by Cole Gibsen
Mrs. Murphy dropped the remote onto her desk. “I suppose you should take your textbooks out.” Nobody moved. She glanced at me. “Miss Flay, you may take your seat now.”
My heart ricocheted off my ribs. Never in my life had I disobeyed a teacher. Still, my legs refused to comply with her request. This video hadn’t been an attack on me, but Amber. There was no way she hadn’t seen it. I knew what it felt like to have your secrets exposed to the entire school.
“Miss Flay. Just where do you think you’re going?” Mrs. Murphy demanded. “Return to your desk at once.”
Confused, I blinked. Somehow I’d found my way to the classroom door without realizing I was moving. Apparently, on a subconscious level, my body already knew what I had to do. I glanced over my shoulder to find the entire class staring at me in wide-eyed shock. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Murphy. I have to go.” I knew I was asking for a detention, but I had to find Amber. Even though she’d played a big part in trying to ruin my life last week, I had to find her—to let her know she wasn’t alone in this. After all, how could I expect the school to forgive me my wrongdoings if I wasn’t willing to do the same?
I pushed the door open, ignoring Mrs. Murphy’s call for me to come back, and dashed out into the empty hallway. If I were Amber, where would I be? I couldn’t imagine she’d remain in her homeroom, not after her biggest secret was exposed to the entire school.
I raced down the hall, not sure where I was going—all I knew was I had to find Amber.
“Regan.” Nolan’s voice pulled at my body like the strings of a marionette. I slid to a halt but refused to turn around. I couldn’t bear to look at the person who’d manipulated and lied to me.
“Regan, please.” There was an edge of desperation in his voice. His footsteps drew nearer until they stopped directly behind me. “I had no idea Blake was going to switch the videos. She was supposed to show just your footage—the one we worked on.” A hand grabbed my shoulder. “Blake lied to me. She used me.”
“Like you used me?” I jerked out of his grasp and whirled around. My hands shook in anger as tears burned the corners of my eyes. My brain couldn’t decide if I should scream or cry first. “Like you’ve been using me this entire time? Setting me up for the big reveal?”
“No.” His eyes widened and he took a step backward. “It isn’t like that. I mean—yes, maybe it started out like that. After what happened to Jordan, I was so angry. I wanted justice for her. That was before I realized that what Blake and I were doing was no different than what was done to Jordan. I told her I wanted to abandon the project. I thought she agreed. She must have gotten the footage of you and Amber the night I went to your house and she stayed behind to edit.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “God, I’m such an idiot.”
That much was true—the rest of it, who knew? It wasn’t like I could trust anything he said. “Whatever, Nolan. I don’t have time for your bullshit right now, okay?”
Hurt flashed across his eyes, and he jerked back like I’d struck him. “I’m telling you the truth. Blake lied to me. We agreed never to show the original video.”
My fingers tightened into fists and I shook my head. “Don’t you get it? So what if she lied to you—you lied to me. All this time you never said a word when I accused Amber of posting the messages. It doesn’t matter that you changed your mind about showing your stupid documentary. The point is you deliberately set out to ruin my life.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “I know. God, Regan, I’m so sorry. When we started filming I was so angry, so hurt…I realize now that’s no excuse. I never meant for this to happen. I stopped the documentary when I realized how out of control things were getting. You have to believe me that, in the beginning, I honestly thought I was helping people—helping you, even. I never meant for any of this to happen. I swear. Regan, you’re the last person I would ever want to hurt.”
I balled my hands into fists. “You’re a fucking saint.”
“Okay, I deserve that.” He held a hand out to me. “You’re angry and you have every right to be. We had something really amazing, and I’ll never forgive myself if I ruined it. Please, Regan, can we talk about this? Can you just give me a chance?”
“I don’t have time to talk.” I brushed past him. “I need to find Amber.”
His footsteps pounded after me. “I’ll help you.”
Refusing to look at him, I shook my head. “Don’t you have to go to the office?”
