by J. A. Rock
“If you want.”
Daniel gave another uneasy laugh. “Sometimes I like doing what you want.”
Bel leaned down and kissed the edge of his ear. “That so?”
Daniel held his breath. He’d asked Bel not to hurt him, and Bel had said he wasn’t going to be in charge anymore. But Daniel hoped he’d understand. He wasn’t asking for pain, wasn’t asking to be Bel’s sub, just . . . “Yeah.” He reached behind him and took Bel’s hand, drawing it to his mouth. He kissed the pad of Bel’s finger, then sucked it into his mouth. He heard Bel’s breathing quicken. Released Bel’s finger. “Anything you want.” He turned and looked up at Bel. “Even . . .” He stopped himself. He’d wanted to offer to suck Bel off, but he still wasn’t sure he could do it. And he didn’t think Bel would like him offering if it wasn’t something he would enjoy. He grinned to show Bel he knew they were playing a game. “Anything you want,” he repeated.
Bel tugged lightly on Daniel’s hair. “All right. Get back in the bedroom.”
Daniel got up. Left his plate on the table and went to the bedroom, Bel close behind.
“I wanna strip you,” Bel said when they got in, running his hands underneath Daniel’s T-shirt and pushing the fabric up. He kissed and nipped the back of Daniel’s neck, then pulled the shirt off. Ran his hands back down Daniel’s naked sides and hooked his fingers in the waistband of his pants. Yanked them down roughly. Daniel stepped out of them and turned to face Bel. Their lips collided with bruising force, and Daniel tugged and shoved at Bel’s shirt until he got it off.
Bel kneaded Daniel’s shoulders and back, then his ass through his underwear. He backed Daniel toward the bed, slid a knee gently between his legs, and nudged him onto the mattress. Daniel was already breathing hard, dizzy with want, desperate to feel Bel’s hands on him again. Bel pulled Daniel’s underwear off and dug his nails into Daniel’s thighs. Daniel arched eagerly.
Bel climbed between his legs, and Daniel scooted back to make room for him. Bel kicked off his shorts and dipped to lick Daniel’s cock. His tongue pressed Daniel’s erection against his belly, and Daniel could feel his own wetness. It made him squirm more. Bel licked him again, then knelt and leaned over Daniel to grab a condom from the nightstand. “Please, Bel,” Daniel whispered. He brought his fists down on the bed and pushed his hips up, begging every way he knew how.
“Impatient,” Bel growled. He placed his hands around Daniel’s wrists, pinning them. “You can’t hold still on your own, I’ll have to hold you still.”
“Yeah.” Daniel moaned as Bel rubbed his cock against Daniel’s.
“That what you want?”
“Please.”
Bel let go briefly to put the condom on and lube himself, then he took Daniel’s wrists and guided his arms above his head. Held them against the pillow. He sucked and bit at Daniel’s throat, his cock sliding in the cleft of Daniel’s ass. Daniel whimpered, pushing against Bel’s hands. Bel held fast.
“Show me how much you want it,” Bel whispered against Daniel’s jaw.
Daniel wrapped his legs around Bel, and Bel shifted until the tip of his cock nudged Daniel’s hole. He pushed in slowly. It still hurt a little from when Daniel had torn himself up with the plug, but Daniel didn’t mind. That slight pain anchored him in this moment. He used his legs to urge Bel in quicker, and then to hold him there. He grunted as Bel entered all the way. His instinct was to use his hands, brace himself against Bel’s shoulders, but he couldn’t. He twisted and rocked his hips. Bel fucked him slowly, ignoring Daniel’s breathy pleas to go faster, speeding up only at the end. Daniel kept up an unsteady, frantic rhythm with his hips, rubbing his cock against Bel’s body so that when Bel came, Daniel came too.
Bel collapsed onto him, but didn’t release Daniel’s wrists. He kissed Daniel all over, licked the cum from his belly, then finally rested his chin on Daniel’s chest with a lazy smile. “Might never let you go,” he teased.
Daniel tried halfheartedly to pull free, then grinned too. “All right by me.”
Bel rolled him onto his side and then shifted so his chest was against Daniel’s back. Reached around and took Daniel’s wrists again. “I’m wore out. Got the whole day off. So I don’t have to let you go anytime soon.”
