by Cari Z.
“It hurts, but not as badly as I think it should.” Elliot stared incredulously down at his chest. “I thought I was going to die. I actually thought I was dying. And then I didn’t, and I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“I’d try ‘relieved,’ maybe ‘happy,’” Lennox suggested, but Elliot frowned at him.
“You know that’s not what I mean. I’m glad I’m alive, obviously, but it’s not because I figured it all out myself. I wasn’t smart enough to see what was going on with this situation. I assumed everything was Pullman’s fault, when it turns out that the person who went the farthest was someone I worked with. Someone I trusted, Lennox. I didn’t like Stuart on a personal level, but he was useful, and I . . . well, I used him. And vice versa, I guess, but I didn’t see what I’d become to him.” He sighed heavily. “Which kind of makes this whole thing my fault.”
“Not even close,” Lennox said immediately. “No, really,” he persisted when Elliot wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You are absolutely not responsible for Reynolds attacking you like he did. It doesn’t matter if you promised him the fucking moon, you hear me? Charmed Life might be all about endless possibility and bright futures and whatever, but that’s not a fucking contract between you and every person who subscribes to your site. Fuck Reynolds if he couldn’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.”
Elliot still wouldn’t look at him, and he was starting to shake again, so Lennox did the only thing he could think of: he pulled Elliot into his arms, leaned back against the arm of the couch, and held him close.
“You don’t owe anyone your life,” Lennox murmured. “You don’t owe them your safety, or your privacy. I know what it feels like to need to atone, but you can’t give everything up. Otherwise you’ve got nothing left for yourself, and before long there’s no you left at all.”
“Atonement, huh?” Elliot said after a moment. He was still shaking, but his voice sounded almost normal. “You think that’s what I’m trying to do?”
“Not with everyone, and not all the time,” Lennox said. “But enough that it got you into trouble this time around.” His phone buzzed. “Speaking of trouble . . .” He glanced at the clock on the wall and groaned. “Shit. Gaby’s hosting a Super Bowl party today, and she expected me to show up five minutes ago.”
“She’s got you timed down to the minute, huh?”
“Yeah.” Lennox shut his eyes for a moment. He loved his extended family, he did, but he honestly wanted nothing more than to stay right here with Elliot for the rest of the day. Possibly the rest of the week.
Elliot stretched his arm far enough to snag his own phone. “How about I text Serena and let her know we’re in no state to go out, she can make your excuses to Gaby, and you can play hooky and watch the game here with me? Unless you really want to go, in which case,” he smiled, but it was a small thing. “I’ll stay here on my lonesome and wait for you to get back.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Lennox said. “You could come with me.”
Elliot shook his head. “I’m ready and willing to do almost anything for you, but hanging out with your ex-wife and her family after yesterday? I’m just not that strong.” He tucked his feet up onto the end of the couch and snuggled in a little closer. After a second, Lennox turned his phone off.
“Why are all of our dates so weird?” Lennox muttered.
Elliot looked up at him with wide eyes. “You think we’re dating?”
Lennox’s heart clenched a little. “If we’re not, I’ve got some explaining to do to Lee.”
“Hey, I never said we weren’t dating.”
“So we are, then.”
“If you want to be.”
“I never said I didn’t want to be.” Lennox paused a second to deconstruct what he’d just said, then rolled his eyes at himself. “Jesus Christ, this is why I’m divorced. I’m shit at communicating anything other than orders. Elliot, I want to date you. I’d like for this to be one more weird date in a hopefully long line of weird dates with you. I’ll call Gaby myself. You order us a pizza, and then we’ll watch the Super Bowl on my shitty couch in my hovel. Sound good?”
Elliot’s smile was big and genuine this time, the lines of tension in his face smoothing. “That would be great.”
It was, actually. What had happened to Elliot couldn’t be erased in a single afternoon, and there was probably still a lot of fallout to come. Lennox felt hopeful, though, genuinely optimistic for the first time in what seemed like forever. Elliot wasn’t heading into whatever came next alone. Lennox would be there with him, and he’d have Elliot in turn.
It sounded like a pretty decent beginning, for a second chance.
