by Winters, KB
“So, was there a reason you needed to feel strong and capable?”
“Not really, no. I just didn’t realize how much feeling like that would appeal to me. Does that sound horrible?”
“Not at all. I work around plenty of strong women, physically at the House of Ashby and mentally, well Sadie, Kat, and Maisie. Strength makes you feel confident and when you feel confident, it’s extremely attractive.”
She laughed. “So you’re saying you think Sadie is hot?” She laughed even louder this time, drawing smiles from a group of old timers who were either out really late or up really early.
I shrugged. “She’s a beautiful woman. Sadie is the mother I never had but always wanted. Sort of.” It was complicated and not where I wanted the conversation to go at the moment.
“That’s kind of sweet. What happened to your mother if that’s not totally intrusive?”
Well, shit. “Mostly drugs and alcohol, but she’s still around if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That sucks, I’m sorry Emmett. I’ve actually found more comfort in the family I chose than the one I was born with, so I’d say you lucked out pretty good to join a family that’s so close.”
“I guess that’s the way I should be looking at it, huh?” I sounded like a whiny prick and that was no way to get a woman interested. Not that she was interested, especially after the way she bolted from the car earlier. “Oh hey, I wanted to apologize about earlier. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“What? Oh!” She waved off the apology just as platter upon platter of food arrived at the table. “We’re not stoners,” she laughed to the waiter. “I swear.”
“Uh, sure,” he said, obviously not believing her.
Vanessa giggled like a little girl once the waiter disappeared. “Did it sound like I was protesting too much?”
“Only a little,” I told her and held both hands out about two feet apart.
“Damn. Oh well.” She bit into a strip of bacon and moaned so deep I had to look away and squirm in the booth seat. “So good. Anyway you didn’t offend me.”
Conversation with Vanessa was unpredictable and it kept me on my toes. And completely off-kilter. “I didn’t? Because you bolted from the car pretty fast. Like I offended you.”
She flashed a sweet, slightly embarrassed smile. “Your words sent my mind racing in a few different directions and those thoughts made me feel…guilty. Disloyal.” She sighed as if struggling to figure out what she wanted to say so I sat back and ate, letting her gather her thoughts.
“Grief is a tricky thing, and sometimes it makes me crazy. On the one hand, I want to move on and live life because that’s what I should do. On the other hand, the guilt for wanting to move on with my life is unbearable.”
When Vanessa spoke, so open and honest with her heart on her sleeve, I felt like I could really fall for this woman. But like she said, grief was a tricky thing. “I know what you mean.”
“You do?”
I nodded and reached for a sausage link just to give myself time. “I lost more people than I would have liked in the Army. It fucks with me. Nonstop. Sometimes I’ll hear a song that one of my guys used to sing and it’ll level me for an entire fucking day. And then I feel guilty when I realize that I hadn’t thought about him for weeks, maybe months. Like I should have thought about him more.”
“Exactly,” she sighed, flashing a bright smile that lit up her blue eyes like gems. “It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.”
“And doesn’t just want you to hurry up and stop being sad?”
She nodded. “Yep.”
“Easier said than done,” I told her with a laugh. “It’s probably why I’m always such a grouchy bastard.”
“You? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you grouchy.” She laughed at the thought, and I kind of liked the idea that she saw me differently. It gave me hope that maybe she would look at me differently.
“Maybe you take away all my grouchiness.”
Vanessa nibbled her bottom lip, drawing attention to how plump it was especially now that her pink lipstick had started to fade. “Maybe I like having that superpower.”
“Maybe you should.”
Yeah, this was definitely flirting. I had that tingling in my arms that you got when you were vibing with a beautiful woman, and my heart raced in anticipation of her next smile. Her next laugh.
“And maybe you should prove that you can eat as much as you said you could.”
Her blue eyes narrowed at the challenge and her lips pulled into a playful grin. “Oh, don’t you worry your pretty little head, Emmett. I’m gonna eat so much you’ll have to roll me out to your car.”
