by D. E. Morris
Misuzu and Ashlynn walked together behind Wessely and Jaryn, an awkward silence falling between the women while the two men walked with more purpose and talked in hushed tones. With their longer strides carrying them forward, it didn't take long for the distance between the pairs to become great enough for very little of their conversation to be overheard. Glancing over her shoulder as they walked, Misuzu's brow furrowed. “Much has changed since I was here last. I don't remember so many guards about, nor any ladies in your service.”
“Much has changed indeed. You have missed quite a lot.”
She looked down, her cheeks coloring at what she undoubtedly assumed was left unspoken. “I should have come back. I knew something had happened to you...I felt it as though it was happening to me...but I couldn't make myself come.”
“We are supposed to be family, Misuzu.”
“But we're not.” There was sad desperation in the voice of the younger woman. She twisted a ring on her finger and shook her head. “I lost my mother here. She was the only family I have truly ever known. You and I are kin by blood magic, yes, but...” She trailed off and let go of a sigh. “This will sound callous, but the truth of the matter is that we didn't have time to get to know each other very well, you and I. When I felt you dying, I was still grieving the loss of her. I was grieving the loss of my father as well, after finally seeing him for who he was and coming to accept that he would never be a part of my life. I don't deny my selfishness then, and I'm sorry for my absence. When I realized you lived and still couldn't bring myself to come see you, the shame I felt only compounded each day until I felt it would be best if I stayed away all together.”
Ashlynn could hardly begrudge Misuzu her grief, neither could she blame her for not returning to Altaine. It was easy enough to put herself in the same position and she knew it was likely that she would have reacted in a similar manner. “I bear no grudge toward you,” she clarified, keeping her voice even and low. “The loss of my mother in the battle was enough to cripple me for a time, and I still had others to lean on for support. You felt you had no one.”
“I didn't have anyone,” Misuzu insisted. “Even Cavalon and Luella were little more than good acquaintances.” Hearing herself, she frowned. “That is unfair. They were friends, certainly. Cavalon even felt like an older brother at times, but I didn't feel like I could stay here. I needed to leave, even if it would have been better for me not to.”
“You would have been loved here.”
“Perhaps, but it was not the choice I made.”
Ashlynn nodded, a slight frown on her lips. “Fair enough. What brings you here now, then, since dwelling on the past will do us no good?”
Misuzu sighed heavily. “It's my father. He is the reason why I have returned.”
Ashlynn's frown deepened. “Well, this is a story I certainly cannot wait to hear...”
~*~*~*~
Though it was common for the high king and queen to eat in the formal dining room that was open so passersby could get a glimpse of the royal table, they chose to remain within one of the smaller rooms used for entertaining, all access cut off but for the two doors on either side of the room that were kept closed and guarded. Servants were allowed to enter with food and drink, but that was all. Ashlynn sat with her back to one set of doors, Jaryn, with his back to the other. They had taken great care to walk through the halls at a casual gait upon their arrival, greeting courtiers and asking after families and lands. Both of them were cordial and smiling, glad to be home again and among their own people and wanting to show everyone that the time away had done wonders for both of their spirits. It was exhausting and time consuming, but it was what the people needed and neither Ashlynn nor Jaryn would deny them.
They had time to rest together, just the two of them, before being called for supper. They spoke about Misuzu's father and Ashlynn shared some of the younger woman's struggles since the loss of Mei Xing, but neither of them wanted to dwell on the negative for too long. Soon enough they flirted over a game of cards like they had when Jaryn was courting her, both of them feeling renewed after so many weeks of being cooped up. When it was time to dress for dinner, Ashlynn sent her ladies away, choosing to let Jaryn help with all her ties and clasps instead. He kissed her neck as he tied the back of her gown and she stole a kiss from his lips as she fastened the toggles of his jerkin. Before they left the privacy of their rooms, she kissed him again, holding him close for a long moment. When they parted, she smiled up at him and played with the hair at the back of his neck.
“It's good to be home.”
“Yes it is.” He bent to rest his forehead against hers. “I can't tell you how full my heart is, Ashlynn. I haven't seen you smile this much since our wedding day. Whether it's Misuzu's doing, our renewed promise of honesty with each other, being home, or a mix of it all, I don't know or care. Only, I am the happiest man I can be when I know you are happy.”
“I don't know what it is myself, but I finally feel like I know who I am again...or I'm starting to. I don't feel like a stranger in my own skin as I have these past months. At least not right now. If all I get are here and there moments of normality, I'll take it, because that means there is hope.”
“There is always hope, my love.”
She closed her eyes, her smile beginning to feel permanent. “So long as I have you.”
Jaryn took his arms from around her waist and framed her face in his hands. “I'm not going anywhere.” Without warning, his stomach gave a mighty rumble and broke the romantic atmosphere, making them both laugh. “All right, maybe I am going somewhere and that's to get some food, but I'm taking you with me.”
Though the dining room was full with her father and sister, Elas, Rowan, Cailin, and Misuzu, she and Jaryn often met eyes across the table. When Kenayde caught them once, she leaned toward her sister and quietly asked, “What has gotten into you two?”