“I have to do a lot of things. Right now, you’re my number one priority.”
I rolled my eyes and continued down the hall. He could say whatever he wanted, but it didn’t change the fact I now knew the real Nolan. Whatever act he put on from here on out, I wouldn’t be fooled.
I darted around a corner and nearly bumped into Christy. Her face was red and her cheeks wet with tears. She looked between Nolan and me before pointing a shaking finger at us. “You. You were working together.”
“No. You have it wrong.” Nolan raised his hands. “This is all my fault. Regan had nothing to do with this.”
Christy grabbed a fistful of his shirt and for several agonizing seconds, I was sure she was going to hit him. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” she spat between clenched teeth. She shoved him, releasing his shirt.
He barely budged. “Please, Christy, none of this was ever my intention.”
“Fuck you and your intentions,” she answered. “I have to find Amber.” She brushed past him, bumping his shoulder.
“Do you know where she went?” I called after her.
Christy stopped and shook her head. Fresh tears spilled down her cheek. “No. We’re in the same homeroom together and after the video…” She swallowed hard. “Amber totally lost it. I’ve—I’ve never seen her like this. I’m worried.”
“Okay.” I chewed on my lip, racking my brain for places Amber might have gone. “Why don’t you check the parking lot and see if her car is there—if it isn’t, she probably went home. I’ll keep looking here.”
“Okay.” Christy nodded before jogging down the hall.
If Amber hadn’t left the building, she’d want to go someplace she could be alone where nobody could bother her. Someplace like…the second-floor bathroom. I made a right and started up the staircase with Nolan close at my heels. I prayed I wouldn’t find her—that she’d be at Starbucks drowning her sorrows in a mocha latte, or at the MAC counter in Macy’s buying away her pain with lipstick and eyeliner.
The intercom crackled as soon as I stepped foot on the second floor. “Nolan Letner and Regan Flay, please report to my office at once,” Principal McDill ordered.
Apparently Mrs. Murphy had alerted her to my escape. Just what I needed, more trouble. My breath hitched inside my throat, and I reached for my pill bottle hidden inside my purse only to realize I’d left my purse and backpack in homeroom. “Shit,” I muttered.
“What is it?” Nolan asked.
“I forgot my pills back in class.”
He frowned. “Do you want me to go get them?”
“Yeah, I’m sure you barging into my homeroom would go over real well.” I made a face.
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll do it.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t want you doing anything for me ever again, okay? You’ve done enough.” Before he could respond, I turned around and jogged the rest of the way to the girls’ bathroom, hesitating outside the door. My heart pushed up my throat, suffocating me. Please, Amber. Please don’t be here.
I shoved the door and barged inside. Before the door could swing shut, Nolan skirted in after me.
The bathroom was quiet except for the steady drip from one of the rusted faucets. Amber was nowhere to be seen. My muscles unraveled with relief. “She’s not here,” I murmured.
“So what do we do now?” he asked.
I whirled on him. “Why don’t you get it? There’s no we. You can go fuck yourself for all I care.”
A giggle wafted from under a stall door. �
��Yeah.” Amber’s voice echoed off the ceramic tile, only there was something not quite right about it—something I couldn’t put my finger on. “Go fuck yourself. Both of you.” She erupted in a fit of laughter.
I froze. Fear gripped hold of me with icy fingers. Something was definitely not right. Slowly, I turned in the direction of the stall doors. “Amber?” She didn’t answer, so I leaned over and peered beneath the stalls. Amber’s long legs were splayed on the floor inside the handicap stall. “Amber, I know you’re there. Why don’t you come out and talk to me?”
She snorted. “Why the hell would I want to do that? You and your boyfriend didn’t get enough footage to completely destroy me?”
Nolan stepped around me and approached the closed stall, pressing a hand against it, testing to see if it was locked. It didn’t budge. “Regan had nothing to do with the video. If you want to blame someone, blame me, but at least come out so we can talk.”
“F-f-fuck you,” she said with a slur in her voice. “We have nothing to talk about. Soon you’ll have everything you want.”
