by Nicola Haken
I was liking this girl more every minute… and that was a bad thing.
“You know, I think my friend Jason has a crush on you,” I blurted, seizing my opportunity to see whether she felt the same and hoping she didn’t.
“And Jason is?”
“The fucktard who called you Dora.” She rolled her eyes and made a cute little grunting sound which sounded like ‘ugh’. “So, you’re not interested? Because most girls are.”
Shut the fuck up you moron! I mentally chastised myself, followed by images of me punching myself repeatedly in the face. Next you’ll be telling her what a great catch he is.
“I’m not interested in anybody,” she answered flatly and I felt this weird stabbing feeling in my heart like nothing I’d ever experienced.
What did you expect her to say? No Blaine, because there’s only you. There’s only ever been you. What a dick. One day with this girl and I was turning into a pathetic, desperate mess. I needed to get my mind off her… fast.
I pulled up outside the tin shack she calls a house and immediately her mom came running outside… in her underwear. No shit – she bounced towards the car in just a blue bra and red panties grinning like she’d just won the lotto. I threw up in my mouth a little.
Maddie practically pole-vaulted from the car and launched herself at her mom, covering her almost naked body with hers and ushering her inside. She slammed shut the front door without giving me a second glance and after giving my eyes a moment to stop burning, I sped away.
That Annie chick obviously had some kind of mental problems going on, which meant Maddie probably had a pretty screwed up home life taking care of her. I remembered how this was supposed to be her ‘fresh start’. I’m guessing that didn’t last too long. I felt a peculiar and unexpected pang of sorrow at the thought. In a way this was a good thing. Maddie clearly has enough shit going on without getting more from me – which she undoubtedly would if I took things any further. I don’t do feelings or relationships. I screw until I get bored and then move on.
That way, no one can get too close.
Chapter Three
Maddie
I thought my mum would never fall asleep. After her elated hysteria turned to desolate tears I lay next to her on the bed and rocked her gently for nearly two hours before she finally passed out. She’d not been this bad in months and I wondered if the huge change in our circumstances was the trigger. That coupled with the empty vodka bottle on the kitchen counter. How was I supposed to leave her alone whilst I went to school?
This morning that wouldn’t have been an issue seeing as I wasn’t planning to return tomorrow. But by the end of the day I decided it wasn’t too bad after all. Blaine was like my own personal bodyguard which meant most people weren’t brave enough to insult me to my face and despite my initial misjudgements I think Lori could be a really fab friend. It had been so long since I had people other than my mum in my life and possibly selfishly, I didn’t want to give that up.
When I heard the phone ring I carefully peeled myself away from my mum and scurried on tiptoes to the living room to answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Maddie. Guess I didn’t scare you off today, I was half-expecting the local take-out to answer.”
Lori spent the majority of our half-an-hour conversation talking about Blaine and the way he apparently looked at me. I spent most of it telling her how ridiculous that was whilst trying to tease information out of her about him and trying to remain uninterested at the same time.
Blaine is the quarterback of the football team, whatever that is, and seemingly that makes him the most sought after boy in school. It also explains his deliciously ripped physique. She then went on to inform me that he’s slept with more than half the girls in school at least twice and bizarrely seemed disappointed that she wasn’t one of them, or that I wasn’t interested in becoming one of them. She also pointed out that if he wasn’t too busy shagging girls then he was fighting over them.
I just couldn’t imagine that side of him. But then, as Lori proved, first impressions can be misleading.
I’m ashamed to admit that I’d written Lori of as being thicker than pig shit when I first met her – especially after her Robert Pattinson comment. I saw blonde hair and heavy makeup and instantaneously thought ‘dumb’. Don’t get me wrong she won’t be winning the Nobel Peace Prize anytime soon but she’s sweet and friendly… and she likes me. What more do you need in a friend?
