by Ann Marie
She stepped up into the ambulance with the help of a steady hand. It was dark inside. She was escorted towards the front to sit away from the doors. ‘What is happening?’ Slam. The doors slammed shut. She suddenly felt crowded as the siren wailed. ‘Oh my God, that hurts.’ she thought to herself. Covering her ears with her hands, she tucked her chin to her chest. ‘What the hell is happening?’ Josephine was losing control and she could feel it tightening around her chest.
“Miss.” Someone was talking to her. “Miss, here.” They placed oxygen in front of her face. She bent her head back and let it rest on the wall of the ambulance. She breathed deeply and slowly filling each fiber of her lungs with the much needed oxygen. As she finally felt herself coming back, she lifted her head back up and removed the mask.
And then she saw her. She saw Antonia laying not even two feet in front of her. Blood. There was so much blood. ‘What the hell happened?’ She couldn’t remember. There were two people standing between her and Antonia. They were working frantically. ‘Why? What was wrong?’
“Anthony...” Joe called out in little more than a whisper.
The ambulance pulled into the hospital parking lot.
“Anthony…” This time a bit louder, as Josephine tried to stand a hand grabbed her arm.
“Sit down miss. Miss, you need to sit down.” she dutifully responded as the ambulance came to a stop and its doors were thrust open.
“Wait. Where are you taking her?” she asked desperately as Antonia was whisked away. Through the doors, the hand came again and gingerly helped her down out of the ambulance.
“Come miss. Miss, you need to see a doctor.” There was no response as Josephine dutifully followed the stranger’s lead. Her eyes were searching frantically for Antonia. ‘What the hell happened?’ She thought as she struggled to make sense of the manic scene playing in her mind. The stranger led Josephine into a waiting cubical in the emergency room of St. Bartholomew Hospital. With the exception of a few employees, this part of the hospital seemed vacant. With the majority of the staff running to the aide of Antonia, Josephine was seen by the local pediatric doctor, who happened to be in the hospital checking patients.
“Hello...Ms. Ferrero, isn’t it?” The good doctor inquired, nervously.
“Am I?” was her only response.
Slightly irritated by her attitude, the doctor turned on the bright overhead light with a snap. “Please lay back, ma’am.” Josephine did as directed. The bright light now glaring into her eyes caused a sharp pain to cross from temple to temple. Her hand involuntarily came to her forehead. “Please, you have to try to keep your eyes open for at least a moment.” He took out his pocket light and flashed it on and off in her eyes. Then he touched her face and neck gingerly as he watched for her reaction. He moved her head, slowly, in a circular manner. Again he shined the light into her eyes. Again the pain shot across her head. He gave her a shot in the arm, of what Josephine had no clue. The good doctor was explaining to her as she drifted out of this world and into her past.
Chapter Two
They met the second week of September, 1970 on a gray, windy and very damp day. They met at Saint Agnes, school for girls. An exclusive private school limited to six girls per grade, first through tenth. Students were expected to excel academically and reach college level by the age of sixteen. To outsiders it looked more like a reform school. It had high walls and fences which refused admittance. Very narrow windows allowed no insight, no distractions. But to the girls it was home. It was a very strict, but loving home. Most students only went home for summer vacation, limited to six weeks. But not everyone did, there were several who stayed all year, every year.
The large wooden doors squealed with the excitement of being opened. Or so it seemed to Antonia, who had not seen them open once since arriving last week. A family of three walked in. Antonia looked back to the book she was reading. Volume S, of the school’s only encyclopedia set. Hand in hand, the family walked past along the marble floors into the main hall. Sister Ursula, all four feet three inches of her, greeted them with a fevered cheerfulness. As she led them away, Antonia looked up once again and watched the father holding the child’s hand and the child holding the mother’s hand. She watched until they reached the door into the Office of Acceptance. She watched as they were beckoned to sit. The father placed a single suitcase on the floor and pulled out the chair for the mother, who seated herself ever so gracefully. He then did the same for the daughter, who turned and made eye contact with the eyes in the hallway.
