“Well fuck you guys…” I whisper as I throw the frame into the trash can near my drawers, I notice my mom leaning on the door frame looking at me.
“Hey! What’s wrong with that photo? It’s one of my favorites, you looked so pretty.” she says picking up the frame from the bin.
“Yeah well, you can keep it I don’t want it, you can have these too if you want.” I say handing all my other frames to her that holds photos of the happy girl I once was. She doesn’t say a word but shrugs and walks out my room with them.
After unpacking, cleaning my room and the bathroom to my standard – meaning spotless, I take a shower and get dressed. Walking back to my room I hear chatter in the kitchen so I head out to see who’s here.
“Oh my! Georgie! This can’t be Lexi!” she says looking at my mother and pointing to me.
“She is gorgeous! You’ve grown up so much since the last time I saw you!” A skinny lady with slightly yellow hair, I’m guessing it’s supposed to be blond, runs towards me and gives me a hug.
Not sure whether to take the part where she says “this can’t be” as a compliment or an insult, because I certainly don’t know what the fuck she meant. Shrugging her off of me and raising my brow as I internally say what the f…
“Hun, it’s so nice to meet you, mom here has been telling me all about you, I can’t get over how beautiful you are. I’m Amber, your mom’s friend from back in the day. I’m so happy you guys are staying so close to me – I’m a few houses down, you have to meet my niece I’m sure you guys will get along since you’re both around the same age!” She rambles on chattily as if I’m her long lost sister and pats my hand as she talks. She offers me some wine from the bottle that they both have been drinking from, but I decline – there has to be at least one responsible person in this damn house.
“Georgina, have you seen my bag of clothes? I’m missing most of my shirts and jeans?” I say after going to check the car if anything was left in there but she stops me shortly with her reply.
“Oh honey that’s because I left them behind, you need to stop wearing those crappy clothes, you can wear some of mine since we’re about the same size and as soon as I get paid we can go shopping and get you some new clothes that AREN’T black!” she says this with a wave of the hand as if it’s no big deal which has me internally screaming and I’m pretty sure if this was a cartoon steam would be coming from my ears around about now but I close my eyes , roll my shoulders and take a deep breath, letting the anger fade but I can feel her watching me, waiting for an outburst and if I stand here one more minute in her presence I’ll give her exactly that.
“Seriously whatever, I don’t even have the energy to fucking argue with you right now, I need some fresh air ...” I say walking off putting my flip flops on as I go. Wandering off the patio in the back I hear Amber yelling after me.
“Don’t go too far hun, it’s not safe in those woods at this time of night and don’t go up the hill near the log cabins, those folks aren’t fond of people on their land…” she carries on mumbling, but I’m just not interested in anything anyone has to say right now. I just need to get away from Georgina and get some space to breathe.
Walking behind our trailer, all I see is the forest and trees, I don’t know what makes me do it but I really don’t care. I need to get away for a little bit. Trailing a distinct path, I hear what sounds like water flowing, I follow the sound and come to a small waterfall in the middle of the forest.
CHAPTER 2
Walking to the big rock near the water, I lie down with my knees up and my arms folded under my head looking at the sky scattered with stars above me, the full moon looks beautiful tonight. Lounging in the ambience and peacefulness of the quiet night I begin to think whether this solitude I find myself hiding in is something I still really want. Pushing people away is far more harder and lonelier than I ever thought it could be, I know this path I’m leading can only bring more unhappiness and even though becoming emotionally distant with everyone besides my mother was a good idea at the time, I’m not sure how long I can deal with being alone since the only person I want to notice me doesn’t acknowledge me and I don’t know if my mother ever will again especially when I’m a constant reminder of what she lost.
It’s quiet out here, all you can hear is the trickling of water and the wildlife surrounding me in the dark night. Usually I’d prefer having earphones in my ears with blaring music just so I can’t hear my thoughts… but this, I actually enjoy this silence. It’s peaceful out here in the dark, the only light coming from the full moon above me.