Ashlynn took a delicate sip of her wine and answered just as quietly behind her cup. “It is called being married, Kenayde.”
“Yes, but you two act as though you are newly wed. I thought that was supposed to go away after the first year.”
Ashlynn nearly snorted. “I certainly hope not. Is that the sort of fate you have doomed yourself and Elas to?”
Kenayde's cheeks flushed. “No...but...we certainly will not behave like you two are, like...like...”
“Like lovers do?”
Color flooded into Kenayde's cheeks. “Lynnie!”
Across the table, Jaryn caught the embarrassment on Kenayde's face and grinned at her when she turned in his direction. “What's the matter, Pickle? You look as though you've just heard something rather scandalous.”
With all attention on her now, her face only grew hotter. She glared at Jaryn for the quickest moment, but it was enough to set him laughing.
Ashlynn and Jaryn spoke of their trip to Caedia; Ashlynn gushed over the new baby and Jaryn told them how well Luella was doing as high queen. Rowan and Elas shared stories about the hours they'd been spending together under the sea, exploring and learning all about Rowan's Elemental abilities. She was animated as she spoke, using such vivid descriptions of the colors and shapes she'd seen; it was easy to picture and hard to remember she was blind outside of the water.
Even with the threat of someone meaning ill toward the Gaels and the dragons looming over them, the meal was light and full of laughter. It seemed to take Misuzu a little while to feel comfortable, but once she did, even her smiles came easily. For this short moment in time, Ashlynn could almost pretend that everything was safe and normal, and as she sipped her wine, she drank up every moment with her extended family to try to burn it into her memory.
~*~*~*~
The following night Ashlynn heard someone call her name, waking her from a deep sleep. She sat up in bed with a groggy gasp, looking around in the darkness as though she could see anything more than shapeless black silhouettes. Fear knotted in the pit of her stomach and tightened her throat. There was a br
ief moment when she felt as though someone stood at her shoulder, like there was a presence that hovered just out of reach. A strong pull to her spirit, however, told her to remain still and to not give into the fear. She took a few calming breaths and closed her eyes, despite the dark that surrounded her. Quiet, so as not to disturb Jaryn, she whispered, “The Giver is faithful. I will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you.”
She opened her eyes and turned as though she could see the presence that she felt waning. “Deliver me from my enemies...be my fortress against those who come against me.” With teeth clenched, she summoned every ounce of faith she had and proclaimed, “You are not welcome here. Leave this place. I command it, in the name of the Great Dragon!”
Her whispers had all but turned to shouts, yet Jaryn lay sound asleep and undisturbed at her side. The shadowed presence disappeared in the space of a blink, and for a moment, Ashlynn almost couldn't breathe. She'd been clutching her blanket so tightly that pins and needles were beginning to creep their way into her fingers from lack of circulation. All at once she relaxed, a wave of peace rolling over her in the cold like a waft from the hearth fire.
After taking a moment to gather her thoughts, she leaned over to kiss her husband's temple, then slipped out from under the covers and into the hallway. Once more she bid her men stay behind. When they seemed less eager to comply than before, she gave them a kind smile and told them all was well and that there would be no trips into the garden tonight. This time, however, there was no getting away from them. Jaryn had given the men strict orders that she should be accompanied by at least one of them at all times, should she decide to walk in the middle of the night again. Though she wasn't happy with the arrangement, Ashlynn waved one of them along behind her while the other stayed to guard the door to the bedchambers.
Though she and Jaryn had been married for over two years, her old rooms were still kept as though she used them far more frequently than she really did. It was lucky for her, for it was there she found a proper winter shift to change into along with boots and a cloak. No, there would certainly be no sojourn through the gardens this time; there was only a simple need to be outside, to breathe without confines, and to see the stars.
The sky was nearly cloudless, making the air crisp and bracing. Ashlynn walked slowly along the open air corridors of the parapet and let her thoughts wander, her guard melting into the shadows to watch but never invade. She would take turns humming quietly, working through the many lists in her head, and praying. Once more there was an uncanny sense that, guard aside, she was not alone, though this time there was a feeling of comfort that came with it.
“Are You walking with me, Great Dragon?” she mused aloud, eyes glancing skyward. “I suppose You are always walking with me, though I admit I have not truly felt that until this moment.” Pausing in her wandering, she held up a finger to her guard to keep him where he was before she walked out from under the protection of the high arched ceilings above her and out onto an extension of the battlement wall, positioning herself in an embrasure that overlooked the bailey. It was quiet down below, save the occasional guard making his or her rounds. Ashlynn watched them come and go, but soon her attention went high above once more. Little pinpricks of light, some bigger and brighter than others, winked at her playfully, making her pause in awe of their beauty.