Sister Ursula closed the door leaving the family alone with the Mother Superior, Sister Katherine. As she exited the room, she walked toward Antonia, who was still watching the loving scene playing on in her mind’s eye. Antonia was startled when Sister approached her and jumped, dropping the book. “It’s all right.” The Sister comforted her. “Calm down, Antonia. Calm yourself child. Let us get out of this hallway and find something to eat OK? Come on child,” she said as she pulled Antonia into her embrace. The hug was one sided as Antonia was stiff and protective The Door of Acceptance opened once again, and a very stout authoritative Sister Katherine appeared. “Is everything OK out here?”
“Yes, yes, fine. We will go to the kitchen now, forgive our interruption Mother. Come child.” And Sister pulled ever so gently on Antonia’s arm. The two left without another sound.
Sister Katherine closed the door and returned her attention to her new fledgling and financial supporters. She prided herself on being the best sales-person the Catholic Church had ever been blessed with. It wasn’t always easy to convince parents to part with their cash, especially when their emotions, their thoughts were wrapped up in parting with their own child.
Sister Katherine was quick to restart the conversation. “Pardon the interruption, please, go on Sir.”
The mother interrupted, “The child in the hallway...”
“Oh you needn’t worry ma’am, she will not be here long. We are currently waiting for her placement in foster care.”
“So she is not a student here?” Inquired the father.
Seeing the opportunity to play upon the hearts of those more fortunate financially than she, Sister took the time to explain. “Antonia came to us from the state. Her upbringing was far less than acceptable. The authorities said she had been severely abused, physically, mentally, verbally, for her entire life. Or so it would seem.” The mother winced and brought her hand to her mouth. “While it is not the purpose of this facility to take in orphans...”
“The child’s parents are both dead then?” The father interrupted.
“No, sir, they are not. The mother has passed away but the child’s father is presently incarcerated.”
The mother looked as though she may faint. Sister Katherine walked to the water dispenser and poured a cup full. She then offered it to the mother and without missing a beat, continued on with her saga. “You see, apparently, for the past few years, the father had been forcing the mother to prepare the child for him.” Sister glanced at Josephine, who was watching her shoes bang into each other. “When he would come home from work at night, he expected the child to look every bit like the mother. He wanted Antonia to perform unspeakable acts. He made her do things, no woman, certainty no child should ever be forced to do. And he would...” the Sister broke from the sentence. She took a measured glance at both parents in the room. “Apparently the mother could not take it anymore and finally came to her senses, and decided it was time to put a stop to it. She hid the child in a closet and when the father returned home from work, she met him at the door. There was a very big fight. It ended with the father smashing the mothers head in with his own fist. Fortunately the mother had the good sense to call the authorities before the arrival of her husband. However by the time police had arrived, it was too late for the woman and the father was then taken away in handcuffs. He was incarcerated and the State is secure in their belief that he will, upon sentencing receive twenty- five to thirty years without parole.
The child was later found hiding in a closet but it is believed she witnessed the whole incident.”
“Believed?” questioned the mother.
“Yes, you see she has not spoken a word since the incident. No one knows for sure if indeed she has ever spoken. No one had ever seen the child. Birth records showed that she is the age of seven. However no doctor in the state had seen her since her birth. She had no school records. Apparently she had never been outside of her house or off their property until she was brought to us. One can only imagine the horror she had to deal with in her short life time. But God always fills our plates for us doesn’t he? He gave each of us our road; it is for each of us to travel.”
“So you believe the child--” the mother tried to interject.
