“I’m fine, besides…I have Alex and he knows that.”
“Oh I bet that went down well…not.”
“Libby.” This time I was the one to say her name in warning.
“So how did last night go?” She asked thankfully changing the subject and therefore getting off my back about the whole situation.
“He stood her up again!” This answer came from Frank as I hadn’t realised they were back.
“He didn’t stand me up…well…not exactly, he just had to work that’s all.” I defended clenching my fists at my sides.
“He was there all of enough time to be led to the table before swiftly leaving.” Draven put in and I shot him a nasty look, one that obviously didn’t faze him in the slightest.
“Oh Kazzy, he did it again?” Libby asked giving me a slight head tilt in pity.
“It was fine…Jesus, the only people that have an issue with it is you guys!” I said letting my voice rise with my frustration.
“He’s a douche bag.” Frank muttered crossing his arms.
“Frank!” I shouted his name but he just shrugged his shoulders and retorted,
“Well he is! Let’s face it Kaz, you can do better than that arrogant French pric…”
“Frank!” This time it was Libby’s turn to reprimand him.
“Look, all I’m saying is that no real man leaves his woman like that!”
“Right, fine…I get it, you don’t like him…now can we please get off the subject!” I was just starting to get to a whole new level of being annoyed when the most perfect being alive toddled out of the front door.
“Daddy!” Ella cried out in excitement and both parent’s faces dropped.
“What the heck, Frank! You said she definitely couldn’t get out this time!” Libby said rushing over to her escape artist daughter in hearts and rainbow covered dungarees. She had a riot of red curls like a sun halo waving round her head as she was swept up into Libby’s arms.
“You little rascal! I don’t know how you keep doing it, little Miss,” my sister cooed and Frank looked on adoringly. I smiled at my niece and then looked to Draven to see him staring at me in a way I had never seen before. It was so different that I don’t think I could have described it even if I had all day to analyse it.
“Erm…so, this is my niece Ella.” I said and like perfect timing Ella thrust her little chubby arms out at me to take her.
“Ok baby girl, come to Auntie Kazzy.” I said taking her from my sister and also taking note that Libby too was watching Draven. I heaved her up in my arms and turned to face Draven myself.
“Ella belly this is…uh…Dom.” I said thinking this would be the easiest name for her to say. Of course I didn’t want to think too much into it as to why this was so important.
“Dom!” She said repeating me in her little cute voice that made you want to say ‘Aww’ to every single thing she said. I swear she could make the words goat herder or car transmission sound adorable.
“Hello there, little one.” Draven said after first needing to clear his throat.
“Libs, can I borrow you for a sec.” Frank said putting his arm around Libby’s shoulders and steering her into the house. I raised my eyebrows at Libby but she just shrugged her shoulders as if to say she had no clue but if I was to venture a guess I would say he wanted to tell her what Draven had told him. As soon as they went out of sight Ella started wriggling in my hold and at first I thought it was to get to them.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Keira.” I looked at Draven’s almost panicked face and back to the source of that panic as Ella was now reaching out to him. I couldn’t help it but I laughed. This mighty King of Demons and Angels on Earth, faced God knows how many armies and enemies but in the face of one little girl barely a year old and he looked ready to run and hide.
“I think you can handle it, Draven.” I said still chuckling as I passed her over to Draven not giving him much choice in the matter. He gripped her little body with his large hands overlapping and held her away from him like she was a ticking time bomb. I shook my head still laughing softly and said,
“Like this, cradle her to you.” I then motioned for him to hold one hand under her bum and the other around her body to hold her against his chest. Once he did this something in him just seemed to change instantly, like flipping a switch and one I suspected was wired directly to his heart.
“Dom, Dom!” She squealed in delight making his eyes widen.
“See, she likes you.” I said nodding as she planted both her tiny hands on his cheeks and getting closer to his face.
“She does?” He asked in wonder and I couldn’t have stopped the ache in my heart from mounting at the sight of Draven falling under the spell of my niece and becoming quickly and utterly smitten.
“Totally.” I whispered trying to rein in my emotions and the thickness in my voice.
“Well you are certainly a rare beauty aren’t you?” He said to her and she giggled before she pushed his cheeks together in the way she does to everyone.
“Chummba cheeks.” She said mimicking the way her daddy did it to her when she sat on his lap. Draven burst out laughing and then shifted her further up in his hold, obviously getting more comfortable with holding her now. He then both made my heart soar and crash at the same time when he bent his head and kissed her nose. She wrinkled it up and then poked him on his own and shouted,
“Nose! Nose!” I think it was at that precise moment I witnessed Draven fall in love with another human being and it was the single most beautiful moment in my life so far. But with its beauty came with it the devastating truth that up until that moment I had never fully let myself believe. I had kept it locked away all this time to a place I never wanted to unlock because to unlock it and set it free meant one haunting truth...
I could never have that beauty with Draven and that beauty was one only found when creating a child and inevitably was the kind of beauty…
I always craved.
Chapter 17
Almost Letting Go.