My heart suddenly felt a little heavier. The second the word ‘friend’ crossed my mind I already started to miss Lori. I barely knew her of course, but she was my first ever friend and I knew it was only a matter of time before we would need to run again. That’s just what my mum does, and after so many years I was finally getting tired. I wanted to settle. I wanted a life. A life I could actually live. Surrounded by other people and opportunities. I knew I should keep my distance from Lori – like I’d done with everyone my whole life. But I was tired of being lonely. I wanted – I needed – a friend… no matter how long it lasted.
**********
Lori agreed to take me shopping after school since I decided I needed to get a new mobile. Mum made me leave my last one behind after she’d watched some American crime drama and they used mobile phones to track people. It didn’t bother me at the time, seeing as the only person in my contacts list was my mum and I spent almost all my time with her anyway. But after Blaine witnessed a flash (excuse the pun) of my mum’s latest episode four days ago, I wished I could’ve text him to apologise.
What must he think of us?
“No, Maddie. You have to go,” my mum ordered when I said I wasn’t comfortable leaving her to go to school. I’d not learned a damn thing the past few days, too busy worrying about what state I’d find her in when I got home. “The other day was a slip up. I drank too much that’s all. It was my own stupid fault. I promise to behave myself from now on.” I didn’t know whether I believed her but I was so eager to get to school, I agreed.
“If you’re sure?”
“Absolutely. You know this is what I want for you, sweetie pie.”
“Well, I’ll be home a little late. I’m going shopping with a friend to buy a new phone. That way you can call whenever you need me.”
“That isn’t necessary. You need to quit worrying about me, Maddie. This is your time now. But I’m glad you’ve made a friend already. I told you everyone would love you.”
I’d hardly call one person ‘everyone’.
“Okay, well I’m going to go wait outside for Blaine.” I grabbed my backpack from the plastic table and leant over my mum who was sat on the manky brown sofa to kiss her forehead. “Love you, Mum.”
“Love you too, gorgeous girl.”
I’d been feeling a little uncomfortable around Blaine – especially in a space as enclosed as his tiny sports car. We hadn’t spoken about my mum’s ‘episode’ – he never asked, so I never offered. After pulling away from my house Blaine turned on the stereo without warning me using the hidden buttons on the back of his steering wheel. I almost crapped myself when the Bee Gee’s ‘Jive Talkin’’ (honest to god!) unexpectedly started blasting into my ears. His lips turned up into a crooked smirk and he turned it down until it was just a gentle hum in the background.
“You could crack a smile. It doesn’t hurt I swear,” Blaine said. God he could be an irritating twat at times.
“Fuck off,” I uttered petulantly. I wasn’t being serious. We’d had many of these ‘fake’ little tiffs over the last few days. They were kind of fun.
“You fuck off!”
“That’s no way to talk to a lady.”
“You ain’t no lady.”
“Are you calling me a man?” I feigned an insulted gasp.
“Well you’ve got balls that’s for sure.” He took his eyes off the road just long enough to wink at me. Christ he was gorgeous when he did that. Who am I kidding – he was gorgeous all the bloody time.
Before I could throw h
im my comeback we were at school.
The day passed fairly quickly without too many insults from my not-so-hospitable schoolmates. I rolled my eyes when the last bell blared. Ugh. It was time to go shopping. I hated shopping. It was so… girly.
After Lori pulled up in the shopping centre car park I stepped out between a shimmering silver Jaguar and a metallic black Mercedes and started to panic. Places like this were not built for people like me, and as Lori dragged me by the hand into the bustling plaza, peppered with designer stores and designer people I ransacked my brain for a feasible excuse to leave.
Although the purpose of the trip was to buy a phone, Lori insisted we hit the clothes shops too. Mum gave me one hundred pounds to exchange from her ill-gotten stash and with that, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to afford the cardboard tags let alone any clothes that might be attached to them.
“Clothes or cell first?” Lori asked with a noticeable bounce in her step as she turned to face me.
