“But . . . ?” she encouraged, her voice brittle.
“It’s not a ‘but,’exactly. But . . .” His grin met her mocking smirk. “Okay, it’s a ‘but’ after all. I’m still determined to get you together with your mother. You will see her, won’t you?”
She stared at him for a long moment, then deliberately shook her head. “No,” she said firmly.
His fingers hardened on her shoulders. “Why not?” he said in a voice he was obviously working hard to control.
Jennifer closed her eyes again. She was going to do it. She was going to tell him the secret she’d kept all these years—the reason why she’d never tried going back before. Once he knew, maybe he would give up on her. Maybe he would decide he’d never get her to reconcile with her parents, then realize he didn’t love her after all.
She knew the chance she was taking, but she didn’t have much choice any longer.
“There’s something I’ve never told you,” she said evenly. “A reason why it would be very hard to go back and try to iron things out with my parents.”
Reid was silent, almost as if he’d expected this.
“You see, something happened that last day I lived at home. It was the real reason I left the way I did— the reason I could never go back. Because it was something I—I just couldn’t explain to my parents.”
She was staring at the ceiling. She could hardly feel Reid beside her any longer—almost as though he were holding his breath.
“You know Tony and I were always close. Even though we were a few years apart in age, I always looked up to him and told him all my problems. And I was so proud when he would seem to enjoy being with me as much as—or even more, sometimes, than—being with his friends. We hardly ever fought the way other brothers and sisters did. We seemed so attuned. I used to pretend he’d been adopted along with me, that we both really did have the same bloodlines and everything. We seemed so perfect together.”
She turned her face toward the wall, away from Reid. “Tony loved me just as much as I loved him. Only ... for some reason, all of a sudden he got that love twisted up. He began to—to imagine that he was in love with me.”
She swallowed, closing her eyes. She’d never told this to another soul. She’d hoped she never would have to.
“He began to tell me how he felt. At first I thought he was kidding, and I tried to laugh it off. But--but he became more insistent. He—he wanted”—she shook her head—“he kept saying we weren’t really brother and sister, that it was only a legal technicality keeping us apart, that all we had to do was run away together to another state . . .”
She swung around to stare into Reid’s infinite gaze. “But we were brother and sister. Don’t you see? I felt like a sister to him. I’d been raised as a sister. I knew it was wrong ... so wrong . . .” Her voice choked with emotion, and Reid cupped her cold cheek with his warm hand.
“Finish,” he said quietly, his voice filled with understanding and concern. “Tell me the rest of it.”
She took a shuddering breath. “I told Tony how I felt. I—maybe I was too strong in condemning his feelings. He started to talk wildly, about suicide and things like that. He was going to go to Mother and tell her.” She bit her lip. “You know my parents. You know how firm their morals are, how important certain conventions are to them. It would have destroyed them to think that their beloved Tony could have these feelings—these desires. They would have been torn apart.”
When she didn’t go on, Reid added, “So you left in order to spare them that pain.”
She nodded. “We’d had so many fights around that time that it was easy to pretend I despised their upper-middle-class ways, that I needed to be free. There was some truth in it, and I just embroidered around facts, making the whole thing more dramatic than it needed to be. My intention had been to get away for a time and give Tony the opportunity to think things through before coming back. But ... I don’t know, things got out of hand. Things were said that couldn’t be taken back. When I left, I knew I was leaving for good.”
He sighed. “You never had the urge to come back and explain—“
“Explain what?” she broke in emotionally. “That I’d left because their beloved Tony had thought he was in love with me? Even now, don’t you see how that would sully their memories? If they even believed me.”
There was a moment of silence. “You really love them, don’t you?” Reid said at last. “Despite everything.”
“Yes,” she whispered miserably. “They’re the only parents I’ve got.”
“You never had an urge to look for your natural mother?”
“I did look for her and I found her, too.”
He rose above her and stared into her eyes. “What happened?”
She shrugged. “We were strangers. She was a bit embarrassed. She had a new family and lived in a modest suburb of San Francisco. I was a bad memory to her. I never went back.”
He took her hand in his and laced his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry, Jenny,” he said softly. “You’ve had enough pain in your young life. You need some happiness.”
She looked at his beautiful tan face and his dark hair, and she managed a wavering smile. “That’s me, the happiness kid,” she reminded him. Then her gaze sharpened, and she began to realize something about his response to all this.
“You knew, didn’t you?” she accused, incredulous. “About Tony, I mean.”
His blue eyes looked candidly into hers. “I didn’t know all the details, but from things Tony said, I had a feeling it was something like what you described. We talked a lot during that last year when we knew how ill he was, and you were always his favorite subject. His fantasy was to find you and bring you home, but he never actually went out looking. From the first, that seemed strange to me.”
She sighed. “I hope he was a bit more rational by . . . later,” she muttered. Then she looked up. “You don’t think ... he never told our parents, did he?”
Reid shook his head. “I doubt it.”
“Good. I’d hate for them to have that to cloud their feelings toward him.”
“Yes. I think you’re right. They don’t need to know.”
She nodded. “So you see why I can’t go back.”
