by Jill Valley
“Go on in,” he says, opening the door for us. “Enjoy.”
“He’s cute,” Aimee breathes. “Damn.”
“You like the muscle-builder type?” Lizzy asks, raising her eyebrows. Aimee was perfectly happy to go out and dance last weekend, but she has always gone home alone.
Aimee giggles. “Yup. Now get out of my way and let me find more football players.” Lizzy and I shake our heads. Aimee is a hopeless flirt. Kind of like Lizzy, but Lizzy doesn’t follow through.
Inside, the place seems even more packed. It’s hard to move, so Lizzy takes the lead, tapping people on the shoulder or just shimmying past them. Guys usually spot her coming and move out of her way with a grin.
As Lizzy and Aimee search for a couple of seats at the bar, JJ spots us and gives us a friendly wave. Lizzy said that at some point at the block party, when I’d gone to get more food, JJ explained that he only bartends on Saturday nights and sometimes on Wednesdays during the day.
“JJ’s motioning to us,” I say.
“Oh, use of his name,” says Lizzy with approval. “I like it.”
I shake my head at her, unwilling to admit how hard it is for me to do. It still blows my mind that I’m friends with a bartender.
He’s pointing to two seats at the end of the bar. We move through the crush of people just as two guys get up to leave. Lizzy and I take the seats, while Aimee stands next to us. JJ is busy with customers, so we examine the drink menu.
I don’t know anything about alcohol - obviously - and although Lizzy has threatened to make me try a bunch of stuff, I’ve managed to convince her so far that the Remember, with JJ, is not the place where I should do that. Aimee disappears in search of “the bathroom and hot men. Maybe not in that order.”
It takes me a minute to realize that the guy sitting next to Lizzy is the good-looking cop I met in the wee hours of the morning at the diner.
“How’s it going?” JJ asks, appearing in front of us. He has to yell, the place is so loud. He came right over when we showed up, despite all sorts of people crowding the bar wanting drinks.
“Good,” says Lizzy. Once we finish our orders JJ says, “Is this the start of your night or the end?”
“Both,” says Lizzy. “We came to find cute guys and here you are. Lucky.”
JJ grins at her before turning to me. “How’s your weekend been?” he asks. “I haven’t seen you at the coffee shop.”
So he has been going. That sly friend of mine, Noah, hasn’t said a word about it.
“I’m going tomorrow,” I say, because it’s the truth. “And, um good.”
He nods and smiles. He looks like he wants to say something else, but some gorgeous girl in a tiny top is beckoning him, and he moves away.
“If you’re going to tell him the truth you might as well tell yourself the truth too,” says Lizzy to me.
“What are you talking about?” I demand, uncomfortably aware that JJ’s good friend is sitting right next to her, although it’s so loud in here that Sylvan probably can’t hear what she’s saying.
“That you like him,” she says airily. “Despite everything you’ve been through.”
“I barely know him,” I protest automatically.
“Doesn’t matter,” she says. “When you know, you know. And judging by that starry look in your eyes when you see him, you know.”
“You’re forgetting about the girlfriend,” I say.
“Ah yes,” says Lizzy, appearing a little disappointed. Sylvan is watching me, so I give him a wave. Lizzy looks him up and down, looking delighted. Cat meet mouse. Only I have a feeling Sylvan isn’t as easy as he looks, considered as prey for Lizzy.
“Hey, you’re JJ’s friends, right?”
Katie is standing there, her brown hair flowing over her shoulders. She’s holding a beer and ignoring the guys staring at her.
“Yes, they are,” says Sylvan, making a point of leaning around Lizzy. My friend stays motionless, but I can see it’s hard for her.
“Hi,” I say.
As the rest of my friends, new and old, get lost in conversation I find myself drinking and getting lost in watching JJ.
He moves quickly and confidently and never stays in one place long. Some customers he talks to briefly, others he just serves and moves on. He and the other bartenders are very efficient, and I have to remind myself that he’s only a couple of years older than I am.
