by D. R. Graham
Chapter Twelve
For the four weeks after the whole hospital incident, work and play rehearsals kept me almost too busy to stress out about my mom and Aiden. Unfortunately, I’m still exhausted because Cassidy has me working eight to six, and I have to be at the theater five nights a week and four hours on Sundays.
Leland has been nagging me to follow the doctor’s orders and find some relaxing activities, so I finally agreed to go to yoga at the country club while he’s playing tennis.
He parks in front of Elizabeth and Blaine’s house and hops out to open the passenger door as I walk down the path to meet him. Before he lets me get in, his lips touch my cheek and he asks, “How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” It’s flattering that he cares so much, but I’m not dying, and I’m not made of glass. “You can stop babying me.” Seriously, it’s been a month.
He takes my yoga mat from me and, after I’m seated, shuts the door. I watch out the back window as he stores my mat in the trunk and then walks to the driver’s side. He smiles and rests his hand on my knee as we drive. “Are you excited that the play is only a week away now?”
“Excited and nervous, I guess. There are going to be reps from a few performing arts schools there on opening night.”
“That’s great. Is your mom going?”
“No. I don’t want her there. Elizabeth and Blaine are coming, though.”
He parks the car in front of the valet at the club and we get out. Instead of turning toward the tennis bubble, he walks with me toward the yoga studio.
“What are you doing?”
“I suddenly feel like taking up yoga.”
I chuckle. “It’s not as easy as it looks.”
“That’s okay. I’m just coming for the scenery. I might not even try.”
“The best spots are at the back if you’re only here for the view.”
He glances at my butt. “Good to know.”
We enter the studio, he borrows a mat from the equipment room, and rolls it out directly behind mine. I do a couple of stretches to purposely give him a bit of a show. He sits down and leans back on his palms to watch. When I do a triangle and look back at him from between my legs, he mumbles, “Jesus. I’m coming with you to every class from now on.”
“Shh. No talking in yoga.” I place my hands flat on the mat and back up into a Downward Facing Dog.
He moans.
“No noises either.”
“Okay, I have to go then.” He stands and bends over to kiss my cheek. “I’ll meet you out front at noon.”
“And then you’ll take me out for lunch?”
“Absolutely.” He slaps my ass, then leaves.
After the class, I shower and head to the lounge. Cara is already at the juice bar flirting with the bartender when I show up and sit on the stool next to her.
“Hey.” She hugs me with one arm. “Brent’s making fruit smoothies. Want one?”
“Sure.”
He’s cute, right? She mouths as he works the blender with his back to us.
Broad shoulders, longish surfer hair, tight ass. Definitely cute. “I thought club staff weren’t allowed to date members.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t look like I’ll be a member for much longer.”
What? She’s my only friend. She can’t leave. “Why? Are you moving?”
Her cheeks blush and she folds up a cocktail napkin into increasingly smaller squares, maybe hoping that if she takes forever to answer I’ll forget the question.
“Did you get into school somewhere?” I press.
“No.” She lowers her voice and turns to face me. “My dad told us that he won’t be able to afford the dues anymore after next month.”
Oh. That’s shitty. “I’m sorry. I know how much you like it here, but we can hang out somewhere else.”
She sits up straight and transitions from depressed to perky better than an actress could. “Let’s talk about something more pleasant. Did you take a class?”
“Yeah. Yoga.”
She shoves my shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come with you.”
Brent slides the smoothies over the counter to us and winks at Cara before leaving to serve an elderly couple at the other end of the bar.
“I’m positive that Leland will be forcing me to go again, so I promise to ask you next time.”
“Good.” She sips her drink, then spins around on the stool and leans back against the counter. “Is he here?”
“He’s playing tennis. We’re going out for lunch once he’s done.”
Her forehead creases and her expression turns serious. “Is it all right if I ask you a personal question?”
“About Leland?”
“No. About your family.”
The smoothie thickens in my throat and slows to a halt. “I guess. What do you want to know?”
“Was your dad like your uncles?”
I try to gauge her expression. She’s focused on the cup in her hand, giving me no clue to her thoughts. “What do you mean?”
“They were wearing patches on their vests. I assumed that meant they were in some sort of gang.”
I shoulder-check to see if anyone can hear her. I don’t care that she knows, but the people at the club won’t be quite as accepting.
“You don’t have to tell me,” she says. “I was just wondering what that must have been like for you and Cooper growing up.”
Instead of telling her that it sucked, that it still sucks, I shrug.
She spins back around and rests her elbows on the counter. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I just don’t know what to say. When I was a kid, I used to draw my dad as a Ken-doll-looking guy with short hair and no tattoos. But he wasn’t. He was who he was.”
“At least you must have felt safe knowing he could protect you.”
“No. Not really.” Not at all. Safe was not a feeling I experienced growing up. I was terrified that my mom would OD overnight, so I rarely slept more than two hours in a row. I was paranoid that Cooper would get hurt or lost, so I never went anywhere without him. I was convinced that the bad guys my dad did business with were going to come after us, so I obsessively checked the locks on the windows and doors. I also had chronic nightmares about my dad being in a fiery motorcycle crash or being stabbed in a fight. It wasn’t any better when he was home, either, because the truth is, I was scared shitless of my dad. Cooper used to draw him as a giant with flames coming out of his ears and dead people on the floor around his feet, and it was pretty much accurate. Nobody except Cooper and Aiden know all that, and even though Cara is sweet to care, she wouldn’t understand.