“Dom, Dom!” Ella shouted as she was still being carried around by Draven and I don’t think either of them was ready to give up the other any time soon. Libby’s icy demeanour soon thawed and I wasn’t sure whether this was because of the obvious adoration Draven was showing her daughter or from what Frank had told her. Well whichever one did it, Libby was now back in full welcoming mode and currently bringing through a tray of tea and biscuits making me want to groan when I saw her fancy china set, that I believe was a wedding gift never used.
“Well I’d better go pack,” I said as everyone else seated themselves in the living room.
“Oh don’t be daft, you have plenty of time,” Libby said setting the tray down as Ella shouted,
“Candy!” Which was what she called anything that was sweet. She then squirmed on Draven’s lap and started trying to reach out for a biscuit. Draven not even thinking about it reached out and grabbed one to hand her but what shocked everyone was that he first took a bite as if testing it for himself before letting her have it.
“Uh…are you still ok to take me to the airport?” I asked trying to move past the heavy sweet lump Draven’s actions were forming.
“I am taking you.” Draven said without looking at me and not caring in the slightest he was getting chocolate hand prints and cookie crumbs all down his obviously expensive leather jacket. Hell, if anything he looked like he would have burnt it if the child in his lap had only asked.
“Umm, that’s nice of you to offer, Draven but…”
“It’s not an offer.” He said and reached for another biscuit for Ella.
“Yummy Dom, Dom!” Ella shouted with glee and Libby chuckled but then said,
“Alright but last one or you will spoil your dinner.” At this Draven’s head whipped up and stared at her in disbelief.
“Ok Mummy.” Ella said around a mouthful of crumbs.
“She is allowed no more?” Draven asked Libby clearly shocked that
Ella was being denied anything. Frank laughed and slapped his hands to his knees before he got up.
“I know, it’s hard to say no, right…that’s why I leave it to Libs…that way she will like me more growing up.” He said winking at Draven and then slapping a hand on his shoulder.
“I heard that!” Libby shouted as Frank walked to the basement door.
“I know you did honey, now let me be useful before you knee me in the nuts and get Kazzy’s suitcase.” At this Draven ended up shaking Ella as he threw his head back and boomed with laughter. However his laughter was short lived as the joggling motion caused Ella to break wind and turn red faced.
“Uh…what’s happening?!” Draven asked in a panic.
“Well Dominic, you are about to witness the full delights of parenthood.” Libby said getting up ready to take Ella from him but I had other ideas.
“No, no Libs, let me…Dra…Dominic why don’t you help me.” I said winking at Libby making her smirk.
“Hey now I’m not gonna ever say no to that offer.”
“Excellent.” I replied taking Ella from Draven and cocking my head to indicate him to follow. He got up looking a bit confused, which just managed to add to my amusement. I walked through to where Libby kept the changing unit in the den and the second I lay her down she started to scream.
“What’s wrong with her?!” Draven asked in alarm as he watched me start to unsnap her dungarees and pull them off.
“Relax…she just filled her nappy that’s all.” I said giggling when he took a step back and held a hand under his nose after I whipped back the nappy.
“By the Gods…all that came out of her!?” I rolled my eyes but couldn’t have held back my massive grin for all the world. I don’t know why but when I thought back to when Libby was pregnant, a time when Draven and I were just starting out, I had envisioned moments like this. He and I both babysitting together or taking Ella on days out and all the while basking in the sight of Draven with my precious niece in his arms.
“Ssshh baby girl, it will be over in a minute.” I soothed as she wriggled and tried everything to get from having her bum changed.
“Is it hurting her?” Draven asked after I nodded to the wipes for him to hand me.
“Of course not, she just doesn’t like staying still this long…haven’t you ever seen someone change a nappy before or do you call them diapers?” I asked while multitasking with holding up baby legs in one hand and cleaning the cutest little bum with the other.
“I have never…”
“Never?” I prompted when he stopped and rolled up the nappy to put in the scented bag briefly thinking a Maci’s perfume counter wouldn’t mask that stench!
“Been around a child before,” he finished sounding slightly ashamed of the fact.
“You mean one as young?” I asked taking the fresh nappy he held out for me to take that he himself took from the stack.
“No, I mean any child.” This made me let go of Ella’s legs in shock and just before Ella twisted enough to escape bare butted, Draven placed a gentle hand on her belly. I looked down and noticed for once in her life she went so still at Draven’s touch, as if she was too busy absorbing the feeling than trying to get away from it.
“How is that possible, Draven?” I asked dumbstruck.
“I never cared much for the life I protected…” He said looking deep in thought as he gazed down at Ella like she somehow held the very key to our existence. Then he continued,
“Or saw the beauty in such a life grow.” The way he said this last part was for Ella’s sake alone and it made me want to cry. It was a perfect moment and was unfortunately enough to jerk me from my unobtainable dreams and dump me back into reality.
I didn’t know what to say to that so I didn’t say anything at all. I just gently removed Draven’s hand and continued to re-dress a squirming Ella. Once I was finished I popped her down to go toddling off back to her mum and was again left alone with Draven.