Excerpt from news blog Crime and Punishment:
There’s been new drama in the tech sector today for all the wrong reasons as Sheridan Pullman, the former CEO of Redback Industries, goes back to court to deal with a multitude of charges, among them the attempted murder of a former business associate, Elliot McKenzie. Pullman is expected to plead guilty as part of a deal that will give his sister, Shockwave reporter Clarissa Hanes, immunity from prosecution for her role in the crimes. What that role was, exactly, has yet to be disclosed to the public.
“She’s going to get off scot-free.” Elliot almost had to smile at the disgust coloring Lennox’s voice. “How? How can they just ignore the evidence like that?”
“Clarissa is a small fish compared to her brother,” Elliot said with a shrug. “Somebody’s looking to make their name off this case, and pinning Pullman with another murder charge is a good way to do it. Even if he dies before they can get him back to prison.”
“But then she doesn’t have to face any consequences for what she did.”
Elliot turned from the cutting board and wrapped his arms around Lennox’s neck, careful to keep his wet hands away from Lennox’s warm skin. “Do you think she needs to suffer some more?” he purred. “Would watching her walk barefoot across hot coals make you happy?” He nuzzled the tip of his nose against Lennox’s cheek. “My sweet, bloodthirsty darling. Aren’t you supposed to be working on letting this sort of thing go?”
“She could have killed you.” Lennox was trying hard to hold on to his disgruntlement, Elliot could tell, but after four months he knew the best methods for breaking him out of a dark mood. Overt affection was at the top of the list. Lennox was a surprising sucker for cuddles. “That’s a hard thing to just let go.”
“If it makes you feel any better, she’s probably not going to get to inherit her brother’s millions at this point,” Elliot said. “And who’ll hire her? Her professional credibility has been blown to shreds. Besides now that Mischa’s been implicated in the Singularity theft, she’s got no reason to bother with me anymore.”
That had been an unexpected windfall courtesy of Oliver, who’d called them up a month ago to pass on that he’d tipped off Interpol to Mischa’s attempt to sell Pullman’s pet project in Russia. “Selling guns is one thing,” Oliver had said, “but customizing killer viruses? That buys you a whole new level of Hell.”
Elliot turned his nuzzle into a kiss on Lennox’s cheek. “The best revenge is happiness and success, and I’ve got plenty of both. My company is thriving, all the press has been positive on my behalf, and my personal life is better than ever. It’s official: I win at everything.”
Well . . . maybe not everything. The situation between him and Vanessa was still strained: they spoke to each other once a week on the phone, and had met once in person for drinks. It had been the most uncomfortable half an hour Elliot had ever spent in a bar. He’d been torn between wanting to throw himself at her feet and beg that she take him back, and wanting to throw his glass of water in her face. But dignity had won out, barely, and the channels of communication between them were gradually opening back up. Elliot had high hopes that he’d finally get to visit his niece and nephew over the summer, which had officially started last week.
Lennox’s low laughter took Elliot’s mind off his famil
y. “I hope you still feel that way after the barbecue this afternoon,” he said. Was that . . . schadenfreude in his voice?
Elliot pulled back to look his boyfriend in the eyes. “You promised you’d protect me from Gaby.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Not good enough. I want an ironclad contract guaranteeing I’ll make it out of meeting your ex-wife and her family without suffering grievous bodily injury or significant mental distress.”
“Did you make Serena sign one as well?” Lennox asked.
“Of course I did. I’m not going into this without backup. Lee’s already offered me her room as a hideout if I get desperate.”
Lennox grinned, and Elliot was done with resisting temptation. He grabbed the back of Lennox’s shirt and reeled him into a kiss. Not a polite, about-to-go-to-a-family-barbecue kiss either. This was a wet, filthy battle of a kiss, a kiss that promised Lennox all sorts of fantastic things in the near future.
“Dad! Dad, where’s the laundry soap, I need to wash my shirt before boxing tonight! Dad— God, ew, really?”
Lennox pulled away from Elliot with a quiet groan, and they both turned to look at Lee, who stood in the hallway of Lennox’s apartment, staring at them with an expression somewhere between disgusted and amused.