“Mobile, sorry, cell… phone, whatever you call it,” I replied in a fluster, deciding this option would give me longer to conjure my escape plan. Christ this country is going to take some getting used to. Lori chuckled at me – a typical bubbly-blonde giggle that in theory should annoy the fuck out of me. But it didn’t, Lori was too sweet to annoy anybody.
After a quick stop in a shop boasting a currency exchange counter, Lori dragged me into the shop she got her phone from. Then she pulled out her iPhone and started babbling on about how fantastic it was and explaining all it’s high-tech features in unnecessary detail.
“I swear no other cell can compete. You have to have one, Maddie. Here, let’s go talk to this guy about it,” she enthused whilst pulling me towards a large oblong service desk cluttered with cardboard cut outs in the shapes of various phone models. My heart sank.
The moment we walked in my eyes wandered the myriad of glass shelves lining the walls in search of something cheap and cheerful. Whatever happened next I was in for a royal embarrassment. I could either let Lori continue her pointless mission to try and lure me into the expensive world of the iPhone and then look like a total twat when I produced my measly one hundred and fifty dollars at the till. Or I could tell her now that her handbag is probably worth more than my house and I will never be able to afford anything she owns.
Here goes nothing.
“Lori I need to talk to you,” I said, cocking my head over to the quieter end of the shop. My cheeks burned as I made my way over to the window out of earshot from the cluster of patrons and staff crowding the counter. I heard Lori’s crippling pink heels clicking daintily behind me.
“Everything okay?” she asked, placing her tiny tanned hand on my shoulder.
I didn’t want to believe Lori would want nothing to do with me when she found out I was so obviously out of her league; so distant from the elite, albeit nasty, girls she was used to. But the reality was I had only known her for a few days so I genuinely had no idea how this conversation would go. In all honesty I wouldn’t blame her if she ran (or took a limousine) to the hills. I already felt bad that she had to put up with the constant mocks from her so-called friends for allowing herself to be seen with the ‘British chick in the ridiculous sweater’.
“I’m skint, Lori,” I admitted shamefully.
“You’re what?” Oh yeah… new country, new vocabulary.
“I’m broke. My mum and me… we’re not like you. We’ve got nothing. Blaine’s family are paying for my school… I’m not there because I come from the same life as you and your friends. I’m…” I trailed off, covering my shamed face with my hand. Lori pulled it away and held it between both of hers.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I just didn’t think.”
“It’s no big deal. Not to me anyway. It’s always been that way for us, I don’t know anything else. But, well, I understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore…”
“What the hell kind of person do you think I am?” she blared, taking me aback until I saw her face melt into a smile. “I don’t give a crap if you have money or not, Maddie. You’re one of the few people who doesn’t look at me like I’m a total retard. So in my book, that makes you one of my best friends.” Lori winked at me and squeezed my hand.
“Well, I can safely say you are my only friend, Lori. And right now, I couldn’t ask for a better one.” Her cheeks burned brighter than the shade of blush she was wearing and she smiled up at me, fluttering her lashes.
“Right, enough mushy shit,” she said, “let’s find you a cell.”
I had to credit Lori for the enthusiasm she threw into the low-end phones. I planned to pick up the cheapest and run (after paying for it of course) but Lori dragged the salesman over and had us comparing at least eight different models. I (well, Lori) eventually decided on a bog standard phone that calls, texts and takes photos. Apparently I could have gotten a smartphone for free if I’d taken out a thirty-dollar per month contract, which wasn’t particularly out of my budget but it would have to wait until I had a bank account set up.
For now, I was more than happy with my cheap and cheerful fifty-five dollar phone.
