by Brittle, D M
The pressure that both myself and my husband have been put under because of this trial has been immense, we have been tested and pushed to our limits and we too have become prisoners which has been due to the constant hounding and harassment for the continued need for storylines from the media. We have been unable to go anywhere or do anything without having a reporter one step behind us at every opportunity and as much as this trial has made great reading for you all and great storylines, great articles for gossip pages etcetera, for us it has been a living nightmare. At a time that should be the happiest for us, our lives have been tainted because of it. I suppose there is always some truth in the fact that if you live in the public eye, you should be prepared for your life to be made public too but what I want to ask now, to all of you, is that you allow myself and my husband to finally put this horrible mess behind us and continue our lives as we should have been doing. In only a few weeks’ time we shall be welcoming our babies into this world, and we would ask that you respect that through everything that we have been through and everything that we have suffered, you now give us time alone to enjoy the time we have left before we become a family. Thank you.” Jo turned and smiled at me before we began our descent down the steps to where I had parked the car. The press began to shout questions towards us but we continued to walk and didn’t look back once.
“Let’s go and get your mum better,” Jo said as she fastened her seatbelt and turned to me with a smile.
“Every single day you do something that astounds me; you were amazing up there, truly amazing.” I leaned over and kissed Jo briefly before she pulled away with a frustrated look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t tell them that they were tossers,” she said with a hint of amusement.
“I think they probably got that from what you did say,” I smiled back as Jo let out a contented sigh as she stretched her legs in front of her and relaxed into her seat. My wife was getting stronger by the day and by her strength continuing to grow, my fear of losing her or my mother was slowly beginning to disintegrate.
Jo
I finally felt that I was now able to breathe; I finally felt that once more I was safe, I finally felt that my life was now completely free of fear.
I imagined that seeing Sara get sent down for the rest of her life would have felt rewarding but at the same time that I would have also felt some sort of sorrow for her but when she fell to her knees as she sobbed in the courtroom, all I felt was joy, joy because I had finally won.
We had one more battle to contend with this week, that was to stand by and support Blake’s mum as she began her fight against cancer. I still wasn’t convinced that Blake was fully okay, fear doesn’t just evaporate into thin air because you shared your feelings with someone else, but knowing that I could be there for him without him being guarded was going to help. He hadn’t spoken to Julia since our last visit but I had called Julia late last night and explained to her why Blake had been avoiding her calls, she told me that as Blake’s mother, she knew exactly why he hadn’t been in touch, she knew him well enough to know that there would always be an explanation for why Blake would hide away from taking her calls, it was going to be emotional for both of them when we arrived in the Hamptons.
I must have drifted off into a much needed sleep on the journey, I had closed my eyes when we had left New York and after what felt like I had blinked a couple of times, Blake’s soothing voice was calling out to me informing me that we were about to arrive at his parents’ house. I straightened in my seat and rubbed my eyes as the view of Blake’s parents’ house came into sight.
“How’re you feeling?” I asked as we came to a stop outside the house, Blake’s eyes were on the house as he replied.
“I need to be there for my mother and I need to make up for being such a jerk to her since we last visited.”
I reached over and took Blake’s hand in mine, “she understands Blake; she knew why you hadn’t wanted to speak to her, now you need to go in there, give her the biggest hug that you have ever given to her, hold her hand and be there for her. I am right by your side, together remember?”
Blake nodded as he sighed, “I feel like a failure.”
“Hey,” I placed my hand to Blake’s chin and turned him to face me. “You are definitely not a failure, like I told you last night, you are human and you have feelings but because you are Blake Mackenzie you don’t think that you are allowed to show them, you need to show your feelings Blake, always. I love you, your parents love you, everyone loves you.” Blake laughed slightly as he shook his head. “Now let’s go, the door just opened and your mum is waiting for you on the step.” Blake nodded and kissed me before turning off the engine and climbing out of the car. He walked with meaning to where his mum stood and took her in his arms immediately, her arms wrapped around him instantly as they stood together just holding each other tight. Marti stepped past them and walked towards me with a small smile on his face.
“She has needed that hug all week.” He leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek before walking around to the boot and retrieving our bags before returning to where I stood.
“I know, he feels terrible about not speaking to her,” I replied, my eyes never left them. Marti dropped our bags to the floor and leaned against the bonnet as he too watched them.
“I know he does, you know I saw it the night that we told you all about the cancer, I saw that fear in Blake’s eyes then and I knew that he was in denial over it. Thank God, he has finally told you. I think sometimes he thinks that he isn’t allowed to show his feelings because it makes him as normal as the rest of us; Blake likes to be the one made of steel,” he chuckled. “He has a reputation to uphold but seriously, he thinks he’s superman sometimes.”
