Afterworld

by Lynnette Lounsbury

  ‘She wants me to kill her. To kill her body. She is not really alive, and not dead. Enough.’ He suddenly leaned on the bed, unable to stand. He hadn’t expected the wave of emotion that would hit him. ‘But I can’t do it. I can’t.’

  ‘I don’t think you should, if you think it is wrong,’ Angie said quietly. ‘I don’t know what happens up there or out there or wherever, but you shouldn’t have to think about killing your sister.’ She relaxed her grip on his arm, but gently grasped his other one as well, helping him upright and looking into his face. ‘But if it helps, Dominic, know this: Kaide will never, ever live a regular life again. Okay. She won’t. If someone disconnected that machine directly from the wall below the bed, she would very quietly stop breathing and her body would join her mind.’

  He took the words in one at a time. His eyes were streaming, he wasn’t sure if it was because he was crying or simply the air. He swiped at one and saw watery blood on his hand. Angie held tight to him.

  ‘Please tell me – are people happy when they are dead? Is it okay? My daughter . . .’

  ‘Just like life. Different. But like life.’ It was a lie, but he saw her relax. It was nothing like life.

  ‘Could you find her? Tell her I . . .’ her voice caught in a sudden sob, ‘I love her.’

  Dom looked back at Kaide. His pulse was racing and he knew he didn’t have a lot of time to make the decision. He leaned down and saw the safety switch below the bed, hooked and clipped into the wall. He put his hand on it and felt the warm buzz of electricity. And as his hand unclipped the safety clasp and began to pull he realised he couldn’t do it. He sat on the ground and put his head in his hands. He wondered what would happen if he just sat there by her bed and didn’t move. Would he die again? Forever, this time. Some sort of all-swallowing blackness. Maybe it would be like sleep. He suddenly felt very tired. He could hear Angie speaking, but he couldn’t decipher the words anymore. There was no meaning to them. Beside him a tiny glow from the power source under the bed throbbed in the side of his vision. The pain in his head was all consuming, there was only pain and the thought that he was failing and there was nothing he could do about it.

  He tried to speak, but his mouth was too dry. He bit his lips trying to make them work. Finally a word scraped out, indecipherable and inaudible to Angie, but enough to know that he had said what he needed to say to the only being who might be able to hear him: the Awe. ‘Help.’

  There was a warm glow instantly, and his mind cleared as it always did in the presence of the Awe. He opened his eyes enough to see the room. There was a slight flash, a flutter of the lights above him as they blinked and died. The hum of the power beside him ceased and there was complete silence. He heard Angie’s footsteps walking quickly to the other side of the bed, touching something, moving something. He pushed himself up the wall, pulling on the metals rails of the bed, struggling up to a crouched position. Kaide was completely motionless and the machine beside her was no longer whispering air into her. Her chest no longer rose and fell, balloon-like. Stillness. Angie looked at him.

  It was done. He sighed and leaned heavily on the wall. He hoped Kaide really wanted this, that she had really thought it through. It was time to go back. He glanced at the small frosted window and wondered what life outside was like, it must be so bright out there. The dagger was still stained with blood when he pulled it out of the side of his jeans. He dragged it up his arm, this time feeling a new sharpness to the pain and noticing that the blood flowed much more freely. It pooled in a transparent puddle on the floor, not sticking to the surface. Already, he was leaving. He reached out to touch Kaide’s face as he felt himself being dragged away.

  Angie ran around the bed, grasping at his arm, trying to stop him from being sucked away. ‘My daughter, find her. She is seventeen, has dark hair.’

  He gazed at her sadly.

  ‘Dom. Please. Her name is the same as mine – Evangeline. Eva.’

  His head snapped back towards her. ‘Eva?’ He tried to move, but it was too late; he was being pulled back into the Glass, he could feel it burning his skin again even while he was still in the hospital room. A strange sound caught the last of his attention. A long sucking gasp. He turned to Kaide. She had started to breathe. She was still alive.