“I can always use another workout,” I told her with a shrug and grabbed a slice of bacon from the plate that sat between us. “Eat up, then.”
“You’ve been warned,” she said and proceeded to eat her weight in breakfast food but rather than being turned off, I was so damn turned on looking at her lips, slick from the greasy food and listening to the erotic moans she made with every nibble. Every bite. Vanessa put away a lot of food, but still left plenty uneaten. “Impressed?”
I looked down at the huge dent we’d made in the food and nodded. “Beyond impressed, actually. And a little upset I don’t get to roll you back to the car.”
When my fingers twitched at the thought of putting my hands on Vanessa’s perfect ass, I knew it was time to go. Her car had probably been fixed for more than an hour by now, and here I was, torturing myself.
She blinked, long lashes fluttering prettily, and for just a moment, I saw a flash of heat in her eyes. I would have loved to take her up on that promise in her eyes, but she wasn’t ready. “Maybe another time?”
“Sure. Ready to get home?”
She nodded. “Your company has been amazing, but I think I have about fifteen minutes before a food coma sets in.”
I put enough cash on the table to cover the bill and the tip, but Vanessa wouldn’t have it. “I’ll leave the tip,” she insisted.
I wasn’t put off by her tone, just the opposite.
“Cool. Tomorrow when the guys give me a hard time, I’ll tell them a beautiful woman bought me dinner.”
“You won’t,” she said, so sure she knew me.
“I might,” I insisted, my hand on the small of her back as we left the diner. I kept my head on a swivel, searching for danger in every dark corner, behind every barrier.
“But you won’t,” she shot back with a cheeky grin as I closed the door.
“But I could.” The quick trip back to her place was mostly quiet, both of us deep in thought and probably embarrassed as hell that we’d revealed so much of ourselves to each other. After all the loss we’d experienced, it was odd to share so much so soon. “Thanks for sharing dinner—or breakfast—with me tonight, Vanessa.”
She flashed a smile across the car and her shoulders sagged in relief. “Thanks for asking, Emmett. I had a great time.” She leaned forward and I froze, unprepared for what I thought was about to happen, which ended up being a pretty chaste kiss on my cheek. “Good night.”
“Not so fast,” I told her and jumped out of the car, determined to walk her to the door because I was a gentleman and because of my vow to protect her. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
“Next time I promise you can roll me to the door, if that makes you feel better.”
“It does.” It felt even better that she said there would be a next time. “Good night, Vanessa.”
The night had turned out better than good, something I hadn’t thought, much less experienced, in too fucking long.
Chapter Twelve
Vanessa
“This seems a bit…much, doesn’t it?” I didn’t want to offend anyone but Kat and Maisie had knocked on my door about ten minutes ago so we could spend the day doing wedding planning activities, and now we were seated in the back of a limo. With champagne.
Kat tossed her head back, thick brown hair cascading down her back, and la
ughed. “Not at all. This is how the other half does wedding planning. Or so I keep hearing from Terry.”
“And me,” Mace said from the passenger seat up front. He’d volunteered to act as Kat’s private security since the shooting, escorting her almost everywhere. “This shit is fancy schmancy, yo!”
“He’s not wrong,” I said and ran a hand up and down the soft, buttery leather. “But damn, this is traveling in style.”
Maisie laughed. “I know, right? It’s easy to get used to this kind of luxury.”
“Oh please, don’t listen to her, Vanessa. She grew up on a big ass sprawling ranch in Texas. It’s not like she’s some country bumpkin. Oh, sorry,” Kat said.
“It’s all right,” I laughed and shook my head. “I no longer feel like the country bumpkin I once thought I was.”
“You’re too damn pretty to be a country bumpkin,” Kat insisted and I felt my cheeks flame with embarrassment. “Maybe an uber sexy country Barbie or something?”
Maisie smacked Kat’s thigh with a laugh. “You’ve spent way too much time with your brothers if you think that’s any kind of compliment.”