Daniel slowed his breathing. Bel’s grip was gentle but firm. So much better than the fucking cuffs. Daniel felt safe, held. Free. “Good,” he whispered. “I don’t want you to.”
Bel ran his thumbs over Daniel’s wristbones. His breath was warm on the back of Daniel’s neck. His body familiar, perfect.
Didn’t matter that Clayton and his friends had fucking cuffed him and put him in the water to die. Didn’t matter all the times Daniel had cuffed himself and had lain in bed afraid, alone, and in pain. This was something different. Something good. This meant he was Bel’s, and also his own, because he chose this. He loved this.
He loved Bel.
23
“Look at those clouds,” Daniel said. “It’s gonna rain, and we’re gonna be sorry we didn’t stay home.”
“Would you quit?” Bel pulled onto Dav and Jim’s street. “It’s a nice day. That cloud’ll pass in another minute.”
“Forty percent chance of rain.”
“You’re not getting out of this,” Bel told him. Daniel had been getting worked up all afternoon. In the end, Bel had blown him in the living room, just to take the edge off. Which had been no hardship at all. The look on Daniel’s face when he came was nothing short of beautiful.
“I’m not tryin’ to. I’m just saying reasonable people don’t have barbecues when it’s about to rain.”
“Dav and Jim do have a house, you know. With a roof and everything.” Bel parked across the road from Dav and Jim’s. “See? There it is.”
“Great,” Daniel muttered, unbuckling his seat belt. “All right. Let’s go.”
Bel put a hand on his shoulder before Daniel could open the door. Daniel turned to him.
“What?”
“There ain’t nothin’ to worry about,” Bel said.
“Yeah. I heard you the first fourteen times. And I ain’t—I’m not worried.”
Bel grinned. “You too good to say ‘ain’t’ now that you’re going back to school?”
“Shut up.”
“Uh-huh,” Bel said. “You think you’re fooling me? You’re nervous as hell.”
“Can we just get this over with?”
“I’m on your side,” Bel said quietly. “And they’re on my side. You get it?”
Daniel slouched back in his seat. “Yeah, Bel,” he said finally. “I get it.”
“Jim gives you any trouble, you let me know. And you’ll like Stumpy.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Daniel was frowning again. “They know, right? This ain’t—isn’t—gonna be like coming out and meeting me all at the same time, is it? Because, shit, that’s too much. You’re not just gay, but hooking up with a crazy.”
“They know,” Bel said. “They’ve known for years, I guess, but I talked to my mama last night just to make sure. And you ain’t crazy, Daniel.”
“Yeah. I’m walking into your brother’s house to meet your whole family like I’m just a normal guy, and I ain’t crazy? Feels pretty goddamn crazy to me.”
“Come on,” Bel said. “You do this with me, and on the way home we’ll stop at the diner and I’ll buy you a sundae as big as your head.”
Daniel snorted. “You will?”
“Sure.” Bel squeezed his shoulder. “Or maybe just take you home and ravish you.”
“Well, that sounds more my speed.”
Bel laughed and opened his door. “Come on then, let’s go.”
Daniel got out of the car, walked around it to join Bel, and they crossed the road together.
* * *
Daniel hadn’t spoken to Billy Belman since high school, when they’d both shared classes with Kenny, Clayton, Brock, and R.J. He knew from a few things Bel had said in passing that he idolized his oldest brother, so out of all o
f them Daniel guessed meeting Billy would be the worst. His high school past colliding with his crazy-killer past, colliding with his now, and his future.
He stuck out his hand when Billy opened the front door to them, and waited for Billy to ignore it.
Killed a boy we sat in class with, and now your little brother’s fucking me.
Billy shook his hand and met his eyes as well. “Hey, Whitlock. Daniel, I mean. How’s it going?”
“Um,” said Daniel. “Okay, Billy, thanks.”
“Jim and Dad are out back cooking the steaks,” Billy told Bel. “Dav’s got me putting together some sort of fucking torture device for babies, and the instructions are mostly in Chinese. You wanna lend a hand?”
“It’s a motion bed!” Ms. Davenport yelled from somewhere inside the house, at the same time another woman called, “Billy! Language!”
“Yeah,” Bel said. “We’ll go say hello first.”
