by Harper Sloan
I owe him for so much and I never would have been able to pay him back, but I can't even remember the last time I hugged him and reminded him how thankful I was to have him in my life. I remember being frustrated with him because he had been acting like a jerk the day before. Not many people saw his serious side, but I did. He was yelling at me to get my thumb out of my ass and move on. He was always my biggest cheerleader, and it kills me to know that I'll never see his smile again. I'll never feel his strong arms comforting me after a hard day and the shadows of my past creep up on me.
"Em? Come on. Turn off the water and let's go."
I ignore him and sit back on my ass, tilting my head up and letting the water wash my sorrow away.
"Now."
"I'm not a dog, Maddox Locke! I don't come on command!" I shout over the water.
"Want to put money on that?"
That jerk!
I stand too quickly, and before I can catch myself, I'm tumbling through the curtain and onto the floor. Maddox, clearly not having anticipated my literally falling at his feet, moves back. The stoic mask I've grown so used to slips for a second and I see the shock followed quickly by lust before he hides again.
He comes out of his shock and helps me to my feet. Then he reaches over the counter and pulls a towel off before thrusting it into my arms and leaving the bathroom. I silently dry myself off and wrap the towel around my naked body.
I don't necessarily want to go back into the bedroom, but I can't exactly sleep in the bathroom. I take a few deep breaths and walk into the room. He's pulled his jeans and shoes back on, and when he looks over at me and the questions that I'm sure are written all over my face, he just shakes his head.
"Mad," I start with, having no clue where I'm going with the conversation.
"I'm hanging by a thread here, Em. Let's get one thing straight. It's never been that I don't want you. I just can't have you. Now, we're going to go back to bed and, in the morning, go get whatever shit you need from that piece-of-shit hotel you've been holed up in. We will NOT be going back to Syn. I'll have one of the guys come down with me to get your car. Don't look at me like that, Emmy. I won't bend on this. You aren't ready to go home--that's fucking fine. We'll go somewhere else and get that pretty little head of yours together. When you're ready, we go home. Simple as that."
"It isn't that simple, Maddox." I'm fuming. Who the hell does he think he is telling me what is going to happen with my life?
And just as soon as the last thought passes through my mind, I want to laugh. He's Maddox freaking Locke. Of course he is going to lay it out there in some unyielding demand. He's standing there, his naked chest and its sprinkling of dark hair making my hands twitch with the memory of what his skin feels like under my palms.
I cock my brow and invite him to continue.
He mirrors my move and crosses his tattooed arms over his massive chest.
Not to be outdone, I mimic his move. His brow rises, but he doesn't speak.
We're at an impasse. I'm not willing to be told what is going to happen in my life. And he isn't willing to let me run.
Little does he know, I'm the only one in control of my life. A life he made clear for years that he has no interest in sharing with me.
Chapter 9--Maddox
She's so damn beautiful when she's pissed. How have I never noticed just how appealing her ire is? I've seen just about every emotion possible from her over the years, but never has her anger been wholly turned on me.
"Get in the bed, babe."
She shakes her head, and if I weren't trying to teach her a lesson I would pull her over my knees and make her ass shine with my palm.
"Bed, Emmy."
Another shake, her honey-wheat eyes just begging for a fight.
"Emersyn," I warn.
"Maddox," she taunts.
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
Two strides are all it takes before I reach her. She takes a hasty step back, struggling with her footing, and in the middle of righting herself, her towel drops to the floor. My leg is throbbing since I hastily put my prosthetic back on to check on her, but I'll be fucking damned if I back down now. When I pull her towards me, her soft, naked body collides with my hard one. The noise that comes out of me is a mixture of a groan and a grunt. The feeling of her body in my arms is all it takes for me to push back the pain and take what is mine.
"I hate you," she whimpers weakly against my lips.
"You fucking love me, woman," I declare before crashing my mouth to hers and giving her a bruising kiss.
Her back hits the wall and her legs wrap around my waist. Careful to avoid her hips, my hands go to her ass and my fingers dig into her firm globes. I pull her towards my body so that there isn't any space between us. Her hands cup my cheeks and she manipulates my head so that she can devour my mouth, kissing me with everything she has.
Her hands move down my neck, kneading my pectorals and tweaking my nipples. I give her a few inches of space so that I can enjoy the feeling of her soft fingers and sharp nails scraping and rolling over my muscles. Every pass she makes has my skin burning in a painful pleasure.
Not once does our kiss break. She rubs against my throbbing dick, searching for her release. I might be a sorry bastard, but there isn't anything that can pull me away from her now. Not now that I know what it feels like to be between her thighs.
"Please don't stop this time," she begs against my mouth.
Not understanding her, I push through and thrust my hips into hers. She whimpers, and that sound is my undoing. I make sure I have my balance on my good leg before I remove one of my hands from the heaven of her ass and bring it to my jeans. I make quick work of the button, and in seconds, my cock is free to rub against her core. Kissing down her neck, I feel her slick wetness coating me. She moans when the thick head of my cock butts against her clit, and I lift my head to watch with fascination when she feels it.