“It is not my place to believe or disbelieve ma’am, my job is to take care of the children who are placed with me for educational purposes. This is not an orphanage or foster care facility and we will not be accepting the poor and homeless. There are several agencies out there for which this is designated. The problem we have is that the child is not an orphan, as her father is still alive. So, therefore, she may not be placed in an orphanage. Foster care is being sought for her and she shall remain here until such time, for educational purpose only. You need not fear her stay. Now let us return to the matter at hand, shall we? Your little Josephine.” Sister Ursula’s eyes met the little girl’s. She had mis-spoken perhaps. She had not believed the child to be listening but she could see something in her eyes. Something that said she heard and understood. She would have to be more cautious in the future.
Sister Ursula and Antonia had just settled down at the table, in the kitchen, with their snack of apple slices and peanut butter when Sister Katherine’s voice entered authoritatively through the intercom. “Sister Ursula, will you please come to my office for a moment?” Click. Sister Katherine did not wait for a response.
Sister Ursula placed a gentle hand on the shoulder of Antonia. “You be an angel and finish your snack. I will be but a moment, I promise I will be right back. Wait here at the table for me.” Eye contact from the child was the only response. Antonia looked up at Sister for a brief moment and then back to her snack. Sister silently said a ‘Hail Mary’ for the child on her way to the office.
Arriving back the office, she knocked twice and stood aside waiting for consent to enter. Sister Katherine opened the door for her, and motioned for her to come inside. “Sister, would you be so kind as to take Miss Josephine up to her quarters and help her get settled?”
“It would be my pleasure, Mother,” Sister Ursula said as she extended her hand toward Josephine.
“Please, see to it that she returns to the entrance hall in one hour’s time.”
Sister Katherine dismissed her and the child quickly. She needed the parents’ full attention for the financial procedures. Josephine took hold of Sister’s hand without thinking, but once she held it she grew nervous. She glanced back to her parents before exiting the office. Her mother’s face could not hide her emotions. There were tears forming in her eyes. However her face held a smile that said “I love you”. Her father’s expression was full of love that beamed from his eyes without hesitation, however he sternly said, “Make me proud”
Josephine bent to pick up her suitcase and as she straightened her back, she looked up at Sister Ursula. Sister looked at the child with gentleness and said, “Well then, shall we get started?”
Sister took Josephine the long way around the main building. She purposely took her through the kitchen. Antonia was still sitting at the table. Her snack had been finished and her dish had been pushed aside. “Come, child.” was all that was said. Antonia stood and pushed her chair in. She grabbed hold of Sisters free hand as the three left the kitchen.
The main building housed the chapel to the right as you entered and to the left a small library, primarily used to keep visitors occupied as they waited. The admissions office was located in the center, behind which was the kitchen and dining room which exited out to the yard. To the left and right as you stepped out of the office, were stairs that led to the dorms. Two levels on each side. The left side housed the younger girls, ages seven through eleven; to the right, those from twelve to sixteen. The younger girls of each side were located on the lower levels.
Each dorm room was decorated exactly the same. Two twin beds, separated by a single night stand, which held a single lamp. There was one closet in each room and on either side was a stand up dresser, consisting of four drawers each. A single foot high cross hung on the wall over the night stand and a statue was placed on either dresser. The Blessed Mother to the left, St. Agnes on the right.
The School building was separate and directly to the rear of the main building. The girls exited their dorms to the rear of the building at all times. There were several smaller buildings placed sporadically throughout the perimeter of the school. These were for staff and supplies, laundry and medical treatment.
Josephine felt totally lost. Antonia felt a pinch of sorrow for Josephine. For some reason, Sister Ursula felt confident that these two children were meant to be paired. She was sure that God had placed each girl at precisely the right moment. They stopped in the room already occupied by Antonia. Antonia had chosen to sleep in the bed closest to the door, so Sister directed Josephine to place her bag on the bed next to the window. Antonia politely sat on the end of her own bed while Sister explained the house rules to Josephine. Sister then excused herself, after witnessing through the rooms only window, an incident out in the yard. “I will be back shortly. I do not want either of you to leave this room until I return.” She made eye contact with each girl, and feeling confident she was heard, left them alone.