“No, I don’t see that at all.”
She rolled toward him. “What are you saying?”
“You don’t have to tell them about this. You don’t have to tell them the truth.”
She frowned. “How do I explain why I left? Why I never came back?”
He took her in his arms. “Go back and apologize, Jenny. Tell them that you were wrong, that you were a wild kid when you ran away, and now you’re back and you’re sorry.”
She blinked at him. That sounded simple, but it was anything but. “But that’s not true. Not really.”
He grimaced in annoyance. “So what? Tell them anyway. You’ve told white lies before. Do it again.”
He watched the emotions swirl in her eyes. “Give it to them as a gift,” he said softly.
“A gift?”
“Sure. If they accept it, fine. If not, you’re no worse off than you are now.”
“A gift,” Jennifer repeated slowly. “That’s what I’ll do.” A feeling was growing in her. It wasn’t joy, exactly, but it had some of the same surge to it. Maybe, she thought, it’s more like hope.
“Now that we’ve got that settled,” Reid said, pulling her up against his hard body again, “how about giving me a gift? I’m deserving.”
She laughed softly. Hope was a good feeling. “Happy birthday,” she said irrelevantly, thrusting her hips into his and gasping at the sensations he could draw from her so quickly.
They made love that was hot and explosive and tenderly right.
CHAPTER NINE:
The Perfect Dive
After all those years of deprivation, the meeting with her mother was almost too easy. It went very much as she’d always dreamed it would, only her mother answered the door, not a maid. Although she did
n’t take her immediately into her arms, she took hold of Jennifer’s hand and wouldn’t let go and kept staring at her as if she wanted to memorize every feature, every change, from the time Jennifer had been a girl.
Jennifer had waited until she saw her father leave for his beach walk.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Reid had asked.
She’d known he would ask, and she’d planned to refuse his help. She wanted to be strong, but when it came down to the wire, she nodded vigorously, eyes wide. She only wished he could do the talking for her, too.
So Reid came along, but he stayed unobtrusively in the background while she and her mother talked, reaching to find each other again.
“I’m sorry,” Jennifer said simply at last. “I wish it had never happened.”
Her mother’s smile seemed sweeter than she remembered. Her face was more lined, and she wore less makeup, but there was a basic decency to her now that hadn’t been as evident in the old days.
“There are enough recriminations to go around for everyone,” Mrs. Thornton said in reply. “We did so many things wrong ourselves.” She sighed. “We were too hard on you. I can see that now. It’s very strange, but since Tony’s death—perhaps Reid has told you— your father and I have retreated from the social scene because it just doesn’t seem important any longer. Once—well, we told ourselves we were doing our best, climbing the social ladder, to make a place for our children. Then we lost you both, and it all seemed so pointless. When we should have been enjoying our children, we were wasting all that time trying to make them conform to some artificial ideal we’d constructed in our heads.” She shook her head and placed her hands in Jennifer’s. “Can you forgive us?”
They’d hugged then, and laughed, but Jennifer left before her father returned.
“Give me a day or two to get him prepared,” her mother suggested.
So Jennifer had gone home with Reid, and he’d taken her up to his room and pulled her into his arms, then finally, she’d been able to cry.
She cried buckets, gallons, rivers, going on and on, half laughing part of the time. It seemed she had to shed all those tears that had frozen inside her for so long. Reid held her and stroked her hair until it was over. And then they made love and she was whole again.
The next couple of weeks went by quickly. She finally met with her father, and it was not easy for either of them. He still seemed angry with her, almost out of habit, and Jennifer knew it would be a long time before wounds were healed.
Nevertheless, there seemed to be reason to hope. She and her mother were getting close, and perhaps she would one day feel close to her father as well. They all three knew that Tony’s death was still to be dealt with, but they could come to a plateau slowly from which that might be possible.
She hadn’t had to tell them about Tony’s obsession. They never guessed a thing was wrong in that area, and little by little, Jennifer began to put it behind her herself.
Reconciling with her parents hardly wiped out all of Jennifer’s problems. Once communication had been established with them, she realized how shaky her bond with Reid was.
At one time, she’d feared that he was only interested in getting her back with her parents. Now that he’d accomplished that, she’d noticed no slackening in his affection. And yet, what did he want from her?
She knew what she wanted from him—his entire body and soul. She wished she could carry him off somewhere so that they could be with one another one-on-one, as they had in the old days. She loved him but she wasn’t crazy about the life he led. Would he ask her to share it? She didn’t know. Would she agree to give it a try? She didn’t know the answer to that, either.
She spent some time looking up old friends, but didn’t find many of them still in town. The ones she did get hold of were busy with young children or struggling careers and didn’t have much time to go over old memories.
What she enjoyed most was strolling through the different parts of Destiny Bay, stopping in at the shops, trying to remember what used to be where the quilt shop was now, trying to find the little store where she used to sneak in to read the comic books when she was in Junior High, while the owner, Mr. Lancet, was busy with customers. She shopped at both the two competing small department stores, Kramers and Randalls, and some of the sales ladies remembered her.
But it wasn’t until she went into the almost empty Mickey’s On the Bay Café that she began to feel at home again.
