustic) - Maroon 5
Sunday Morning (Acoustic) - Maroon 5
Sandcastles - Beyoncé
All Night - Beyoncé
Pray You Catch Me - Beyoncé
Take Me to Church - Hozier
Jackie and Wilson - Hozier
Someone New - Hozier
Cherry Wine (Live) - Hozier
Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked - Cage the Elephant
The Distance - Cake
You’re My Home - Billy Joel
Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
Blackbird - John McClean
My Little Secret - Cavo
Words That We Couldn’t Say - Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts
Call Me Call Me - Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts
Gotta Knock a Little Harder - Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts
Ask DNA - Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts
Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine
World So Cold - Three Days Grace
Lost In You - Three Days Grace
Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
On My Own - Three Days Grace
Let You Down - Three Days Grace
Born Like This - Three Days Grace
Give Me a Reason - Three Days Grace
Something Like That - Tim McGraw
Next To Me - Imagine Dragons
I Bet My Life - Imagine Dragons
It’s Time (Acoustic From the Occidental Saloon) - Imagine Dragons
Second Chances - Imagine Dragons
I’ll Make It Up To You - Imagine Dragons
Walking the Wire - Imagine Dragons
Yesterday – Imagine Dragons
AFTERWORD
The Book of Connor and Other Profane Texts
Devotional
Blessed is the boy on bended knee, the boy owned by his Master. You own me, heart and soul and spirit. My love is yours, my body is yours, my blood is yours, my life is yours. To bend and break, to bow and ache, this boy belongs only to you, above all others, above even God, because I belong only to you and my Heaven is in your arms. I am most happy on my knees before you and find comfort there forever. Amen.
Communion
Cleanse my heart and lips, Master, that I may be worthy of you. Through the words of my Master, may all my fears and self-doubts be wiped away. As your boy partakes of you I carry you with me, part of me, inside me. My body is yours, my blood is yours, just as yours is within me and of me.
Please let me drink of you, Master. I need you.
Blood of your blood, flesh of your flesh.
Cockxology
Praise Master, from whom all orgasms flow. Praise Master, whom I do blow. Praise Master, above all, for every stroke fast or slow. Praise Master, Sir, Connor—Amen.
The Book of Connor
1:1 - The boy shalt have no Masters before or besides Connor.
1:2 - Master’s word is boy’s law.
1:3 - The boy is always ready for his Master, no matter how Master wants to use him.
1:4 - Boy does not refuse Master, unless it’s a matter of harm.
1:5 - Master is the center of boy’s world. Exceptions may be granted by Master.
1:6 - Master can change his mind or revise the Book of Connor at his whim.
1:7 - The Book of Connor is sacred text that shall not be shared with anyone.
1:8 - The boy will refer to Master as such when alone. When around people, boy may use Sir or Connor as appropriate.
1:9 - Boy may not call anyone else Master, even in jest.
1:10 - Boy will think of Master first thing every morning and last thing every night, especially if not with Master.
2:1 - All orgasms belong to Master.
2:2 - Master chooses when, where, and how his boy finds joy.
2:3 - Boy will come when Master orders.
2:4 - Boy will be punished for coming without permission.
2:5 - Just because Master comes doesn’t mean boy’s allowed to come.
2:6 - Boy may be given permission to jerk off at Master’s whim.
2:7 - If boy is allowed to jerk off, he will lick his hand clean and pretend it’s Master’s and give thanks to Master as if it was.
2:8 - If boy is denied orgasms, he will still thank Master.
3:1 - The boy is Master’s cherished fucktoy and will happily take every load Master gives him, and give thanks for it.
3:2 - Boy will take Master’s loads however Master wishes to give them.
3:3 -
Boy may ask for Master’s loads, but it does not mean he will be granted them.
3:4 - Boy will always swallow, unless Master otherwise orders.
4:1 - Master’s good boy is always rewarded for being a good boy.
4:2 - Punishment is at Master’s whim.
4:3 - Punishment doesn’t mean boy has been bad or displeased Master.
5:1 - Boy is in a no-win situation with Master.
5:2 - Boy is always Master’s good boy, even if being punished, unless Master says otherwise.
6:1 - Boy will always keep himself safe, even from Master, if needed.
6:2 - Boy will default to Master as to what’s safe, if no harm is being caused.
7:1 - Boy will dress as Master wishes.
8:1 - Boy must have a sense of humor and infinite patience.
9:1 - Boy must always be ready to recite anything from the Book of Connor if Master asks him.
10:1 - Master has no boys except his boy, and loves his boy unconditionally, and will never cast his boy out or give him up.
10:2 - Master promises to admit when he’s wrong and apologize to his boy, because Master loves his boy.
10:3 - Master’s not allowed put himself down when boy is honest about his feelings.

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Come in From the Cold Page 31