by Elen Chase
Not to let anything hurt you, not to let anyone involve you…. Are you sure, Dan? You aren’t just pretending to be okay with it?
"Yeah," he confirmed with a sweet smile, in which Liam recognized for the first time a shade of pain that he couldn’t see before. "I’m sorry I can’t be all you want me to be. I’m sorry that what I can give you is only temporary. But will you bear with me a little longer?"
What to do now? To be with Dan was all Liam had wanted for months, and now his only chance to become his boyfriend was to accept that their relationship would have an expiration date. Liam was angry at the very situation, at his dream to move to Uptown, and at Dan’s past that tied him to Downtown.
Was dating Dan worth the pain of breaking up when the time came?
The answer to that question could be only one.
"Yes," Liam told him. "Be my boyfriend until July when you’ll graduate high school and I’ll win that competition. I will win it for you. I'll go to Uptown for you. I'll be happy for you. So, look after me until that moment comes. And never forget me. Never—"
Dan crushed their lips together in a desperate, slow, sensual and heartbreaking kiss. Liam felt heat rising in his cheeks as his tongue brushed Dan’s tongue, sweet, determined and delicious. It was all crystal clear now.
How could I ever doubt you?
"You have no idea how much I want you," Dan said hoarsely.
"Show me," Liam whispered in his mouth. "Make love with me tonight."
Dan’s eyes smiled, displaying security, respect and so much affection.
This love might just be temporary.
But I couldn’t care less.
Chapter 13
"I’m sore. I don’t think I’ll be able to sit today," Liam told Dan the next morning, coming out of the shower. His boyfriend was still lying lazily in bed, and he seemed to have no intention of getting up. Liam’s eyes dropped to the bottle of lube and the used condoms on the floor, and he felt his face warm up. He was expecting to freak out a little, but to his surprise, he was perfectly fine. He had loved every single moment, and honestly couldn’t wait to do it again.
As if he read his mind, Dan shot him an all-knowing smile. "Come here," he said, opening his arms.
Liam had never moved faster. In a second, he was once again in bed, nuzzling at Dan’s chest.
"So, you ran away from home?"
"Mm…" Liam whined, curling up in his arms, and told him in detail all that had happened the day before with his parents. "I don't want to go home now," he concluded.
"I think your parents are good people. They raised you like this after all," Dan said, caressing his head delicately. "You should talk to them again."
"I don't want to find out they're disappointed in me."
"You might find out that they aren’t," he argued. "Don't give up on your family like this without giving them a second chance. Trust me, you would regret it."
Is he referring to his own experience?
Dan continued, "Listen, this is what we’ll do. I'll come home with you, and if your parents really are disappointed in you and kick you out, I'll bring you to my place. I’ll make you a coffee, let you cry all the tears you have in your body, and then I’ll fuck you to sleep."
"Doesn’t sound too bad," Liam smiled. "I’m more of a tea type, though."
The two of them stared at each other for a moment, and then they both chuckled.
Half an hour later, they left the motel. Dan drove them to his house on his bike and held Liam’s hand as he nervously rang the bell. The boy was covered in cold sweat, wondering how he could even look at his parents, going back home with his boyfriend after the conversation of the day before. Not to mention the feelings of guilt he was feeling for having sex with him that very night. Would his parents be able to guess what they did? Since it was still early morning, it was clear that they had spent the night together. Liam hoped he wasn’t going to be too obvious. On the contrary, he noticed, Dan seemed perfectly relaxed.
"Liam!" His mother ran to hug him as soon as she opened the door. His father, hearing that Liam had come back from inside the house, came out too.
Monica, holding back the tears, scolded him, "Don't ever do something so crazy like running away from home in the middle of the night again! Do you have any idea how worried we were?"
Liam looked at the ground, feeling truly guilty. "So… you're not angry, or disappointed in me?"