  There was pain and confusion and sickness, a deep nausea that left him retching through the liquid that filled his mouth and lungs and stung his eyes, and then he was on the rocky sand of the shore, in the mellow cold-dark of the Necropolis. He could breathe and it smelled of nothing. The pain receded quickly as he healed, and the fog lifted from his mind and he could think again. Death. It was clean and simple and so very empty.

  He lifted his head and saw the blur of white that was Satarial lifting him to his feet by his shoulder.

  ‘You didn’t do it,’ he hissed. ‘You are weak.’

  ‘The ventilator stopped. I thought it . . . would be enough. But she lived anyway.’ Dom turned away from the angry eyes.

  It was less than a moment before the hand was gone and Eduardo had pushed Satarial out of the way. He held Dom around the shoulders to keep him steady.

  ‘You’ve been busy, my friend. I go for a quick drink – and what happens?’ There was genuine concern in his voice. Dom leaned against him as he let his body regain its strength. It was quick and a breath later he could stand alone. He held onto Eduardo’s arm, feeling again the strange energy of the Angel, the soft throb under his skin, the different heat.

  When he had recovered fully he noticed they were not alone, a small crowd had grouped around them. Satarial had clearly been unable to stay away, but had expected Eduardo and had brought four bodyguards, all giant Nephilim men who stood in the shadows. Beside them was Deora, her face harsher than he had seen before. She gave him a tight look as though she were trying to send him a message, but he couldn’t read it.

  Eduardo took a step forward and one of the Nephilim guards moved slightly as if to protect Satarial. Deora’s head inclined slightly as though she had sent some sort of message. The Nephilim pulled back instantly. Dom met her eyes again and she smiled a slight, sweet smile. He remembered their kiss and his face heated in the darkness. Without meaning to, his glance flicked to Eva, who was watching him carefully.

  Satarial was angry. Dom saw the desperation in him and felt a painful regret. The Nephilim cared for his sister and had seen what her life was like. He had been strong enough to try to save her. Even with the help of the Awe, Dom had not been.

  ‘Two days, human. Two days and you compete and I will hold you for a thousand years in your own bloody tears. You will think of this forever.’ He turned and walked away, without the usual grace or speed, simply a stumbling slow walk back to the gates of the Necropolis. The other Nephilim followed him and vanished fluidly into the coloured light that blinked from between the gates.

  Eduardo looked at him. ‘That was a grave risk. You did not know enough about life-walking to do that. You should have talked to me.’

  ‘You’ve done it?’ Dom was surprised.

  Eduardo sighed and turned back to the City. Eva fell in silently beside him. ‘It is not exactly the same. I am not dead. But I am limited in my ability to interact with humanity. You should understand by now. You are a small part of the Awe, as are all humans. As am I. There was a . . . difficult . . . time on Earth, long ago, and the humans were so united in their desire to rid the world of Angels and Nephilim that it happened. Most of the Nephilim were killed in a fire that wiped out their real power, the Great Ones.’

  ‘Dragons?’ Dom was still shocked that dragons existed.

  Eduardo ignored him. ‘Without them, they were land-bound. Humans had never had access to the Great Ones and had developed other forms of transport – wagons, smaller animals and boats. The Great Fire changed the Earth immensely, it was barren and hotter and much of the ice of the Nephilim country melted causing a huge flood. The humans escaped and refused the Nephilim access to their boats. Satarial’s greatest enemy wa
s the man who saved the animals of his farm before he would take on board a Nephilim – Noyach.’

  ‘Noah.’

  ‘They drowned. After that the Angelus could not find a way to interact with humans again. We were unwanted. We could watch or even walk among them but we could not be seen or heard. We were locked out because of what we had created. Humans and Angels long for each other, but if they mix, the result is . . .’ his face contorted, ‘Nephilim.’

  ‘But you found a way back?’ Eva spoke softly.

  ‘I did. But I could only visit for moments, like a shadow. I caused fear. Even with those I loved. I stopped many thousands of years ago, and now I just wait for time to be kind.’ He smiled a brittle smile but did not look at either of them. ‘I will be at the tavern.’ He took a few more steps, and in a blur was gone.

