Alice by Accident

by Lynne Reid Banks

  I keep asking Mum every day if she’s found somewhere. I know she hasn’t. I don’t think she’s even looking. Of course it’s hard to flat-hunt when you haven’t got a car and when you’re working. Gene once offered Mum driving lessons for her birthday but Mum didn’t want to. Now she says this illness she has might mean she wouldn’t be allowed to drive. She akes and has to sit down alot. She’s supposed to rest but she can’t. She can’t even tell her bosses at the practiss about the illness because they might fire her. She has pills for the illness but sometimes she forgets to take them. I have to remind her.

  Mum really is a bit of a hypercondriak, but it’s about me. That’s her big thing, worrying I’ll get ill. If I get a headake she thinks its mygrain and if I have tummy ake she thinks it’s ecoli or legionaires disease. She always told me not to let anyone kiss a cut better because of aids. I wouldn’t even let Gene and when I told her she might give me aids she just went WHAAAAT!

  I have to write a story for Brandy about a wicked witch. I wish it was about a wicked landlord, then I could write about Gene riding a big horse and coming to our street with the bailifs. I’m going to do a drawing of her. I have this magic idea that if I draw things I’m scared of carefully I won’t be scared any more. I don’t want to be scared of Gene.

  SCHOOL NOTEBOOK

  THE BAD REWARD

  by Alice Williamson-Stone

  Jack was a girl of ten. Her real name was Jacqueline. She wore boys clothes and was very brave, she wasn’t afraid of anything at all. All the bullies in her school ran away when she arrived on the scene. Sometimes she rescued other children who were being bullied so they all respected her.

  One day she was walking home from school alone (she was allowed to because she was so strong nobody would dare hurt her) she saw an old fat lady trying to cross the road not at the crossing. She said,

  “You shouldn’t cross except at the crossing madam.”

  The fat old lady said,

  “But I have to cross here my legs are bad and I can’t walk any further” so Jack stepped out in the road and put her hands up and stopped all the cars and the old lady crossed. Then the old lady said,

  “That was foolish but very brave. I like it when children do brave and foolish things to help me. I would like to give you a special reward.” She gave Jack a strange very small machine with a handle. The old lady said,

  “When you have any problem turn the handle.” Then she vanished. That same day Jack had a problem with her maths homework, she couldn’t do it, so she turned the handle. She almost dropped the machine with fright because it played a loud tune! But when Jack looked at her maths book the sum was all done. In fact all her homework was done.

  The next day at school her teacher said,

  “Jack your sums are all right. Can you show me how you worked them out?” Jack had no idea and the teacher said “I think your parents did the homework. That’s cheating. I give you a big F and you will have to go to the Head’s office.” Outside that office Jack thought “This is a big problem” so she took out the machine and turned the handle. It played another loud tune and there was a BANG from inside the office. Jack peeped in and saw that the Headmistress had gone mad, she was pointing a gun at the door and saying, “Get out or I’ll shoot you!” Now Jack knew that the old lady had been a witch and that the magic music machine only helped in a bad way so she threw the machine away in the dustbin. But next day she heard a loud tune in the next classroom and then someone shouted “Fire!” and everyone started running. The school burnt down. Then Jack knew some other child had found the witch’s machine and that the bad magic could go on for ever.

  A. Not a single spelling mistake! But what a sinister story! You do write very well I must say. In a weird kind of way! See me after school.

  Brandy told me there’s a creative writing competition she wants me to enter. She said handwriting counts and she wants me to do joined-up-print like the others. I said can I use a word processer but she said no. “Now make it a nice story, not one of your strange sinister ones. And it has to be at least 350 words long. And no drawings, just the story (because I often ilustrate my stories).” That sounded alot but when I counted my last story about the witch it was 452 words long! So the only problem will be, keeping it nice enough. (Gene said nice was a silly flabby word. I don’t want to write nice stories, I like sinister ones better.)