Thinking to myself about my father, I let out a sad sigh.
“Daddy, why did you have to leave us? I don’t think I can do this on my own…” I say out aloud as if he could possibly answer me.
After what seems close to a few minutes looking at my phone, I realize I’ve been here for over two hours. Suddenly all my thoughts fizzle away when I hear movement in the bushes. I freeze then quickly sit up, looking around I see the bushes move. Jumping off the rock, I hide behind the big boulder. Holding my breath, scared shitless for what’s about to come out of them. Peeking over the side of the rock trying to see what’s out there, just enough for one eye to look because I’m afraid of being noticed by whatever or whoever is out here.
Out of nowhere I see a huge dog, its brown or dark brown – I can’t really tell since the moon is only so bright. It lifts its head up as if to smell the air, oh shit, can it smell me? Oh gosh, it probably can! I quickly sit back behind the rock with my knees to my chest, my arms crossed over them and my head down. My hair falling down to cover the open gaps, it’s the only shield I have at the moment to protect me from seeing anything. I hear the sound of the animal walking on the leaves and branches, the snapping and crunching of leaves beneath its paw gets louder and it’s coming closer to the rock...to where I am.
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what am I going to do! I squeeze my eyes shut, my heart is beating so fast it hurts; I’m scared to breathe in case it sees the movement.
All of a sudden I feel something on my hair, my whole body tenses as it touches my hair again but this time I can hear it breathing, the animal’s snout is right by my ear. I think its smelling me, it pulls away but this time licks my forearm that’s holding my knees together tightly.
The animal moves away, I hear movement and leaves cracking, so slowly I lift my eyes, peeking through the hair that’s fallen on my face. I see the big brown dog sitting on the ground in front of me just staring down at me, he nudges my leg with his snout and I grasp, I lift my head up fully and move the hair that’s fallen on my face behind my ear so I can look at the dog properly.
He’s absolutely beautiful, he’s huge though, looking up to the dogs face – I see beautiful hazel eyes just staring at me. Slowly I lift my trembling hand and raise it to the dogs face; I want to touch its fur it looks so shiny. The dog’s head meets my hand as if to tell me “it’s okay, I won’t bite” giving me the encouragement I need I gently stroke the dog’s head, lifting myself off the ground I sit up on my knees. Although it still towers over me, I get a better look at him, not sure if it’s a girl or boy – I get the feeling it’s a male.
Now standing on my feet, I stroke its back which reaches just above my waist. I scratch its head and he licks the side of my face, I giggle and wipe my face with the back of my hand. “You’re quite a cutie aren’t you?” shaking my head when I find myself talking to the dog.
The dog drops to the ground and lies on its back, with his paws in the air, mouth open and tongue hanging out the side, I start laughing at what he’s doing then bend down to pat the dog’s chest.
My phone starts vibrating in my pocket, seeing that its Georgina calling; I quickly give the dog one last pat.
“Sorry buddy I gotta go back home now.”
Dusting myself off, I start walking back through the way I came noticing the dog still at my side walking beside me. He follows me all the way to where the forest stops then he sit
s and watches me as I make my way to my back door, I go inside and look through the window on the side to see the dog slowly withdrawing back into the woods. Smiling at the thought of what I just discovered and how the animal made me laugh. It was the closest I’ve been to feeling happy in a long time and it was a damn animal that managed to break through my barrier the first night here in this new little town.
I quickly swallow down that little spark of happiness when I hear laughter coming from the kitchen. I walk to the fridge and get out a soda sitting on the chair at the island thinking about the big dog I saw – I forget that my mom and Amber are still laughing and chatting away until they become silent. I find them staring at me with stupid expressions on their faces.
“I was wondering when you were coming back, you look as if you saw a ghost Hun, what’s wrong? Why are your pants so dirty?” My -at this point tipsy- mother says.
