Chapter Fifteen
Meg settled into life with Baby James very easily. She had plenty to do, and plenty to think about. Somewhere ahead a return to work beckoned, but she was happy to let that come towards her slowly. Jenny kept her in touch with events in town, such as they were, and her frequent visits to Bracken Cottage were very welcome. Not everything she said was, though.
'Have you heard from Robert?' Jenny asked on one of those occasions.
'Robert?'
'That man you work with.'
'No. Should I have?'
'Well, he seemed very fond of you.'
'Jenny! He's a friend, and a colleague. That's all.'
'Anything you say.'
Meg didn't know whether to be amused or exasperated.
'Anyway,' Jenny added, 'what are you planning on doing? Staying here at Great Newton a bit longer? I should, if I were you.'
'I don't know. I've been here six months already.'
'So what? It's nice here. And it must help, having ready-made baby sitters.'
'That's true. But I'm thinking of going back to Gosforth soon. I'll have to start preparing for my return to work.'
'Do you want me to do anything in the house?'
'No, it's all right, thanks. Dad's been going down every week, to keep an eye on things. He says the house is fine.'
'Have you been back yourself?'
Meg shook her head and then paused uncertainly. 'I'll have to one day, though, I suppose. Or sell it. I'm not sure how easy it will be to move back in there.'
'Well, there's no hurry. Take your time. The house can wait. So can the job, for that matter. Your maternity leave has a bit to go yet, doesn't it?'
Meg nodded.
'Anyway,' Jenny added, with a glance at her watch, 'lovely though it is here, and wonderful as it's been to see you and James again, I must be off. His lordship will be awaiting my return anxiously.'
'Really?'
'Oh, yes! Wondering where his next meal is coming from. Mike is not a New Man.'
*
After Jenny had left, Meg's thoughts turned to Robert, who would probably meet Jenny's requirements for a New Man but would almost certainly bridle at the label. She wondered if he really was fond of her. It would be nice, she decided with a smile, however unlikely. She would quite like him to be fond of her. In fact, she would like it a lot. He was a lovely man, New or otherwise. If things had been different ….
But it was no good fantasising about that. They weren't different. Still, even just as a friend, she was certainly very fond of him. She was able to talk to him as she could to no-one else. They seemed to think about things in the same way, and to know what each other was thinking even before they spoke. It was a bit scary, being so comfortable together. Even the good times with Jamie had not really been like that. Not often, anyway.
Oh, she did miss Robert! And Kirsty and Sean. She missed them all. And it was such a long time since she'd seen them. She hoped they were well, and happy. And she wondered if they missed her just a little bit, as well.
A cry from James diverted her, and stopped the tears that were threatening to fall. She got up to see to him.
'But I've got you now, haven't I?' she told him as he gurgled happily away at her. 'And you mean more to me than anything in the whole wide world.'
Baby James looked as if he understood every word, and as if he believed her implicitly.
All the same, she thought, once she was back in Gosforth she would contact Robert. She would ring him just to see how they all were.
*
She returned to her own house soon afterwards. She had been putting it off but she knew she had to do it sometime. Apart from anything else, she needed to sort out a child minder for James. Maternity leave wasn't going to last forever, unfortunately, and she needed time to find someone reliable to look after James when the day came.
Jenny soon re-discovered the route to her front door, and they developed a new routine of going to the supermarket together. It made grocery shopping less of a chore. Besides, Jenny had a car of her own with, surprisingly, a child seat already fitted.
'I thought I would need it one day,' Jenny said wistfully.
'You will!' Meg assured her, knowing how much she longed for a baby. 'Don't worry so much.'
'You're right. Meanwhile, it's handy anyway. Come on, Baby James!'
Meg smiled. Dear Jenny! She was never down for more than a minute at a time.
'By the way,' Jenny added, 'you'll never guess who was asking after you the other day.'
'I don't suppose I will, no. You'd better tell me.'
