by Vicki Hinze
“But we don’t know it ain’t gonna happen, half-pint. It might.”
“I suppose.”
Nick cleared his throat. Forced strength into his voice and courage from inside that he feared he didn’t have but sorely needed. “Lizzie?”
She paused and looked at him.
“I didn’t hope. I hurt instead. I still do. That’s not good.” He blinked hard. “I wish I had hoped, even if it never happened.”
“That’s what broke you inside? Not hoping?”
Nora’s words. He nodded. “We need hope.” He didn’t dare look at Elle. “It’s too late for me, but it isn’t for you. Hope, Lizzie. Enough for both of us.”
She thought a long moment. “No. But I’ll hope if you will. I figure if you can do it, I surely can.”
“I told you, it’s too late for me.”
“I’m saying, it ain’t.” Lizzie jutted out her jaw. “You’re still breathing.”
“You sound just like Nora.” Nick said.
“That’s the truth,” Sam said, a smile in his voice.
Elle smiled.
“Well?”
“Okay, Lizzie. I’ll try.” Nick said. “But only for you.”
“Well, all right, then.”
Amazingly like Nora. Nick couldn’t help himself; he smiled.
Chapter Twelve
Sunday, June 7th, 6:00 p.m.
Three Gables
Nick and Elle got Lizzie settled in with Ben and Kelly, then Lizzie walked them to the door. Nick struggled to find something to say to her worth hearing, but the girl had opened old wounds in him, and he felt raw. Still, Elle had trusted him and so had Lizzie. He had to have their courage and dare to trust them a little, too.
“If you need or want anything, you know how to reach us, Lizzie.” Elle stepped back.
Nick stepped closer, squatted so that he and Lizzie saw eye to eye. “I’m going to hope with my whole heart your mom comes back, Lizzie.”
“You are?”
He’d surprised her. Surprised himself, too. He nodded. “Right now, you’re hurt and sad and confused. I was, too. But whenever you feel that way, I want you to remember something.”
“What?”
“How brave you were to tell us about you and your mom. That took a lot of courage.”
“You’re the official secret keepers.”
“Yes, we are. But trusting even us was still really hard for you to do.” He sucked in a breath, praying the right words would come with it. “One day, you’re going to be brave like that again, Lizzie. Lots of days, really. Until then, just relax and live your life, okay? I’m going to hope about your mom enough for us both.”
“Seriously?”
He nodded. “Hey, a pinky swear is nothing to mess around with. I meant it.”
She gave him a shaky smile. “Thanks, Nick.”
He winked at her, then turned solemn. “No matter what, you can always call me for anything. Day or night—it doesn’t matter. About anything. You said you wouldn’t abandon me or leave me. Well, I’m not abandoning or leaving you, either.”
She lunged at him, hugged him hard.
Stiff and unaccustomed to hugging, he forced himself to relax and hug her back.
Elle watched Nick, a man she knew had put his life on the line countless times, a man who ran into danger when others fled from it, and tears blurred her eyes then slipped down her cheeks. She knew what this whole conversation and commitment to Lizzie had cost him.
“You’d better get going, half-pint.” He let her go and rose to his feet. “Kelly’s waiting for you to help give Susan a bath.”
She nodded. “Don't worry about me.” She looked into his eyes, studied them. “I’m good here.”
She’d better be great here. If he weren’t convinced Ben and Kelly would move mountains to keep her safe, there’s no way he could let her stay.
Lizzie walked inside and shut the door.
An empty feeling seized his stomach. Nick blew out a sharp breath, then turned to Elle. Silently, they walked toward the car.
Three steps from it on the driveway, Elle paused and kissed Nick, letting him see without words all the emotions she was feeling. When she could, she lifted her head and gazed into his eyes. “Sometimes you awe me, Nick Sloan.”
“Awe?” He wouldn’t have said it, but it fit what she did to him. “That’s a little over the top, don’t you think?”
