“Why would a girl want a man that doesn’t actually want her and is using her to get someone totally different?”
“You are thinking inside the box, Al. I don’t believe I know any men who would do that. If there was a girl he wanted more he would just have started ‘courting’ that girl. There is no need to be underhanded about it. He would have a very strong interest in the first girl, or he wouldn’t continue the negotiations. He would have to have a solid interest in both girls to proceed. He could have several reasons for his conditions. He has to want the original girl, but he might want someone to join them that could bring other talents to the family. The first girl might ride and train horses to perfection but suck at being a saddler. So it’s reasonable that he also might want a girl who was a good saddler and can make saddles and other horse equipment. Since the first girl, the one instigating the declaring process, knows she is eventually going to have sisters in her relationship, her being asked to bring a saddler along is just common sense. Keep in mind, Al, that he wouldn’t be choosing the second girl frivolously.”
“What if she didn’t like any of the available saddlers, didn’t think the available ones would make a good fit?”
“Then she would present that to the guy and they would discuss it, come to some mutual ground. In my experience on the declaring council I have seen such situations come up. If they both can see the other’s point and come to the conclusion that none of the available saddlers is a good choice, they would then start discussing alternate professions or skill sets to bring into the relationship. Maybe even decide to bring an up and coming saddler in later. They might even approach a girl who is about to choose a school or what profession she will pursue. If she is interested in them she can follow choices that will lead her to inclusion in their family. I just used saddler as an example. It could have been something to do with computing or any subject.
“Al you have to get outside the box in all this. For one thing you are centering on the male in this equation. You are looking at it as if the man is asking for something bad, or something that belittles the woman. Far from it. What he is actually doing is letting her have input in choosing the partners in their relationship, one that she feels more comfortable creating a family with. The reality is, he is honoring her opinion and letting her express herself, instead of dictating to her. Don’t forget, he is just as likely to be asked to join an already formed relationship between two or more females. Should he then be upset because the females created a strong family that could survive before asking him to join?
“I can say with a fair amount of certainty that, male or female, the choices of the second girl would be based on solid reasoning. They are not going to totally ignore looks; they are human after all. He might believe that the girl who declared for him would be happier with a friend in the family. I mentioned the second girl possibility in an attempt to give you a fair and honest look at how the family works. I should tell you that this particular situation rarely comes up in a negative way. It is much more likely that the girl who originally declared already had another girl in mind from the get go.
“Keep in mind, these are not uneducated women. These women have chosen to practice this lifestyle on their own. This isn’t some religion or cult you know, it is a family trying to protect itself.”
“OK Roy, that at least makes some sense to me. But isn’t this just some form of polygamy?”
“I see your point, Al. That is a label that technically fits. But like many labels, it doesn’t tell the true contents of the jar. The creation of a well-educated, trained and cohesive family group didn’t start out to replace historical man woman relationships. It was intended to create something new, something different. The intention was a relationship that was not only based on physical attraction, hormones if you will, but one that is based on sustainability in unusual times.
“I won’t try to go into a long tiresome set of reasons why we decided to try this. Just think on this for a while. Consider this. Many Shit Hit The Fan situations proposed by numerous authorities and even authors, have the world population knocked back perhaps to as little as 500,000 people worldwide. Additionally, the level of living would then be similar to the 1800s. Who has a better chance to create a sustainable farming scenario? One man, one woman, or a trained group of people?”
“You aren’t flying in the face of traditional relationships, you are trying to create a lifeboat to save your family!” Al almost shouted, as the reality of what this family was preparing for hit him.
“Now you’re getting it, Al.”
“What I am getting, Roy, is a headache! Anything else I should know about relationships? Wait, don’t tell me, I can’t process anything else right now.” Al was holding his hands up, open palms toward Roy, as if fending off any more overload of information.
“For the sake of argument, Roy, if I were to get involved with Rose, then I would have to accept the other two as well?”
“No, not at all. There is no rule like that. The other two are valuable people in their own right, they will have no problem finding a man. They would most definitely have something to say about your acceptability as a member of the group, though. What should be of more concern is would Rose be willing to form a relationship without her sisters. Even if Rose was willing to form a relationship with you doesn’t mean the others are going to follow her. You really need to get over the idea that the other two are some sort of problem for Rose and that she would want to get out of the situation. That is not the case. I know for a fact that Rose had already chosen one of the girls before declaring for the man she eventually selected.”
“I feel like biting my own arm, Roy! This is a lot to process.”
All he got from Roy was a big grin.
“This is the only way that relationships are formed in the family?” Al asked.
“It isn’t the only way, Al. I would say it is 70% this way and 30%, for lack of a better word, a boy romancing a girl. If she is willing and he is willing they come to us and declare mutually. Of course, they still have to be acceptable genetically. If everything is OK, and her father doesn’t object, then they go ahead. A prudent man speaks to her father before coming to us, of course.”
