by Jenn Cooksey
Kate blew out a breath, making a raspberry sound, and then she delved into the sex for the first time can of worms. And let me warn you here, she got pretty damned specific…
“Well, for one thing, we really didn’t know what we were doing and that caused some issues, but we still think the main thing for us was using a condom. God, it was awful… We were both intensely nervous, which didn’t help in the lubrication department, and because we didn’t take Tristan’s belief in foreplay seriously and just went for it, that made it worse, and even though the condom was lubricated…well, it just couldn’t stand up to the Sahara Desert I’d become, you know?”
I almost wanted to stop her and say, “No, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” but I didn’t, which was just as well because she ended up explaining as she continued.
“So, once he got in, which was an adventure in itself…I swear he should’ve asked Tristan for directions or a damned map…I was so nervous and so dry that it hurt both of us like holy hellfire and the crease of my inner labia on one side kinda ripped and the bottom of my vagina actually tore…you know where I mean, right down wher—”
“Yeah, Kate, I got it,” I said, not meaning to sound so short, but come on. I was trying to not wince and/or groan at the thought of having my freaking vagina ripping and tearing, and I was desperately trying to eradicate from my mind as completely and totally as I could the particular mental image of Kate’s doing exactly that. I mean seriously, I like when she outlines everything for me and I’m the one who asked for specifics here, but uh, I think we just seriously crossed over into TMI territory, you know?!
“Yeah well, it fucking hurt, and afterwards, just walking, sitting and freaking peeing stung like hell…Jesus, I swear that shit didn’t heal for weeks. And during, I remember thanking God that the whole thing was over in like two minutes. I mean, Camie, it hurt so damned bad that Jeff couldn’t even cum the first time, I’m not even kidding. The next few times weren’t much better either, even though we took our time and did plenty of fooling around beforehand and I wasn’t nearly as nervous. Because of that though, we thought it might be the condoms drying me up so we did an experiment…
“I went on the pill and we had sex once without a condom and it was dramatically better, then we did it with a condom and it sucked again. So, now we just don’t use them. But that’s just us, you know? Brandon used a condom with Melissa and she told me her first time was actually sorta great. She had no problems other than being pretty sore for a couple of days afterwards and that was only because of his size. Plus, she was riding around the desert the very next morning on a freaking quad. But there again, Brandon knew what he was doing and we didn’t.”
Beautiful. I don’t know if hearing all this is reassuring or more worrisome. I mean crap, Jeff is one of the most loving people I know but Kate still tore because she was nervous, however, “Insensitive Brandon” navigated Melissa through it just fine…
I let go of a deep sigh causing Kate to look at my face for a brief moment in which I’m sure she was able to see my anxiety.
“Camie, you know my experience will not be yours. I mean if you think about it, if you lose your virginity to Tristan? Well, there will be condoms for sure…I’m pretty sure he even uses them for oral sex too, but regardless, I’m thinking you probably wouldn’t be able to find a better guy capable of making your first time picture perfect, you know? I mean there will most likely be music for one thing and that’ll totally help you out, and also, I guarantee you won’t be thinking of his deep-seated belief in foreplay as a joke anymore and you’ll be thanking him and God both for that, plus, you can be sure Tristan of all people really knows what he’s doi—”
“Yeah, but Kate, that’s where all the intimidation and worrying about disappointing him comes in.”
“Let me ask you something, have you ever asked him how he feels about you being a virgin?”
“Yeah, he thinks it’s hot. In fact, the day we officially got together and I told him I was, he told me it was total turn-on.” Actually, I’m glad Kate asked that because it had me thinking back to that conversation when he told me I’d already exceeded his expectations and he wasn’t disappointed in the slightest. Maybe I’ve just been worrying about my inexperience for nothing.
Kate giggled at my reply. “Yeah, I bet for him it really is. Shit, you being a virgin is like striking control freak gold for him.” I was about to ask what she meant by that but she went on too quickly and really, I’m finding that some things are just better left unsaid. “But here’s the thing, Camie, you’re probably gonna continue to feel intimidated until you do it, but there’s no possible way on God’s green earth that you’ll disappoint him.”
