by D. R. Graham
I pulled away. “You’re getting sloppy, Tawnie. You need to find Rochelle and go back to the hotel.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my boyfriend. Even if you were my boyfriend, you couldn’t tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Don’t forget it.”
My phone rang. It was Tyson. “Excuse me. I have to take this.” I walked away from Tawnie and she stumbled once I wasn’t there to lean on. “Hey, Ty. Hold on a second. I need to go somewhere quieter.” I walked down the hall where the bathrooms were and leaned against a vending machine. “Hi. Sorry. Are you in Leduc?”
“No. I had to skip it because of work. What are you doing there? Are you competing or is Cole?”
“Neither. I came to deliver the camper to Mutt.” Two girls exited the ladies’ washroom and gave me the eye before walking down the hall. “What do you know about the betting your uncle does on the side?”
“I try to know nothing about it, why?”
“Blake got Cole involved, and apparently he owes a lot of money.”
“How much?”
“Maybe thirty thousand dollars.”
“Shit. I didn’t know. I would have told you if I knew.”
Tawnie staggered down the hall towards me. She smiled and leaned her body against mine. I wedged my left hand against her hip and pushed her back so our bodies weren’t touching. “I need your uncle’s phone number so I can get it straightened out.” Tawnie leaned in and sucked on my earlobe. I jerked my head away.
“I only have Blake’s number on me right now. Do you want that, or do you want to wait until I can get his dad’s number?”
Tawnie’s hand slid down below my belt buckle and over my fly, then she fondled me. I grabbed her wrist and moved her hand, but she used her other hand to pop the buckle. “Cut it out.”
“What?” Tyson asked.
“Not you. Sorry. I’ve got a drunk chick molesting me.”
He laughed.
“It’s not funny.”
“Who is it?”
“Nobody.” She kissed my neck and used her left hand to unbutton my fly. “Shit,” I mumbled.
He laughed again. “You want to call me back when you’re not so distracted?”
“No. Give me Blake’s number.”
“Hold on. I have to look it up in my contacts.”
Tawnie’s hand slipped down into my jeans and she massaged me. “Please, stop,” I said and lifted her hand out.
“Me?” Tyson asked.
“No, not you.”
Tawnie dropped down to her knees and pulled the waistband of my boxer briefs down to expose my increasing erection.
“Shit. What are you doing?” I protested.
“Okay, you ready?” Tyson asked.
Tawnie leaned in and the warmth of her mouth slid along my skin. “Damn. Tyson. Just text it to me. I gotta go.” I hung up and put my hand on the top of her head. My brain was telling me to make her stop, but my body was telling me to let her go at it. I closed my eyes and put pressure on her head to make her slow down. “Shit.” I leaned back against the vending machine and clutched her hair as she moved back and forth repeatedly.
A girl’s voice gasped, “Holy shit.”
I opened my eyes and turned my head. Lee-Anne was standing in the hall gawking at us. Tawnie’s head kept bobbing.
“Billy Ray Ryan and Tawnie Lang, you have just officially earned the title of trashiest couple on the rodeo circuit.” She reached to her side and covered the eyes of the girl who had just stepped up from behind her. “You shouldn’t see this, Shae.”
I pushed Tawnie’s forehead away and she fell back against the wall, slumped into the corner. Shae-Lynn stood next to her sister and watched with wide eyes and a gaping mouth as I tried to stuff my hard dick back into my jeans. She made a weird wheezing sound as her gaze darted between Tawnie and me. Her hand clamped over her mouth and her eyelids squeezed shut before she turned and rushed back down the hall towards the bar.
Lee-Anne kept staring at me with the biggest grin on her face. “That was so totally awesome. And gross.”
Tawnie moaned.
Lee-Anne shook her head in complete disapproval before she spun around on her heel and trotted down the hall shouting, “Rochelle! Hey, where’s Rochelle at? She’s going to want to hear this.” She disappeared around the corner.
I wanted to sneak out the back door and drive back to Saskatoon to leave all the bullshit behind forever, but I couldn’t leave Tawnie lying there, passed out. I picked her up and draped her over my shoulder like a sack of feed. She moaned again as I kicked the back door open and walked out to the street and hailed a cab. The driver didn’t look overly thrilled to be helping me take a passed out girl back to the hotel, but he didn’t say anything.
I didn’t know what room she was staying in, so I took her to my room and dropped her on the bed. She leaned over the edge and puked on the floor. I cleaned it up with a towel and threw it in the bathtub to wash it out. When I stepped back into the room, she was sleeping. The sad thing was that she still looked ridiculously beautiful. I sat on the chair and turned the TV on. Tyson had texted me Blake’s number, but it was too late to call him, so I watched infomercials until I fell asleep.
At seven in the morning, I woke up with a kink in my back and my left leg had pins and needles. I called Blake and woke him up.
“What?” he grumbled.
“Did you get my brother messed up in side betting?”
“Who is this?”
“Who do you think it is?”
“Cole got himself messed up in side betting.”
“Exactly how much does he owe?”
“Last I heard it was about forty-seven thousand.”
I stood and paced. “What the hell? You know he’s not stable at the moment. Why’d you let him get in that deep?”