After polishing off the rest of the smoothie, I stand, then reach over to hug her, hoping that she’s not too offended that I didn’t open up more. A huge part of me wants to be candid but, even if I knew how, it would likely end up in a tear fest and this isn’t the place for that.
“I need to get going. Leland is meeting me out front.”
Her eyes scan my face with concern. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I force my mouth into a country club smile and pat her arm, wishing I was able to be the type of friend she deserves. “You didn’t. It’s fine. I’ll see you at work. Good luck with Brent.”
The valet has already brought the car around and Leland is leaning on the door waiting for me. I kiss him and smile. “You’re still thinking about the Downward Facing Dog, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I would definitely like to see that again. Maybe we could try naked yoga at my place after lunch.” He opens the passenger door for me and checks my reaction to his comment.
I smile although I’m terrified he’s not joking. Who am I kidding? I know he’s not joking. It’s been almost a month and the most we’ve done is make out on his couch fully clothed.
He grins, excited about the false hope I just gave him, then hustles to get behind the wheel.
Once we’re on the road, I realize I
need to quit leading him on. It’s going to piss him off, but I say, “Um, this would probably be a good time for me to mention that I have a one-year rule.”
“One-year rule for what?”
“Sex.”
He frowns in a dramatically incredulous way. “What are you, Mother Theresa?”
I shrug and smile because even though I’m no nun, the one-year rule is legitimate.
“Are you seriously trying to tell me that your older biker boyfriend waited for a year?”
“Yes, he did.”
“Yeah, right.”
“He did. He was a complete gentleman during his probationary period.”
“Why? Was he a virgin?”
“No. He had lots of serious girlfriends, and a few not-so-serious flings before we started dating.”
“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror and seen how you’re built? There is no way that he resisted you for an entire year.”
“Well, I’m not saying he wasn’t satisfied in other ways, but he waited for the full meal deal.”
“He’s a saint. You should have held on to him.”
Our teasing banter just took a one-eighty. He meant for that one to sting. I understand that he’s disappointed, but I don’t like that he isn’t willing to work as hard as Aiden did. I watch the scenery go by out the window for a while. “So, you don’t think I’m worth the wait?”
“I didn’t say you weren’t worth the wait; you’re just too hot to endure the wait.”
Oh. Well, okay, that’s a different story.
“Sorry if it feels like I’m pushing you.” He reaches over and holds my hand. “I just really like you.”
It feels nice to hear him say that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not ready. “I don’t want to rush into anything.”
He rolls into the parking lot of a restaurant and turns off the car. “Okay, so you guys started dating when you were fifteen and a virgin. Correct?”
“Yes.”
“You are now eighteen and no longer a virgin. Correct?”
“Yes.”
“So, if I do the math and divide the one year he waited by three to account for your age now, that equals four months. Then we halve it because it’s not your first time. That equals two months.” He grins at me, proud of his negotiation skills. “We’re not rushing anything. We’re good to go.”
“Clever. Even if I allow your calculations, are you sure you want to always be compared to Gylly knowing that he made it the full year and you couldn’t do it?”
“His name is Jill?”
“Yeah. You should go tease him about it. I’ll see you at your funeral.”
He smiles in a goofy way. “I can’t, I’m busy trying to convince you to sleep with me.”
I shake my head. Not going to happen. “It doesn’t matter what you say or how you crunch the numbers. Besides, I have rehearsal this afternoon.” I kiss his cheek. “You’re not getting any action today, so let’s go eat.”
His expression seems agreeable, but after he gets out of the car, he slams the door with more force than usual.
Chapter Thirteen
Tonight is opening night for the play. The dress rehearsal yesterday went well except for one set malfunction that almost took the head off a guy named Scott. There were a bunch of high school kids being our mock audience when the plywood building came crashing down and made a deafening echo through the auditorium. I think the kinks are ironed out now. They better be, because we go on in ten minutes.
I peek out from behind the curtain. Cooper is in the front row with Sam and my aunt and uncle. Blaine is fiddling with his camera. Elizabeth excitedly scans the room and waves at people she knows. Cara, Haley, and Reese sit about halfway back with their dates. Cara waves at me. In front of her is a row of people from the school in New York. If things go well tonight, they might remember my name when I audition for them. If things don’t go well tonight, they will definitely remember my name. No pressure. It’s only my lifelong dream riding on my performance. The collar of my costume is strangling me, so I undo the top button. Fortunately, I can’t see my mom anywhere. I also can’t see Leland. I never needed to search for Aiden. He used to come to every one of my opening nights, even before we were dating, and he always stood in the back where I could see him. I scan the back wall. Nobody is there.
“Places everyone!” the stage manager calls.
