by Winters, KB
Maybe he had a point, but it didn’t change how I felt. I was happy to see that he got that, leaving me to my thoughts on the drive back to my place.
“You don’t have to come inside,” I said when he drove up to my front door.
“I’m coming inside,” he grunted and got out quickly and came around to help me out of the car. He took my hand and walked me to my door.
“I don’t need a babysitter, Emmett.”
“Yeah well, maybe I need a nurse Vanessa.” He held up his bloody, raw fists and for the first time I noticed the strange look on his face.
“Right. Of course.” Even though Emmett was a solider and a fighter, this had been hard for him for some reason. “Are you okay?”
He said nothing as I pushed open the door and guided him down the hall on the right to the guest bathroom where I carefully rinsed all the blood from his knuckles. I gave Emmett exactly what he’d given me earlier, silence to come to grips with everything that had happened. Then I heard it, a sniffle.
Grabbing his shoulders, I turned him to face me. Thankfully, he didn’t object. “Talk to me Emmett.”
He shook his head, a twisted, dark smile on his face.
“I’m no different, Nessa. No fucking different.”
I didn’t know what he meant so I waited. Patiently.
“I always thought I was so “above it,” he said, using air quotes for emphasis. “Prided myself on the fact that I wasn’t like them even though they’re my family.”
Above what, I wanted to ask, but I knew how important it was to process emotions. Sometimes it happened in the moment, so I turned my focus back to his hands. Letting the lukewarm water run over his bloody knuckles until the water ran clear. The disinfectant and bandages came next while silence reigned.
“The rage I felt tonight, Vanessa. It scared me. It scared the absolute fuck out of me, watching those assholes attack you. Hold you against your will. I can’t remember the last time I was so fucking angry. Actually, I do and it was before I enlisted.”
Emmett shook his head, his eyes held that faraway look as he spoke. “I promised myself I’d never get angry like that again. It was an uncontrollable blind rage, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
With his hands bandaged, I grabbed Emmett by the face to make sure his tortured blue eyes met mine.
“You saved my life tonight, Emmett. You came to my rescue at exactly the right moment. Thank you.”
“I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe, Vanessa. Always.”
He was so sweet, even in his ass-kicking, tough guy mode. He was irresistible, and Emmett really needed to know that. My hands moved from his face down to his wide, sculpted shoulders, and I stepped in close and put my lips to his. It wasn’t a carnal kiss even though I definitely felt my body temperature rise, especially when his big hands went to my waist. My hips and then, my ass. We stood in the tiny bathroom kissing like it was enough because right now, it was enough.
Hell, it was more than enough.
“How about we put on some pajamas and curl up on the sofa? I just want to be in your arms. And laugh. I really want to laugh.”
That pulled a chuckle from Emmett, and he pulled me closer, dropping a panty melting kiss on my forehead. “I could do with listening to the sound of your laugh tonight. And having you in my arms is exactly where I need you.”
“Good.”
“But I don’t have any pajamas.”
“Right,” I frowned. “Then I guess those sexy, thigh-hugging boxers will have to do double duty tonight.”
He laughed again. “You’re just trying to watch me in my skivvies.”
“Maybe. Do you mind?”
“Not at all. In fact, I’ll strip down now if you want.” His voice was teasing and there was a hint of a dare in his tone, as if he expected the blushing widow I’d been a few months ago.
“I want.”
Heat flared in his gaze and then he stripped, leaving everything but his blue and white boxer briefs on the bathroom floor.
Good Lord, but the man was nuclear level hot!
Chapter Nineteen
Emmett
I thought it strange that Sadie asked me to come to Ashby Manor before Sunday dinner, especially since the next fight was at least a month away. I showed up an hour early, wariness and anxiety churning deep in my gut. I practically grew up in this house, and Sadie had insisted the door was always open. When I returned from the military, though, I preferred to ring the bell just in case something was going on that I didn’t want to see or know about on the other side of the door.
Thomas answered when I rang, looking as smooth as ever in a dark blue pinstripe suit that came with a vest. A fucking vest. Thomas was always overdressed, and I wondered if it was a rule of Sadie’s.
His dark brows rose as he took in my jeans and t-shirt, shaking his head as he opened the door wider. “Still refusing to own up to who you are, I see.”
I stepped inside with a smile. “It’s called respect. What if you finally decide to make your move, and I interrupt? I’d never forgive myself, man.”
His lips twitched, but the smile never broke free. “Funny. Sadie is in her office waiting for you. The others are drinking in the parlor.”
I nodded and followed him down the hall that led to Sadie’s office. “Any idea what this is about, Thomas?”
Other than Ravager’s shit show, I hadn’t gotten chewed out by Sadie in a long time. Even that was mild since it was the fighter himself who’d gone rogue.
Thomas gave a short nod and sighed. “It’s best you hear it from Sadie.”
Shit. That wasn’t good. “Right.” I felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter when Thomas opened the door and nodded me inside, hesitant and worried.
“Don’t look so glum,” Sadie admonished.
“The last time you summoned me like this, I got my ass chewed.”
Sadie grinned and leaned back in her oversized chair. “Not a chewing, maybe a bit of gnawing though. This is different. Sit.”