“Pretty is a compliment, thank you very much. And Barbie is like the standard of beauty, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah,” Maisie rolled her eyes. “If you’re a nine-year-old girl. You’re beautiful, Nessa, full stop.”
“Uhm…thanks?”
“Don’t embarrass the girl,” Kat said and handed me a glass of champagne before handing one to Maisie. “To new family, friends and eating a fuck ton of wedding food today!”
We clinked our glasses and drank our champagne in silence as we drove to the upscale part of town and pulled up to a heavily landscaped elegant store front with a sign indicating it was our first caterer.
“Are you doing a plated dinner or buffet?” I asked.
“Plated, I think,” Maisie said hesitantly. “But is it tacky to have nonstop appetizers? I always get hungry with those delicious but tiny plates.” Maisie was stressing too much, and I hoped Kat and I could take some of that away.
“I’ll never say no to more food, honestly. And if you keep people fed, they won’t get totally smashed.”
“Good idea,” Kat said as the limo came to a stop. Mace got out first, keeping his eyes on everything and everyone in sight. He stepped inside the building first and waved us in.
The driver opened our door and helped us out.
“All right ladies, I’ll be right here if you need me,” he said as we entered the shop.
“Thanks, Mace.” I flashed a grateful smile, ignoring the unease that slid through me at the thought of having a bodyguard. I barely had time to notice that the front of the catering facility was set up like four different wedding tables, each separated by dividing walls for privacy. “Wow, this place is great.”
“It’s impressive, right?” Maisie’s face lit up. “I requested the midnight table setting because I’m thinking of going with a dark theme. Virgil will look so damn sexy in a midnight theme, don’t you think?”
Kat held her hands up. “I’m not touching that shit, sister.”
“I think he’ll look very handsome,” I told Maisie with a smile.
“Thank you.” Her blue eyes didn’t look as bright and cheery as they normally did, and I wondered if she was having second thoughts.
“Is something else bothering you, Maisie?”
“Is it that obvious?” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s Bonnie. I mean she’s supposed to be my best friend, and I can’t believe she’s refusing to participate in all this with me. I know I should just get over it, but it fucking sucks. Ya know?”
“Fucking Bonnie,” Kat growled and reached for the nonexistent glass because we were fifteen minutes early for our appointment.
“The wedding is coming up soon,” I told her. “And as much as it sucks, this is going to be her loss when she finally gets over herself.”
“Are you so sure she will?” Maisie snapped. “Get over herself I mean.”
“I hardly know her, so I can’t be sure, but my own best friend dropped me as soon as I got engaged to Lance. She thought I was a fool for marrying a military man. She was sure he would cheat on me during his long absences and that my loneliness would drive me crazy.”
Even thinking about it now hurt my heart, but I loved Lance, and I didn’t regret our years together.
“So, you just have to ask yourself, is having Bonnie around on the most exciting, romantic day of your life worth the headache if she doesn’t want to be there?” I hoped I hadn’t overstepped, but Maisie needed to hear the cold hard truth.
“No,” she said after a long moment of biting her bottom lip. “It’s not. You’re right but it sucks.”
“It sucks a lot,” I assured her. “But you get to marry a man you love and start your life together, so there’s that.”
“Yeah,” Maisie said on a swoony sigh. “That is the highlight of the day.” Her smile dimmed. “I just wish things were different.”
“So do I,” Kat insisted. “I like Bonnie, really, but whatever is going on with her, she needs to deal with it on her own, not by trying to take my brother away from the family.”
Her anger started to show and I gave Kat credit for realizing that it might not go over well with Maisie. “If she doesn’t shape up by the bridal shower, we’ll stage an intervention. How’s that sound?”
“Perfect,” Maisie said in a tone that indicated she hoped Bonnie did get her crap together by then. I had a feeling a Kat-led intervention wouldn’t go over too well.
In the next moment, a tall blonde came out from a room in the back in a toque and white chef’s coat.