He knows what he’s doing, and again I have that feeling that I don’t belong here.
“You having fun?” Lizzy asks, while Katie and Sylvan discuss her move.
“Yeah,” I say. My glass is almost empty, and just as I finish it JJ comes over.
“Hey,” he says. “See, now you understand what you do when you order a drink. I knew you were a fast study.”
Lizzy giggles. “Just needed the right person to show us,” she says.
Why can’t I think of stuff like that to say? Because I’m five years out of practice and was never in practice to begin with, says my socially awkward subconscious.
“Want another one?” JJ asks, pointing at my glass. I nod and he disappears.
Lizzy pats me on the shoulder. “See? This isn’t so bad.”
This is either awesome or an incarnation of hell. I’m not sure which.
At one point JJ comes over and points to Sylvan. “He’s good if you need to be left alone,” he says. I’ve already noticed that.
With Sylvan here, no guys approach us tonight. He offers a protective shield that I’m glad of.
We have a great time all evening. Lizzy and Sylvan spend most of the time in full-on banter mode, and Katie and I talk about her move. She’s super excited. During lulls in the conversation I look to JJ, not because I’m panicking but because it’s where my eyes long to be. I have the best night I’ve had in years.
It strikes me that it’s the second time I’ve thought that this summer.
The next morning I’m feeling a little woozy. Two drinks is more than I ever had in one sitting before, and obviously I have no tolerance. I put my head in my hands and frown down at the breakfast table. I’m making myself try to eat a banana and some cereal, but I just don’t want it.
What I really want is a chocolate chip muffin and a coffee. I throw on a hoodie and jeans and head out the door.
I wonder what JJ thinks about what happened.
I’m in such a rush to get to the coffee shop I forget my wallet and cell and have to go back to my apartment twice to retrieve them.
It’s a clear, warm morning and the sun is bright. There is blessedly little humidity.
In the moment when I’m standing outside the coffee shop, I’m paralyzed by fear. Just needing a minute to catch my breath and calm my rushing heart, I spin around on my heel.
And nearly collide with JJ’s broad chest. I stumble backward and JJ instantly reaches out and gently takes hold of my upper arms, steadying me.
I’m so flustered I forget to be uncomfortable at the touch.
I look up into his stormy gray eyes, but instead of the dark clouds I expect, I see his eyes shining with amusement.
Instead of calming my heart, that only makes it beat faster.
“Morning,” he says. He’s wearing dark jeans and a white t-shirt. “Going somewhere?” He quirks his eyebrow at me and I flush.
“Um, yeah, I think . . . um,” I can’t think of a good lie fast enough, and since JJ appears to be willing to wait for an answer I just shrug. “Thought I’d take a walk before I went inside.”
“Oh, well, by all means don’t let me stop you,” he says, stepping aside. “I brought a book to read, so I should be here for a while.” He holds up a Sherlock Holmes mystery.
“You like mysteries?” I ask.
“Definitely,” says JJ, grinning. “And these never get old.”
“What did you think of the movies?” I say.
“Loved ‘em,” he says. “I mean, the first was obviously the best, but you can’t hold high expectations against someth
ing. They were entertaining. Were you going for that walk?”
“Nah,” I try to say smoothly, but I’m about as smooth as sandpaper.
“Okay,” says JJ, and he reaches around and opens the door for me.
Noah is leaning on the counter flipping through a magazine. He starts to rise at the sound of the door, but then he sees us and sinks back onto his elbows.
His expression is filled with amusement. “How’s it going, you two? Good night?”
I flush, realizing that coming in with JJ makes it look like something it isn’t.
“We just ran into each other outside,” I rush to explain, stopping to stand awkwardly near the counter.
“Of course,” says Noah, winking at me.
JJ, looking at the menu on the wall, doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to us.
“It was fun,” I say, conscious that JJ is right next to me.
“Did Aimee and Lizzy get home okay?” JJ and Noah both ask at the same time, then grin at each other.