She hadn’t meant to stop in. She was walking along the embarcadero, enjoying the pelicans cruising by, when a little girl with a head of bouncing yellow curls came careening around a corner without an adult in sight.
“Whoa,” Jennifer said, catching her and swinging her up in her arms. “Where are you going so fast?”
The girl was much too young to be off on her own. Jennifer expected her to struggle to get away, but to her surprise, she relaxed immediately and smiled, then started off on a long, involved explanation. Only one in three words was understandable, so Jennifer wasn’t really sure what the facts were, but it seemed to have something to do with, “Going to see the big fish.”
“A big fish? Does your Mama know about the fish?”
She nodded, her blue eyes huge. “Mama showed me once. Down there.” She pointed toward where the fishing boats were pulling up to the marina. “Tag got it.”
“Oh, I see.” She shifted the girl to a more comfortable position, all the while looking around anxiously to find a searching mother. “Where is your mom?”
“Back a’ the kitchen.”
“Kitchen?”
That was when she noticed the café and on a hunch, she started toward it, though she was almost bowled over by a redhead who came barreling out the door as she reached it.
“Meggie!” the woman cried. “Oh Meggie, thank God! Thank you so much! This little rascal never sits still.”
Jennifer handed her over with a smile, then followed them into the café, watching while the little girl was strapped into a booster seat in a booth, handed a coloring book and crayons and told to stay where she was. The woman looked vaguely familiar and her smile was warm and welcoming.
“Isn’t it Jennifer Thornton?” she asked as Jennifer approached a round, vinyl-covered stool at the counter.
“Yes.” She smiled, knowing she’d seen the redhead before but not sure how or when.
“Little Jenny Thornton.” The woman laughed, shaking her head as she looked her over. “I used to babysit for you. You sure grew up pretty. But then you were a pretty little girl, too.” She caught herself. “Oh, sorry. I’m Mickey, Mickey Adams. Was Michelle Dane when I knew you. This is my café. But you don’t remember me, do you?”
Jenny shook her head. “I’m sorry, I… .” Then her face cleared. “Wait, I do remember you. You came and helped serve at my parents’ thirtieth wedding anniversary when I was about twelve. You snuck me a plate of the Baked Alaska when they said I couldn’t have any.”
Mickey laughed. “That’s me. Compassionate, but underhanded.” Her grin was contagious. “Come on and sit down. I’ll cut you a piece of pie.” She winked. “For old times’ sake.”
“Oh, no, I… .”
“Come on. It’s the least I can do after you brought Meggie back to me so quickly.”
Jennifer’s eyes widened as she looked at the beautiful cherry pie Mickey was offering. “Well, maybe just a little,” she said, resistance crumbling.
Mickey added a scoop of vanilla ice cream, talking all the while, remembering old times and what the town had been like ten years before. As she talked, more memories surfaced for Jennifer. She’d come into this place as a teenager. The older man who seemed like an old, gruff sea captain who ran the place then must have been Mickey’s father.
“What are you doing back in town?” Mickey asked her.
“Just visiting,” Jennifer said quickly. “Actually, I live down in LA these days. I’m part owner of a gourmet shop down there. The Magnificent Munch.”
Mic
key got a speculative look in her green eyes. “Ever think of opening a branch back here in your home town?” she said. “I’ve got an empty storefront right next door I’m trying to rent out. It would be perfect.”
Jennifer laughed. “Wow. What an idea. I’ll have to think that one over.” And file it away under “Hopeless Causes” she thought as she looked around the cute little diner. Clean and colorful with paintings of surfers and fishing boats all over the walls, she could tell the place did a good business. Somehow you could just feel success.
Meggie sat in her seat, lower lip thrust out, eyes sad but dry. Mickey was keeping a sharp eye on her and she didn’t dare try for the door again.
“How old is she?” Jennifer asked, trying to hide her smile.
“Three and a couple of months.”
“She’s adorable.” Leaning closer, she added softly, “But she looks like a real handful.”
Mickey rolled her eyes and laughed. “You don’t know the half of it.”
They talked as Jennifer ate, and she noticed that Mickey’s gaze kept flashing toward the doorway, as though she were expecting someone—and she was nervous about it. And then the door’s warning bell rang, just as the woman had turned away. She spun back and her face lost all its charm as her eyes narrowed coldly.
“Hi,” she said. “She’s ready.”
A tall, sandy haired man was sauntering in, looking at Mickey with eyes as cold as hers were. Good looking in a slightly wrinkled around the edges way, he gave her a quick nod, then turned to Meggie.
“Let’s go, kid,” he said.
Mickey took her out of the booster seat and turned, holding her tightly. “Did you get the new car seat?” she asked.
The man gave her a sour look. “Yeah. We’re all up to code.” He held out his arms for her. “Hey, I’ll take good care of the kid. Don’t worry.”
Mickey looked miserable. “You’ll have her back by eight, right?”
He gave a long-suffering sigh. “If you really want me to stop taking her, you know what you have to do,” he said, and then his gaze caught sight of Jennifer.
My Little Runaway (Destiny Bay) Page 13