“Sorry for the wait ladies, kitchen drama. I’m Kimber, your chef for the wedding, I hope.” I half-listened as Kimber did her spiel, wondering how it would feel to plan such an elaborate wedding.
Kimber offered us a seat a table with beautiful place settings and flowers. I took my place and unfurled my napkin.
Lance and I had a simple wedding, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but this, well it was a whole other world.
And I get to be a part of it.
“All right, while we wait for wine and food, Vanessa can tell us what’s going on with her and Emmett?”
I blinked, surprised—no shocked—by Kat’s question. “Going on?”
“Is it too soon to ask that or too insensitive?” Kat feigned concern with a crooked grin on her face.
“I don’t know that anything is going on, honestly. Emmett is good-looking, obviously. He’s nice and has a mile-wide protective streak that is so common with military guys.”
“But?” Maisie rolled her wrist for me to carry on.
“But we’re just friends.” I sighed and decided that these ladies were my friends. My circle. My people. “And when I think of us as anything more, I feel nothing but guilt and sadness.”
“Well that has to be hard,” Kat said, sympathy swimming in her eyes. “But Emmett clearly thinks you hung the moon, so I don’t think he’s thinking of you as just a friend.”
I shook my head because I didn’t think that was true. Sure, there were times I saw hints of appreciation, but that was it. “He’s just a nice guy who’s being kind to a grieving widow.”
Kat barked out a laugh as the first course arrived. “And it has nothing to do with the fact that said grieving widow is drop dead gorgeous? Ha!”
Maisie laughed. “I mean the fact that she doesn’t know how gorgeous she is has to make her even hotter, right?”
“Excuse me?” I raised my hand like a kid at school. “Right here, girls!” It was nice to laugh and simply enjoy a few moments of life without the weight of my grief.
“We see you,” Kat said and put her hands up. “Put that smile away before Mace has an outbreak of lust.”
“Har-har,” I said and rolled my eyes.
“You love us,” Kat said confidently. “We’re family, it’s our job to give you a hard time.”
F
amily. For so long it had been just me and Lance, and for a while the wives on base, but that felt like a lifetime ago. But here was Kat offering to be my family. “I am attracted to Emmett, but it feels too soon. Do you think it’s too soon?”
Whenever I had a fleeting thought of Emmett or sex with someone else, guilt set in and all I could see was Lance’s face, cold and lifeless. Never to flash that incredible smile my way again.
“What’s too soon?” Kat shrugged her shoulders. “I think the only way to find out is to try to move on.” She looked down at the next dish, a salmon rolled with dill cream cheese and made a face. “Is this wedding on the set of an eighties soap?”
Maisie also frowned and shrugged ambivalently. “I don’t know.”
“It tastes good,” I offered quietly. It wasn’t the prettiest dish but it was tasty. “So far the stuffed mushroom cap was my favorite.”
“Me too,” Maisie admitted. “I was thinking upscale barbecue.”
Kat nodded. “Barbecue is always delicious. Then again, any meal where I can lick my fingers is fine by me.” She turned to me, her expression serious again. “I’m not sure Ma has ever truly moved on from Dad. He was horrible, but she loved him and over the years she’s had lovers, but nothing with staying power. I don’t think it’s been good for her.”
I blinked unable to believe what I was hearing. “But Sadie is so strong and tough, beautiful and stylish. How can she not have a line of men waiting for her to take her pick?”
Kat and Maisie looked at each other for a long, pregnant moment before two sets of wildly different blue eyes swung my way. “Yeah, now you’re starting to get it,” Maisie said with a smile.
“Get what…oh. It’s not the same. She’s been a widow for years, decades. Not months.” Months that felt like years. Some days felt like a whole eternity had passed without Lance.
“Thomas looks at Sadie the way Emmett looks at you, with a wistful longing of unrequited feelings.” Maisie said.
“Someone’s been reading too many romance novels,” Kat said out the side of her mouth, making us all laugh.
“I do love a good romance,” Maisie admitted. “Maybe that’s why I can see these things so clearly.”