by D. R. Graham
I write to Gylly: I’m with Blaine. I’m fine.
He writes right back. Don’t lie. Stay at your mom’s. I’m on my way.
What the hell? I stand and look down the street both ways. There is not a motorcycle in sight and the only person around is a woman pulling some weeds in her front garden. There are a few cars parked along the side of the road, so I wander down the sidewalk casually looking into each of them. The fourth one down is a black sedan and there is a guy I don’t recognize sitting in it. I walk around the front of the car and onto the street to stand next to the driver’s side door. He’s not wearing a cut, but he looks tough and is probably a prospect. They send prospects out to do shit jobs like babysitting. He doesn’t look up at me, so I tap the window and yell through the glass, “Roll down the window.”
He ignores me.
“Hey. I want to ask you a question.”
He pulls out a cigarette and lights it to avoid looking at me.
“Why does Digger have you following me?”
He exhales the smoke toward the ceiling and smiles a little.
I hit the window with my fist and yell, “Roll down the window, you bitch-assed prospect.”
His eyes slowly roll to glare at me and his jaw tightens. He twists his head to crack his neck then stares out the windshield again.
I slam the window and yell, “I told you to roll down the window, asshole!” He doesn’t look at me, but he snarls a little. “Why does Randy have you following me, shit for brains?”
He growls through the glass, “You better settle down, little girl, or you’ll end up like your brother.”
Okay, he just pissed me off. I kick off my flip-flops and stomp on the driver’s door. The first two kicks don’t do any damage, but on the third try my heel makes good contact and leaves a dent. “What’s your problem, Nancy? Why are you hiding in a cage? Are you afraid of a teeny little girl or something? You’re applying for the wrong line of business if you’re a pussy. Open the fucking window and tell me why they sent a girl with less credibility than I have to babysit me!” I kick another dent in the door, taking out every single one of my frustrations.
He slams his forearm against the window so I see the club tattoo. Shit. He has three skulls. I’m dead. I thought he was a prospect. He’s going to kill me for talking to him like that.
I turn and run. The car door opens and his boots pound against the pavement behind me. Oh my God, why did I do that? I should have noticed that he was a member. Having an anger management problem and taking it out on random tweakers is one thing—taking it out on a full patch member is a death sentence. He’s gaining on me, but he’s breathing heavy like a smoker. Maybe if I sprint long enough, he’ll run out of gas. Uncle Blaine passes me in his BMW SUV going the opposite direction. His face contorts as he recognizes me and then sees that I’m being chased by an outlaw. I keep running because if Blaine tries to intervene he’ll probably get stabbed or shot or stomped—better me than him.
I cut across a few lawns and turn the corner. Aiden and Mickey ride past and turn around when they see me. Randy won’t let the guy kill me—I don’t think. When I’m about three houses away from the Gyllenhalls’, I scream, “Digger! Wing Nut! Help!”
Randy and Wing Nut and the other guy who was passed out on the floor earlier all tear out of the house onto the front lawn. Connie steps out onto the porch, too, and Zeke is barking like crazy. The bikes jump the curb behind me as two hundred pounds of sweaty muscle tackles me. My knees and elbows ram into the driveway. My cheek hits the grass hard. The impact with the ground isn’t nearly as bad as the pile driving from the guy’s body a fraction of a second later. His weight crushes the air out of me. I gasp for what little oxygen I can and scream hysterically.
The guy rolls me over and straddles my waist. I flail my arms and legs and scratch at every bit of his skin that I can. His eyes turn almost black with rage and his mouth is locked into a ravenous snarl like a wolf. I reach for the switchblade in my back pocket, but his weight keeps me from rolling. He cocks his arm back as if he’s going to punch me in the face.
Aiden flies through the air, knocking the guy off me. He gets in a few really good punches before his dad and Wing Nut pull them apart. Mickey hauls Aiden to his feet and pushes him toward the house. The guy scrambles to his feet to go after Aiden, so Wing Nut throws a chicken wing and slams his elbow into the guy’s nose. He drops cold on the driveway.