“It’s honest.” She opened the car door. “You awed me the first time I saw you and every time after that—until you left without saying good-bye. But you awed me again, being like you were with Lizzie. I know that was difficult for you, opening up to her like that, but you did it.”
“Why does that awe you?” He didn’t understand. “Knowing what it’s like to be an outsider and alone, how could I not try to settle her fears?”
“Because you don’t trust. Period.” Elle paused at the car door. “Yet you saw her pain and you trusted Lizzie. It’s incredibly hard for you to let anyone get close to you, Nick. Actually, I doubt anyone really has gotten close to you until today. You did it—for her. And there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you’ll be there for Lizzie until you die of old age.”
He motioned for Elle to get into the car. “Unless I’m wrong, she won’t need me.”
Elle waited until he walked around the front-end of the car and got inside. When he settled on the seat and clicked his seat belt, she asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing.”
Clammed up. Again. “Tell me.” She hiked a shoulder. “I trust you. Do you think maybe one day you’ll trust me just a little?”
He looked over at her. “Why is my trust important to you?”
Good question. Elle had an excellent answer to it, of course, not that he was ready to hear it. He wasn’t. But, honestly, for a brilliant man, he could be slower than sludge where feelings and emotions were concerned. “You’re important to me,” she said. “Therefore, your trust is important to me. That’s how it works.”
“Don’t.” He cranked the engine. “Let someone better… someone not damaged be important to you. I’m no good for you, Elle.”
“I disagree.” She frowned and held it so he wouldn’t miss it. “You don’t get to dictate what matters most to me, by the way. Just pointing that out because you don’t seem to know it.”
He frowned back, also holding it so she wouldn’t miss it. “Listen to what I’m telling you. I can’t ever love anyone or anything. I won’t.”
Laughter bubbled in her throat. “Didn’t you hear Lizzie, Nick? If you’re still breathing, you can love.”
“Maybe you can, but I can’t. I won’t—”
“Won’t what?”
He hesitated, then clearly changed what he was about to say. “What’s it going to take to make you understand?”
“I do understand. You’re—“
“It’s not fear,” he told her, then stared out through the windshield for a long moment, as if gathering his thoughts. “It’s me,” he said. “Elle, you look at the world and everything in it and see goodness and beauty. I see the dark side because that’s all I know. It’s all I’ve ever known.” He paused, then added, “Your parents denied you their name, but privately, they were there for you. It’s different. In my whole life, nobody stayed. They never stay.”
“I will.”
“No you won’t.” He lifted a hand. “You’re a big star. You’ve got a career, money, everything anyone could want. You don’t need me. If I’d paid attention to you like you wanted from the start, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”
“If you’d give me a chance—“
“For what?” he asked with more heat than he’d intended. “You’ll go just like everyone else.”
“Look at me, Nick.” He stopped the car at the end of the driveway and stared at her, waiting. “You think you’ve got me all figured out, but you don’t. You might have been right about other people in your life. Likely you’ve been right a lot
to feel so certain of this. But you’re wrong about me.” She took a moment, searched his eyes, and let him see the honesty in her own. “If you asked me, I’d stay with you forever.”
She didn’t waver. She had to seem sincere, to convince him she believed what she was saying. It should be easy; she was sincere and did believe every word. But his expression tightening proved he thought he knew better. That she’d say it, break her word, and leave him heartbroken and alone all over again.
“I think you mean that.”
“I do.”
“Then it’s just a temporary thing.” He stopped and shook his head. “Look, I can’t do this, Elle. I won’t ask you to stay. Not today or tomorrow or six months from now. It’s just not going to happen.”
“You’re telling me what I think again.” She sighed. “You really need to work on that, Nick.”
His snapped his jaw shut. “I don’t want to talk about this any more. That’s it. Discussion, over. I’ve said all I have to say about this.” He turned onto the street and took off.
She stared out the window, tempted to let it go, but something inside her pushed. Hard. She swerved her gaze over to him, kept her voice firm. “I know you’re a brave man, but about this, you’re a coward.”