"What are you talking about? We’re just so glad nothing happened to you," his father said, walking up to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. Finally, he looked at Dan. "You brought him home? Thank you," he said, a little embarrassed.
"Dan, right?" Monica said. "Will you come in with us for a while?"
Dan clearly wasn't expecting them to invite him in. He looked at Liam, as if to ask him what he wanted him to do, and the boy nodded. They went to the living room and sat on the couch. Liam was nervous, so he instinctively grabbed Dan's hand and held it tight.
His father broke the silence, saying, "Liam, your mother and I had a long talk after you ran away yesterday. We realized that we have always underestimated how you suffered because of the bullies. Maybe because school in Downtown was never easy, maybe because you looked like you didn't care. Anyway, it was very immature of us."
"But recently I noticed you were leaving for school with a smile," his mother continued. "You again found your enthusiasm for studying, and you decided to try that competition." She smiled, then looked at Dan. "Liam said it was all thanks to you, Dan."
"You said that?" Dan asked him with a warm expression, and Liam felt his face flush red.
"I have to admit I wasn't expecting this," his father said. "But I can't go against what makes my son so happy. We love you Liam, regardless of who you… sleep with, like you said yesterday."
So that hit them hard. I should have known.
His father cleared his throat. "The thing is, we'll talk again to the principal, so you can just go back to school normally. And if he insists or says something to you… you can tell him to go fuck himself."
"Pfff—" Dan couldn't hold back a laugh.
"Good, that's the spirit," his father said. "You tell him that, okay Dan?"
"I will," he said, and he smiled at Liam again.
"Dad, Mom… thank you." Liam couldn't hold back crying. He was glad they were his family.
◆◆◆
"Yes, this is what I was talking about. Dyed red hair will never look like this. Maybe you can get closer to the real thing if you dye it red from a blonde base, but will it be as bright and keep this mixture of shades and tones, and—"
"Will you leave him alone already?" Dan shouted from the next room, interrupting Harry’s monologue.
"It’s okay, it’s not bothering me," Liam said distractedly while packing Harry’s books and magazines in a cardboard box. He already had gotten used to Harry fanboying over his hair, and at that point, he didn’t mind him touching it or staring at it, like he was doing now.
Harry wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck and laid his head on his shoulder. "See? I’m not bothering him," he underlined with a sly smile.
Liam simply ignored him. "I had no idea you wanted to be a hairstylist. It’s great that you are so passionate about it," he said instead, smiling at the catalogs Harry had been studying.
Dan entered the living room and dropped a bag of clothes right behind them. Liam could literally feel Harry being startled by it.
"Just how much stuff did you bring to my house?" Dan complained. "It’s been a few weeks, and it looks like you’ve lived here for years."
"I like my nest to be comfortable, and this place sucks. Since you’re my friend, and I pity this shithole you live in, I’ll even leave you my beloved coffeemaker."
"Don’t need that."
"Danny, Danny, don’t be shy. The words you’re looking for are ‘thank you.’"
"I gave you a place to stay, fed you, let you sleep in my bed, and I have to thank you?"
; Harry turned again to Liam. "Do you really put out for him?"
Liam met Dan’s eyes and blushed a little.
Harry sighed and patted Liam’s head. "You’re adorable."
"And you’re a parasite. Why is Liam packing for you?"
"Because… reasons?"
"Get off him and go buy some duct tape," Dan ordered him.
"Okay, I will. Eventually. Unless you want to use it for some rough play and I’m invited to watch; in that case, I can go now and—"
"Now that I think about it," Liam interrupted him and turned to Dan. "If Harry slept in your bed, where did you sleep in the past weeks?"
An awkward silence fell in the room.
"Sooo… I’ll go get that duct tape!" Harry exclaimed, and almost ran out of the apartment.
When they were finally alone, Liam said, "The words you’re looking for are ‘thank you.’"
Dan exhaled slowly and sat beside him. He looked tired.
