I dropped the subject and relaxed. Gwendolyn was not the only deranged demon that would be seeking the revenge of a lost mate, and I knew Breandan would be taking us straight back to the Wyld. I didn t want the added worry of protecting Daphne from Wasp when the fairy discovered her mate was dead.
How did Devlin s death affect Lochlann s move for control of the Tribe? Was he now High Lord of the fairy people? Was Lochlann already in power back at the Wylds?
So much time and energy wasted defeating Devlin, and he wasn t the real problem, Cael was. Lochlann had to be told of this threat.
Unless he already knew.
The thought made my blood go cold.
Did Lochlann know about Cael? Is that why he was so hell bent on getting rid of Devlin, so he would be able to deal with the he-witch? It was clear Devlin was trying to draw power to him whilst dealing with Lochlann s uprising, and seeking darker magics as defense from Cael made complete sense. Did Lochlann know? When he came back, and found Breandan injured, where had he been that whole time? I assumed he d been on some wild goose chase for an amulet, and so had Breandan, but what if his long absence from the Wylds served another purpose? I remember being so mad at him for just leaving his Tribe for so long and telling no one where he went.
I turned to Daphne, suspicious.
Why are you here?
She looked out into the direction I could feel Breandan.
He will do anything to make you happy and keep you with him. I will do anything to keep you safe.
Breandan is safety.
Daphne shook her head, as she seemed to do to nearly everything I said. It was getting old fast.
No, Rae. I saw how Tomas feelings towards you sent him into a frenzy. When it comes to you, his judgment is impaired. One day it will get you both killed, and you have an important destiny, one too important to waste.
We stared each other down.
You don t know him,
I argued, my tone and body posture defensive.
She arched an eyebrow at my intensity.
Would he die for you?
I sucked in a breath and struggled with the pain that pressed on my heart at the thought of Breandan no longer by my side to miss his proud jaw clenching in frustration, and his eyes sparking with anger. How would I cope without the fervor with which he kissed me?
I ll not live without him.
Frowning, I tried to explain it, knowing there would come a time when I would have to explain these feelings to people who needed to hear them. Like Lochlann, and the fairy people.
He will not die for me, because he knows I need him to live. If he dies, I die. Then he would have failed.
Yeah, but he won t tolerate any threat towards you. That is dangerous. I see it in him Rae, his need to protect you. There is no reasoning it and it s fine until it causes a problem. You re going to need to face Cael at some point, and how do you think he ll react when you do? Breandan will keep you safe, for a time, but you shouldn t put all your trust in one person. You re setting them up for a fall if you do and it ll be as much your fault as theirs.
Okay, what are your suggestions? I m told not to do this or not to do that, but nobody has any actual suggestions when I ask for an alternative. Well?
She was quiet.
Exactly. Breandan and I are bonded, that is done. Whatever plans we have just need to be worked around it. I m tried of people pointing the finger my way and laying blame. It s not all down to me, other people make crappy decisions too, but it seems I m the one that takes the fall for it.
You have other options.
Like?
Me, for one. I can protect you too.
Why? Why do you want to protect me?
This is where I should be. I m sure of it. I have skills superior to others of my kind, and I use them to satisfy the whims of a lunatic, and a witch who has no interest in my survival.
She shrugged.
Tomas asked me to protect you, so that s what I ll do. This gives me some purpose. Let me stay close to you, don t shut me out because you re tempted to confuse my intentions with my mentor s failings.
Seriously? I trusted Tomas. I promised I d help him, and he kept the truth about his Nest s entanglement with Cael. When he learnt who I was, he had to know that handing me over to Gwendolyn would put me in danger. Now you expect me to forget all that and trust you with my life?
She cracked her knuckles, my suspicion is that she imagined each crack was a place on my spine, and glared at me.
I ve already told you that I mean you no harm. I m not saying we have to braid hair and cuddle at night, but I am saying you should keep me close to you, and not run away from me.
Say-So.
I shrugged, knowing it would take more trust to do that than I had to give, but I would try.
The last vampire who told me that he wanted to keep me safe was a liar. Excuse me if I m not falling over to make the same mistake.
My ears picked up a faint crunching of leaves underfoot, and my head turned towards the sound.
Breandan walked from the gloom into the firelight. With a clear mind, the sight of him hit me like a fist to the gut. My tail snaked through the air over my shoulder to thump it repeatedly in excitement and my wings rustled. Horrified my body was giving me away so blatantly I tucked my tail around my legs and paid particular attention to keeping myself still. I mean, I couldn t just jump him and rub myself all over him. I wasn t sure if he would return my affection, or drop me on my ass. I was fully recovered, and he didn t have to take care with me anymore.