A tremor shivered down my spine. “Please, Amber, come out. You’re really freaking me out.”
A soft thud answered me. A second later the metal lock of the stall door rattled together. Nolan jerked back as the entire door began to shake.
“What the—” I stepped forward as Nolan crouched down to peer beneath the stall.
“Fuck. Not again.” He whipped his head around and looked at me with wide eyes. “She’s seizing.”
“She’s what?” I couldn’t make sense of his words. The door continued to rattle. My first thought was we were having an earthquake—but that didn’t make sense because nothing else was moving.
Nolan waved me away. “Get back.”
Startled, I stumbled backward.
He reached beneath the stall and grabbed Amber’s ankles. He slid her out from under the stall; her skirt hiked up around her waist as he did, exposing her black lace underwear. She didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes were clenched shut, her teeth bared. Her entire body was rigid and vibrating, like a plucked guitar string.
He let go of her legs and shuffled beside her head. He slapped her cheek lightly. “Amber? Can you hear me? Did you take something? I need to know what you took.”
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. The words looped through my head in a never-ending stream. I wanted to go to her, but fear kept me rooted in place. I could almost convince myself as long as I didn’t go to her, didn’t touch her, this wasn’t really happening and somehow I’d fallen inside a nightmare.
Nolan turned to me. “She’s not responding. Call 911.”
He might as well have spoken Latin. When the pieces of his request finally fell into place, I fumbled through my pockets before remembering I’d left my phone behind. I whimpered, “I don’t have a phone.”
He pulled an iPhone out of his blazer pocket. After dialing, his hand trembled slightly when he lifted the phone to his face. “I’m in the second-floor bathroom of Saint Mary’s high school. I’m with a student I believe overdosed on something. She’s having a seizure.” He paused, listening. “I have no idea.” His eyes flickered to mine. “Regan, see if you can find a pill bottle so we can figure out what she took.”
I nodded dumbly and approached Amber’s shaking body.
“I don’t think she’s changing color,” Nolan spoke into the phone. “She’s still breathing, but her lips look a little blue.” He touched Amber’s neck and frowned. “Her heart is beating really fast. You guys better get here quick.”
I smoothed Amber’s skirt down and slipped my fingers inside the pockets to find them empty. Her body twitched beneath my hands. I jerked them away. She made a choking sound and I closed my eyes. Despite going to a Catholic high school and having an ultraconservative mother, I’d never been overly spiritual. Still, I took a moment to mutter a quick prayer for Amber—that she would make it out of this alive.
“Find anything?” Nolan asked.
I opened my eyes and shook my head.
He sighed. “Nothing,” he repeated into the phone. He nodded. “Good. Tell them to come to the second floor. We’re in the girls’ bathroom.”
Amber’s sweat-soaked hair clung to her forehead. Nolan pushed it back. “Keep looking,” he told me.
I nodded and dropped to my knees to peer beneath the stall. Except for the black mold staining the grout around the base of the toilet, nothing stood out. I sat up. “Maybe she didn’t take anything,” I said hopefully. “Maybe she’s epileptic or something?”
“I don’t think so.” He leaned forward. “Amber, can you hear me? Help is on the way. You’re going to be fine, but we really need to know what you took and how much?”
She made a strangled gurgle and swung her trembling arm up to her chest, curling her hand beneath her chin. That was when I saw it—the white cap of a pill bottle protruding from her grasp.
“She has something.” I crawled to Amber’s side and grabbed her hand, but it remained locked beneath her chin. With the spasms still coursing through her, I’d never be able to move her arm.
One by one, I pried her fingers from the pill bottle until I wrenched it loose from her grip. It was empty. I only hoped there weren’t many to begin with. I read the label. “Bupropion,” I told Nolan. “That’s what she took.”
He repeated the information to the dispatcher.