“What the fuck?” I scream. “That’s what you assholes call protection? I would rather take my chances with the bad guys.” I struggle to my feet and wince from the pain in my ribs. Zeke stands protectively between me and the twitching body on the driveway, barking ferociously. “That moronic cretin could have killed me!” I shout.
Connie leans against the porch post smiling. Uncle Blaine stands frozen with his door open like he jumped out to help, but then didn’t know what to do. He looks very strange standing there in his white golf pants and light green V-neck sweater.
I point at Randy. “Keep your fucking goons away from me and my family. They obviously can’t do their jobs worth shit anyway or Cooper wouldn’t be dead.”
Aiden winces as if the sight of me upset and hurt causes him actual physical pain. He struggles to break free from Mickey’s grasp, unsuccessfully.
“Zeke, shut it,” Randy growls. Zeke stops barking and moves to sit next to Randy’s foot. Randy stares down at the goon who is still twitching on the ground. He scratches his head and frowns, probably trying to figure out why my bodyguard just chased me down and tried to beat my ass when he was supposed to be protecting me. It takes him a second, but then he chuckles and cocks his head to look at me. “What did you say to him, T Bear?”
I roll my eyes, smooth my hair, and brush the blood and dirt off my knees. “I called him a bitch-assed prospect,” I admit.
They all laugh, except for Aiden.
“It’s not funny, you degenerates. Thanks for reminding me why I left this fucked up life behind me.”
The fact that my voice is shaky just makes them laugh more. They thrive on the adrenaline of dangerous situations and I’m sick of it.
Aiden shoves Mickey off him and shouts, “Shut the fuck up. All of you.” It’s like it just hit him how messed up everything is if you observe it from the outside looking in. He points at his dad with a tension in his arms and neck that etches the definition of his muscles. “It’s not funny.”
Randy’s face transitions into something serious, but not out of respect for my feelings. Aiden hasn’t challenged his dad’s authority since we were very young because, whenever he did, his dad reasserted his power with a fury that made sure no one ever questioned it again.
They are locked in a stare-down. It is the most defiant I’ve seen anybody be toward Randy since Uncle Len had it out with him years ago. Uncle Len won that power struggle because Randy needed him. Maybe that’s what’s going through Randy’s head right now because he breaks the stare first and turns to go back to the house. Before he steps through the doorway he shoots Aiden a glare that makes it clear that he’s letting Aiden off the hook, just this one time.
Aiden rushes toward me. “Ti. I’m sorry.”
I pull away. “Sorry isn’t enough. I need a different life than this.”
I run to Blaine’s truck, hop in the passenger side, and slouch down in the seat. Blaine gets in without saying anything and, since the engine is still running, he shifts it into drive and we roll past the chaos. The intensity in Aiden’s eyes as he watches me go hurts more than being pounded into the ground by an outlaw.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Auntie Elizabeth made tuna casserole because she knows it’s one of my favorites, but I can only force down two bites. Uncle Blaine obviously told her about what happened at Gylly’s house, but neither one of them tries to talk to me about it. We glance at Cooper’s empty chair and then stare down at our plates. Eventually, Elizabeth breaks into tears and runs out of the dining room. Blaine nods as if he already knows t
hat I’m going to excuse myself as well.
I load Elizabeth’s and my dishes into the dishwasher, then drag myself up the back stairs. The shower runs cold before I muster the strength to turn off the water and step out. My knees start bleeding again, so I stick fresh bandages on before dressing in sweat pants and one of Cooper’s T-shirts. I plan to curl up in my bed and never get up again, but even though I can barely keep my eyes open, I can’t fall asleep. The expression on Aiden’s face after he stood his ground with his dad haunts me. If Cooper saw it, he would know what love looked like.
At midnight, I grab my phone from the bedside table to call Leland. He answers on the second ring. “Hey. How are you doing?”