'Robert. You know? That man you work with?'
'I know who Robert is, Jenny.'
'Of course you do. Well, anyway, I bumped into him in Fenwicks. We had a nice chat. He was asking after you.'
'Oh?'
'I told him you were back in your house now. I also told him he should give you a call.'
'Jenny!'
'Well, he was so concerned. Frankly, my dear,' Jenny added with a conspiratorial wink, 'I believe he gives a damn!'
Meg felt her face flush. To hide her confusion, she leaned down to re-arrange James's covers. 'I'm not interested, Jenny,' she said over her shoulder. 'He's a friend, that's all. Besides, he's faithful to the memory of his wife. He's a one-woman man. You ought to be able to see that.'
Jenny shrugged. 'Circumstances change,' she said mysteriously.
'This place!' she said then, turning round to look along the collections of vegetables that stretched away into the distance. 'It's so big, so huge, it takes me twice as long to do my shopping.'
'You need roller blades, like some of the staff have,' Meg said, pointing to a young shelf stacker ghosting like the wind past the cereal section, heading rapidly for crisps and soft drinks.
'Besides,' Jenny added, 'I get lost. I don't know where anything is any more. It's all very well stocking everything under the sun but if you can't find the simplest thing, what's the use?'
Meg chuckled. They finished loading their trolleys and moved on to the checkout, and out to the car park, for Jenny to run them home.
Before they parted, Jenny said, 'You can tell me to mind my own business if you like, Meg, but I really do think you should give Robert a call. Let him know you're back in town. He'll be pleased.
She meant to take Jenny's advice. She really did. But she didn't. Moving back into her house and looking after James and herself was more than enough to do and think about. She would, though, she promised herself. She would call Robert. When she had time.
But time was in short supply, not least because the house had changed in her absence. It really wasn't the same. Dad had checked it every week. So she knew it hadn't burned down or been burgled. Nothing like that. It was intact. That wasn't the problem. It was other things.
First, it smelled damp and musty. Her mother told her that was normal when a house wasn't lived in for a while. She should leave the windows open as much as possible for a few days. The smell would soon go.
It was cold, too. These big terraced houses were designed to keep the sun out, not let it in, Meg reflected. Even in summer that showed.
Then there was Jamie's presence, and absence. What to make of it. How to cope with the memories. It wasn't easy.
But she got on with it all as best she could, and in a few days she was re-oriented and more comfortable. Then she began to look ahead, and to think about her return to work. It would have to happen. Time to look for the child minder she needed. Time to make plans.
She took a deep breath and rang the office, and spoke to Carol and Fiona. It was good to hear their voices again, and to do some catching-up.
'You'll never guess,' Carol said after the surprise was over.
'Guess what?'
'What's happened!'
Meg laughed. 'Carol! Of course I can't guess.'
'Try.'
'The Civic Centre's closed down?'
Carol chuckled. 'It's not that bad. Try again.'
'Just tell her!' Fiona said on the extension.
'Oh, all right. Robert's left. Can you imagine that?'
Meg was stunned. 'You're kidding?'
'No. Last Friday. He left.'
'But…Why?'
'We have no idea. It's all hush-hush. Secret.'
'Where's he gone?'
'We don't know that either. He just said he'd been here long enough, and fancied a change. Thought you'd be surprised,' Carol added with satisfaction.
Surprised? That was the least of it. Meg was shocked. He must have got a better job, she thought later. That's all. Nothing sinister.
She rang him but there wasn't a dialling tone. In fact, the phone seemed dead.
She rang the phone company next. The woman checked and came back on line to say, 'The service to that number has been cancelled, caller.'
'Can you tell me why, or…'
'Sorry. I have no further information.'
'Is there someone else who could explain?'
'I'm afraid not. Confidentiality rules prohibit the release of that sort of information.'
Meg thanked her and rang off.