“I’m only going to be living with you guys two days of the week. You can’t keep it in the bedroom for two days?”
Lennox seemed to be flushing now—it was hard to tell, he was so tan, but that was his normal response to being embarrassed by Lee. For his part, Elliot just smiled broadly and pressed his cheek to Lennox’s shoulder. “I can’t help it, your dad is irresistible. Blame him.”
“I totally do.”
Lennox pointed a finger at his daughter. “You know what? You’re thirteen, you can handle seeing two adults being affectionate, and you.” He turned his glare on Elliot. “You started it. If anyone should be blamed, it’s you.”
“Hmmm, no,” Elliot said after a moment of mock consideration. “But nice try!”
“But not that nice,” Lee added.
“You guys are a riot. Not.”
“Maybe not, but now you have avocado bits all over the back of your shirt.” Lee looked smug. “That’s kind of funny. Are we really out of laundry soap?”
Lennox glared at Elliot.
“I . . . forgot my hands were dirty,” Elliot said, glancing over his shoulder at the partially assembled salad on the counter. “Sorry.”
Lennox rolled his eyes, but when Elliot tried to back away Lennox just reeled him in again. “I already moved the detergent over to the other house. We can wash your shirt at your mom’s. Five more minutes and then we’re leaving, got it?”
“Got it.” Lee took off down the hall, and Lennox turned back to Elliot.
“Where were we?” Elliot murmured, but Lennox shook his head.
“You can’t get out of this that easily, babe.” Lennox pressed a kiss to his temple, then finally let him go. “I need to change―thanks for that―and you need to finish the salad. We have to be extra charming if we’re going to convince Marcus to help us move the rest of my stuff over tomorrow.”
“Honestly, I could live without your couch,” Elliot said. “But I can’t live without watching you lift those weights, so yes. I promise to be as charming as I always am. But not overly so,” he added, because Serena had warned him about coming off as trying to play people. The advice hadn’t really helped. Elliot didn’t know how to get Gaby Rodriguez on his side if she was going to distrust him from the start, but he was pretty sure he’d have time to figure it out. After all, they were going to be seeing a lot more of each other from here on out. “Should I expect a dirty look as our housewarming gift?”
“It’s possible,” Lennox said, and god, Elliot loved seeing him so easy about what was a big step for both of them, but an undeniably bigger one for Lennox. Getting to the point where he felt comfortable letting Lee stay over in his apartment again had been huge. Giving up his independence, though? Agreeing to constant company with no easy avenue of retreat when he felt stressed or had a bad night? Elliot was still a little surprised that Lennox had said yes when Elliot had asked him to move in. Elliot had had to try, though: they’d been spending five nights out of seven together already, and he’d been tired of Lennox’s icy floors—even in June, they were freezing—and lack of cable. And then Lennox had said yes, and Elliot had wondered if he deserved to be this happy.
“But I bet the dirty look will come with a whisk,” Lennox continued.
“A whisk.” Elliot looked at Lennox blankly. “What the hell do people use whisks for? Isn’t that the manual version of the attachment you get with a mixing machine?”
“I’ll show you when we get home.”
Elliot couldn’t resist. He leaned in and kissed Lennox lightly on the lips, with just enough pressure to hint at the warmth that spread through his body every time he remembered that he wasn’t alone anymore. “I can’t wait.”
Dear Reader,
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It takes a village to finish a book. Many, many thanks to Tiffany and Caz for making this one possible.
Panopolis
Where There’s Smoke
Where There’s Fire
Where There’s a Will
House Rules (in the Rules to Live By anthology)
Tempest
Shadows & Light
Changing Worlds
Cambion: Dark Around the Edges
A Blinded Mind
Surviving the Change
Camellia and Camellia: Spring Blossom, with Caitlin Ricci
Perilous
Cari Z is a Colorado girl who loves snow and sunshine. She likes edged weapons, prefers books to television shows, and goes weak at the knees for interesting men and exciting explosions (but not at exactly the same time—that would be so messy).
You can find her at carizerotica.blogspot.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/people/Cari-Zee, or on Twitter as @author_cariz.
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