She sounds so very positive about that and I just don’t understand how she can be.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Easy, he loves you. You know that, right?” She asked while looking at me out of the corner of her eye.
“Uhh, no, not really. He hasn’t said he does anyway…” I know he likes me a whole freaking lot, but he’s never uttered the words I love you, so I don’t really wanna assume he does when he might not, you know? Assuming makes an ass out of you and me and I don’t want either of us to be an ass when it comes to love.
Kate was shaking her head in dismay when she said, “Oh Camie…you know, this is like when he never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ about licorice girl. There’s a good chance you’ll have to read between the lines on this one because I’m telling you, he does. There’re no ifs ands or buts about it, and I’m pretty sure he knows he does too.”
“Is it so wrong to want to hear it though?” I would so love hearing those words from him.
“Have you said it?”
She shot the question at me so quickly that I actually stuttered.
“W—Well, no.”
Huh. Now I feel pretty childish wanting to hear it from him when I’ve been completely reticent in saying it myself. Well, aside from when he delivered lotion to me and even then, I’m not completely positive I said it. Besides, if I did, it wasn’t meant like that. I mean, I do love him but that was more like me being out of my mind with itchiness and being really grateful for Aveeno, you know?
“Right. So here’s my advice, continue thinking about having sex and when you’re ready, talk to him. I don’t think he’ll bring it up because he doesn’t wanna pressure you and I’m like ninety-nine percent sure that’s why he told you about his safety habits that night during the game, because he wanted you to know but he didn’t want you to think he was pushing you. But Camie, if you bring it up, he’ll be more than willing to be open about all of this. Plus, he’ll be able to assuage your fears and concerns way better than I can, and if you think you need to hear him say the words, then say them first. I would be seriously surprised if he didn’t verbally validate his love for you after you do it for him.” Sometimes I really believe Kate to be wise beyond her years.
I was about to ask about her and Jeff’s decision to only use birth control pills when she pointed ahead and said, “Look, there’re the guys…”
We pulled up behind them at the light and she honked. Jeff and Pete started to turn around to wave but then the car next to them started revving its engine which had them looking at it instead.
“What an idiot,” Kate said, shaking her head.
“What?”
“He’s trying to get Tristan to race but he’s in for a major disappointment. People are always trying to get him to show what his car can do, but Tristan does not race…ever. I don’t think he’s ever even broken the speed limit in that car.”
That’s true; he doesn’t, at least not with passengers in the car. He has a very healthy respect for cars and the damage they can do when not driven with that respect. And Kate’s right about people trying to get him to show off. He easily has the fastest car in school, but you would never know by how he drives it even though he’s always being goaded by other gear heads.
When the light turned green, the Ca
maro took off but Tristan just made a casual right hand turn instead; it was his way of telling the guy to f-off. At the same time, Kate got a text from Jeff that I read to her. It just said they were going around the back way and they’d see us at Beef-N-Bun in a few. Shortly before our destination though, the Camaro had been stopped by the red light and we were unfortunate to pull up beside it, however the driver and his passenger didn’t pay any attention to us. Through the rain splattered windows we could see they were laughing and goofing off, but apparently Kate’s Mustang wasn’t enough to draw their attention, which we were more than happy with and ignored them in return.
“Um, Kate? I know you guys don’t have to worry about STDs and stuff, but if the pill is all you use, do you ever worry about getting pregnant? I mean, I just started taking them so I’m wondering, like, what your routine is or whatever, you know?” The pill is fine for birth control, but it’s not one hundred percent and they’ve been having sex for years now without condoms. I guess I’m just curious about how she takes them since I’m taking them now too.
She shot me a look and when the light turned green, she turned her focus back to driving but answered, “Well, that’s actually something-----”
That was the last thing I remember hearing before glass was shattering and the deafening and grotesque sound of metal crushing metal was ricocheting off my eardrums and everything went black…
16.