Surely he hadn't moved house as well? But she could think of no other explanation. Suddenly, she felt bereft. All over again! She'd been abandoned.
How could he? she thought, blinking away the tears. Without even telling her or saying goodbye!
So much for Jenny, and her views and opinions.
*
She didn't give up, though. She went to see for herself. The house in Kingston Park was empty. The sign outside said "SOLD" in enormous letters. No-one was home either side to explain it. In any case, this looked like the sort of estate where people didn't stay long enough to put down roots and get to know their neighbours. But even then she didn't give up.
The manager of the estate agent's office was guarded, polite but definitely circumspect.
'I can't give you a forwarding address,' he said.
'But I'm a friend!'
'Client confidentiality,' he muttered vaguely.
Then he relented and said, 'But I can pass on a message. If you'll let me have your name and address, and a phone number, of course, I'll tell my client you want to contact him.'
'Now?'
'Not now, no. My client will be at work at present. But I will contact him.'
That was the best he could do, he said. Meg had to accept that. On the way home, she persuaded herself it wouldn't be long before Robert realised he had not told her where he was going.
*
But the days passed without any news or information. Meg was busy. She needed a car now more than ever, and she got Dad to come down to help her look for one. They bought a five-year old Renault with a low mileage that the woman owner was tired of.
'More money than sense,' Dad sniffed as they made their way back to Meg's house.
'She was very nice, though,' Meg pointed out. 'Very fair. I trust her.'
'To do what? Check the oil level? See the tyre pressures are kept up?'
'Well ….' Meg laughed.
'It's a good car, though. I grant you that. Don't worry. There's nothing wrong with it.'
A few days later she collected the car and installed a baby seat in it.
'Now you're set,' Dad said. 'You can visit us now. Any time you want.'
'Thanks, Dad. You've been wonderful.'
'Soon, then?'
'Soon,' she agreed.
But after she had waved him off, she knew there was only one thing she wanted to do soon. That was to contact Robert. He still hadn't contacted her, but that didn't deter her.
*
The woman in the estate agent's office looked up when Meg entered. She frowned and shook her head. Meg hesitated. She could hear the manager on the phone in the adjacent office. The woman jerked her head sideways. Meg stared at her. The woman repeated the head movement. Meg realised what she meant, nodded and turned and left.
She walked round the corner and waited. A couple of minutes later the woman appeared. She looked one way and then the other. When she saw Meg she came towards her with a big smile on her face.
'Here's what you want,' she said. 'I got this out of the file for you, but I didn't want old Fusspot in there to know.'
She handed Meg a slip of paper. It had an address in Gateshead on it.
'Thank you so much,' Meg said. 'That's really nice of you. I hope you won't get into trouble with your boss because of me?'
The woman shrugged. 'It would be worth it,' she said.
She smiled down at James in his buggy and added, 'I haven't forgotten how hard it was trying to track down my ex. They think the baby's nothing to do with them any more, some men, don't they?'
Meg stared, wide-eyed.
'Take care,' the woman added, turning to head back to the office. 'And good luck!'
Meg was stunned for a moment. Then she smiled, chuckled and finally began to laugh. 'Come on, James,' she said. 'Let's go before she realises her mistake.'
*
It was an old house, set in an old terraced street. Very different to the new house on the other side of the river. Robert opened the door. They stood and stared at one another forever.
'Meg,' Robert said finally.
'Hello, Robert. Pleased to see me? Or not?'
Chapter Sixteen
'Of course I'm pleased,' he mumbled, looking confused. 'But how did you ….'
'I'll leave now if I'm not welcome,' she assured him.
He sighed, stared down at his feet for a moment and then looked up again with a weary smile. 'Come on in, Meg. Of course you're welcome. I'm just surprised. That's all.'
'Surprised? Well, so am I,' she assured him.
He nodded and motioned her to step inside.