“Nothing’s wrong, umm… Amber? Did you know there’s a small waterfall down in the wooded area out back?” I say looking now focusing my attention on Amber.
Amber goes tense and seems completely sober now. “Lexi you shouldn’t go out there in those woods, it’s near those people I told you about and it’s not safe for a girl like you."
“I found this big dog, it was pretty cool, he came outta nowhere, I was scared at first but he was so friendly. I’m guessing it was a boy, I just…” I burst out rambling excited about the dog in the woods but I’m quickly interrupted by my mother.
“Alexia it wasn’t a dog, those are wolves! You need to stay away from them! Stay outta those woods too, no good can come from you going in there!”
“Okay mother.” I say with my head down then head back toward my room as my excitement fades, too tired from the long drive and the day I’ve had to argue with this woman. I turn to see my mother and Amber whispering but they both stop when they see me looking. Shaking my head, “whatever…”
CHAPTER 3:
It’s been a few days now, I’ve been keeping myself busy, cleaning the house and even the garden outside our trailer while moms been at work. Despite my mother warning me to stay away for the woods I’ve snuck out every night to go to the waterfall and every single time I was there, the brown wolf was there too. He would lie next to me with his head on my lap while I scratched his head and told him stories about my parents and about when I was younger. I knew it wasn’t safe out in the woods but I felt drawn to the wolf and I was able to tell him all the things I’ve kept in for so long, I knew as long as he was there I was safe. I didn’t feel so alone anymore, even if I was talking to a damn dog, that damn dog was the only thing that was able to break through my walls and make me feel happy again, it gave me hope that maybe I would be okay after all. Maybe I could get through this. I wasn’t sure if this happiness would last but I knew for sure that I was going to cherish that damn dog and keep it close until my happiness ran its course, however long that might be.
Sitting on the bench on the patio, drinking from my water bottle I see mom’s car pull up and out jumps her and Amber laughing and hanging on each other as if they were teenage girls.
“Get ready hun, we’re going out tonight and you’re coming with us, you need to get out of this house and have some fun!” Amber says running up to me dragging me behind toward mom’s room. I follow, not really sure what to say – obviously I want to get out of this house but not sure if I want to go anywhere with those two nuts.
“Hmmm what should you wear?” Mom says as she looks through the clothes in her closet tapping her long red nails against the closet door.
“Ooh what about this Lex? And you can wear those black boots of yours, the ones that go just above your ankles?” She says as she holds up a pair of skinny jeans with a black and gold vest, it’s actually something I would wear.
“Or….” She drags on, pulling out this little leopard print dress. “You could wear this?” she says smirking at me.
“Nope that’s okay this will do, thanks.” I say snatching the jeans and vest scurrying away as her an Amber laugh at my response.
Moments like this remind me of how much I miss my mom, the sober one, not Georgina. I’m actually excited to spend time with her, I haven’t spent time with her for a while but since she seems as if she’s in a good mood tonight, I have a feeling that I could actually be able to enjoy myself and act my age for once.
After getting out the shower and dressing up, I blow-dry my hair and straighten it so it’s sleek, smooth and bearable. I decide on a smoky eye and some pink blush on my cheeks with pink lip gloss. My leather jacket fits well with the outfit I’m wearing and I give myself a last look in the mirror before heading out the door. Walking out the room I see mom and Amber collect their bags and head out telling me how good I look. I blush and mutter a quiet thanks.
They tell me that we’re just going down town to the bar they both work at so that I can meet some of their friends. The bar looks just like any other “pub & grill”, there’s a small stage up front and center with a couple tables and chairs all around the floor, some corner booths and chairs along the sides with some families obviously having their dinner, the walls are covered in photos and old records and even some instruments on display. Pulling me from my thoughts is Amber’s squeaky voice by the bar; mom grabs my arm pulling me in Amber’s direction. I’m introduced to what’s seems to be all the staff at Milo’s Bar. I sit there chatting all while sipping on my soda keeping an eye on mom.
