“You spend too much time thinking about your knee,” Danny told him, putting the book well out of Marmalade’s reach.
“Don’t be so mean,” said Marmalade sulkily. “I thought you were my friend.”
“I am your friend,” Danny told him. “And I’m worried about you. You spend all your time thinking about yourself, and it’s not doing you any good.”
“You’d be totally miserable if you couldn’t play the drums for months,” argued Marmalade.
“I know,” agreed Danny. “Of course I would. But you have to get on with life, even when things go wrong.”
“I can’t get on with life,” Marmalade told him. “My life is over.”
“That’s just not true!” Danny told him angrily. “And you’re not the only one who’s suffering. What about poor Jack?”
Marmalade stared at Danny. “What do you mean?” he demanded. “Jack didn’t hurt himself. It was his fault I got injured. If he hadn’t come to Rockley Park, I would never have tried that jump.”
Danny shook his head. “You can’t blame Jack for your mistake,” he said. “You’ve always fooled around, doing dance steps and jumps all over the place.”
Marmalade didn’t answer. He couldn’t allow himself to admit that Danny was right.
But Danny hadn’t finished. “Since you’ve been ignoring him, Jack has started to make friends of his own,” he told Marmalade. “But he’s so miserable about your injury. I told him it wasn’t his fault you got hurt, but he blames himself for explaining it in the dining hall. He feels really guilty, and he doesn’t know what to do. You made it clear that you didn’t want him hanging around you anymore, so he can’t even say he’s sorry. Why don’t you make up with him, Marmalade? I’m sure you’d feel better yourself if you did.”
Marmalade lay back on his pillow and eased his sore knee into a more comfortable position. “But if I see him, it’ll just remind me of all the dancing I can’t do,” he told Danny.
Danny picked up Marmalade’s book and tossed it back on the bed. “You’d feel a lot better if you stopped thinking about yourself all the time,” he told Marmalade again. “Make up with Jack instead of moping around here. Go on. It’s not fair to him otherwise.”
Marmalade picked his book up and turned it over in his hands. “I don’t know,” he said slowly.
“Just talk to him,” Danny said impatiently. “If nothing else, you can help him feel a little better, can’t you?” He waited a moment, but Marmalade didn’t reply. “I’ll see you later,” Danny added angrily. He turned on his heel and left Marmalade alone.
For a while, Marmalade lay on his bed, deep in thought. He didn’t want to make Jack feel better. He still felt like blaming him for his own misfortune. But Danny had forced him to face up to things. And he owed Danny an apology, too. He’d treated his best friend really badly this semester, ignoring him while he was spending all his time with Jack, and then being really grouchy since he’d hurt his knee. Meanwhile Danny had remained a loyal friend, in spite of Marmalade’s behavior.
So Marmalade decided to try to be more positive. He swung his legs gingerly off the bed and made a grab for his crutches. He should go and find Jack and talk to him. It would be a start.
He made for the door and balanced on his good leg as he pulled the door open with one of his crutches. Slowly, he made his way down the hallway toward Jack’s room. If he was lucky, Jack might be there, and he wouldn’t have to struggle downstairs. When he reached Jack’s door, Marmalade balanced again on his good leg while he reached for the handle. As he tried to grasp it, the door swung inward. Someone was opening it from inside. Marmalade wobbled on his good leg, trying to regain his balance.
“Sorry!” said Jack as he saw Marmalade. He reached out to steady the injured dancer, but Marmalade grabbed the doorframe to save himself.
“You nearly made me fall again!” he snapped, shrugging off Jack’s help.
10. An Apology
“I’m sorry,” Jack apologized again. “I didn’t know you were there.”
“Oh.” Now Marmalade was annoyed with himself. He’d set out meaning to make up with Jack, but he’d gotten off to a bad start. It wasn’t Jack’s fault that Marmalade had gone to his door just then. He let go of the doorframe and headed carefully toward Jack’s bed. He needed to sit down after the shock of almost falling again.