“Prudent, Roy?”
“Yes, a young man who doesn’t wish his ass kicked should do the prudent thing. Keep in mind that saying a girl has not declared is just a way for people to know she is not in negotiations that we know about. Let’s a man know that it is up to him to check things out for himself.”
“Roy, the other night we all went to a bar. Most of the guys except Madd had girls hanging off of them. When it was time to leave they wouldn’t accept any offers of sex etc. from some very attractive girls I might add. Is that because they had girls here?”
“Partially; Madd and Ivan are the only ones with really firm arrangements. The others are active here in the social whirl here. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if their choices were made and declarations stated while they are back here though. For the guys, accepting sexual favors, then a few days later firming up a relationship in the family would seem dishonorable.”
“At the bar Madd never mentioned he was in a relationship, Roy.”
“He isn’t exactly, but there have been certain arrangements made.”
“Not exactly, Roy?”
“You see that smallish girl there in the red bikini and very blond hair?”
“The one with the unlikely chest, and two handkerchiefs masquerading as a bikini? Sorry Roy, that just slipped out.”
“It’s understandable. Her name is Itsy, and the same thought crossed my mind one day when I noticed she wasn’t a child any longer. Funny, it happened almost overnight. One day she was a skinny kid tagging along with Madd and the guys, the next she just sort of…sprouted. Just a suggestion Al, it would be a mistake to let Madd hear any such talk by either of us.”
“I can see he might take that wrong; I’ll be more careful.”
“Just as an aside Al,
I did ask the family physician, a man I grew up with, about her. They are 100% real and she is naturally that blond all over. He declined to elaborate further; all he would say was a girl doesn’t get any realer than that.
“Before I say more, I will ask you one question. Regardless of your protestations, you are a trained killer, a man, I imagine, who isn’t afraid of much. One that can handle himself and hasn’t run up against many men he can’t take one way or another.”
All Al could do was look back at him.
“You have met Madd, Ivan and the others. Who would you say was the most dangerous, physically dangerous that is?”
Al considered this. “I would hate to have to go head to head with any of them. Ivan is faster than anyone his size has a right to be and one of the strongest men I have ever met. Probably the very strongest. However, since you are asking the question, Ivan must be too obvious; you wouldn’t have asked me such a question if he was the answer.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“Then Roy, I have to say Madd.”
“Let me tell you something Al. I served my country in combat, I crawled through bars and dives around the world for several years. I met sinners and saints. Of all the hard cases and killers I ever met, Madd is by far the most dangerous.”
“I can see that he is a man to keep on the good side of Roy, but for the rest I will take your word until I know him better.”
Al wondered why Roy would ask him such a question, then his incautious words concerning Itsy’s appearance came to mind and the answer to why Roy asked the question was obvious.
“The reason I said Madd wasn’t exactly in a relationship is because of her. Itsy was thirteen and Madd was fifteen, when Itsy came to the council during a meeting. She informed us that she was there to declare for Madd. It isn’t unusual for a female family member to declare they want to join a male’s household at a young age and then wait for their coming of age, but she was way too young for that. If they are deemed a little too young then a waiting period is imposed before things progress too far. Although thirteen is too young even for that, to our way of thinking! We were all blindsided by her. She was too young but very determined. I felt that no matter what I said it could all go south too easily, so I took a cautious position.
“Country folk tend to form relationships early but this was unusual even for us. This was one of the few times in my life I had no idea how to proceed. The council told her she was way too young for any such thoughts. She just shrugged and said, no disrespect sirs, but I ‘will’ be his if he accepts me. Not much we could say to that. She is a very strong willed person. No one ever thought to make a rule that specified how old a girl must be to declare; never seemed necessary. I looked at the council, they looked at me. All we could do was say we would speak to Madd. We were hoping that he would be the spirit of reason needed in these circumstances.
“Two days later we sent for Madd. When he got there I explained what had happened and that the council was uncertain how to proceed. He got a thoughtful look on his face and asked the council, if she were not so young, how would we have proceeded. We had already checked the list and she was far enough removed genetically, so I had to admit that she was qualified and available. Under more usual conditions we would have given blessings.
“For reasons too complicated to go into right now, their match would be a significantly good thing for the family.
“Madd told us, ‘It may sound silly but I always thought of her with affection and as a good friend; I had never looked at her as a potential girl for my household. It’s a little hard to shift gears from friend to love interest in a matter of minutes.’
“From the time Madd was eight years old he was the most serious young person imaginable. He was very serious and thoughtful about what we had just told him. He asked if he could step into the other room for a few minutes and we said take all the time you need. It took him probably 10 minutes then he came back. He told us he saw no reason not to accept her but that she needed to be older before he would be comfortable with any arrangements. He had specific conditions but if she were willing to meet them then he was satisfied with her. To his credit, he did ask we keep things secret. If she changed her mind as she got older Madd felt no one outside the room need ever know.