He reached out for Daniel’s hand and drew him further into the house.
“Hey, Mama.” Bel led him through to the kitchen. “Hey, Dav.”
Mrs. Belman wiped her hands on her apron, her smile slipping slightly as her gaze traveled from Bel to Daniel and down to their clasped hands. Daniel resisted the urge to pull away from Bel, to put some distance between them.
“Mama, meet Daniel.”
Mrs. Belman extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Daniel.”
Daniel took it, afraid his voice would crack. “Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Belman.”
That’s what this afternoon would be, he guessed. A series of uncomfortable introductions where everybody said the same polite things, while wondering when he was going to crack and set fire to something. Or someone.
Ms. Davenport walked to the fridge, her belly leading the way. She pulled out two beers and handed them over. “Glad you could make it, Daniel.”
“Thanks, Ms. Davenport,” he said.
“Dav,” she told him. “We’re not at work now.”
Daniel nodded but wondered if he’d ever be able to see her as anyone apart from the woman who’d asked him the same questions, week after week, about work, and who he was associating with, and whether he was keeping out of trouble.
“So?” she said.
Daniel glanced at her nervously. Was he supposed to tell her something? “Um. What?”
“So how the hell are things? School—you excited? Dreading it? What?”
“Uh, well. I’m pretty excited, I guess. My sister, she’s in Charleston, and she says she’s gonna help us settle in. But I mean, it’s gonna be weird, moving. For Bel especially.” He looked at Bel and tried to grin. “He’s never been to the city before.”
“I’ve been,” Bel said.
“Goose Creek’s not a city. Not like Charleston.”
Bel nudged him. “What? You think you’re a big shot now?”
Daniel laughed. “Not really.”
“Charleston’ll eat you alive,” Dav said to Bel. “You can’t spit in the street there, you know.”
“What, there a law against it? And I don’t spit, anyway.”
“Now and then you do,” Daniel said.
“More than now and then,” Mrs. Belman said from across the room.
“Yeah, when I’m around people I know don’t mind,” Bel protested.
Daniel surprised himself by mouthing to Dav, I mind.
Dav laughed and swigged her Coke.
A big, black dog careened into the kitchen and made straight for Bel.
“Oh, hey Stumpy,” Bel said, crouching to pet the dog.
Dav wrinkled her nose. “Who let you in, stinker?”
Daniel extended a tentative hand toward the dog, which was whacking him in the leg with its thick tail.
“He’s all right,” Bel said. “Just dumb.”
“I don’t know much about dogs,” Daniel admitted. Stumpy licked his hand.
Bel pointed. “Head. Tail. Pets go here.” He pointed to the dog’s head again. “Farts come out here.” He pointed to the dog’s back end. “That’s all you need to know about Stump.”
Daniel leaned down and ran his hands over Stump’s soft coat. “He does stink.”
“No kidding,” Dav said. “So you guys gonna help Billy with the motion bed or what?”
Daniel didn’t know what that was, and from the look of it, neither did Bel.
“Sure,” Bel said. “Three guys, some beer, and a baby bed. What could go wrong?”
He led Daniel out of the kitchen and down the hall to the nursery. Billy was in there trying to attach what looked like a giant wad of netting to a stand. “Thank God,” Billy said when they came in. “See if you can make hide’r hair of this.”
“What is it?” Bel asked.
“It’s, uh . . . I dunno. It’s in that magazine over there. Some kind of baby hammock. See? You put the baby in this, and it hangs from this hook thingy and then it—see, it kind of rocks it, so the baby falls asleep.” Billy kicked the instructions on the floor. “It’s more complicated than you’d think.”
It didn’t look like a baby torture device, Daniel thought. In fact, it seemed really nice. Something that would hold you securely, but still let you move. Marcus used to say they ought to go to a dungeon sometime so Daniel could try out a sling. He’d thought Daniel would really like it.
Daniel was embarrassed to be thinking about shit like that in the baby’s nursery. He leaned down and picked up the instructions. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Maybe you guys can take a swing at it while I go grab another beer,” Billy said.
“You bet.” Bel clapped him on the back as he left the room. He reached over and took the instructions from Daniel. “Lemme see those. It’s a baby hammock, how tough can it be?”