"Thank you, Ginger," he said before giving him a slow and deep kiss. Those kisses were Liam’s favorite; he could spend hours exploring Dan’s mouth, feeling his soft lips against his, enjoying the thrills his tongue sent to the rest of his body. When the kiss ended, Dan lay down on the floor, resting his head on Liam’s knees. "We shared the bed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was just Harry—and there’s no way in hell anything could happen between us—so I didn’t think it had any importance."
"You’re good friends," Liam said, passing his fingers through Dan’s hair.
"He refused to sleep on the couch, and I didn’t want to let him take my bed from me without a fight."
"Don’t worry, I don’t really care about that. I like your friendship. I like how you’re always joking and acting as if you’re at each other’s throat, but you actually care for the other. I thought I had this kind of friendship once… with Peter."
Dan lifted his hand up to caress Liam’s cheek. "You’ll move on, Ginger. You’ll find friends you can trust and a place to belong, I’m sure of it. Regrets are for stupid people that do stupid things and hurt others even when they care for them. Like Peter, and me."
"You?"
"Four years ago, I left a friend alone when he needed me the most."
"When you came here, you told me that. But I thought you had no regrets about leaving Uptown."
"I don’t regret leaving; I regret what I did to him. If he still remembers me, I’m sure he hates me as much as you hate Peter."
"Peter bullied me. I doubt you did anything like that to him."
"I disappeared from his life without a word right after his sister died."
Silence fell between them. Liam had a feeling inside that he couldn’t quite describe. This boy… Dan had said he was ‘all he had left’ after that girl, An, died.
"Dan, that pain you said you felt when you left Uptown… do you still feel it?" Liam put his hand on Dan’s chest, over his heart.
"Sometimes," he confessed.
I knew it.
"You don't try to go see him for the same reason you'll leave me, right? Because of this thing you have to do here." Liam had sworn to himself he wouldn't mention the end of their relationship until the time came, but he needed to know. Dan looked at him with a sad expression, then just nodded.
"Will you tell me something about him? What kind of person is he?" he asked.
Dan remained silent for a moment, his gaze fixed on him as if he was trying to find the right words. Liam thought Harry was right when he said he was emotionally constipated.
Finally, he said, "He's a brat. He gets all worked up for nothing and jumps to the wrong conclusions, just to end up feeling bad about it. He never understands when people lie to him and gets fooled easily. Also, he's spoiled. He always asks whatever comes to his mind, even if it's out of place, but he does it just so naturally that people give him whatever he wants." It was all negative things, but he was making such a sweet smile while saying it that Liam couldn't stop listening to him. "It's just that he's impossibly honest. He's not afraid to speak his mind, and he's the first one to apologize when he's wrong. That's why everybody adores him, despite all the things I told you about." It almost seemed like he had him right in front of his eyes.
"Seems like a piece of work," Liam chuckled.
"Yeah…. The first time I saw him, at school, I admired the way he was able to make so many expressions; he was happy, then he was angry, then he was sad, then he was happy again. I was always gloomy and lonely, so it was like he was shining to me. Whenever I was by his side, his smile was enough to put my heart at ease, even when I was sad or afraid."
I wonder if you know, Dan, deep in your heart…
"Whenever I'm tired and feel like giving up, I like to think that he's smiling somewhere in Uptown, far away from all this shit I’m in, and it gives me the strength to go on for a little longer."
… that you’re in love with him.
Discovering his feelings was like finding a treasure chest for Liam. He felt sad thinking that he wasn't the one Dan’s love was addressed to, and at the same time, he was happy that Dan was able to love someone so openly without wanting anything back.
"I think I might give Peter another chance, sooner or later. So, maybe, you could go see him one more time, after all," Liam murmured, holding back his tears.
"Ginger…."
"Dan... come here," he whispered and dragged him into a melting kiss.
Chapter 14
He won. Since the moment he saw the test, Liam was sure he would make it. The scholarship for Uptown was finally his.