“That was what I told him, but I referred to him as a robot,” I smiled. “He’s so vulnerable and I never even knew.” We continued to stand and watch them for a few moments while they continued to hug and make up for lost time.
“Come on,” Marti stood and picked up our bags. “I want to hear all about that speech I heard you did at the court room, Jasmine said she saw it on the news and that you were amazing.” I laughed as I followed Marti up to the house.
“I don’t know about amazing, but I’m just glad now that it’s all over and we can finally get on with the rest of our lives,” I paused for a moment, “sorry, I didn’t mean…”
Marti turned to face me with a frown on his face, “hey, don’t you apologize, that woman made your life hell, and too damn right you can now start living your lives again, good riddance to her that’s what I say, this time next week the court case will have been forgotten and Julia will be on the road to recovery, you’ll see.”
“I hope so,” I replied quietly as we stepped past Blake and his mum who were still holding onto each other and into the house.
The atmosphere was lighter this time as we all sat down to a late lunch, but Julia’s impending surgery was weighing visibly on everyone’s mind. Fraser as usual kept the mood light with his constant questions and curiosities which had everyone laughing for the majority of the lunch.
“Come on sweetie just one more forkful of potato for mommy, you know that eating your food will make you big and strong like Daddy and Uncle Blake.”
“Hey what about Grandpa?” Marti joked.
“Grandpa has a big tummy because he eats too many cookies,” Jasmine replied with a smirk.
“Aunty JoJo has a big tummy too Mommy, will I get a tummy like Aunty JoJo if I eat all of my food?” Everyone began to laugh except for Jasmine who gasped with horror.
“Fraser,” she scolded. “Aunty JoJo has two babies in there; her tummy is not big because she ate too much food.” She turned to face me apologetically, “I am so sorry Jo.” I chuckled as I rubbed my ever-expanding tummy.
“Don’t be silly, I do have a big tummy but I am kind of hoping it stops growing now before I pop.” I widened my eyes in mock horror at Fraser who was looking at me
with fascination.
“There are two babies in Aunty JoJo’s tummy?”
“Uh oh, can of worms officially opened,” Robert said as he stood and began clearing the table. “Good luck with that one.” He placed a kiss to Jasmine’s head and scurried off quickly to the sink where he began rinsing the plates before placing them into the dishwasher.
“Why are the babies inside her tummy Mommy?”
“I think Robert needs some help,” Blake stood promptly and followed Robert into the kitchen.
“You said that fairies make babies and give them to people when they ask for one.”
“They do sweetheart,” Jasmine said nervously. “Now eat your potato, there’s a good boy.”
“How did the babies get into Aunty JoJo’s tummy? Did she swallow a fairy?” For the first time since knowing about her illness, Julia laughed full blown belly hurting laughter at Fraser.
“For God’s sake,” Jasmine muttered under her breath. “You know what Fraser? There are things that you don’t need to know right now, you are too young to understand and besides, it is down to your daddy to tell you all about these things when you are a big boy. I think you have eaten plenty of food now so why don’t you be a good little boy and go and play with your toys for a while before bath time.” Fraser nodded happily and hopped down from his seat and rushed through the hallway and into the lounge, Jasmine breathed a huge sigh of relief as she dropped the fork onto the plate and sat back in her seat.
“How is there ever a right time to explain about the birds and bee’s to your own children?”
“We all have to do it sweetheart, just as dad and I had to with Blake and you,” Julia smiled.
“I need more wine.” Jasmine stood as she shook her head to rid herself of the past five minutes and headed into the kitchen.
“So Jo, it won’t be long now until those beautiful babies are with us.” Julia had now turned her attention to me as she tried to keep her mind occupied.
“Well as its twins Dr. Greene - Sam I mean, she thinks anytime really from next week is possible, they’re settling down now ready so I suppose it’s just a matter of time,” I said happily.
“And have you named your little princess yet?”
“No,” I frowned. “Still no name for her, I suppose we will know when we see her, as of yet nothing has felt right you know?”
“Yes, I know that feeling, Blake never had a name until we saw him, and you will know when you see her dear,” she smiled back with a hint of sadness.
I reached across the table and took Julia’s hand in mine. “Tomorrow is going to be over before you know it and you are going to come out of that hospital as good as new.”
“That is certainly the plan darling,” she replied taking a deep breath in. “Those babies are going to need two grandmas, I’m not going anywhere and that’s a promise.”
*~*~*
There was an eerie silence that filled the waiting room at the hospital.
The clock ticking by each second became louder and louder until eventually someone would clear their throat or stand from their seat and pace the room a couple of times before retaking their seat; the silence would then thicken again.
Julia had been in surgery for over five hours and no one had spoken, no one had left the room and no one had dared to ask any passing doctor or nurse how she was doing; fear had consumed us all and until we had news of how the surgery had gone, no one was going to admit just how deep that fear lay.