“The situation was unusual, to say the least. We wanted to get this behind us as soon as possible. I had her sent for and we questioned her again in front of Madd. She very firmly told all of us that she wanted to declare for Madd. The whole time we waited for her to get there Madd had been writing something down. He handed it to Itsy. She read it over three or four times then said it was perfectly acceptable to her. We have no idea what was on the paper except that she had to wait to be older before anything could be made public. She declared that what he had written was perfectly acceptable to her, and would guide her actions, now and in the future. I gave them some good council and told them in no uncertain terms NO hanky panky. Madd looked startled and offended all at the same time.”
“Offended?” asked Al.
“Yes, it offended him that I might consider he would do any such thing. Keep in mind he may have been fifteen, but he was already at least six feet tall and had the equivalent of a college degree. There he stood, tall, strong and offended, glaring at us. I just had to laugh. We all laughed so hard we almost fell out of our chairs.
“He told all of us, sternly, he had no such ideas. He also informed me they would be waiting for several years, until she was of an acceptable age. I think all this sort of miffed Itsy because she stomped her little foot and declared she was ready even if he wasn’t. That made us laugh even harder. Now she was years too young to declare her desire to join a man’s household but that never phased her. With one look Madd cut her off at the knees. He told her to behave. She looked a lot like someone had punched her in the stomach. In a very small voice she said, ‘I am sorry for stepping out of line, I will wait until I am old enough.’ But the look in her eyes told us all, she wouldn’t be happy with it.
“Keep in mind, Al, that in Colorado a girl of fourteen can have consensual sex with anyone not more than 10 years older. While the state has its point of view we like to have our young people wait until they are older and wiser. To be frank I would have been worried what might happen when she turned fourteen if it were anyone other than Madd in this situation. Madd stuck to his guns and they are still waiting. Don’t give me that look, Al. The family may be large, but some things are impossible to hide. I assure you they are still waiting.”
“Roy, looking at her I have to wonder how long that will last. Madd is a good guy, but that little honey would make an angel weep just looking at her.”
“I agree Al, and I am expecting them to formalize their relationship while he is home on leave. He is eighteen, she is sixteen. He loves her very much. Frankly, I can’t think of any reason to stand in their way. She is young but she is determined. Knowing Madd as I do, they may formalize things but there won’t be any fooling around until he returns and is nineteen.
“She is sixteen now and everyone in the family has been told she is ready, by her of course. That is why I said he isn’t exactly in a relationship, Al. In her defense, she did grow up with him and has known him since she was a baby. She knew a lot about him when she first wanted to declare. She has learned a lot more about him since. The reason she was so interested in him in the first place is that they think alike. They have similar ideas, wants and desires. She has turned out to be more than acceptable and has done her part in getting things ready for when she is old enough to move into his household. He loves that little bitty girl Al, and he is finally as ready as she is to get started. Don’t underestimate Madd. As I said, they may formalize their relationship while he is home, but he is a rock in most ways and there will be no hanky panky until he has finished his contract with the Army.”
“I frankly don’t understand your whole setup, but why does Madd want to wait another year or so?” Asked Al.
“For Itsy�
��s sake, Al. There is the all too real chance he will be killed in combat. Madd believes he is protecting her from the additional heartbreak of being in a very short, but intense, relationship.”
Al could respect that but looking at Itsy made him consider how strong Madd might be in ways other than pure physical strength.
“Itsy’s friends and family think he is a great catch and that they belong together. She has recruited two other girls for the household and wants him get to know them while he is back on R&R. Remember the example of girls mutually forming a relationship based on complementary educations, aimed at a particular man?”
“I do, Roy. It sounded a little calculating, but I have to admit that it makes a weird kind of sense.”
“I don’t know all the ins and outs, but I believe that is exactly what Itsy has done. And yes, she is calculating. She is calculating what would make the strongest family group. I suspect she has more than just those two in mind, but have no proof of it.
“Since her group are all from the family and not outsiders, Madd knows them, but she wants him to see them as potential members of their family, not just cousins. I don’t know what else I could tell you about their relationship Al, that pretty much tells you how they got together and where they stand.”
“One thing I just have to ask Roy, is how she got the name Itsy?”
Laughing, Roy explained, “It is from the nursery rhyme. The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. When she was small she loved that rhyme and Madd and the other guys would play along with her and repeat that doggone thing over and over to amuse her. Plus, she is a tiny girl so the name Itsy just sort of took on a life of its own.”
Al grabbed his head and said, “Of course, why not? I believe I am starting to suffer from information overload.”
So, You Want to Live Past Next Tuesday Page 4