I sat and Sadie rose, making her way over to the bar where she poured two glasses half-full with whiskey.
“So, good news?” I tried for a smile that felt weak even to me and opted instead for a big sip of top shelf Irish whiskey.
“I think so, yes,” she said stiffly, almost formally. She leaned against the desk, leaving no distance, no barrier between us.
“But you’re different Emmett and I know this news won’t be easy to hear.”
I swallowed a knot in my throat that tasted like charcoal and nodded. “Okay.”
“The man who attacked Vanessa was a prospect for my current fucking headache known as Black Jacks.” The alcohol threatened to return at that one word. Was.
“Why did he attack her, do we know?” The question delayed the inevitable, we both knew that. Just as we both knew I wasn’t ready to hear the news I already knew was coming.
“Jasper suspects this is Brendan Rhymer’s doing, and I’m inclined to agree.” Sadie let out an exhausted sigh and finished off her whiskey. Then she gave me the news I’d been dreading.
“He didn’t make it Emmett; he died early this morning from his injuries. Internal bleeding, brain swelling, all of it. He’s dead.”
Dead. That word echoed in my brain on a loop for a full minute. The kid couldn’t have been more than twenty-two and his life was over. My hands had done that.
“Fuck,” I said because I couldn’t say anything else. I couldn’t tell Sadie about the visions haunting me since the beat down in the parking lot. The reason the asshole was in a morgue and not just walking around with a beefsteak on his black eyes.
I’d been having flashbacks since that day. Not just to the guy with his hands all over Vanessa. That was enough to drive me out of my mind. But when I pulled her away from his clutches and started wailing on him, I didn’t see just the punkass kid.
Everything came back. My mother. The guys I left in the desert, all that blood and gore, but mainly Fiona.
>
How do you wipe something like that out of your mind? What those monsters did to her. It had been eating at me since I watched the video of her murder on Jasper’s phone that night. The fear that the same thing could happen to Vanessa had brought me to my knees. It’s why I’d been showing up to give her a ride home every night, why I’d appointed myself her personal body guard. Why I’d given my brother the beating of his life. Or almost. Luckily, Kat stopped me from doing real damage to Terry.
My goddamn PTSD.
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you before dinner, Emmett. Don’t turn this into some indictment on who you are because that’s bullshit and you know it.”
I heard her words and nodded, but my gaze was drawn to my hands, still bruised and healing from the fatal damage I’d inflicted. How could I tell her about the rage I felt, that it stopped being about protecting Vanessa at some point? That my violent streak took over, and I spun out of control.
“Do I know it, Sadie? I swore I was done with killing when I left the Army, but yet, here we are, upping my body count.”
The news was devastating, and I felt my body temperature drop at least five degrees as I struggled to take one damn deep breath.
The door opened and closed behind me, and I didn’t need to look up to know it was Jasper. His hand fell on my shoulder and when I finally faced him, his eyes held sympathy for me.
“Em, we all know you’re not a killer. Whether you want to hear it or not, you did exactly what needed to be done.”
I shook my head against his words. “It wasn’t my place. I should have left it up to Mace or Hulu or Provo. That’s their job.”
“Fuck that,” Jasper insisted firmly. “They didn’t get there on time. They were close, yeah, but were you going to let them kill her just because,” he hung air quotes to make sure I understood, “it wasn’t your job?” He leaned into me as if I couldn’t hear him.
“And what would they have done after they’d had their way with her? Fuck no. Vanessa needed you to be that man in that moment, and you were. Hell, the family needed you, too, and no matter what you think, you are a part of this family.”
“He’s right,” Sadie added softly. “ You are family. And the message the family needed to send has been conveyed. Thank you.”
I nodded absently, that sickening feeling that I had in the Army returning. It was fucked up to be thanked and rewarded, to receive medals for killing people. For taking lives. Even if it had to be done, it should never be rewarded. Not fucking ever.
“Yeah, sure,” I said as I got to my feet. I stood on shaky legs and made my way over to the bar for another drink, three fingers this time. I said, “Thanks for letting me know,” as if they’d given me good news.
“Of course. If you need anything, let me or Ma know.”
As soon as I was out of the office, my brother was right there at my side, as if he’d been waiting. “How are you doing, man?”
“Just fuckin’ great, bro. How are you?”
“Bullshit,” he shot back. “It’s okay, you know, to feel some kind of way. Bet you didn’t realize your hands are lethal weapons, did you?”
“Fuck you, Terry.” I scowled at the mockery in his tone but his other sentiment surprised me. “Do you feel some kind of way?”
“Fuck, yeah,” he sighed and took a pull from his beer bottle. “Angry and sad most of the time, even though it’s justified and even though I know the choice was me or the other guy. It’s not supposed to make you feel good or something. Unless you’re fucked in the head. You fucked in the head, bro?”
I’d never told Terry about the visions I had, the fury that took over during that fight, that I was seeing the guys take out Fiona. How fucked up was that? “Fuck you Terry. Let me get through my shit, okay?”
“Then wallow through your shit or whatever you need to do, and then get over it. Who knows what they would’ve done to Vanessa? Jas said she was pretty shaken up.”