“I didn’t let him do nothing. He made his own bets. He’s a big boy.”
“You should have told me.”
“I’m not his guardian, and I’m fairly certain you aren’t either.”
Enraged, I tugged at the roots of my hair to prevent myself from going off on him. “How long until it needs to be paid off?”
“I can talk to my dad about Cole being crazy. He’ll probably give him an extension, but the juice will be running, so I wouldn’t take too long.”
“What happens if he can’t pay it?”
“You don’t want to know,” he said, then hung up.
“God damn it.”
Tawnie sat up startled as if she didn’t know where she was. She saw me pacing and frowned. “What’s wrong? Why are you swearing?”
“I got problems that have nothing to do with you.”
“What am I doing here?”
“You got really drunk and passed out. I brought you back here because I didn’t know which room you were staying in.”
“Did anything happen?”
I winced a little and turned to stare out the window.
“What? What happened?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She stood up to look down at herself and seemed confused. “Did you put my clothes back on?”
“They were never off.”
“Then whatever happened couldn’t have been that bad.”
My face winced again. “Oh, it was pretty bad.”
“Jesus Christ. Just tell me what happened.”
“You went down on me in the bar, and Lee-Anne and Shae-Lynn saw.”
Her expression froze and it looked as if she stopped breathing. “In the bar?”
I nodded, wishing to hell it hadn’t happened.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
I glanced at her, wondering the same thing. “I tried.”
“Bullshit.” She bolted into the bathroom and slammed the door. A few minutes later, she swung it open again and stood with her hands on her hips as if she was waiting for me to say something.
I stared at her for
a long time, then I said, “I’m going to ask Shae-Lynn to ride Stella.”
“What?”
“I need to. Sorry.”
“You need to. What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I just need to. It’s complicated.”
She shook her head. “She’s the girl, isn’t she?”
“Which girl?”
“The girl who Blake messed with and got you all worked up over.”
“It’s not like that. I need to sell Stella to help pay off my brother’s debt. Shae-Lynn’s a better barrel racer than you and I need her to ride Stella so I can attract a buyer who’s willing to pay a lot of money for her. It’s just business.”
“Fine,” she snapped. “I don’t want to ride your horse anyway.” She started crying, but quickly wiped her tears.
“Please don’t cry. This isn’t about you. I need the money.”
“Fine. Talk to Shae and have her come by my trailer to pick Stella up.”
“Thanks, Tawnie.”
“Screw you, Billy.” She picked up the lamp and threw it at me. The cord ripped out of the wall and the shade bounced off me. The ceramic shattered when it hit the ground. “Don’t thank me. I’m not doing it to help you. I’m doing it because I don’t want anything to do with you, which includes riding your stupid horse.” She swung the door open and left.
I exhaled and took my phone out of my pocket to call Shae-Lynn. She didn’t answer, so I texted, Please call me. I need to talk to you.
No.
It was an instant response that felt like a hoof to the shin. Although I knew full well she’d be disappointed in me and maybe even disgusted by what she saw at the bar, I had spent the night hoping she’d miraculously forget about it and let me off the hook. No such luck. I stared at her message for a while, then left the hotel room to go track her down.
Chapter 11
Shae-Lynn was tacking Harley by their motorhome. When she saw me approaching, she lunged towards the door as if she wanted to escape from me. I stepped sideways to block her and grabbed the handle. She turned back around and ducked under Harley’s neck so he was between us. She didn’t say anything. She lifted the saddle pad and put it on Harley’s back.
Mrs. Roberts stepped out of their motorhome and smiled at me. “Hi Billy. How’s your mom?”
I moved out of her way. “I haven’t talked to her since she got home. She was in Victoria because Cole was in the hospital there.”
She made a sympathetic expression and lowered her voice, “I heard about that. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“Well, tell her I said hi. I’ll call her when we’re back in Calgary.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“I’m going to the coffee shop. Do you want anything?”
“No. I’m fine, thanks.”
“Shae?”
“No thanks, Mom.”
She seemed to sense that there was some sort of tension between Shae-Lynn and me, but instead of prying, she said, “I’ll see you later,” and walked away.
I rested my elbow on Harley and watched Shae-Lynn, still not sure how to make things right. “Aren’t you going to look at me?”
She shook her head adamantly and lifted the saddle.
“Your nails look nice,” I finally said to try to smooth things over.
She glanced at her pink nails with the white tips, but my compliment only seemed to make her more irritated before she slid her hand along the cinch to tighten it.
Getting her to respect me again wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, so I cut straight to the reason I was there. “Will you ride Stella for me?”
“No.” She turned and grabbed the bridle from where it was hanging on a fence post. She slid it over Harley’s ears and buckled the straps.
“Please. I just found out that Cole owes almost fifty thousand dollars in gambling debts. I need to sell Stella. If you ride her in the next couple of competitions, I’ll get the best price for her.”
“No.” She unhooked Harley from the fence and led him towards the back field behind the arena.
I walked with her. “Why? Because you’re mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you, Billy. I don’t want to ride a horse in competition that I’ve never ridden before.”