  Mum didn’t go to work this morning. Her illness made her feel too bad. I am really worried about this illness. I wish I could talk to Gene about it. I keep thinking about phoning her and just telling her Mum has this illness which is called sarcoidosis. The trouble with having only a Number One is that if there’s something wrong with her you don’t have any other number to talk to.

  So then I had my idea. I thought “I have a Number Three, sort of.” I decided to phone my Auntie Carla.

  Mum had to get up and come and fetch me from Sharon’s. What would happen if she couldn’t get up? She often says a single parent can’t be ill. It’s a long journey with lots of waiting for buses and stuff and she looked really rough and she walked like an old person because of her joints. As soon as we got home she said “I’m sorry Alice you’ll have to get your own tea, I must go to bed.” As soon as she was asleep I shut her door very quietly and went downstairs and looked for Auntie Carla in Mum’s adress book. I felt sneaky because I knew Mum wouldn’t let me but I felt so lonely I had to.

  I asked her how she was and how baby James was and then she asked me why I was phoning. I said “Mum’s ill with sarcoidosis.” She asked what it was and I explained. She said “I’m really sorry, but what can I do, Alice, I’m in Liverpool and you’re in London.” I said “Somebody’s got to help us.” And then I heard myself say, “What about your mum?” (who is Mum’s mum too). I felt my head go all fuzzy when I heard myself say that, I hadn’t ment to, it just came out because I was thinking grandmothers. Auntie Carla said, “I could ask her.” I said very quickly “But don’t let Jonas know.” Jonas is the Big Pig’s real name. I was so worked up I nearly said Big Pig!!

  Auntie Carla asked for our new adress and phone number and that was it. Now I’m writing this to talk to myself. I am piling up secrets. It’s easy for Mum to say secrets are bad. I can’t tell her everything but if I don’t I have this terrible pain inside, worse than about Gene. It bothers me all the time. I suppose it’s my conshuns. I wonder what Peony does about hers. Maybe she hasn’t got one. If I went on the rob I would have such a bad conshuns I don’t know how I’d stand it. But what if Mum gets really too ill to take me to school and can’t go shopping? I might have to go on the rob then.

  Gene told me that when she was a child she walked to school by herself and very little kids went to the shops for their parents all the time and some people didn’t lock their doors even at night. I wish it was still like that. Peony is bad in a way but she doesn’t hurt anyone. I’ve never met anyone who hurts people (unless the prowler wanted to). Maybe it’s just Mum being too afraid for me like Gene said. Maybe I could go to the shops by myself. I’m allowed to play out if I stay where Mum can see me. Ali’s shop is just up the road. What can happen to me between here and there? Nothing happened to Peony and me for two hours in the streets near school and that’s a bad district.

  I’ve thought about it very hard and I’m going to buy stuff and make dinner for me and Mum.

  Later. I did it. I did it! I went to Ali’s all by myself with money from my moneybox and bought some Smash and a big tin of baked beans and a sliced lofe and some satsoomas. No one took any notice of me! I even crossed the main road by myself. Of course I was careful. It wasn’t hard. You’d have to be stupid not to wait till there were no cars.

  Still I was scared. Peony would larf her head off if she knew how dead scared I was. I ran all the way back with the shopping. I haven’t got a key so I had left the door a little bit open. When I got in I almost fell on the floor, in fact I did but it was acting.

  I got up and went to the kitchen and pu
t the whistling kettle on. Gene gave Mum an electric one but she won’t use it now and I couldn’t find it. I hope she hasn’t thrown it out. I poured the Smash into a bowl and when the kettle whistled I poured the boiling water and mixed with a fork. Then I put some butter in and tried to get the lumps out. I put some toast in the toaster.

  Then I tried to open the tin of baked beans. I’ve never used the tin opener before and it’s an old kind of one and I couldn’t do it. So I thought now what do I do, and I thought, I’ll ask next door. Next door are Julie and Matt our neighbours and they’re nice. So I knocked and Matt came and opened the tin for me. He said “Are you cooking tonight Alice? Mum’s not ill is she?” I wanted to say yes but I said no, I don’t know why, I didn’t want him to come in. I wanted to manage by myself. But it was nice to think that Matt was there.