Sighing, I toyed with the ends of my hair and watched his approach, taking in all the details I never got bored of seeing and tagging gleefully as my own.
Long and lean through the torso his shape had an earthy and animalistic elegance. Shadows folded over hard muscle, hugging the delineated curves in broad strokes as the glow of the fire gave a warm tone to his smooth skin.
Accompanied with a sinking feeling, I experienced the familiar dart of panic I suffered during one of my realizations of how attractive he was & a feeling I would never admit to him, because he would react badly.
When the heavy glamour concealing my fairy nature had dropped, and I beheld my own true form for the first time, I had come close to feeling his equal in beauty. Dark to his light and a warm allure to his icy majesty & it worked. I would never be as beautiful, but I could stand beside him with pride, and that had made me absurdly happy. After all, my skin glowed, like most fairies with magical ability. My ear tips were slender, and elongated to points that peeked through my hair. Yes, my hair looked like a bird s nest, but I d dare anybody to deal with half the things I d been through and manage the thick locks I had piled ontop of my head. My wings were smaller than his and sheerer. You couldn t see through Breandan s membrane, and the hexagonal segments glistened rather than shimmered. The marked difference was that my wings were gold, not a whitish blue-silver, but a rich color that matched my eyes. Seeing my fairy form had been scary, at first, especially my fanglike teeth and the tail, my god, the tail, but I was pretty much used to it now, and preferred to leave my glamour off then go to the trouble of muting my nature and pulling it on, which wasn t the case before.
But now &. Ugh.
My beauty had never been the obvious kind, so I wasn t vain nor did I put much time into looking good, but now I feared it was nonexistent, hidden behind scars and edginess. Someone who jumped at their own shadow wasn t attractive, and I wouldn t try to make myself better by thinking my nerves were alluring in any way.
I blushed as I remembered I had joined with my fairy in the most intimate and primal of ways that he had clutched me to him, and murmured love words in my ear as he ripped my clothes off.
That had been after the Sect Clerics had captured and tortured me with iron. My self-esteem in tatters, Breandan had assured me that he still saw me as beautiful even as I tried to convince myself of my ugliness.
Breandan was too captivating a form to be real, and so beautiful in
side it was difficult to comprehend.
Mine.
He was mine.
I let possessiveness wash over me, not caring that Daphne snickered when I fidgeted. The rapid pound of my heart, and the rush of blood to my face was not unnoticed by her senses.
As he strode over, he ran his eyes up and down me. Seeing nothing wrong, he grunted, dropping a pile of muddied vegetables and a branch speared with fish into a heap by the fire. He turned away to settle himself on a small stump about five paces away. That distance may as well have been fifty paces the intensity in the air between us was palpable.
Seeing the food, I became aware of the pressing dietary needs of one of our party.
Daphne, how long can you go without feeding?
Oh.
She flushed a faint darkening of her waxy cheeks. The added colour made her look ill.
I m fine. Thanks. I ll need a little human blood in a few nights, but I ll worry about that then.
I wondered if where she d be getting that human blood from warranted discussion since there was no way it would be alright for her to start biting Clerics we may come across. They were troublesome enough without adding more venom and hatred into the mix.
Looking to Breandan to share my concern, I felt a pang of hurt when he looked away.
Daphne cleared her throat.
I m going to cover our tracks. I ll be back.
She stood up and sent a sharp look Breandan s way before sliding into the darkness, using the gloomy night as a cloak.
CHAPTER THREE
Rubbing my hands on my knees, I d opened my mouth about five times yet still not said a word. It was pathetic. The more I tried to make sense of my apology the more absurd and self-absorbed it sounded. And that was in my head. Imagining what it would sound like aloud was maddening because there was no way in hell I was going to seem so idiotic in his eyes.
Consequently, I was scuppered, because what on earth did I say to break the ice?
Or was I over thinking everything?
My courage was hiding somewhere around my ankles with about as much strength as a spider s webbing.
I looked longingly in the direction Daphne had walked, staring, but not seeing. Damn her for leaving. He was killing me with the silence, and he knew it.
I hated that Breandan and I had so much unsaid between us, and constantly faced issues that got in the way of getting closer. I was new to the relationship thing, and I struggled to deduce what was needed when I messed up or when I had to explain myself. Admittedly, a worrying majority of our problems were caused by me, but never on purpose. Some of my actions had been utterly thoughtless and selfish. What was the word Alec had used to describe me &? Ah, flaky. Harsh but fair? Gods. Thinking on it, if Breandan had kissed someone else, and developed the connection Tomas and I had, I would ve hunted the girl down and be wearing her eyeballs for earrings, just saying. The thought of my fairy meeting someone in the future who might turn him from me ripped my insides to splinters of ice that cut into all my other organs. It was seriously painful, and that was just the thought of it.