“Can I sit here?” he asked. Jack nodded, and Marmalade settled himself down. He lifted his leg carefully onto the bed and allowed Jack to prop the crutches against the night table. Then Marmalade leaned back against the headboard and sighed.
For a few seconds there was silence, and then they both started speaking at the same time.
“I’m sorry . . .” started Marmalade.
“What did . . .” began Jack.
Marmalade smiled wryly. “Look,” he said to Jack. “I’m sorry. I came to apologize for shutting you out since my fall, but now I’ve just been horrible again! I can’t get anything right at the moment. I think people are getting really fed up because we’re both so miserable,” he added. “And it’s my fault.”
Jack looked awkward. “Well, I wanted to come and tell you how sorry I was, but you weren’t speaking to me ...” He glanced at Marmalade’s leg and then looked away again.
“I know.” Marmalade moved himself carefully into a more comfortable position. “All this,” he said reluctantly, waving his hand at his knee. “It wasn’t really your fault. I was being stupid. I know that now.”
“But I shouldn’t have gone along with it,” said Jack. “If I’d refused to explain until we were in the dance studio, it wouldn’t have happened.”
“Not just then, maybe,” Marmalade admitted. “But sooner or later I’d probably have messed up. I didn’t stop to think about the floor being wet. How stupid was that? People are always spilling drinks in the dining hall! And you didn’t make me do that jump, did you?”
Jack shook his head. “Suppose not,” he agreed.
“Danny said you’ve made a couple of friends,” Marmalade continued after a moment.
Jack looked enthusiastic. “I’ve always gotten along really well with Ravi,” he said. “And George too.”
“Well, that’s good,” said Marmalade, still feeling awkward.
Jack nodded. “So do you need anything?” he asked.
Marmalade thought for a moment. “There is one thing you could do for me,” he said tentatively.
“What?” asked Jack.
“Could you tell me how the dance classes are going?” Marmalade asked him. “I thought it would be better if I didn’t show up for classes, but I think it’s even worse not knowing what’s going on.”
“Really?” asked Jack.
“Really,” agreed Marmalade, grinning for the first time in ages. “Tell me what’s been happening,” he asked eagerly. “I want to know everything.”
“Well,” began Jack, his face lighting up, “yesterday in the general class, Mr. Penardos got me to demonstrate how ballet dancers walk across stage. It was really funny. To start with, no one could get it right except Pop and Lolly. You know how worried I was about other people knowing I was into ballet?” he added.
Marmalade nodded.
“Well, everyone was really interested. No one teased me at all! I had a great talk with Pop and Lolly afterward. It turns out they took ballet classes for years when they were little.”
For the next half hour, Jack kept Marmalade amused by relating all that had happened in the classes Marmalade had missed. Eventually, they got around to his freestyle dance.
“How’s your own dance routine?” asked Marmalade. “Have you finished it yet?”
“Sort of,” Jack told him. “But I don’t think it’s that good. It needs a theme to make it flow together. At the moment it’s only a series of different steps and it’s just not that interesting.”
“Show me,” demanded Marmalade. “Move that rug first, though,” he added as Jack went to the middle of the room. “We don’t want any
more accidents! This floor is pretty good, but just walk through the dance. And for goodness’ sake, don’t do any jumps!”
As Jack went through his routine, Marmalade realized how much he was enjoying himself. He felt happy for the first time since his accident. He might not be able to dance right now, but perhaps he could be helpful after all.
“There’s nothing wrong with your movements,” he told Jack. “But I can see what you mean. Each step is great, but the routine doesn’t really flow together. You’re right. Every dance should tell some sort of story, otherwise it’s just an exhibition of your skill.”
“Why don’t you come to the next class?” said Jack. “Even though you can’t dance at the moment, you’re good at making suggestions. You might be able to help the others, too.”