  In the end Mum woke up and came down just as I was putting the mashed potato and baked beans and toast on the table. I’d picked some flowers from the garden and lit a candle. She staired at it and said “Good God Alice how did you do all this?” I said “I took money from my moneybox and I went to Ali’s cos there was nothing for supper.”

  Mum gave me this funny look as if she’d never seen me before and sat down at the table. I thought she would give me a real telling off but she didn’t say a word. She ate supper and we had satsoomas for desert. She said did you boil the kettle and everything, and I said yes. She’s never let me pick up the whistling kettle because the handle gets hot but I used the dishtowel like she does. Then she said “so could you make me a cup of tea do you think?” And I said “Mum I’m nine and three quaters. Peony can cook spaghetti and make tea and she’s only 8. She makes the sorce too.”

  I turned around and went into the kitchen. Gene would of said, “Good exit.” I felt great. Not about Mum being ill of course she really looked bad. But I thought I might not have to go on the rob and I can be more independant. But I still have a very bad conshuns about ringing Auntie Carla. I don’t know WHAT Mum is going to say if HER mum turns up. I’ll have to worn her but I don’t know how. I’m so tired I’m going to bed early. (I did all the washing up too.)

  I thought Mum was better this morning but she was white and when we got to the station and the train was nearly coming she suddenly said “Could you go to school on your own Alice?” I was frozen to the spot. I said NO. She said, “All right let’s go home then and you’ll have to miss school because I just can’t face that journey, I hurt too much.”

  It was our class day trip to the National Gallery so I really wanted to go to school so I said “Can I get a taxi to school from the train station?” We did that once instead of the bus when we were late so I knew where to wait in the queu. She thought about it and said “I suppose I’ll have to let you but I’ll be sick with worry all day.” She gave me some money and said “Now don’t talk to anyone, not anyone at all, do you understand? And keep your purse in your inside blazer pocket. Phone me when you get to school.”

  The train came in and I said how will I get home and she said don’t worry, I’ll think of something, and she kissed me and pushed me on to the train. I know she wouldn’t of let me go if she hadn’t been feeling really week and ill.

  I was so worried about her and about Auntie Carla and maybe my other grandmother turning up that I wasn’t even very scared of being on the train by myself. It was just like every day except I had to think more. Standing in the queu for the taxi outside the station was exciting. When it was my turn I told the taxi man the street of the school. I sat well back for safety and comfort like the notice says. The taxi man was very nice and talked to me but I didn’t dare answer, he probably thought I was a real dumbo.

  I phoned Mum from the school office. She said “Good girl, you’re wonderful, now I can go to sleep.” I told Mrs Dev she was ill and I’d come to school on my own and she was shocked and said, “All that way, how will you get home Alice and I said I didn’t know. She said I think I’d better drive you. I said I could manage from Waterloo station because our station is just at the end of our road, and she said, “All right, that’s on my way.” I was releeved. Then I said, “Did you ask my grandma to do prize giving” and she said, all smily, “Yes and she’s coming! We’re all so pleased.” I wasn’t pleased and I wasn’t not pleased, I didn’t know how I felt, it was just something else to worry about.

  SCHOOL NOTEBOOK

  THE VISIT TO THE NATIONAL GALLERY

  by Alice Williamson-Stone

  Today our class visited the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. It was very good only I’d been before with my grandmother. That time I could only notice the clothes. The painted clothes were so wonderful velvits and satins and fur with every little fur hair painted I couldn’t notice the faces much but my grandmother told me some of the stories of the pictures. I liked the aligories best because they had the best stories and I hated the hunting ones with all dead animals and birds even if the painting was very good, but we didn’t do them today.

  Miss Brand made us sit on the floor in front of some of the pictures and notice things. One picture showed alot of wild people beside the sea and Miss B said, “where do you think they’re coming from” and Tanya said “Down the pub” and we all larfed but she was sort of right, they had been to a party and some of them were drunk like one old very fat naked man on a donkey and one with a big snake around him (I don’t know why and nor did Miss Brand).