Her eyes go wide, the fire behind them burning even brighter. When she leans back, her gaze travels down to where her pussy is hugging my weeping cock. She can't see everything, but she can see the silver loop through the head of my cock. I have three more running along the top of my shaft, but she'll feel those soon enough.
"Are you going to listen to me, Emersyn?" I inquire.
"In your dreams, Maddox," she spits back at me.
Then I smile when her eyes roll back in her head with one thrust of my hips. If she is this responsive with just my cock rubbing against her clit, I can't wait to see her come apart in my arms.
"If you think you're in control right now, angel, you're in for a wake-up call."
Her eyes narrow and I lean back, taking my cock in my free hand. Her expression flickers for a second, some of the desire clearing and a look of panic taking its place.
"Condom, Maddox." Her tone leaves no room for argument.
"I'm clean, Emmy," I say before leaning forward and kissing her collarbone. I rub my cock's head against her clit, coating it with her wetness and rolling my rigid flesh against her.
"But...after... Just please. You have to use one, Maddox."
I pull back and look into her eyes--the shame clear as day--and it kills me to know what she's gone through since she left.
"Okay, angel."
Her eyes get some of that heat back in them when I mumble the endearment. God, if she only knew.
I look to her left, thanking everything there is that, when I pushed her against the wall, we happened to be right next to the dresser, where I placed my wallet earlier. With one hand, still fighting to keep my balance and all of our weight on my good leg, I reach over and all but dump the entire contents on the wooden surface before I pull one of the gold packets and tear it open with my teeth. Her breathing is coming rapidly and her creamy skin is flushed with her arousal.
I lean back and push her into the wall with my thighs, giving me enough room to roll the latex on and also taking some of her off-centered weight off my legs. When the condom is in place, I rearrang
e our position so I have my hands back on her luscious ass and my cock primed and ready to pound into her wet heat. Our lips meet again, this time in a slow dance that isn't any less bruising than the previous kiss was. Without breaking our connection, I shift our lower bodies and push myself into her welcoming body. Inch by delicious inch.
Her head snaps back when she feels the first piercing in my ladder enter her body, her eyes wild and wide. When the second one pushes into her, her jaw drops. And as the last one joins the fun, she drops her head hard against the wall and purrs deep in her throat, the sound like a match to a gasoline-drenched timber. I'm burning to take her how I've been craving.
To control her body.
To claim her soul.
To make her mine.
I push the rest of the way into her tight cunt in one swift pass. The scream of pleasure that shoots out of her mouth echoes around the room, her slick walls clamping down on my cock. I groan when I feel her wetness coating my balls, and I can only hope that I last more than a few seconds.
Our coming together isn't all hearts and flowers. It's rough and raw. I slam into her with a force that makes the framed artwork hanging on the wall on top of the dresser shake against the wall.
The loud cries of her pleasure mix with my grunts and her begging dances with my praising.
It's fucking beautiful.
I don't waste my words when they aren't needed. I tell her everything I wish I could voice with my body. Her nails push into my shoulders with a sharp jab, and I use my hands on her ass to pull her roughly onto my cock. My leg is making it harder to take her as powerfully as I wish I could right now. The next time I take her, I'll have her ride me until she comes all over me.
"Oh, God! Oh, fuck. Yes! I'm going to come, Mad!" she screams while her pussy convulses against my shaft so forcefully that I falter in my glide out of her body. More wetness seeps from her core and roll down my thighs--proof of what I did to her.
Her body starts to go limp in my arms, and with a few more thrusts, I submerge my cock as deep as I can into her body and come so violently that my knees buckle. Not once in my awkward fall to my ass do I let go of her body.
I've had a slice of heaven and it's going to kill me to give it up.
Chapter 10--Emmy
It takes my mind a lot longer than I care to admit to come back to Earth. Sex with Maddox is everything I thought it would be. All those times I rolled my eyes when reading a book and the heroine would claim that the Earth moved suddenly make sense. I don't think I've ever felt pleasure as intense as that in my life. Well, obviously considering I've only had one other sexual partner in my life.
I shudder when I think of Shawn, and Maddox's arms tighten around me. He doesn't belong here. I know it seems like I should be upset or at the very least traumatized from what Shawn did to me, but I've promised myself to move forward. To not let him take anything else from me. And with Maddox's hands on my body, every thing else just falls away. It just feels right.
"Cold, Em?"
I give him a halfhearted grunt no and snuggle deeper into his chest. The short hairs under my face tickle and I smile. When his arms tighten again, I let out a contented sigh.
He holds me for a few minutes, his cock starting to soften inside me, and I moan with a weak protest when he slips from my body.
"Jump up, Em. Let me get this condom off and let's sleep. We have a lot we need to talk about tomorrow."
For once, I don't fight him on the issues that are still hanging over us. I'm not willing to give up this moment of peace between us. I have no illusions that this is some big 'ah ha' moment for us. Things between Maddox and me have never come easy, and just because we let the heat of the moment carry us this far doesn't in any stretch of the imagination mean he's going to profess his love for me.
I'm starting to think he just isn't wired to love. Either that or he just really doesn't feel the same way for me that I do for him.