I nod. “Lizzy sent me a text saying they got home. Actually,” I say, turning to JJ, “Sylvan drove them. Lizzy was very excited to befriend a policeman.”
JJ looks like he finds that interesting, but he keeps his reasons to himself.
“Can I get you coffees? Maybe a breathing tube?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I’d like mine in a vat. Only if it’s a pink breathing tube.”
Noah chuckles. “You had that much fun, huh?” Grinning, he starts in on the coffees.
“I’d also like two chocolate chip muffins,” I say, and turning to JJ I add, “If we’re going to be friends, you need to understand that I eat a lot.”
Why did I jus say that? I want to smack myself the second the words are out of my mouth. If we’re going to be friends? No one said anything about being friends! Noah must have seen my consternation, because he gave me a sympathetic look as he handed me the coffee.
“Eat away,” says JJ. “I didn’t want any of the muffins anyway.” I blush at the implication that I would eat all the muffins in the shop.
“I’ll get the muffins,” Noah says.
“You’re more than welcome to join us,” says JJ, gesturing to the tables. We’re going to eat together. If I keep this up I might be socially capable by the end of the summer. Unless I have another panic attack.
“He has to work,” comes a familiar woman’s voice from the back. I grin. Noah’s grandmother is a force, and I know that even though I’ve never even laid eyes on the woman. Noah shrugs at me and I realize he wouldn’t have joined us anyway. He’s like Lizzy, all for this JJ thing.
“Where do you want to sit?” JJ asks as I survey the room.
“By the windows,” I say.
“For the sunlight?”
“For the warmth,” I say. “I’m always cold.” My answer surprises JJ and he chuckles.
Once we’re seated, JJ takes a long sip of his coffee. “Did you have fun last night?” he asks. He must have seen that Lizzy and Aimee found entertainment pretty quickly. Aimee always seems to, while Lizzy really did like Sylvan.
“Yes,” I say. “It’s fun.”
JJ eyes me. “You’re always an oasis of calm in all the noise,” he says thoughtfully. “Whenever I look at you.”
I stare at him, stunned. First of all, he looks at me? He usually just looks like he’s concentrating on work. Second of all, he’s saying the exact same thing about me that I think about him.
“Thanks,” I say, meaning it.
He nods. He looks thoughtful as he takes a bite out of his berry muffin, then he says, “Hey, do you remember Old Man Munster?”
I haven’t heard that name in a long time, but when I do I let out a laugh. “Wow, yes,” I exclaim, laughing at the memory of my former math teacher. Rumor had it that he was older than the high school itself, and just as set in stone.
JJ’s laughing now too.
“I didn’t know you had him,” I say.
“I didn’t for very long,” he explains. “But he was hilarious.”
“Yeah,” I say. “He hated when students were late. There was this ridiculous day when I was only about five minutes late, and he was so bad. He tried to give me detention.”
“What happened?” JJ asks. “There’s no way you got in trouble. You aren’t the type.”
I don’t know what he means by that, but instead of asking I finish my story. “Lizzy was in the class too, and she wasn’t having it. She said I deserved better. She literally went on a rant. I thought he was going to try and get her expelled, but the upside was that he totally forgot about my five minutes of tardiness.”
JJ chuckles. I find I enjoy the sound. I want to make him laugh again. I want to make him laugh all the time.
I notice that his shoulders and torso shake when he’s amused, and his eyes light up and fix on my face. I flush. I like being around JJ even when he isn’t chuckling. Being around him not laughing is better than being around anyone else laughing uproariously.
“That sounds like Lizzy,” he says with appreciation.
I nod. “She’s always been like that.”
JJ cocks his head to the side, his intense gray eyes still fixed on me. “Like what?”
The question catches me off guard and I pause. The warm sun is coming through the window and I can hear Noah talking quietly to his grandmother in the back. He has conveniently disappeared for JJ’s and my little coffee date. Then it strikes me as strange that I’m thinking of it as a date.
“Fearless,” I say, hunching my shoulder in nervousness.