His temper flared. “Excuse me?”
“This is all fear talking, not you. You have feelings for me, Nick. I see it in your eyes when you don’t know I’m watching. I know you do—so don’t even bother trying to lie to me about it.”
“I don’t lie.”
“Good.”
“Now, that’s it,” he warned her, a hard bite in his tone. “No more on this. The end.”
“The end.” Elle had to work at it hard to not dispute him. He’d come a long way today. No sense in getting his back up even more and making her work harder. He could say what he wanted. This wasn’t the end. He hadn’t disputed her about having feelings for her. If he had none, he would have fired back a hasty and firm denial. One sputtered so quickly her head would be swimming. But he hadn’t even hinted at a denial. Not even hinted. Her lips curved into a smile.
A smile that infuriated Nick. “I tell you there is no us and never will be and you smile?” He grunted. “I was right. You’re moving on already.”
“Don’t be melodramatic.” She broadened her smile. “I’m just happy.”
“Happy?” He looked totally baffled. “That’s an unusual reaction, considering the circumstances.”
“Not at all.” She lifted her chin. “Even under the best circumstances, relationships have no guarantees. You can vow, promise, or even swear, but things can happen that you can’t control and poof!”
“That kind of nightmare makes you happy?” He looked at her as if she’d lost her mind.
“Of course not. It’s not a nightmare, it’s just reality, and sometimes it bites.”
“I don’t get it.”
He genuinely didn’t get it. Tender, she softened her tone. “You’re with me now, Nick. I’m happy because you’re with me now.”
That confused him even more. He was mystified, puzzled, and totally lost—it riddled his face, clouded his eyes, and, not knowing what to do with it, he did what Nick always did. He shut down and changed the subject. “You want to be happy? Be happy when Joe cracks that code.”
Elle felt more satisfaction than she had since writing New Dawn. But now wasn’t the time to savor it. Later, alone and away from Nick’s watchful gaze. Then, she’d celebrate this small victory.
He hadn’t denied he had feelings for her or that he was with her now.
Elle looked away. It was progress. Small. Maybe tiny progress, but progress. She’d take it. At this rate, another twenty years or so and she just might crack his code.
Dabbing at his sweaty brow with a precisely folded handkerchief, Paul Johnson pulled into the roadside park and left the engine running. He hated Florida. He hated the heat and he really hated the humidity. But in all of Florida, the place he most hated was this forsaken village. He’d been humiliated here; tried, convicted, and sent to prison for a murder he committed but he should have walked away from—and would have walked away from had he committed it anywhere else. Anywhere the Shadow Watchers were not. They had been responsible for his disgrace, and for the position he found himself in now.
Nothing enslaved a man like owing one for your freedom.
Moonlight slanted across the hood of his car. He pulled out his phone to report developments.
“Jackal.”
“Yes, sir, it’s Johnson.” He scanned the parking lot to be sure no one was anywhere near his vehicle.
“What is it, Paul?”
“Lizzie is out of the nest. She’s moved in with Ben and Kelly Brandt.”
“At Three Gables?”
“Yes, sir.” Jackal wouldn’t like that. Benjamin Brandt took security seriously. Nothing moved anywhere near Three Gables without his security team being fully aware of it. That was another lesson Paul had learned the hard way.
“Perfect.”
Surprise skittered up Paul’s back, settled in his neck. “You’re not upset?”
“Of course not. Things are proceeding nicely.”
The truth smacked Johnson between the eyes. “Phoenix is sealing her fate.”
“Indeed, she is.”
Jackal’s ambitious streak ran even deeper than Johnson realized. He’d held his tongue when Sage or Hawk appointed her to head the mission, and then Jackal had allowed Phoenix to jeopardize it unheeded, to set herself up to fail. The honchos would eliminate her…and Jackal would move up the ranks and into her slot. Beyond extremely ambitious.