  Dom and Eva trudged back up the streets. Around them the black stone occasionally lit up from within, pale colours and hues that showed the type of half-life the occupants were living. Eva’s eyes were narrowed and her face was as hard as the first day he met her. The softness he had seen over the last week was gone. He reached out and held her hand. It was limp and cool, but she did not pull away.

  Without looking at him Eva spoke, her husky voice low and earnest.

  ‘Do you want to know how I died, Dominic? They say here that your death is as important as your life in defining who you are. You could have died alone or in America. But you died with your sister beside you in your parents’ adopted country. It means something. Do you want to know mine?’

  Dom wasn’t sure that he did. He thought perhaps he was supposed to be telling Eva something instead, and a picture of Angie flashed through his mind, but he could not remember the connection. All he could see was his sister gasping for breath.

  Eva continued anyway. ‘I went to South America. To change the world. To change the world.’ She repeated it slowly and the bitterness was deep. ‘I lived with a group of Catholic nuns who were trying to feed and house the local orphans. There were dozens. The rebel army slaughtered people all the time, so orphaned children were abandoned and alone in some of the wildest jungles on the planet. The nuns were saints. Barely ate, were sick often with the fevers that filled the jungle, and they never complained. They were happy people, singing and playing music all the time. I thought that perhaps the world had a chance. I was happy there, for the first time I could remember.

  ‘Then the rebels found us. They rarely came that close to the cities, but we had just had a huge shipment of gifts for the children for Christmas. A container full of toys and games. The rebels thought it was medical supplies or food or something valuable. They came in very early in the morning. Some of the kids got away. Most were shot. I slept in a tiny room at the back of the chapel. I had to walk around the altar to get into it and it couldn’t be seen from the back of the building. The nuns brought some of the children into the church to save them. They were shot – the children. Not the nuns. The nuns, who were old weak women, were beaten until they died. All of them, on the floor of the church. And I was in my room, watching through the gap between the door and the wall.’

  Dom didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet. They passed the City’s dark and silent Gardens and he saw a couple kissing and holding each other in the darkness of the trees.

  ‘They set the building on fire and I climbed out the back window into the jungle. I had no shoes and there are thorns everywhere, but I ran for hours. I ran longer than you can imagine running. Because that was not the way I wanted to die. And I had this stupid idea I would tell the whole world what had happened and the rebels would be bombed or brought to justice or something like that. I stopped when it was dark and I slept under a tree. I was careful, I wrapped myself in leaves. I put mud on my face, everything to hide myself. And they didn’t find me. But something else did.

  ‘You know what killed me, Dom? I didn’t get raped or beaten or shot or burned. I was bitten by a snake while I slept. A fer-de-lance. We were warned about them. I didn’t even know what had happened until later. Just couldn’t breathe and died. Done. I saw my body lying there days after I came here. I don’t even know if my body was ever found. A nothing life and a forgotten death.’

  The bitterness in her voice was so rich Dom felt it quiver in her hand. He understood how she felt. Death was such an anti-climax, a sudden, quick and final thing that took everything and left you with no power and no sense that you even made an impact on the world. You were there. You were gone. Life and the moment of death were simply a very small part of a very long journey.

  Eva wasn’t finished. ‘The Nephilim deserved to die, Dom. They made the humans slaves. And what did they get? Fire. Flood. Something dramatic. Me? Snakebite.’

  Dom smiled a sad smile in the darkness. ‘Car crash in India, Eva. A snakebite is biblical compared to that.’

  They reached their tiny apartment building and walked up the stairs. As he stepped through the doorway and the door misted back into position, Dom remembered Angie. He stopped suddenly. Eva’s eyes were the same as her mother’s. He knew now why he had felt the familiarity when he saw her. Dark hair. Seventeen. It had to be her. But in this place, what were the chances they would be together at the same time. He didn’t want to say something that might give her a false truth. He sat on the edge of the cot and pulled Eva down beside him.

  ‘I want to try something.’

  She raised her eyes in amusement and the bitterness fled for a moment. ‘You think Eduardo wouldn’t be back in here in less than a heartbeat?’