He left the school building—that was going to be his school from September—almost crying, running to Dan, who was waiting for him outside.
"I did it," Liam told him, stroking his face on his shirt and smelling him.
"I knew you would," Dan said, caressing his head. "And don't dry your nose on my shirt."
"I'm not drying my nose on it. I'm sniffing you."
"Weird."
"You like me like this."
"True enough."
The two of them walked to a park close to the school, holding hands. Uptown was on a whole other level compared to their part of town. The streets were clean, people were nice, public transportation worked awesomely, and the architecture of the place was an exquisite mix of skyscrapers and green areas.
Liam couldn’t stop speaking enthusiastically about everything he had seen there since they arrived in Uptown in the morning. "So far, I’m loving this place," he concluded.
"It’s like being in a different world, isn’t it? But if you think about it, the ride from the Downtown central station to Uptown is only 40 minutes."
"Yeah. It’s so close, but it feels so far away."
"You know, I think there are people who make up the distance. We’re all citizens of Rosedeer, and, on paper, we have the same rights. But when we come here there are no shops that’ll take our money, and to change it into credits, we need a government-issued watchpad and a guarantor. The thought that we’re different is so deeply rooted in these people’s minds that they can’t trust us completely."
Liam’s excitement died miserably. "Is that a warning?"
Dan chuckled. "Sorry, Ginger, I didn’t want to scare you. It will never be worse than what you went through in Downtown, but there will be someone who will consider you the ‘Downtown kid.’"
"You did tell me once that there are assholes in Uptown, too. Should I worry about it?"
Dan scoffed. "These kids most likely had a maid cleaning their butt until middle school. Take a pocket knife with you and casually let them see it. You’ll scare them off before they even think of laying hands on you."
Liam nodded, mentally taking notes of Dan’s advice. "Will they spread rumors about me?"
"Maybe, but not about your sexuality. Uptown isn’t half as homophobic as Downtown. Feel free to take a date to the homecoming."
Liam forced himself to smile. He didn’t want a date. The only one he wanted was already there, wi
th him. Were they really going to say goodbye? Was Dan really all right with that?
"I’m sure I’ll be super popular with gay guys in school," he said then, hoping for a reaction. "A reliable source said I’m impossibly cute and awesome in bed, so I guess that’s an explosive combination."
Dan’s face hardened. He seemed partly angry and worried. "Just don’t do anything stupid, okay?"
"Okay," Liam murmured as he took Dan’s hand in his, softly touching his fingers. "What are you gonna do from now on?" he asked him.
"I'll keep working in Downtown. Now that I don't have school anymore, I'll get a second job."
"You haven’t worked since we started dating. I hope you still have some money left," Liam said distractedly, his eyes still on his boyfriend’s fingers.
"That's—" Dan seemed uncomfortable about it. "How do you know?"
"Harry. He told me everything by mistake because he thought I knew. When he realized I didn’t, he was really sorry to have brought it up. Also, he asked me not to tell you."
"That idiot…. Liam, I’m sorry. I didn't want to hide my job from you, but in the end, I could never bring myself to tell you."
"Honestly, it hurt a little that you didn’t tell me, but I appreciated that you took a break from work when you asked me out. Anyway, I don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of."
Dan seemed incredulous. "Seriously? This is the first time in my life that I hear someone say prostitution isn’t something to be ashamed of."
"Dan, you were just fourteen and your mother left you with debts—"
"How do you do this?"
"Do what?"
Dan entwined his arms around him in a warm embrace. "You make everything simple."
Liam’s chest tightened, and he felt he was about to cry. He forced himself to laugh, but his laughter came out awkward and weird. He swallowed some air and finally said, "Maybe it’s just really simple. I just went crazy the moment I fell in love with you." Hot tears started running on his cheeks; this time he couldn’t avoid them. "I love you, Dan, I love you so much. I can't believe I'm saying it to you now when we're breaking up."