Driving to Lori’s after calling my mum to remind her I was going ice-skating (after Lori reminded me), I was grateful that she didn’t push the clothes shopping subject. She actually offered to buy me something to wear for some guy called Wayne’s party a week on Saturday night (which I reluctantly agreed to go to after listening to Lori beg for what seemed like ten hours), but I absolutely refused to allow it. Sensing I may have offended her a little I said yes to her second proposal of raiding her older sister’s wardrobe. Tammy was a size six which Lori assumed would roughly match my UK size eight body. Also, she was away at university so seemingly wouldn’t miss anything I borrowed.
I tucked my new phone back in its box after messing with it on the way and climbed out of the car. Lori’s house was as grand and magnificent as Blaine’s. She too had massive iron gates and you needed a code to get them to open. Sometimes it felt like I was living in a movie. Blaine, Lori and no doubt everyone else at school trotted about their daily lives as if all this opulence was… normal. It amazed me how different two people’s perceptions of normal could be. For me it was scratching down the sides of the sofa to find enough loose change for a taxi, washing my own clothes, making my own dinner…
For them it was all flash cars and housemaids. I seriously wondered if Lori even knew how to flip the switch of a kettle all by herself.
After an hour-long catwalk show through Tammy’s walk-in wardrobe I finally settled on a black dress and silver belt ensemble for the party a week on Saturday. Lori said I looked ‘hot’. I thought I looked… okay. But before that particular dreaded event I had another to get through first.
Ice-skating.
Ugh.
The only thing I could think of when I climbed out of Lori’s car at the ice rink was how glad I was I wasn’t wearing white pants, because there would inevitably be some shit pooling in them the second I stepped onto the ice.
I tapped my feet against the plush red carpet to the beat of Pink’s ‘Trouble’ which was blasting from the ceiling speakers, as we waited in line to exchange our shoes for some skates. When our turn came around I faced my first hurdle of the night when a skinny man with thick glasses and severe acne asked me what size I wanted.
“Oh,” was all I could say. Sizes were all different over here and I had no idea what a UK size five translated to. He looked at me like I was an imbecile.
As if she understood my plight Lori glanced down at me feet.
“She’ll take a seven,” she said to the man whose answering expression read something along the lines of ‘shouldn’t you be getting her back to the institution?’ Glowering at him, I handed him my white pumps and he thumped two skates on the counter.
Amazingly the skates were a perfect fit and I flashed Lori a grateful smile before attempting to stand. Shit. If it hadn’t have been for the large pillar beside me I would have f
ace planted the bench in front.
There’s this show back home called Dancing On Ice where Torvill and Dean teach a bunch of z-list celebrities to figure skate. Watching the odd episode of that was the closest I’d ever been to an ice rink. Stepping on the ice was going to be… interesting.
My belly rolled when we neared the ice and I took a minute leaning against the waist high enclosure whilst I tried to swallow back the threat of vomit. I stared in awe as people twirled along the ice, tiny flakes of it flying through the air as their skates scraped through it. The cold air whipped my face immediately. It was comforting – almost like I was back home.
“Come on. Stop being a baby,” Lori said, taking my hand and pulling me forward. I could do this, I told myself. Except I totally couldn’t. “I won’t let go of you I promise.”
Huffing, I nodded and followed Lori’s lead.
She stepped onto the rink effortlessly – as if it were no slippier than the carpet we’d just walked – or stumbled in my case – across. Tentatively I raised my right foot and lowered it cautiously onto the ice. Hmm. The surface was hard… yet soft at the same time. Cautiously I lifted my other foot onto it and straightaway I was moving without even trying. Most likely because Lori was pulling me.
“See… it’s not that hard is it?” Lori beamed.
“It’s too early to tell,” I retorted.
Lori pulled me slowly around the edges of the rink. I had one hand gripped to hers so tightly she must have been in pain and the other hovering over the top of the enclosure the whole way round. We did two excruciatingly long laps and I declined several times when she asked if I was ready to ‘go it alone’. It was when we were beginning our third lap I caught sight of a wistful look in her eyes as she watched people whizzing by us – laughing, twirling, having fun…