“The scriptures say You determine the number of stars in the sky and that You know them all by name. What a wonder it must be to have so much power.” A twinge of sadness ran through her and she sighed. “Why, then, would you not restore me to what was gifted to me by You in the first place?” She looked down at her hands, turning them so that her palms faced upward. “What did I accomplish with my power that you would deem me finished with my task and take it away? There is still so much to be done, and I feel...” Abandoned was the first word that came to her, though it was no longer accurate, not when she knew it was the Giver's power that sent her demons away. “I just wish I understood Your will and Your plan. I wish I could have the whole-hearted devotion to You that my husband has - that when I felt this way, my first reaction would not be to question Your love for me but to trust that Your ways are higher than my ways and Your plans greater than anything I could ever imagine.”
All this time she'd been holding onto such anger at herself and at her Element for deserting her. She let herself believe the lie that it was her failure that had caused her pain and had almost cost her life. Now that she was able to take a step back, she could recognize the anger was just a tool of the Deceiver, and that if she was truly being honest with herself, what she really felt was disappointment in the Giver. She'd come far enough in her walk of faith to believe nothing happened that was out of His control and that nothing surprised Him. If He loved her as much as the scriptures said He did, why did He allow her to feel so much pain?
“What did I do?” she questioned feebly. “Is this punishment for taking the life of one of Your children? I know you hold no sin greater than another and, though I cannot even begin to wrap my head around that, we are all equal in your eyes. Have You taken something so precious to me as a penalty for my crime? And what of my family home? What of Oceana? My father is a good man...a great man, yet You have taken his brother, his wife, and now his sanctuary. Let us not forget Kenayde in all of this as well...or Mairead, or Elas, or Cailin, or Rowan...” She balled her hands into fists, scraping her knuckles against the icy stone she leaned up against. “How can You call yourself a fair and just God when you allow men like Merrik to run free, demons like Tadhg and Jessiah to torture and tease those of us who want for nothing more than to lead good lives? Make me understand because I cannot see how this could all be in Your perfect plan. Show me that You still watch over us and that You go before us. Please...I beg you.”
A harsh breeze blew, making her flinch at the cold. The edges of her cloak flew back to flap in the wind, but just below the sound of the fabric snapping at her back, a clear, light sound could be heard in the distance. It was sweet, almost flute-like in it's airy levity, though mournful in its tone. Ashlynn felt a current run through her body so heated and strong that she pitched forward, gripping the wall and gasping for breath. All at once, the feeling passed and the strange tune was no longer heard. She wasn't sure if she could move or if she should even try for a moment. If any of the guards down below had heard it, they showed no alarm or even curiosity, only kept on with their vigilant pacing. Letting go of the wall but not moving from its support, Ashlynn lifted her hands to see they were shaking. She was about to try summoning fyre, but a figure hastened through the bailey and momentarily distracted her. The blue hair was recognizable before anything else, lit by the many lanterns burning around the open courtyard. Without a moment more to think on it, Ashlynn shoved herself away from the wall and hurried inside to meet Elas down below.
They nearly collided on the stairs, and before he could be questioned, Elas covered Ashlynn's mouth with his hand and looked rapidly around.
“Elas!” She squirmed in his grasp and tore herself free, extending a hand to stop her advancing guard. “What in the world are you doing?”
“Sorry. I didn't want you to scream and raise an alarm.” There was a look of reluctance on his face as he let her go, his eyes glancing up the stairway at her guard. With a heavy sigh, he rested his hands on his hips. “Since you're up, there's something you should see. We should hurry, though, before it disappears.” To the guard he said, “She's safe with me.” Ashlynn only had time to nod before Elas ushered her forward. She followed him down and back out through the bailey, and when she began to lag, Elas reached back to grab her hand and pull her along.
They passed the gates of the inner wall, quickly leaving the protection of the outer wall behind them as well. No words were spoken as Elas steered Ashlynn toward the path that curved around Altaine and led down the mountain in a private trail to the castle
's own beach. When they came to a fork in their path, he tugged her onto the left-hand route that would take them to the docks of the village that surrounded Altaine. Elas gripped her with ice cold fingers, making Ashlynn wonder how he could survive in such cold weather without so much as a jerkin or a coat over his thin tunic, let alone without a cloak. It was easy to see ice droplets in his hair, indicating he'd been in the water.
“Elas,” she panted, “wait...please!” She jerked her hand from his and slowed before stopping, doubling over with her hand on her stomach. Immediately Elas was beside her, checking that she was all right. “I'm fine,” she huffed, “just not used to running so swiftly. Tell me what is going on.” Lifting her face, she finally got a good look at him and nearly fell back in shock.
When she and Kenayde had first met Elas, he had been in his water dragon form and reluctant to show them what he looked like as a human. When he finally revealed himself in the more familiar shape, it was easy to understand why; an attack he'd endured as a child while learning to shift had left him scarred, forever half human and half dragon, with scales running up the entire left side of his body and fingers nearly like his draconic talons. Even the edge of his mouth had been pulled back in a grotesque snarl he couldn't mask. When Tasarin discovered a cure for an attack on the water dragons during the battle at Altaine that caused madness, it was found that the cure also reversed much of the damage Elas wore as a human.
Now the scales had begun to crawl up his neck again, skin puckered on his check where he'd suffered injury so long ago, and his left eye, clear and blue for over a year now, was cloudy and pale.