A Baby’s Story
I don’t think I was out very long but I was definitely not coherent because when my vision started to clear and my uber-confused fog was permeated by my surroundings and the rain, I realized I was being moved away from the atrocious car wreck I’d just been in, and I was walking on my own two feet. I looked around in what I swear was slow motion and saw the Camaro, now unrecognizable and upside down, Kate’s mangled car partially on the sidewalk completely facing the wrong way, and another car that might’ve been a Buick, sitting sideways in the street all smashed up as well.
Jillian was out of the car, but she was bent over, kind of half in and half out of the broken driver’s side window and that’s when I realized Kate was still in the car. My first instinct was to run back to the car my best friend was in, but the person guiding me away wouldn’t let me go. I also realized that one of his hands was over mine, holding something to my head.
“But Kate…” I managed to croak out and I almost didn’t recognize my own voice. It was so shaky and weak.
“I know, but you need to sit down, and there’s nothing you can do for her anyway…your sist—”
His words were cut off by the most horrifying sound imaginable. It was the sound of excruciatingly pure anguish being brutally ripped from Jeff’s soul. I’m figuring the guys must’ve just seen what happened as we’re a stone’s throw away from Beef-N-Bun, and he was literally FREAKING out trying to get to Kate. I could see it was taking everything both Pete and Tristan had to hold him back and then I realized why they were doing that. They thought she was dead and didn’t want him to see her.
I felt myself begin to sob, but I couldn’t get my voice or legs to work. However, when Jillian heard Jeff’s broken cry, she immediately corrected our mistake by holding up her hands in a pacifying manner and hollered, “She’s okay, she just can’t get out!”
That was all it took for Pete and Tristan to let Jeff loose. The second their hold on him lessened, he shot away like a cannon ball, with more force and speed than I’ve ever seen someone exhibit in real life. Pete was actually knocked backwards to the pavement.
Then I became aware again of the guy who’d been guiding me away. He was forcing me to sit on the ground and as I did as I was told, I tried to take in and process the chaos around me, but it seemed like I was watching an old black and white TV show from the ’50s on a television that was getting really crappy reception. There were so many people all excitedly talking on cell phones, the rain was still coming down and I could just barely make out the sound of sirens in the distance. When he knelt down directly in front of me, I had to blink a couple of times while trying to focus so I could remember the name of the shirtless guide guy.
It was Zack.
“Zack, what are you doing out here without a shirt? It’s raining…aren’t you gonna get wet?” Honestly, that’s what I asked him. In hindsight, I’m pretty sure it was the concussion talking.
“Camie, you’re holding my shirt on your head, remember?”
I immediately realized that I was holding something to my head and pulled it away to look at it. It was covered in blood. My vision swam a little and I wobbled on my butt when it dawned on me that it was my blood.
“Whoa…dude, I think she’s gonna pass out,” Zack said holding my shoulders, but I don’t think he was talking to me. After all, I’m not a dude. I do have a dude’s name but I have a vagina and boobs too, so I think that counteracts the name. Would you agree?
Just then, Tristan replaced Zack in front of me but black spots were falling all over him and I couldn’t help wondering since when did rain drops become black?
“Camie? Baby? Are you seeing spots?” I must have wondered that aloud, but I nodded in the affirmative while Tristan looked carefully at my eyes. “I’m gonna lay you down, okay? Get behind her and hold her head in your lap so her head is higher than her heart and keep applying pressure to that…I’ll be right back. Oh! Keep her still and awake…ask her questions.” And before I knew it, Tristan put my head in Zack’s lap and his shirt on my head again.
He couldn’t have been gone long but by the time he got back to me, the rain was letting up and a fire engine had arrived on the scene; it was closely followed by the paramedics. My loopiness was considerably better since laying down and I think I was able to answer all of Zack’s random questions accurately. I saw Tristan clearly this time when he handed Zack the hoodie he’d taken off his own back which left him in a t-shirt, and then without pausing to even look at my wound, he quickly replaced Zack’s shirt with what I’m pretty sure was ice wrapped in Jillian’s clean “Hitchhiker Towel,” which I felt him press even more firmly against my head than how Zack had been doing it.