I clean myself up and take a few seconds to clear my mind. If this night is all I get with him, then I'm going to ride the wave as long as I can. Morning is just a few short hours away and I don't want to waste a second I can spend in his arms.
He's standing against the wall when I open the door, his jeans still unbuttoned and the zipper down. Unfortunately, his cock isn't still out, because Lord knows I would love to get a good look at what I felt. I avoid his gaze and make my way into the room before climbing in bed. I listen to the sounds of him moving around in the bathroom and roll to my side, hoping that he doesn't push me away again when he comes back to bed.
The bathroom light shuts off, plunging the room into darkness, and I let my eyes drift shut as I listen to him remove his jeans before dropping on to the bed. When he doesn't immediately lie down, I let my worry start to fill my mind again. I listen as his boots hit the floor, one lightly and one with a heavy drop. I can hear his breathing, and it might as well be an echo of my heartbeat. It speeds up with each passing second, and I'm seconds away from crying.
This is it. He's going to reject me again.
I open my mouth to speak but snap it closed when he shifts his weight and drops down beside me. He doesn't take me in his arms like I hoped, and with a heavy exhale, I settle in with the knowledge that what we just shared could be considered a mistake to him. And that thought is a killer.
He shifts his body, moving around as if he is unable to find the right position, and right when I've all but given up all hope, his strong arm reaches over before pulling me into his body. When his heat seeps into my chilled skin, I mentally cry out with relief.
"Em," he implores. I can't understand why he is saying my name with such a pleading tone. Almost like me, he can't really wrap his mind around what just happened. "Tell me why you made me grab a condom."
Well, that certainly wasn't what I was anticipating.
"You know why, Maddox." I pray that he doesn't make me say it.
"Are you worried about it?" His fingers draw lazy circles against my shoulder as I think of the best way to express some of my darkest fears.
"You really know how to kill the moment, huh?" My joke falls flat and he remains silent--giving me the time I need to get out what needs to be said. "When Coop found me, before he brought me out to California, it was bad--real bad. The first thing I did was go to the doctor and get tested to make sure he hadn't given me something. You don't exactly expect your rapist to be exclusive to you. The tests all came back clean and I haven't been with anyone else. Until two weeks ago, when I went back to Syn. He hasn't touched me in almost two weeks and he wasn't there tonight, so he wouldn't have gotten to me then. But I won't lie to you. He didn't use protection the one time he took liberty with my body. So I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried."
He doesn't respond, but his fingers don't stop their caress against my skin.
"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if... I just couldn't take that chance. Not with you."
His arm tightens with my whispered words, and I close my eyes.
"There are things about me, things that I would rather you hear from my mouth before you see them for yourself. Things that I feel like you should know. I just don't know how to put it all out there for you, Em."
His rare open moment of sharing leaves me speechless. I'm not sure what he wants from me in this moment. I've learned from the past that you don't push Maddox, and when he's ready to tell you something, he'll do it on his time.
The silence becomes almost too much as I wait for him to go on. His fingers keep tracing imaginary lines on my skin. I shift my thoughts and try to picture what, if anything, he is drawing.
"I'm glad that Coop got you out of there. That he brought you into our lives. My life. Regardless of what happens tomorrow, you need to know that having you around for the last four years has meant more to me than you know."
I let out a gruff snort. "You have a funny way of showing that."
"Yeah."
"Mad--"
"Just give me a second to ge
t it out, okay?" He cuts me off and I snap my lips closed. "There is so much about me that you don't know, Em. I know that you feel like it would be easy for me to just let you all the way in, but I've spent my life learning to keep everyone out. I've watched every single person I've cared about suffer at my hands, and I can't live with the knowledge that you will be next. You're the angel that my demons beg to make fall. The pureness and light that my darkness wants to extinguish."
My heart breaks with each word muttered from of his lips.
"If I were a simple man, this would be so easy. Bottom line, Emmy, you deserve more than someone broken with more baggage than he can carry. You deserve the whole world and not just the smallest island on it."
I can't speak past the lump in my throat. A million thoughts rush through my mind. How he could ever think he's all of those things is beyond me. Why can't he see himself how everyone else around him does?
"Go to sleep, angel. We can talk in the morning, but tonight, just let me hold you." His fingers still and his large hand curls around my shoulder, pulling me deeper into his embrace.
I bring my legs up and tuck into his side, slowly dragging my arm over his thick muscles before resting my hand against his warm chest. If this really is the only moment I'll ever have with him, then I'm going to commit each second to memory so that I can remember it when I go back to my life as the Princess of Syn.
Right before I nod off, I throw out the only lifeline I have left. "We all have baggage, Maddox. I wish that you could understand that I'm not asking for perfection. What you fail to realize is that I have two arms just begging for you to let me help you carry that baggage."
His arm tightens almost painfully and his body goes solid. It takes him a minute of loud inhalations before his body relaxes again.
"Goodnight, Emmy."
"Goodnight, Maddox."
Chapter 11--Emmy
"I swear to Christ, Asher, if you lost her again, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Yeah, I get that you have things going on. No. I'll be home in a few days and you better have my shit in order and her sitting like a queen on my couch."