  A different naked man was jumping out of a chariot with vine leaves in his hair. He was going to grab a dressed woman who was waving to a ship far out on the sea carrying her boy friend away so she wasn’t interested in the naked one. There were alot of naked people in the pictures. We thought it was funny that the naked women showed everything but the naked men didn’t. My grandma said that’s because the painters were all men and they’re shyer about their private bits. They do on statues though.

  What a lot of emphasis on nakedness! That’s not what’s important! You didn’t mention that that picture was based on the Greek myth of Bacchus and Ariadne. Don’t write “a lot” as one word!

  B.

  Well, it wasn’t worth much more than a B this time. Honestly I wasn’t concentrating. Mrs Dev drove me to Waterloo and saw me on to the train. She said she’d tried to phone Mum at work and at home and couldn’t get her and I said “She’s in bed” but when I got to our house there was no answer when I rang the bell.

  I knocked on Julie and Matt’s door and Julie came and then I got a real shock because she said, “Come in Alice, your grandmother is here. I saw her waiting in the street so I asked her in.” I started shaking. Could she mean Gene?

  I walked in to Julie’s living room and there was an old lady I’d never seen before and of course it was Mum’s mum. She put out her arms and I had to go and be hugged. She held me a long time and I could feel she was trembling inside like trying not to cry. She held me away and looked at me with alot of tears in her eyes and said “I’m your nan.” I knew Nan wasn’t her name (her name is Doreen) but I’d heard kids at my first school calling their grandmothers nan. I said “Mum doesn’t know you’re coming. She gave a big sniff and said “Oh dear, that’s very bad. What will she say?” I said “I don’t know.” I felt really frightened and terribly shy.

  Anyway Julie made tea for us and you could see she was curious about why we didn’t know each other and I got more and more scared but Nan talked to me and made me sit beside her and every now and then she hugged me and cried again. I felt really strange with her, she was so different from Gene, she talked with a funny accent and she had white hair (Gene dies hers blonde). She didn’t look anything like Mum, well maybe a bit, but she was too old to notice it. Her clothes were old fashioned and not smart or ethnic like Gene’s. She wore sent but that wasn’t like Gene’s either.

  After for ever, Julie said “I think your mother is here (she was looking out of the window). I jumped up and started to shake again. I told Nan to wait while I told Mum and I went out and there was Mum just unlocking ou
r front door. She looked a bit crazy and when she saw me she kind of screamed and grabbed me and shook me which she never does and said “Where the hell were you, I went all the way to Sharon’s and she said you weren’t at school.”

  I’d forgotten all about Sharon! I told her Mrs Dev drove me to the station and she said “Why didn’t the stupid woman let me know?” I said she tried but you’d left. Then she hugged me and bursed into tears. I thought this was my worst ever moment because I had to tell her and I thought she’d go completely spare on top of how spare she was already.

  We went into our house and Mum switched the lights on and said “I must have some tea, I feel like death.” She went into the kitchen. I stood in the doorway and my mouth was all dry and I made myself say “Mum someone’s come to see you, she’s at Julie and Matt’s.” She stopped and looked at me. She said “What’s wrong with you, you look worse than I feel.” I said, “It’s Nan, I mean it’s Doreen, I mean it’s your mum.”

  Her face went all twisted, not just white – like a stranger. She staired at me and said, “You sent for her.” I just nodded. She said very quietly, “How could you Alice, you know how I feel.” I said “I know but I got scared. You’re ill and I might have to leave school and go on the rob.” She said on the what, I said “stealing”. Her mouth kind of dropped open.

  The gas was coming out and she’d forgotten to light it so I took the gas lighter away from her and lit the gas which went BANG and we both jumped. Mum just stood there. Then suddenly she went out through the living room and out of the front door and I heard her knocking next door. I stood and watched the kettle and when it boiled I put two tea bags in our best mugs and made the tea and in a couple of minutes Mum and Nan came in. I can’t write any more tonight.