“Hey…are you alright?” He asked placing a hand on my shoulder and applying enough pressure to turn me to face him.
“Yeah, I’m fine…I gotta go pack.” I added in a quiet voice and pulled from him before he could say anything more. I had to get away before I confessed as to what torture I was finding this whole day. It was the worst kind. The kind that shows you a life you always wanted to live. The kind where you lived it for a short time having a taste and finding it was a life that was the sweetest kind there was to live. But now…well, now it was a little like being out in the rain looking in the window and watching other people living that sweet life. And all that’s left for you is standing in the cold with bittersweet memories hoping they will keep you warm enough to survive the winter.
I took these sombre thoughts all the way upstairs with me and all but stomped into my room. I didn’t look behind me to know Draven didn’t follow and somewhere deep was the disappointment when he didn’t. It was buried deep in the same place where I let myself hope he wouldn’t just walk out the door and me telling him I had to go pack was the last words he ever heard from me.
I didn’t have long before my heart was beating faster with the realisation none of this was going to happen because Draven was now shouting my name from the floor above in my old room. I stuck my head round the door frame and shouted up,
“Down here!” I went back into my new room and slumped on the bed staring out of the window to the woods I’d become used to losing myself in.
“Why are you in here and why has your room up there not had your presence in it for a long time?” Draven asked coming to face me. When I didn’t answer him he took the hint and sat next to me on the bed close enough his thigh was flush with mine.
“I just couldn’t face it…you know, after…” I said concentrating on one of the trees outside like it would somehow help me through this.
“Ah…I see.”
“Do you?!” I snapped facing him and I don’t know exactly where that fiery emotion came from.
“I do…it’s the very same reason I have not set foot in our…my bedchamber.” He said looking down at his hands as though for him they had the answers written in secret across his palms.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped. I guess I am just still finding this…”
“Hard, difficult…excruciating.” He said finishing on a whisper.
“Yeah, all of the above.” I said faking a smile as I looked at him.
“I know you don’t believe me but I didn’t choose things to be this way. I never…”
“Don’t.” I said on a plea. This was when he shifted to face me bringing his knee up on the bed making me move back to give him room.
“Please let me say this.” I wanted to protest but how could I? How could I deny anyone their feelings and their choice to finally voice them? So I bit my lip and nodded for him to continue.
“When the decision was made to cut myself from your life it was in the knowledge that you would eventually go on with your life and in time…well, time is supposed to heal all wounds.”
“And for you, what of the man who has eternity ahead of him, how long does it take to heal then?” I asked staring him straight on and trying not to flinch when I saw the purple pulse deeper in the depths of his eyes.
“There is no healing for that man, Keira, there are only many lifetimes of a man who knows the full extent of great loss.”
“Draven…do you think my love for you was any less than that?” I asked shaking my head.
“You don’t see me in the arms of another.” His reply was like a slap and I moved back as if he had in fact struck me.
“No, I just found you in the arms of an ex-lover when you led me to believe you were dead!” I said before standing from the bed and ready to take on a defensive pose which consisted of me with my hands on my hips.
“Keira, please…if you knew the reality you would be disgusted for very different reasons indeed.”
“You know that makes no sense to me.” At that he
gave me a sad smile and said,
“I know.”
“Right, well I have to pack and…”
“You need to know about this Alex, Keira…it’s not safe you going off with him where I can’t keep watch over you.” Draven said and I made a little choked sound in the back of my throat as I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“So you were fine walking away last year and leaving me to it but now you know I am moving on, you what exactly…? Now you want front row seats!? Oh I don’t think so!” I shook my head and stormed around ready to go get my cases from Frank when he chose that moment to come lugging them in the door.
“Hey…uh…I’m not interrupting anything here am I?”
“No it’s all fine and dandy Frank, we were just having a friendly chat like the best of buddies we are.” I said feeling my anger bubbling up at the injustice of it all.
“O…kay.” Frank said taking the hint that all wasn’t well and he pretty much dropped the suitcases and ran out of the door to escape.
“Keira, just take a minute and try and be reasonable here, I am doing this for your protection.” Draven said standing himself and turning to face me. I heaved a suitcase onto the bed and Draven watched it bounce before I flung open the lid.
“Bloody pig headed Alpha male crap!” I ranted as I ignored him and started grabbing random clothes out of my drawers in anger. I then proceeded to stuff them in no doubt regretting it the minute I opened the case again in Italy.
“You’re so angry.” Draven said stating the obvious and I rolled my eyes and snapped,
“Ya think?!”
“Look, I know this is hard for you to accept but the Nephilim are dangerous and can be unpredictable…if you would just give me more time, let me look into my different sources and then we will know more and…”
“Enough!” I shouted slamming my case down.
“Keira just listen.” He said trying for a calm voice whereas mine was getting more and more high pitched.
“No you listen. I like Alex…as in a lot and I am not going to have you screw it up for me just because you don’t trust anyone.”
The Pentagram Child: Part 1 (Afterlife Saga Book 5) Page 20