I look for Leland in the audience until one of the cast members moves me out of the way. I’m not in the first scene, so I stand offstage and watch the curtain go up. Butterflies flit in my stomach and it’s the best kind of nervous there is.
On my cue, I run out onstage, and the rush of adrenaline turns me into Maria. The music beats through my body and, when I open my mouth, a voice that doesn’t feel like it belongs to me comes belting out. We dance and all I see are the other people onstage with me moving in rhythm to the music as if we’re being compelled. I channel my feelings for Gylly onto Tony. Our kiss is real because in my mind we really are in love.
The acts fly by and, before I know it, I’m leaning over Tony’s body after he has been shot by a rival gang member. He dies in my arms and real tears pour down my cheek. My hand trembles as I point the gun at the gang members. The rage in my voice is raw as I yell at them for letting hatred come to this. I drop the gun, unable to bring myself to violence. The rivals assemble and carry Tony off together to show that the feud is over.
The auditorium erupts with applause, and it startles me because I’d forgotten they were there. Cooper jumps up and down and Sam whistles loudly through his fingers. Elizabeth is crying and claps wildly. I can’t tell what Uncle Blaine is feeling because he has the video camera in front of his face. The girls clap and cheer. The New York people applaud courteously. I finally see Leland, and he is sitting on the aisle with his head down, texting.
That was the performance of my life and he’s not even paying attention. My impulse is to leap off the stage and shove the phone down his throat but, lucky for him, the cast bows and the curtain closes. The audience continues clapping and whooping. Once the curtain opens again, we stand in a line to take a few more bows. When it’s my turn for a solo bow, I walk up to the front of the stage.
That’s when I see Gylly. He is standing against the wall near the door, smiling as if he couldn’t be more proud of me. My heart hangs stuck between beats. I can’t hear the audience anymore. It’s as if he and I are the only two people in the auditorium and our bond cannot be broken. Overwhelmed by his unconditional love, I start to cry again. When he sees that I’ve noticed him, he gives me a thumbs up, then ducks out the door. It doesn’t matter that he’s gone, I can still feel his presence in my soul. It has always been there. It always will be. The fact that he has never let me down, not even now after I hurt him in the worst possible way, breaks my heart.
I can’t breathe. I’m afraid nobody will ever be more devoted to me than Aiden is. Shit. I’m going to fall down. Fortunately, the guy who played Tony steps up next to me and holds my trembling hand so we can take a few bows together. He hugs me, and the crowd goes crazy as the curtain drops again. “You nailed that, Tienne,” he whispers in my ear and spins me around.
“Oh my God. What a rush,” I gasp.
“It was awesome,” he agrees. He turns to hug more cast members, and I’m swarmed by everyone, too.
Eventually, Cooper swims through the crowd backstage and lifts me up to swing me around. “That was your best performance ever.”
“Thanks, Coop.” Elizabeth walks up and hugs me. She holds me at arm’s length and examines my face. “You completely transformed into a different person. It was mesmerizing. Really. Absolutely mesmerizing. Your parents would have been so proud of you up there tonight.”
Sam leans in to kiss my cheek. “Tony Award worthy. Congratulations. Cara asked me to invite everyone back to our place for a cast party. She went ahead to order some food and get things ready.”
“Thanks, but I don’t want you guys to go to
the trouble. We were planning to just order pizza here.”
“Nope.” He turns and yells to all the cast members, “After-party is being held at the Livingstone residence. See me for directions.”
Everyone cheers.
Blaine hugs me and shows me the ending of the play on the screen of his camera. It’s emotionally raw and powerful, especially the part when I thought about Aiden. “Wow,” I say.
“Yeah. Wow.” He hugs me again.
A man walks over and shakes my hand. “That was a very impressive performance.”
“Thank you.”
“My name in Neil Holmes. I’m from The American Academy of Performing Arts.” He hands me a business card. “We’re hosting auditions in this area next month if you’re interested in attending one of our schools.”
“I am. Very interested. Thank you.”
“Congratulations. It takes a lot to impress me, Ms. Desrochers.”
My legs are twitching to jump up and down. “Thank you.” He walks away, so I let loose into a happy jig. Leland approaches carrying what must be at least three dozen roses, weaving through the crowd. He hands me the flowers, which are uncomfortably heavy, kisses my lips, and says, “You were amazing.”
“Thanks. What was your favorite part?” I ask quietly.
He smiles uncomfortably and runs his finger along my cheek. “You.”
“Which song was your favorite?”
“I liked them all, but probably, uh, the last one was my favorite.” He combs his hand through his hair, like he does when he’s being country club smooth, like when we first met.
“You texted through the entire thing,” I accuse.
“No, I didn’t.”
Texting is bad enough, lying about it takes it to another level of assholiness. “I saw you,” I snap.
“I responded to one emergency text from work after you finished. I watched every second of the show. You were amazing. Let me take you for a romantic dinner to celebrate.”
“I can’t. There’s a cast party.”
“Isn’t that just pizza?” He rubs my arm, trying to soothe my anger. “I want to take you somewhere special.”
Is he serious right now? “The cast party is a big deal. We all worked really hard for this night and I want to celebrate with them.”