“I saw you in the hall. When I came in today, I saw you sitting in the hall.” Josephine tried to make polite conversation. She really had no idea what to say. She sat on her bed facing Antonia. The two sat, for a time, and listened to each other breathe. Josephine finally stood and started to unpack her bag. She chatted while she unpacked about all kinds of things that were important to her. She really didn’t put any thought into what she was saying. She was just talking. If Antonia had not been in the room, the conversation would have pretty much been the same. Josephine reached for her teddy bear. Toys were not permitted at St Agnes, but a teddy bear could find safe haven if used for security purposes. Josephine looked long and hard at her bear then at Antonia. The bear had been a gift from her father and Josephine adored it. She held it out to Antonia and said, “Here, take it.” Antonia just looked up at Josephine. “Take it,” Josephine repeated. “I want you to have it.”
Antonia gently took the bear. It was a black bear with a white star on its chest and a tan muzzle. She didn’t know what to do with it, so she just let it sit in her lap, gazing up at her. Josephine sat down next to her. “My dad gave me this bear, when I was in the hospital. I had to have my tonsils out and I was really scared. He told me to hold it real tight and it would make my fears disappear. It works, honest. I hold it at night when I have nightmares and they just go away.” Antonia looked deep into Josephine’s eyes. She wanted desperately to believe that nightmares could be stopped by squeezing this bear. Josephine smiled. “My name is Josephine but you can call me Joe.”
Antonia responded. “My name is Antonia, my mother called me Anthony, you...you could call me Anthony.”
Chapter 3
“Here, I grabbed you some coffee.” Jim Deloryan, Josephine’s secretary, was standing by her side. “Have they said how she is doing?” Josephine looked at him questioningly. “Antonia, have they said how she is?” Josephine accepted the coffee and held it in both hands, trying to absorb the heat from the cup. She was cold. She did not respond to the question. She just stared off into space, leaning against the doorjamb of the cubical. Jim walked over to the nurses’ station and had a brief conversation with the gentleman behind the counter. He returned to Josephine’s side and placed his arm around her shoulders, gently nudging her along. “W
e can go sit outside. We don’t need to be in here. Let’s go find a place to sit, OK?” He asked the question, but did not really require or expect a response. He was not at all comfortable with all the beeping and dinging, attached to the emergency room atmosphere.
Just beyond the emergency room was a waiting room. Beyond the waiting room was the lobby of the hospital itself. Friendlier and relaxing in appearance, Jim took Josephine into the lobby to sit. There were several chairs, a couple sofas and plenty of magazines and newspapers. It was dark outside as the evening had arrived. Jim scanned the magazines and newspapers, checking for anything that might be upsetting to his boss. He found two questionable prints and grabbed them with the intent of removing them from the room. Josephine found a chair and dropped down into it. She was still clutching her cup of coffee with both hands.
“Are you all right?” Jim asked. Josephine slowly looked up at him.
“Um...yeah, yeah just...” She let go of the thought
Jim just shook his head. He ran his free hand across his mouth and chin, thoughtfully. “I’ll be right back. Stay here.” He turned from the lobby and returned to the waiting room. Several of the party guests had arrived and were huddled together, mulling over the happenings of the evening.
“Has anyone heard anything on Antonia’s condition yet?” A few of the group looked up and shook their heads no, in response. The others just looked off into their own thoughts. “Does anyone happen to know where Billy is?” Again the same response. Jim was starting to feel as if he was standing in the bed of funeral parlor.
The emergency room doors opened and everyone looked up hopefully. Nothing. The nurse at the station, witnessing the concern, came out into the waiting room briefly and offered, “It’s going to be a while. Why don’t you all go home and get some rest. There is nothing you can do for her right now. She is in the best of hands. There really is no way of knowing what is happening. If any of you would like to call later, just ask for me and I will give you whatever information I can.”