“Not good,” I say. “I can’t sleep, and I miss Cooper.”
“I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Can you come over?”
“Uh.” He pauses and I picture him running his hand through his hair. “I would, but I’m not home.”
“Oh. Your note said you would be here.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but something came up, and I had to go out of town again. I’ll hopefully be home soon. I promise I’ll take time off to spend with you then.”
My throat makes a noise, but no words come out. How could he leave again? Who abandons a person they care about while they are going through the worst thing that has ever happened to them?
“Tienne, I’m sorry.”
I close my eyes and hold the phone tightly to my ear. I am so sick of hearing I’m sorry. Sorry doesn’t do shit. I finally say, “Bye,” and hang up.
Be a decent human being. Do the right thing. Stop making fucking excuses. How hard is that? Maybe it’s too much to ask. Or, maybe I asked the wrong person. I stare at my phone for a little while, then text Aiden: I miss Cooper. I need some company.
He answers right back: On my way.
Even though, deep down, I knew that’s what he would say, the reminder that he is, and always has been, here for me makes me smile. I get out of bed to open the window and turn on the lamp because he won’t come to the front door. I crawl back under the covers and hug my pillow. Fifteen minutes later, his bike stops in front of the house. It’s silent for a few seconds. Then I hear him climb the outside of the porch to the sloping roof beneath my window. He steps in and smiles before closing the sash behind him. He hangs his leather jacket on the back of my desk chair, then kicks off his boots and lies down next to me. After I reach over to turn off the lamp, he wraps his arms around me. He feels like my shelter from the storm.
“Thanks, Gylly,” I whisper.
He kisses my cheek and hugs me tighter. “I’m sorry about today. I promise to give you the life you want.” I roll to face him. His expression leaves no doubt in my mind. “Is that all right with you?” He tilts my chin up and waits for my answer.
I didn’t think it was possible to love him more than I already did. I nod, choking back happy tears. He pulls me tight to his chest.
Feeling safe is the last thing I remember before I fall asleep.
In the morning, I wake up to the sound of water running in my shower. Aiden isn’t next to me. The sheets are still warm where he slept, though. Ten minutes later, he gently opens the door to the bathroom and tiptoes into my room toward his boots. His hair is wet and he smells good.
“Hey,” I say softly, glad last night wasn’t only a dream.
“Sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”
“It’s okay.” I push my lip out in a subtle pout that he falls for every time. “Do you have to go?”
He thinks for a second, then shakes his head. “No. It’s not that important. I can stay if you want me to.”
It’s obvious that he’s trying to downplay something. I glance at the clock. It’s eight twenty-six. “Do you have class?”
“Yeah, but I can miss it.” He shrugs it off, to convince me it’s no big deal.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done the pouty thing. I don’t want you to miss school.”
“If you get to miss work, I should get to miss school. I’ll stay.”
“Wait a minute.” I jump out of bed and grab his boots, then snatch his jacket off the back of the chair. “I just remembered that you said you have exams today. I’m not letting you miss an exam. You’ll fail the course.”
“I can take it again next term.”
“Nope.” I push his chest. “You’re going.” I step toward my dresser and pull a sweater and jeans out of the drawers. “Give me a second. I’ll come with you. How’s that sound?”
He smiles as he ties his boots. “Sounds like a good plan.”
“Give me two seconds.”
After freshening up, I step back into my bedroom and take out enough money from the My Little Pony tin on my shelf to pay my mom’s rent. Aiden looks happy. I’m sure I look happy, too. I don’t even try to ask him to sneak back out the window because guys like Gylly might sneak into places, but they always walk out the front door when they leave. I’m going to have a ton of explaining to do to Elizabeth and Blaine, but whatever.
He watches me dress and his expression changes. “So, about that boyfriend of yours…”
I pause midway through pulling up my jeans. The words sting, and I react defensively from the guilt that’s been eating away at me. “What about him?” I yank up my jeans.