“Thanks for takin’ care of her, man…how ya doin’, Baby?” He said sincerely to Zack and asked me with tender concern as he sat down next to us, not lessening the pressure he was applying to my head in the least. Yes, I’m a little surprised. My massively jealous boyfriend is, at the moment, completely okay with having his girlfriend’s head in the lap of his archenemy.
“I think I’m okay but my head hurts a little…so does my wrist.” Huh. I didn’t even notice I had any pain until just now, but yeah, I sort of hurt.
“Dude, I didn’t know what to do…I saw the whole thing happen. I went to the Camaro first but I couldn’t even get to those guys, so when I saw she was getting out, I went to help them instead. Is Kate really okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. Her door is just jammed really good and her seatbelt won’t budge.”
Tristan took over the third degree and we sat there for however many minutes before the paramedics and a cop came over to us. As an EMT checked me out, the cop took Zack’s eyewitness account of the accident and I heard him explain how the Camaro had sideswiped Kate’s car when he cut her off and then the driver lost control of his car which resulted in the rollover. The third car hit us as well so we were spun all over the place. I also discovered that I’m going to be treated to my first ride in an ambulance. In addition to several head lacerations, a couple of which apparently need some stitches, it is suspected that I might have a broken wrist along with a concussion. Oh yeah, the more aware I became, I realized that the impact of me hitting my head on the window and then the airbag, knocked one of my fillings out so I get to go to the dentist hopefully this week too. I’m such a freaking mess.
It could’ve been so much worse though…
When Pete marched an irritated Jillian up to the EMT who was loading me into the ambulance to have him clean and bandage the small gash on the underside of my sister’s
forearm, which I learned she’d received post accident while leaning into the car to calm Kate, we were all appropriately subdued and reminded of how precious life is as we watched the passenger of the Camaro being zipped up in a black bag.
Jillian rode with me in the ambulance and told me she called our dad who’d been golfing up north today, and that he was stuck on the freeway because of the rain and another accident, but he’d get to the hospital as soon as he could. Being treated will probably take forever anyway so there’s really no need for him to rush. She called my mom too, just to let her know what happened and that we were, for the most part, okay. My mom coming to the hospital isn’t an option today, though, because she’s sick. So, I’m pretty much prepared to spend the majority of my Sunday evening in the emergency room but thanking Jesus that I’m still alive to celebrate His birth seven days from now, even though His birthday is really probably sometime in early October. That's a whole other tangent involving a Messianic Jewish Rabbi, homeschool and Hebraic Bible history, so, I won't get into it right now. Oh, those were some of Tristan’s questions by the way…what day is it, when is Christmas, when is my birthday…stuff like that. Zack had asked me things like what’s my favorite color so that’s why I’m pretty sure I got them all right.
Kate was taken in an ambulance as well and Jeff, who I swear looked worse than she did, accompanied her so that left Tristan and Pete. Pete opted to stay behind with Zack and Kate’s car. He was gonna wait so he could collect all our personal belongings before it was towed so Tristan chose to follow us to the hospital.
As I suspected, the ER was kind of busy but my wait time didn’t feel that long. I was taken to radiology for x-rays and a CAT scan and when I got back to my little curtained room, Tristan had joined my sister who’d used the time I was gone to hunt down a couple of magazines and an abandoned game book. We also had a TV and lucky for us, a re-run of Friends was on. I love that show. I was reminded again of how MFEO Tristan and I are while watching the episode where Phoebe is trying to explain that Rachel is Ross’s lobster, which is one of my all-time favorite episodes of the show ever, even though the thing about lobsters mating for life is a fallacy. When I mentioned that, I wasn’t too surprised to learn that Tristan already had that knowledge. He also knows that one of the very few sea creatures that does mate for life is the seahorse. I just love him. Anyway, the only problem with waiting was that the longer I laid there, the more sore and stiff I got. Plus, my head was freaking killing me.