“Bossy,” Daniel said. He stepped over to the windowsill and picked up the catalog Billy had indicated. He started leafing through it. It was full of fancy baby stuff. Wheeled dinner plates shaped like fire trucks and bulldozers, circular cribs, and even a toddler urinal. “Seems like a bad idea to put a baby’s plate on wheels.”
“What the hell?” Bel said. His arms were tangled in the net. “How do you even . . . couldn’t they label it ‘this side up’ or something?”
Stump had nudged his way into the room and was sniffing around Daniel’s pants. “Want help?” Daniel asked.
“Just give me a minute. I’ll figure it out.”
Daniel shook his head and continued to stare at the catalog. “Oookay.”
Daniel turned the page. Stopped.
“Hey, Bel,” he said after a minute.
“Yeah.” Bel had gotten the hammock mostly onto the hook. “Look at that. That looks good, right?”
“Looks nice.” Daniel stepped toward Bel with the catalog. Checked the door to make sure no one was coming in. Lowered his voice. “What do you think of this?” He showed Bel the page.
Bel scratched his head and stared where Daniel was pointing. “That an alarm?”
“Yeah,” Daniel said. “Stops your toddler from escaping in the night.”
“Or your boyfriend,” Bel said.
“Yeah.” Daniel wrinkled his nose, too—what? Nervous—to feel hopeful. Like he was asking Bel for some kind of commitment, even though it was just a cheap plastic device, and Bel had already given him more than he’d ever had from anyone. “Would wake you up, I guess.”
“We oughta get a few,” Bel said. “Bedroom and main doors.” He smiled. “It’s a good idea. You never tried them before?”
“Never had anyone who stayed before,” Daniel said.
Bel wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. “You got me now,” he said, and kissed him.
Daniel closed his eyes.
“Hey, um,” Billy said from the doorway. “You’d better be celebrating finishing the baby hammock.”
Daniel tried to pull away, but Bel only laughed and held on to him. “Shut up, asshole. You never been in love?”
Daniel’s face flooded with warmth and not
just from embarrassment.
“Nope,” Billy said, bending down to pick up the discarded instructions. “You know me. I got ninety-nine problems, but . . .” He grinned.
Bel snorted and shook his head.
Jim appeared in the doorway behind Billy. “Hey, you guys made it. You hungry? Food’s up.”
“Yeah, we’ve been working up an appetite doing your job for you,” Billy said, gesturing at the instructions.
Jim made a face. “You ain’t done yet?”
Bel toed the hammock. “Yeah, seems like this should be a job for Daddy.”
Jim widened his eyes. “No way. I mean, I painted the goddamn room already. Twice, ’cause Dav didn’t like the color the first time. Trust me, this is a job for the uncles.”
Daniel smiled politely as Jim’s gaze flicked to him.
“How’s that gonna work?” Billy asked, poking Bel in the ribs. “This family’s already got an Uncle Joe. You gonna be Uncle Bel, maybe?”
“I guess so,” Bel said.
“Yeah,” Jim said. “We’ll figure something out.” He shrugged. “Anyhow, you all coming out back to grab something to eat? Before Dav eats the whole damn cow.” Then he groaned. “Don’t tell her I said that, okay?”
* * *
Bel and Daniel sat together on foldout chairs in Jim and Dav’s backyard, Stump at their feet. It was nice, listening to the crickets as the sun went down, and listening to the family rehash all their oldest, dumbest stories. Bel would miss this in Charleston. They’d get back on some weekends, he guessed, and the family could come and visit. Wasn’t like it was the other side of the world.
Moving away from the only place he’d ever lived, starting a new job in a department where he didn’t know anyone; a few months ago, the thought of it would have made Bel nervous. Hell, okay, he was still nervous, but he and Daniel needed this. A fresh start where not every set of eyes in the street would be hostile. Where not everyone would look at Daniel and wish Clayton, Brock, and R.J. had done the job right. There was gonna be some fallout when they went to trial, Uncle Joe had said. None of them could claim a condition where they hadn’t been in charge of their own selves. They might get more time than Daniel had over Kenny’s death, since they’d lured him there and planned it, and that was something most people in Logan wouldn’t understand at all. Wouldn’t even try to understand.