He draws back at my tone, and his expression darkens. “I was just going to tell you he left town.” He stands and reaches for the doorknob. “He sounds like a real keeper. I have to go.”
No. I position myself between him and the door. “Can we please not fall back into our old ways of dealing with things? I don’t want to push you away anymore. I don’t want to fight every time I’m too scared to tell you how I really feel. And I don’t want to avoid shit just because it’s hard to deal with.” I exhale and dig deep for the courage to stop hiding behind my hostility. “I snapped at you because I feel horrible for hurting you. I’m ashamed that I treated you like you weren’t good enough, when you are.” My posture deflates and I slump against the wall. “You’re more than good enough. I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry.”
Feeling exposed without my guard up, I cover my face with my hands. He gently pulls my wrists so he can see me. Eventually I open my eyes. His expression seems amused, like he’s mocking me. I shove his chest, right back to hostility in one second flat.
“What?” he laughs.
“You’re making fun of me.”
“No, I’m not.” He stretches his arms around me and bends his knees so we are face to face. “You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My whole life I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. Everything I’ve ever done was to make you notice me, love me, be proud of me. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you, and I like being reminded of that because it makes me want to keep working on being a better person. I wasn’t mocking you, I was smiling because I can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone as amazing as you in my life.”
I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze tight enough to strangle him. “Thank you for saying that. I love you.” I release my hold and tug his hand. “But we need to get going so you don’t miss your exam.”
“I don’t want to go.” His hands rest on my hips. “I kind of like this whole sharing our feelings thing.”
I smile and open the door to shove him into the hall.
We see Elizabeth as soon as we step out of my room. She’s carrying a basket full of laundry and nearly walks right into him. “Oh. Sorry. Whoa, um, well. Hello. Good morning.” She shoots a laser beam glare at me. “I didn’t know we had a guest.”
“Elizabeth, this is Aiden.”
“Oh.” She presses her lips together and nods. I can tell she wants to ask a million questions, but instead she shoots me another scowl and says tersely, “Nice to meet you, Aiden.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Montgomery.”
She appears flustered as she walks away. After she disappears into the master bedroom and shu
ts the door, I glance apologetically at Aiden. He shrugs, undeterred, before we head downstairs.
Right. Undeterred. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether Elizabeth accepts him with open arms, tolerates him, or rejects him. Who am I kidding? It does matter. I want her and Blaine to adore him and be excited for me. They never will be, though, unless maybe by some miracle he figures out how to keep his promise. Since I don’t see how Randy will ever let him walk away from the club, I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up.
Blaine is at the front door carrying his briefcase in one hand and a coffee travel mug in the other. I rush Aiden down the stairs and squeeze behind Blaine. “Hi. You remember Aiden. Okay. Have a good day. Bu-bye.” Once we’re out the door, I grab Aiden’s hand and make him hurry down the front path toward his bike, which is parked on the street right in front of the house. I’m not quite strong enough for undeterred yet.
We both put on our helmets and I glance over at Blaine as we ride off. He’s pissed. Aiden still seems completely relaxed. I wonder if it’s because he couldn’t care less what they think, or if he’s confident he can win them over one day.
Aiden doesn’t ride like an outlaw when I’m on the back of the bike, which means that he actually obeys traffic lights, stop signs, and speed limits. If I’m not on the bike, he rides like the rest of them. They’re suicidal maniacs and it’s terrifying to watch them. They travel at ridiculous speeds and other cars have to swerve out of the way.
Because of Aiden’s grandpa speeds, we’re running a bit late. He parks the bike on the sidewalk right in front of the building where his exam is. “Good luck kiss?” he asks with a mischievous grin, after we’ve both unassed.
I step forward, slide my hand along the side of his jaw, and let my lips hover close to his. I run my other hand under his jacket and feel the heat coming off his body. In some ways, it feels as if we were never apart. In other ways, it feels as if we are meeting for the first time. I look down to try to hide the excitement and attraction that is exploding inside me. “Good luck,” I whisper and glance up at him.