“Anything else to brief?”
Should he tell Jackal that Phoenix headed to Panama City? Anticipating his what for and not having an in-depth and accurate answer to give the man just yet, Johnson opted not to mention it. “No, sir. Not at this time.”
“Keep me posted.”
“Yes, sir.” Johnson ended the call and dropped his phone onto the center console, again weighing the risks of grabbing a coffee at Ruby’s, and warning himself to never again underestimate the devious nature of Jackal.
Chapter Thirteen
Sunday, June 7th, 7:30 p.m.
The Lodge
Nick walked into the Lodge with Elle on his heels.
He couldn’t get that smile of hers out of his head. Her joy at him telling her he could never love her, and that’s exactly what it had been—joy. The only way that smile made sense was if she hadn’t believed him, but that wasn’t possible. She knew him, knew he talked straight, and Elle was far too sagacious for that kind of delusion. What then?
He thought and thought and came up with only one thing. Maybe she believed that he believed what he was saying, but she didn’t believe what he was saying was really true. That would be logical, he supposed. Reasonable, too. Wrong, of course, but logical and reasonable.
Joe stood in the kitchen, putting ice into a glass. Sam and Tim were seated at the bar.
“You’re frowning, buddy,” Sam said. “Lizzie have a rough time settling in at Ben’s?”
“No, she didn’t. She’s a brave kid.” Nick gave her what for him was high praise. She’d earned it…and more.
“When you left, did she cry?”
Sam sure worried about Lizzie and tears. Why was that? Girls cried a lot, didn’t they? “No, she didn’t,” Nick admitted. He omitted he’d had to fight himself to leave her. How she’d wormed her way into his heart like this, he had no idea. Yeah, they had a lot in common, but he’d had a lot in common with others before and he hadn’t gotten emotionally wired into their situations. Lizzie, though, was different. Wise as an old woman in her own way. “We discussed all this before we went, Sam. If you’d dropped her off, she’d likely have bawled herself to sleep for a week. She’s invested in you. But me leaving her was fine. Not a problem.”
Elle frowned at him. “That’s not exactly the whole story,” she told the other men. “Lizzie was worried, but Nick reassured her.”
“Yeah?” Sam sounded as skeptical as Joe and Tim looked.
Elle answered. “He told her he’d be there for her forever, and she could call any of you day or night for anything. She was okay after that.”
Joe filled his glass with tea. “Sounds like you did good, bro.”
Nick shrugged in Joe’s general direction. “I didn’t want her to feel like we’d jumped at the first chance to dump her. That’s all.”
A look passed between Joe and Sam that told Nick all he needed to know. Sam had briefed Joe and Tim about Nick’s family situation. What it had been like when they’d dumped him. Wisely, none of them said a word about it.
“One called.” Joe drained his glass. The ice clinked against the glass. “He wants you to call him back as soon as you can.”
Nick nodded. “Any luck on the encryption?”
“Not yet.” Joe swung his gaze to Elle. “Your dad’s very good at coding. I hit a trap every move. How about some lemonade?”
“I’d prefer iced-tea with a little lemonade in it.” She slid onto a stool. “Don’t push the traps. He gets testy when that happens.”
“Testy how?” Joe asked, filling her glass with ice, splashing lemonade in and then filling it with tea.
“Think self-destruct.” She took the glass he offered. “Totally and completely irretrievable.”
“Handy information to know.” Joe cut a sharp glance at Sam. “The kind we should have had earlier.”
“I just thought of it.” She shrugged. “Remember, I’ve been away from all this for a good while.”
Joe didn’t push her on it. Neither did anyone else. Nick wasn’t buying it. She had a reason for not telling them. What it was, only she knew, but he didn’t like it—and he would insist she explain herself…just not right now. When the time was right, then he’d push and push hard.
Tense, he stepped out onto the porch and then down to the lawn and phoned Omega One. “It’s me,” Nick said, hearing the muffle of voices from inside. “This a good time?”