  ‘Not that.’ Dom took both her hands and turned her towards him. ‘Eduardo keeps telling me we have the same sort of mind-control thing that the Nephilim have, that humans had it too, that we simply stopped using it or have forgotten it over the years. Sometimes I think I can feel that part of my mind and I want to try and show you something I saw when I was with my sister.’

  ‘In your mind?’ She tilted her head to the side. ‘You want me to look into your mind and see something.’

  ‘Yes. Like the Nephilim do. And Eduardo. I’m going to have to concentrate so just relax and we’ll see what happens.’

  Eva was bemused, but she didn’t pull her hands away. Dom closed his eyes and tried to remember every line of Angie’s face. He thought about the hospital room and seeing her in the chair. Her walking towards him. Grabbing desperately at his arm. He hadn’t been very lucid at the time and the images in his mind were garbled and weak.

  Eva was silent for a while and then said softly, ‘I can’t see anything, Dom. Sorry.’

  ‘Wait. I’m not finished. Let me try again.’ Dom remembered the first time he had met Angie, in the dusty clinic in the slums. He could see her face clearly there, the beautiful skin and the dark eyes wrinkled a little with grief and the sun. He could hear her husky voice and see the white jacket she managed to keep clean even in the middle of Delhi. ‘When you feel deeply, life can kill you.’

  Eva jumped suddenly. ‘I heard something. Think it again. Think it, remember it again. I think I can almost see it.’ She sounded excited.

  Dom saw it again. Angie pulling back the white curtain in the clinic, giving him a soda. Her face falling as she spoke of her daughter.

  Eva’s breath stopped and he felt a sudden connection, the way he had with the Nephilim, a rushing of thought. He could feel Eva’s mind reaching for his thoughts, it was almost painful the way he was opened. He tried to relax, to wait. And when she finally pulled her hands away from his she took a deep breath.

  ‘My mother. You knew my mother.’

  ‘Yes. I didn’t know she was your mother until I went to see Kaide. And I still wasn’t sure. I wanted you to see her face. She said to tell you . . .’

  ‘I heard.’ Eva’s voice wasn’t emotional. It was steady. ‘She’s not sure that I’m dead. She left my dad. I saw that in the Glass. She left him because he believed I was dead. So she left him for nothing at all. And they were in love.’

  She lay back on the co
t for a moment catching her breath and Dom tried to reassemble his scattered thoughts. Suddenly she sat bolt upright again. He pulled back, seeing a flash of anger across her face.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You kissed Deora. I saw you. You kissed her as well.’

  ‘Oh.’ Dom saw the immediate flaw in his decision to share his mind. He had no control over what he showed her. ‘Well. It wasn’t meant to be a secret or anything, I kissed her before you kissed me that day. It was more like she kissed me.’

  ‘Really? And you pulled away and said – “Sorry, not interested,” right?’ She sounded sarcastic.

  ‘You just found out I know your mother, that we were somehow connected on Earth, and you are just angry at me about Deora?’

  ‘Yes. You should have told me.’ Eva was caustic.

  ‘You would have gotten angry. You get angry about everything. You would never have . . .’

  ‘Kissed you? Damn right. Never.’ She stood and paced the room.

  Dom sighed and lay back on the bed. A bloodied tear rolled out of his eye – they were still raw and he couldn’t stop them running. ‘This is stupid, Eva. It was before.’

  ‘Like five minutes before. This is not a game, Dom – people. I’m not someone you play with. You can’t have two, not with me.’

  ‘I didn’t! I haven’t even spoken to her since. She wanted me to . . .’

  ‘I heard. She wanted you to get her out of here. It’s a trap. I promise you that. Satarial sent her to make sure that if you somehow survive, she goes with you through the Maze. To make sure you come back here. So he can get you all over again.’

  ‘Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.’

  ‘It was.’ She looked out through the translucent wall to the alleyway and the tiny sliver of the City lights that could be glimpsed beyond the black stone. ‘She was never imprisoned. That, at least, is not true. She has been a Guide for as long as I have been here, a long time.’