“I don’t know,” said Marmalade. “But I suppose that if I did, at least I’d be involved.” He moved slightly on the bed and a painful twinge ran through his knee. It was the first time he’d been reminded of his injury since he’d been talking about dancing. Danny had been right. He did feel better when he stopped thinking about himself all the time. But then he remembered that he still couldn’t dance, and this year’s Rising Stars Concert would be going ahead without him. What if this had been his best chance of performing? What if Jack or one of the other students was chosen instead of him next time? How could he bear it? But he shouldn’t think like that. He had to try to get on with things somehow.
“All right,” he agreed, ignoring the pain. “I’ll try. I will come to the next class.”
11. A Project for Marmalade
Now that Marmalade had a reason for getting back into dance classes, he was beginning to feel a lot better. But he still had to find Danny to thank him for setting him straight.
It was time for dinner, so Jack and Marmalade went over to the dining hall together. When he hobbled in with Jack by his side, all their friends looked up in surprise, but when they saw Marmalade’s old smile back on his face, they gave a ragged cheer. Pop pulled out a chair so Marmalade could sit down, and Jack hung Marmalade’s bag over the back of it.
“Aren’t you joining us, Jack?” asked Chloe.
He shook his head. “Thanks, but Ravi is waiting for me,” he said. “I told him I’d have dinner with him.”
“See you later, then,” said Danny as Jack made his way over to Ravi’s table.
“Well,” Tara said to Marmalade. “Why are you looking so pleased with yourself? I thought that silly grin had gone for good.”
She sounded as grumpy as always, but Marmalade could tell that even Tara was pleased to see him looking more like his old self again.
“It’s all Danny’s fault,” said Marmalade, grinning at his friend. “He cheered me up. Thanks, man,” he added, really meaning it. “I will try not to be such a miserable idiot from now on.”
“You’ve had a hard time,” said Lolly sympathetically. “It’s no wonder you’ve been a little miserable.”
“A little miserable?” said Tara. “He’s been terrible since his accident.”
“So what’s changed your mood?” asked Chloe. “After all, you still can’t . . . you know . . . dance.”
“Don’t remind me!” said Marmalade. “No, it’s just that I’ve been giving Jack some tips for his dance routine, and I’m really enjoying doing it now that I don’t have one of my own to concentrate on. I’m going to go to his next dance class and see if I can help some more. At least I’ll be involved with dancing, even if I’m not doing it myself yet.”
The very next afternoon, Marmalade was as good as his word and turned up for the dance class. And when he heard what Marmalade wanted to do, Mr. Penardos was very enthusiastic.
“This is splendid, Marmalade,” he said. “If you find you enjoy choreography or teaching, you will never be out of a job. You know we teach choreography when you get further up in the school? Why don’ you watch what everyone has been doing and see if you have any suggestions.”
Marmalade sat at the side of the room and watched as the dancers limbered up and then went through their routines. He itched to join them on the specially sprung dance floor, but he did his best to forget about himself and concentrated on watching the other students.
He came up with a few useful comments for Alice as well as Jack, and Mr. Penardos was full of praise. “Nice job, Marmalade,” he said. “Maybe you will be a famous choreographer one day!”
Marmalade tried to feel excited about being a choreographer, but although he enjoyed working out steps for himself, he knew that actually dancing them would always be his greatest love.
Near the end of the lesson, Marmalade suggested a sequence of steps to Jack, but when Jack tried them he couldn’t get them quite right. “No,” Marmalade told him, not sure if he had explained it well or if it was just that Jack couldn’t do the steps. He picked up his crutches and struggled to his feet. “I’ll show you,” he said.
“Be careful,” Jack warned him anxiously.
“I’m all right,” Marmalade replied. “Do it with me. I’ll try to explain again. You lead with the right foot, and bring the left one over like this.”
It wasn’t easy on crutches, and he had to remember that he still shouldn’t put any weight on his bad knee, but Marmalade managed to show Jack what he meant.
“Oh! I see now,” said Jack, very pleased. “You mean like this!”
He did the sequence again and Marmalade watched closely. “Almost,” he agreed. “But you’re still not bringing that leg over far enough.” He tried to demonstrate and almost lost his balance. One crutch slipped on the floor, and Jack had to grab his arm to stop him from falling.