“You don’t have to ride her today. Just take some practice runs on her and see what you think.”
“No thanks. Are you done? I need to warm up.” She stopped walking and stood with her back to me. She leaned against Harley’s shoulder.
Even though I knew exactly why, I asked, “Why won’t you look at me?”
“I can’t.”
I wanted her to say it, so I pressed, “Why?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because I want to remember you as the guy I thought you were. I want to remember the guy who is sweet to his mom and would give his left arm to his brother if he needed it; the guy who’s a good enough friend to stay up all night talking to me so I won’t be scared; and the guy who is stupid enough to buy a horse for a girl he has a crush on. If I look at you right now, all I’m going to see is a hick asshole who let a really drunk girl give him a blow job in the bathroom hall of a bar.” She waved her hand in front of her eyes as if she was trying to wipe the disgusting image off her eyeballs. “I don’t want to see you as that guy.”
It felt better to hear her say it and she was right, but I didn’t want it to be true anymore than she did. “Come on, Shae-Lynn. I’m still that other guy.”
She shook her head, not buying it.
“It was just sex. It didn’t mean anything,” I said, more to convince myself than to prove it to her.
“Yeah, well, sex is supposed to mean something. It’s supposed to be something intimate and private between two people who love each other. I don’t know what that was.” Although she still hadn’t looked me in the face, I could see that her neck and cheeks were flushed.
“I’m sorry that it offended you, but I can’t take it back.”
“No, you can’t.” At least we agreed on one thing.
“I’m still the same person.”
She shook her head at the realization that me being the same old Billy was exactly the problem. “When are you going to smarten up? You can’t keep using women and throwing them away. One day you’re going to wake up and realize you’re all alone and miserable. Everybody except you will have moved on.”
“I didn’t use Tawnie.”
“No? Really?” She focused on my belt buckle and the frustration in her voice went up a notch as she gave me shit. “So, does that mean it’s serious? Are you guys dating? Have you made a commitment to be with her for longer than the maximum of two nights you normally date a girl for?”
I swallowed hard. “No.”
“Then you used her. I thought maybe you had it in you to be a stand up guy, but obviously I was wrong.”
That one stung, but I knew she was right and I didn’t want our friendship to be ruined because I was an idiot. “So, you’re never going to look at me again?”
She jammed her boot into the stirrup and grabbed the horn. She hopped up, then swung her leg over Harley’s back. “I have to warm up. Good luck trying to find someone to ride Stella.” She clicked her tongue and gave Harley a kick.
It felt as if they trampled me. Partly because she’d stood her ground and refused to let me get away with the same old bullshit I’d been pulling for years. But mostly because I respected her opinion, and the confirmation that she hated me as much as I hated myself hurt like hell. I had to bend over and rest my hands on my knees as I gasped for oxygen.
After a few minutes of wheezing and wincing, Lee-Anne rode up on her horse, Misty. “Are you all right, Billy Ray?”
“Nope.” I stood up and clutched my chest.
“What’s wrong? You’re a bit young to be having a heart attack.”
“I’ve got stress. I think it’s killing me.” I flinched from the pain as I looked up at her. “Sorry
about what you saw last night.”
“Yeah, you should be. I don’t think I’ll ever get that scandalous image unetched from my mind. Too bad Shae wouldn’t let me tell anyone. It would have been good enough gossip to get people to stop talking about your brother’s meltdown.”
“You didn’t tell anyone?”
“No. Shae wouldn’t let me.”
I glanced over and watched Shae-Lynn trotting on the other side of the field. “Why’d she do that?”
Lee-Anne smiled as if she pitied me. “I guess she likes Tawnie and didn’t want anyone to think badly of her.” She pulled her reins to the side and clicked her tongue to get Misty to walk on. “See you around, Billy Ray.”
I watched as she galloped to catch up to Shae-Lynn. She said something to her and Shae-Lynn turned her head to look at me for a second. I was still holding my chest. It felt as if someone was squashing my heart with their bare hand. It hurt worse than when the bull caved my face in. I inhaled repeatedly and forced my legs to take steps.
Eventually, I made my way to where Tawnie was parked. Stella was tied up to the trailer, but not tacked. Tawnie was sitting in the passenger seat of her truck with the door open. She looked up at me, then went back to reading the magazine that was on her lap before she said, “What’s wrong with you? You look like shit.”
“Shae-Lynn said no.” I leaned on the truck door. “You can ride her.”
“I’m not riding her. Shae still has to come get her. I’m not taking her.”
“She can’t. They only have a two-horse trailer. Why don’t you ride her?”
“I can’t show my face around these people again. I’m sure Shae and Lee-Anne told everyone what they saw. I’m probably going to lose my sponsor.”
“They didn’t tell anyone.”
She glanced at me and frowned. “How do you know?”
“Lee-Anne told me. Nobody else knows but them.”
“I don’t want to ride Stella. I’m too hungover to ride. I’m going home and I’m not taking your horse with me.”
“Please keep her until I find a buyer. I’ll pay you for boarding her.”
“No.” She flipped through the magazine pictures.
“Then lend me your trailer. I’ll take her back to Saskatoon and board her there.”