She puts down a tray of shots on the table as I glance around the bar, looking around my eyes land on a table full of kids around my age, there’s five of them. My eyes are immediately on the girl that stands out. She’s wearing heavy eye liner and mascara with dark lipstick on. She also has a couple facial piercings and unlike my small nose stud she has a proper ring. Her arm is around another girl who seems to be Asian, they must be a couple I think to myself as I look at the intimate way they’re looking and talking to each other. The other side of the table is a girl and guy, the girl has blond shoulder length hair and she’s chatting and laughing with the guy next to her who has curly brown hair and a baby face.
Looking at the other side of the table my eyes catch the guy that is sitting with the two couples, he is staring directly at me with a smirk on his face that tells me he’s obviously just caught me scoping out his friends. He nods his head as if to say hi, I do the same and feel my cheeks heating up at the way he’s looking at me, he’s gorgeous and should definitely not be looking at plain old me like that.
He has messy blond hair and his skin is tanned compared to my pale reflection, he has a perfect face with high cheek bones and what looks to be green eyes but I’m not that close so I can’t get a good look.
I stop myself from staring at him, I need to stop drawing any more attention from him, attention I don’t want – even if it did feel good for a moment to have someone look at me the way he did. I remind myself that we’re probably not going to stay in town long; mom says that this time will be different and she’s going to change. Yeah right... not going to get my hopes up. Even though I thought I would try letting those walls down, I’m not going to get attached to anyone, this way is better, this way I can deal.
Luckily mom grabs my attention from the good looking guy by handing me a shot.
“C’mon honey just one shot, then you can go back to your soda and continue ogling that fine piece in the corner.” She says loud enough for our entire table to hear then winks at me.
“Georgina! Shh… oh my gosh!” I say dropping my head down trying to hide my embarrassment. I can feel the blond boy’s eyes on me from across the room and I pray that he didn’t hear what she said.
“Oh C’mon babe, just have a shot with us old ladies!” Amber says pushing the glass my way. “It will be our little secret.”
“Okay … let’s do this, but no more after this one! Someone has to be sober enough to drive your drunken ass’s home.” I down the shot and tap it on the table. “Wow, that’s delish! What was that?” I say look
ing at Amber.
“That my dear was a shot of caramel vodka. I thought you’d enjoy it, I know how much you love caramel.” Mom says as she drunkenly wobbles to my side with her arm over my shoulder. I sit her down on the chair and ask one of the passing waitresses for a glass of water.
“Mom, how much have you had to drink, this is only your second drink why are you falling all over the place?” I say kneeling so I’m eye level with her. Moving a piece of her hair out of her face I look at her eyes and I can see that she’s not drunk, she’s high. The waitress brings her water and I make her drink it.
I notice Blondie across the bar looking my way again, his eyes are strained as he watches the spectacle my mother is causing. His frown apparent, as if trying to figure out what’s going on. This is so embarrassing.
“Oh NOW I’m your mother?” She slurs loudly. “Now you wanna call me mom?” She starts getting louder and people start looking our way. I can’t handle all the strangers’ eyes on me. I need to get out of here.
“I’m not going to get into this argument with you here.” I whisper yell at her and point my finger at her, as a mother would do when disciplining their child.
“I’m going to the bathroom quick, and when I get back I’m taking you home!” I tell her then look at Amber. “I’m going to the bathroom, when I come back we are going home, if you want to get a lift with us back, get yourself ready.” I say, she leans on my mom and they start giggling like naughty children.
I don’t really need the bathroom, but I need to wash my face or something because if I don’t cool down I might end up embarrassing myself by having a huge blow out with my mother in front of all these people.
CHAPTER 4:
Stepping in the back of the bar, I see a corridor where the boy’s bathroom is on the left and the girls on the right. There are a couple of people standing in the way leaning against walls, finding my way to the bathroom, someone catches a hold of my elbow and yanks me backward.
Alexia Eden Page 2