Marmalade had frightened himself badly, and he was annoyed with himself as well. “I’m all right,” he told Jack, shaking off his help. But what if he had fallen on his already injured knee? It seemed he couldn’t do the simplest things without getting into trouble. While Jack hovered nearby, Marmalade lowered himself carefully onto his chair.
“Oh, go away,” he snapped, and then sighed. “Sorry,” he apologized at once. “I’m all right. You go on. I’ll see you later.”
Mr. Penardos turned the music off and waited until everyone had left before he came to speak to Marmalade.
“You did well today,” he told him.
Marmalade shrugged. He was annoyed with himself for feeling miserable again, but he couldn’t seem to help it.
Mr. Penardos sat down and studied his student for a moment. “You are bound to feel frustrated from time to time,” he told Marmalade. “I un’erstand how you feel.”
“Do you?” asked Marmalade bitterly.
“Oh, yes,” insisted the teacher. “You see, I did something similar when I was young.”
Mr. Penardos was lost in thought for a moment, and Marmalade waited, intrigued to hear what his teacher had to say.
“I was a lot like you,” Mr. Penardos began. “I had real talent, and a great joy of dancing in my native Cuba. I had such ambition, too. I was going to set South America alight with my dancing, and maybe I would even be invited to New York to perform! But none of these things happened.”
“Why not?” asked Marmalade.
Mr. Penardos smiled sadly. “I was foolish,” he explained. “I had injured my knee in practice one day. But I had a girlfriend I wanted to impress very much, and I ignored my injury. I was dancing with my girlfriend, and it was painful, but I was determined not to stop. I was showing off so much . . .” Mr. Penardos shrugged. “I fell again, and that was it. I had injured myself too much, and the knee was never the same again.”
“I didn’t know,” said Marmalade. “I just thought you’d retired from dancing because you wanted to teach.”
“I came to love teaching,” Mr. Penardos told Marmalade. “But to begin with, I thought my life was over. Every time I tried to dance, my knee gave way, until I had to admit my career was finished. But you ...” He nodded at Marmalade. “I admire you, because you are being careful, however much you want to use that knee again.
I am sure you will be fine because you are letting it heal properly, unlike me.”
“I’m sorry,” said Marmalade. “It must have been terrible for you.”
“It was,” Mr. Penardos agreed. “But it was a long time ago, and I enjoy what I do now. But, you know, you can use your feelings since the accident to improve your dancing when you are better.”
“I can?” asked Marmalade in surprise. “How can I do that?”
Mr. Penardos smiled. “You have always been good at expressing fun and happiness in your dancing,” he said. “But you have found dancing sad roles much harder. Is that not so?”
“Yes!” agreed Marmalade. That was certainly true.
“Well, this injury has given you feelings I bet you never had before,” Mr. Penardos said. “Would you agree?”
Marmalade nodded. He had never been as miserable or as angry or as scared as he had been since his injury.
“Well, then,” said Mr. Penardos, getting up and handing Marmalade his crutches. “Think about those feelings. Keep them in your head. You can express how you feel with your body even though you are on crutches. It’s surprising how much emotion people can convey even while sitting down. I could see your misery just now, although you said nothing, and were sitting still.”
“Oh,” muttered Marmalade. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Think of your injury as an opportunity,” the teacher advised. “While that ligament is healing, you can grow, too.”
Marmalade got up and hitched his bag onto his shoulder. “I’ll do my best,” he told his teacher. “I promise, I really will!”
12. Marmalade Has an Idea
While the others were changing out of their dance clothes, Marmalade went for a walk. He could get around quite quickly on his crutches now, as long as the ground was fairly level, so he headed for his favorite spot by the lake. There, he sat on a bench in the early-evening sun.
His thoughts were full of Mr. Penardos’s story. Somehow, Marmalade had assumed that nobody could really understand how he felt, but now he knew that Mr. Penardos had suffered a similar injury with disastrous results. The teacher’s story made Marmalade even more determined to let his knee heal properly before he used it again, however long it took.
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