Well, regardless, in this case I had been true to him. I had told Tomas plain as the day I didn t want to go with him, and so, I didn t need to justify anything to Breandan. God s sake, I was the victim here. If he thought for one second, just one, that he was going to guilt me into confessing the disaster we had just avoided was my fault, he could &.
Talk,
I blurted, gasping since the word was wrenched from the bottom of my soul so vehemently.
Please, Breandan.
No,
he hissed, jaw clenching.
I don t want to hear it. I don t want to hear you defend him.
I swallowed hard, sensing his anger was at a low simmer. If I pushed too hard, it might boil over.
It wasn t fair! This wasn t my fault, and he had to see that.
I wasn t going to &.
My tongue-tied and flapped about in my mouth halting a lie I couldn t finish. I was fully tied by magics, bound only to speak the truth.
Say-so,
I muttered.
We ll sit here in a horrible, stubborn and uncomfortable silence then. Thank you for finding food.
He grunted.
We need water.
I reached out with my senses and found a lake not too far. It was probably the same place he d gotten the fish. I shrugged. Standing slowly, I was pleased when my head didn t spin, and my legs were strong under me.
I can get it.
My hands were empty. I wiggled my fingers as I looked around our camp seeing nothing but dirt, leaves and rocks.
Ah, do you have a flask or something?
Breandan peered at me like I was simple. He sighed and crooked his finger in a come hither motion.
Walking over to him, I wondered how I was supposed to look in this situation. Contrite? What I felt was irritated and grumpy, but not so much at him. Well, maybe a little at him, but more because he had seen me at my worst.
Was he mad at me?
Digging the toe of my boot into the mud, I faked a yawn, and slanted a look down to find Breandan staring at me with an amused expression.
He caught my hand and tugged me down beside him.
Touching my cheek, he smoothed his hand over my jaw. He touched the scars on my neck, and I shuddered, remembering how they had been burned and sliced into my skin.
We didn t have the chance to talk about these,
he said quietly.
I have so much to say, but it never seems the right time, and when we are alone there is something between us that needs fixing before we can talk on other things.
His brows plunged.
It s irritating.
I smiled, knowing what he meant.
We re alone now,
I ventured.
But I don t want to talk about what happened. I can t, too horrible, and it would just hurt us both.
Lips thinning, he saw the haunted look in my eyes and nodded once.
I m proud you escaped, but I swear I was coming for you. In the end, I couldn t control myself. The closer we came to Temple, the more I needed to touch you. It was hard to breathe. The others thought I was mad, the pull of the bond distracting me until I couldn t function.
He shook his head, shaking off the memory.
It was intense.
I let out a shaky breath,
I know you were coming for me, but, I had to leave. When Ro came for me, I wasn t myself, you saw what being trapped in the Cage with Cleric Tu did to me. I can never be trapped like that again.
Breandan stilled my flapping hands and rubbed them between his own.
You won t, please be calm.
He decided to change the subject.
When the vampire returns we must leave quickly. She can only travel at night, and we need to get as far away as possible. We re fortunate it s winter and the nights are longer.
His hands rested over my heart.
Rae, are you alright?
I looked down at out hands, unsure of what he meant since he could see I wasn t wounded.
Um, yes?
He chuckled. It sounded strained.
Do you feel whole in your heart and mind? Is there darkness inside you that lingers?
My face smoothed, and I understood what he meant. When Tomas and I had the blood tie, his darkness joined us together. It was how I sensed him, dreamed of him.
It left. I never held onto it.
I placed my hands over his.
I never planned to.
Can you forgive me?
Startled at the desperate plea, I made a small noise of astonishment, a hybrid cry that blended a squeal with a gasp.
Breandan looked so scared his face was bleached of colour to bone white.
Had he asked me before I d spoken to Daphne I may have well laid into him about how wrong he was, and how badly what he d done to Tomas hurt me. But! Daphne had made me see he didn t have much of a choice. Tomas had committed crimes Breanda
n had felt he needed to atone for.
The vampire had also taken me into an enemy stronghold against my wishes. He d fed on me.
No,
I rejected, knowing his apology shouldn t be given.
There s nothing to forgive.
I was so worried,
he whispered.
I stood there, waiting as the others debated the best way to travel back to the Wyld, and suddenly you were gone. It felt like my heart had been ripped out and dragged along the ground. When you reappeared the connection was faint but enough. When I could not feel anything more than a vague sense of disorientation, I knew what happened.
Did you tell the others?
I asked.
No. They would have slowed me down.
He looked away.
I needed to be alone, I needed to do this alone. If Conall had known he would have fought me, and to subdue him would take more force and time than I was willing to give.
He won t be happy when we see him again.
There are other things that press on your Elder s mind, don t fret.
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