A chill washed over me. I leaned against the locked stall door as the energy drained from my body. “Why, Amber?” I whispered as I closed my fist tight around the bottle. A memory surfaced as if in answer. I remembered lying on my bed a little over a week ago, glancing at my own bottle of pills and thinking how easy it would be to end the pain—to end it all.
I grabbed Amber’s hand and squeezed as a sob pushed up my throat. “Please don’t die, Amber. Please. If you make it through this, things will be different—you’ll see. They’ll get better.”
When I looked up, men in blue uniforms surrounded us. They wrenched my former friend from my grasp and placed her on a stretcher. The moment she was rolled out of the room, time began moving in funny intervals, as if someone kept playing with the fast-forward and play buttons on the remote control of my life.
The principal appeared in front of me, talking, but I couldn’t hear a word she said. I closed my eyes, and when I reopened them my mom was there, talking. Everyone was talking—Nolan, a police officer, several teachers, and later a doctor, even though I had no recollection of going to the hospital.
Every so often I picked up a few words from the whispers murmured around me. Shock. Trauma. Rest. These words were uttered repeatedly until they swam inside my head and carried me into a sea of unconsciousness.
In my dreams, I saw a body dumped onto a stretcher. A hand fell over the side and a pill bottle slipped from its fingers. Dozens of pink oval pills spilled across the floor. The sound of them hitting the tile echoed off the walls like thunder.
“She’s gone,” somebody said.
A white sheet was draped across her body. Before her face was covered, I found myself approaching the stretcher for one last look. Even though the eyes were drained of life, there was no mistaking that the color was not the dark brown of Amber’s almond eyes, but the pale blue of my own.
A scream gurgled inside my throat but refused to break free.
It could have been me.
Chapter Twenty-One
I sat up with a gasp, shattering the dream into fragments. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands until I was sure I was awake and wouldn’t succumb to another nightmare. When I finally opened my eyes, I found myself in a hospital bed with a thin, stiff sheet covering my body. I ripped it off to discover I still wore my school uniform. Sunlight filtered through the dusty blinds of a window to my right, creating lines like prison bars on the floor.
“It’s okay, honey,” Dad said. I whirled around to find him sitting in a chair beside my bed. He wore his oral surgeon scrubs and balanced a coffee cup between his knees.
He set it on a nearby counter and stood. “Just sit back. You were in shock, so the doctor gave you something to relax. You’ve been sleeping for several hours.”
Shock.
Hospital.
My heart surged against my ribs. Were they going to commit me? Force me into a bathrobe and lock me in a ward where shoes were stripped of their laces and pencils were replaced with crayons? “I-I don’t want to stay. I want to go home.”
Dad held up his hands. “You don’t have to stay here. We’re going to take you home as soon as the doctor sees you’re up and gives us the all clear.”
I nodded and raked my fingers through my tangled hair, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. There’d been a video…I went looking for Amber…Nolan followed and…oh God.
I dropped my hands and snapped my head up. “Amber.”
Dad nodded. “So far, so good. It’s too early to tell if she’s suffered any internal damage, but she’s alive, and she wouldn’t be if you hadn’t found her, honey. You saved her life.”
I wasn’t so sure. Would she have taken those pills if I hadn’t recorded her conversation with Christy? And what about Jordan? Would she have swallowed the bleach if I’d stopped Amber from laughing at her? Hot tears welled in my eyes. I’d wanted to change, but all I’d succeeded in doing was causing more hurt.
“Hey now.” Dad pulled several tissues from a nearby box and handed them to me. “Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see.”
I made a face before dabbing my eyes with the tissue. “You don’t get it. Nothing will ever be fine again.”
Before he could argue, my mother rushed into the room. Her suit was disheveled and several strands of hair had fallen loose from her French twist. “Oh, Regan.”
I cringed and pressed my back to the pillows. Knowing my mother, she’d probably heard the entire story by now—everything from my private messages posted on the lockers to the video played at school. I held my breath and waited for the lecture—to be told what a disappointment I was, how she expected more out of me, and how badly I might have hurt her chances for reelection when the media found out.