It was a small and compact house, part of a traditional modest terrace. She guessed there would be two bedrooms upstairs, as well as the two rooms and small kitchen downstairs, with the bathroom beyond the kitchen in a modern extension. No garden. Just a yard at the back.
'It's very nice,' she ventured cautiously as he led the way into what seemed to be the main living room.
Someone had done a reasonable job of updating the interior. Lots of pine cladding from a few years back. But fresh paint and wallpaper in the hall.
'What are you doing here, Meg?'
'Looking for you. More to the point, what are you doing here, Robert? You ran out on me!' she charged with a smile.
He passed a hand over his face and gave a shrug. How tired he looked, she thought.
'Have a seat,' he told her.
They sat down in the armchairs she recognised but that seemed too big for this small room.
'What happened?' she pressed. 'I was so looking forward to seeing you and the children again, but I got back to Newcastle to find you'd gone. And no-one seemed to know where you'd gone either.'
'How did you find me?'
'Through perseverance!'
At least that got a smile out of him.
Looking at him, seeing him so tired and weary, her heart went out to him. She realised how much she had been longing to see him again. She ached to take hold of him and hug him. But she couldn't. Not unless…
'You left the job, as well,' she added, keeping it detached and impersonal.
He nodded.
'Why?'
'It's a long story.'
'Well, let's start with Sean and Kirsty. Where are they?'
'Round at their grandparents.'
She raised an eyebrow.
'Visiting. I saw sense in the end. I couldn't do everything myself. They were right. They could help, even if I had left it a bit late.'
'Do they live in Gateshead?'
He nodded. 'Round the corner.'
That explained the move. This house wasn't a patch on the other one, but convenience had obviously come into it.
'Are the children happy here?'
He nodded. 'More or less. They miss the garden, and the greenery, but it's OK here. There's a park not
far away. Anyway, it's where I belong, where I came from. Liz and I both grew up round here.'
She had to know. They were rapidly running out of introductory conversation, and she wasn't much further forward. She still hadn't heard what she needed to know. She would have to be more direct.
'Was that the only reason, Robert? To be near the grandparents?'
It took him a long time to answer that one. He even re-filled the electric kettle and switched it on while he worked something out in his head.
'No, Meg,' he said at last, turning to face her, looking almost defiant. 'It wasn't the only reason. The main reason, if you want to know, was that I had to get away from you.'
That shook her.
'Oh, Robert!' she cried with anguish. 'Don't say that.'
'We were getting too close, Meg. It wasn't good for either of us, especially when Jamie re-appeared. Correction: it wasn't good for me.'
She stared at him.
'Face it, Meg. From my point of view, it was bound to end in heartbreak. I'd got used to being on my own with the kids. Then you came on the scene. I know nothing happened between us in one sense but we were growing closer all the time. I was very happy about that, if not quite sure what to make of it.'
'But when Jamie came back, and you had a baby on the way, I knew I had to get out of your life before I was overwhelmed. I had to get out for your sake, as well. You were no longer just a baby-sitter to me,' he added with a rueful smile. 'And I could no longer be a detached, uninvolved, personal adviser.'
'But the accident…’
'The accident changed nothing,' he said quickly. 'You still had your own life to lead. I was in danger of becoming a nuisance, if I wasn't one already. I didn't mean to you what you meant to me. So I got out. Broke all the links.'
'New life,' he added with a shrug. 'I didn't intend us to meet again.'
The talking stopped. But it wasn't quiet. She could hear the constant drone of traffic. A dog barked somewhere nearby. In the kitchen a tap dripped. Her heart pounded.
'Robert,' she said slowly, trying to stay in control, 'did it never occur to you that I might feel the same way about you? You and the children were never in danger of becoming a nuisance. You lit up my life! I was only happy when I was with you.'
'Oh, I would never have betrayed Jamie while he was alive, whatever he did. But after… All those months I spent in Great Newton? Did it never occur to you that when I came back I would be devastated to find you gone?'
Days Like These Page 8