“Terrified is more like it. She was in shock.” And I still didn’t know what the fuck they wanted with her. “You think this has anything to do with Fiona?”
“Can’t say for sure, but I’d put money on it.” Terry rested a hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the dining room where Maisie, Kat, Molly, and Virgil waited, along with Thomas and his watchful gaze.
“I’m starved,” he said. “We’d better get into the dining room or Sadie will be all over our asses.”
I spent most of dinner shoving food into my face and brooding over the fact that I wasn’t just a solider, I was also a killer. Some people might have thought they were one and the same, but one was duty and what I’d done was…murder.
I sat back in my chair and took in a deep breath. I couldn’t stop thinking about my hands—lethal weapons as Terry said. Blow after blow landed on the most sensitive parts of his body. The fact I’d been so filled with rage that Mace had to pull me off him stuck with me, made me realize that as much as I tried to suppress it, hide it, it was still a part of me.
I wasn’t any better than the Ashbys, or Terry. I was lying to myself about that part of me, while they accepted it, if not embraced it outright.
“The wedding plans are nearly complete.” Maisie’s words or maybe it was her excited tone, broke through my thoughts. “Kat and Vanessa have to do another fitting. The cake is set and so are the colors, napkins and flowers.”
“I am personally really looking forward to the cake,” Kat said with a wide unapologetic smile. “Sorry, not sorry.”
Virgil flipped Kat off and she tossed a freshly buttered roll at him that he batted away, leaving it to fall on one of two empty seats at the table.
Sadie frowned. “Where is Cal? And Bonnie?” She looked around the table in search of an answer but no one had one for her, or if they did, they kept it to themselves.
“This is fucking bullshit. We need to discuss this Jasper.”
“I know, Ma. Give me some time.” His tone was that of the long-suffering son and man in charge. “I’ll talk to him.”
“If you can find him,” Kat added angrily.
The table fell silent, almost as if waiting for Sadie’s anger to take over, but it never did. “Any news on Molly?” Madison asked the question at least once every Sunday and each time, the answer was the same.
“Nothing concrete yet. Just sightings that amount to fuck all,” Terry told her and looked away quickly, a surefire sign he was lying.
Madison looked skeptical but she only nodded sadly. “All right, I guess.” She stabbed her potatoes and fell into a thoughtful silence and I sighed, understanding her frustration. Her loneliness.
Killing for the family should have made me feel more part of things but the truth was, I felt lonelier than ever, and I wondered, was this my fate in life?
My punishment?
Chapter Twenty
Vanessa
“I’ve got whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and something called caramel body paint. You think that’s enough?”
I’d just pulled into the parking lot of my favorite supermarket and settled back with the key fob in one hand, my phone against my ear, listening and waiting. A long silence fell across the line, but I wasn’t deterred because I knew Emmett. At least I was starting to, and his silence meant he was interested.
A cough sounded, mixed with a laugh. “How many hours do you think I can last?”
I shrugged, a flirtatious smile on my face he couldn’t see. “It’s not about lasting Emmett. It’s about pleasure. Isn’t that what you told me when you tied me up and made me come until I passed out?”
His laugh was deep and outright sexy this time.
“Something like that, if I recall.” His voice grew deeper and thick with desire, a sure sign he more than recalled. “Caramel is my favorite. I can lick it all night.”
A shiver slipped down my spine and I squeezed my thigh muscles together to stop the ache throbbing between them. “Good to know. I’m more of a whipped cream girl myself.”
“Good to
know,” he growled. “Hang on.”
Silence fell again, and I was relieved. As much as I loved the dirty talk and the innuendos, it wasn’t healthy to be aroused all the time. Was it?
“Sorry, Nessa got a problem I need to deal with. See you tonight?”
“Can’t wait.”
It was nice having something to look forward to other than work and wedding planning. Unlike the shelter, this was something just for me. Just for the sake of enjoyment.
“Me either, Vanessa. Bye for now.”
The way my name rolled of his tongue stayed with me as I exited the car and made my way inside the grocery store. Midday shopping was the best because the stores were mostly empty. Everything was freshly stocked, which let me take my time. And daydream about the way Emmett had taken me last night, rough and intense under the hot spray of the shower. Something had been on his mind, he’d admitted that much, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet so I distracted him with pleasure.
“Vanessa Decker?”
I froze at the sound of my name, so I slid my hand into my purse until I found the pepper spray before I turned.
I took a step back, the harsh fluorescent lights buzzing above me. “Do I know you?” I asked, on my guard. The woman had bright red hair pulled into a low bun that highlighted her bright blue eyes and pale, freckled skin. She was small which made her appear young, but the white shirt and black pants and blazer said she was at least old enough to hold a job.
“Not yet.” Her blue eyes sized me up, but I resisted the urge to squirm because this woman’s gaze was nothing compared to the millionaires and billionaires who did the same before trusting me with their bets. Their winnings.
“But you will. Addison Beck,” she said with a bright smile and held her hand out.
The good midwestern girl in me almost accepted her hand but the cynical, experienced part of me resisted. The part that had just been attacked took another step back. “What can I do for you?”