But JJ doesn’t judge me. That’s a nice thing about JJ. Unlike my parents, or even most of my friends, he doesn’t argue with what I say. He takes it at face value and gives it serious thought. I get a serious response. He respects my opinions. The thought that a perfect stranger, which he basically, is, wants to hear more from me is startling. I’ve always pushed people away with both hands and a bulldozer.
“You don’t think of yourself as fearless?”
I give a very unladylike snort, then chide myself for it; real attractive, right? I just forget to be self-conscious around him.
“Do you think of me that way?” I cringe after I ask, but to my relief he still takes me seriously.
“You’re too smart to be fearless,” he says. “But it takes a brave girl to. . . .”
He stops. His tone has changed and so has his expression. I’m holding my breath. I know what he’s thinking, but the moment passes and he shakes his head. I’m still barely breathing.
JJ doesn’t stop there.
“You were always this shy girl,” he says. “But underneath that you had nerves of steel.”
“What?” I nearly yelp. That’s definitely the first time someone has described me that way.
“Did I ever tell you about the one time I saw you?” he asks, leaning forward.
“No,” I say, “because, you know, we basically just met.”
JJ’s eyes light up at my sarcasm, but he doesn’t respond.
“I saw you when you were a sophomore and I was a senior. You were alone. I don’t know where your friends were, but they weren’t with you and there was this kid-”
I know what he’s talking about and I flush that he remembers so well.
“Lars,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” says JJ, “Lars. Kind of an odd kid. Didn’t have friends. Sat alone. Usually played video games. Lars was getting pestered by a bunch of guys. Bullied, really, and everyone was standing around watching, not doing anything. Except you. When you saw what was happening you got this furious look on your face, and I remember thinking, there’s no way I’d want you to ever look at me like that. I’d be afraid.” He smiles a little, then continues. “You marched right through those bullies and told them to stop. Everyone was too stunned to argue. Even Harrison.”
I stare at him. “I had no idea you were there.”
“Well, you were kind of busy,” says JJ. “It was lunch and the seniors were just coming back from
a trip. Half of us felt bad for just standing there and watching. I know I did. After that I promised myself I’d try to do something to impress you, but I heard that you were dating Michael, and. . . .”
He swallows and gives me a searching look. It’s the first time my dead boyfriend’s name has been said between us.
“I’m sorry,” he says, when he sees that I’m not going to run away crying. “I shouldn’t have said his name.”
“No,” I say. “It’s good that you did. I loved him.”
“I know,” says JJ. Well, of course he did. He had to keep me from drowning after I found out Michael had.
“Right,” I mutter, shifting uncomfortably in my chair. My eyes search the room, looking at anything but JJ.
“We need to hang out,” he says. “If only to clear the air. How does tonight sound?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” I say. This was more than I’d hung out with a guy that wasn’t Ellis or Steven since high school.
“Yeah, but it was accidental,” he says. “This is a small town, but I’m starting to realize that all I do is look forward to running into you. I want the best part of my day to be planned.”
He had just admitted something important. I couldn’t mention that he had a girlfriend. There was nothing I could say, so I just nodded.
“Having a good morning, Mr. Curtis?” A gravelly voice sounds over my shoulder, and I see JJ’s eyes light up as he sits up straighter.
“Yes, Mrs. Avery, it’s getting better all the time,” he says, grinning.
I turn around to see what can only be Noah’s grandmother. Noah has followed the family matriarch around the tables and is standing next to her, eyeing us. It’s the first time I’ve seen him look nervous.
She’s a short woman, only slightly bent. Her gray hair is piled in a perfect bun at the top of her head and she’s wearing a sweater and khakis.
She swats her hand in the air. “Oh, you,” she says. “That flirting ability must help you at the bar.”
JJ shrugs. “You know how it is.”
“I sure do,” she says dryly. “Your grandfather made that very clear.”
Meanwhile, Noah is inching toward me to say, “This is like watching two heavyweight boxers and liking them both. I want a tie and I want to enjoy the ride.”