I felt like I had travelled back to eight months ago when I was sat at my dad’s bedside whilst willing him to stay alive, willing him to wake up, dreading that he wasn’t going to make it. Julia was my family too now and the thought of losing her was unbearable. My eyes wandered from face to face, taking in everyone’s expressions, knowing exactly what they were all thinking but until the doctor came into the room and gave us any piece of news, we all waited and dreaded the worst.
“Jo, you need food, you haven’t eaten since this morning and that isn’t good for the babies, what can I get you? I’m gonna get food, anyone else?” Blake was the first to break the silence as he lifted from his seat suddenly and headed towards the door.
“Blake, I’m not hungry,” I replied honestly. “We will all grab something later when we know that your mum is okay, sit down, please.” My eyes pleaded with him as the tension in the room grew. Blake took a deep breath in and walked back to his chair, stopping as he reached my seat, “Sorry, I just….” I reached up and placed my hand to Blake’s face, smiling up at him.
“She is going to get through this Blake.”
“What if she doesn’t?” he whispered so quietly it was almost silent. I opened my mouth to reply just as the door flung open and the doctor stepped into the room.
“Mr. Mackenzie?” Marti turned suddenly from where he was stood as he watched the outside world through the window.
“That would be me yes,” he said hoarsely.
The doctor smiled reassuringly, “Julia is back from surgery. She is in recovery at the moment and is doing well Mr. Mackenzie.”
“Thank God,” Marti muttered before placing his hand to his mouth to cover his obvious emotion.
Blake and Jasmine both exhaled as though they had been holding their breath for the past five hours.
“Can we see her?” Blake asked.
“Soon,” the doctor smiled. “She is a little groggy from the anesthetic but once she is fully back with us you are all welcome to spend some time with her.”
“Thank you,” Marti nodded with a relieved smile. “Thank you so much.”
“The cancer,” Jasmine said carefully. “Did you get it all?”
“Yes, Julia caught this early, early enough in fact that the cancer hasn’t spread, she will need some radiotherapy but that is more of a precaution than a treatment. Your mother will recover fully from this; I can give you that guarantee right now.” The whole room visibly relaxed before the doctor thanked us all for our patience and turned to leave the room.
“She is going to be okay, did you hear that kids? Your mother is going to be okay.” Everyone gathered together and held on to each other with relief, the tension evaporated almost immediately as the news finally sank in and everyone was finally able to breathe again.
We were allowed in to the room to see Julia shortly after, she was tired which was to be expected but she looked like the weight of the world had finally been lifted off her shoulders as she sat up in bed drinking tea and picking at a sandwich that Marti had forced upon her.
“I can’t believe you have all sat in that room the entire time while I was in theatre, you will all be suffering bad backs come the morning, especially Jo,” she said.
“Always thinking of everyone else, that’s our mom.” Blake smiled as he sat perched next to Julia with his arm across her shoulder protectively.
“It’s actually quite comfortable in there,” I replied. “You get real sofas here, not like the uncomfortable plastic chairs we get in England; now they do break your back, pregnant or not,” I smiled.
“Well it’s a good thing that you are having those babies here then,” Julia added happily. “Because we are all going to be there waiting, no matter how long it takes for Johnny and little princess to arrive.”
“Princess?” Jasmine asked suddenly.
“Still no name I’m afraid.” I frowned, “we may actually end up calling her princess at this rate.”
“You could always name her after her grandpa Marti, call her Martine? Martine Mackenzie has a nice ring to it don’t ya think?” Marti teased.
“I think no,” Blake said bluntly with a smirk. “We will find a name don’t you worry, it will be something special, I know it will. Anyway, now we’re all here and mom is going to be okay, I have an announcement to make.”
“You do?” Julia asked looking up at Blake expectantly.
“Yes Blake, you do?” I asked confused.
“Yeah,” he smiled. “I was thinking about it while we were in the wa
iting room, I want to throw a party at our place in the next couple of weeks, hopefully before the babies arrive.”
“A party for what?” Julia asked.
“Well you for a start,” he placed his lips to Julia’s head and gave her a quick kiss. “I want to celebrate the fact that you are going to be okay.”
“We don’t need a party for that darling, it’s too much pressure too when the babies could arrive at any given second.”
“I want to do this, please. Jo what do you think?”
“Sure,” I nodded happily. “It will give me a reason to abuse the three ovens before we move over to London,” I teased.
“Really Blake, it isn’t necessary,” Julia added.
“I want to, who knows when we will all be together to do it again? Jo’s mom is coming over soon too so it’s perfect, we can ask Casey and Alex, Sam, maybe Marcus and a couple of other close friends? We can make it a celebration for you, the babies….. Jo’s court win yesterday and maybe as a farewell.” His voice quietened towards the end as he mentioned our leaving New York for our new life in London.
“Maybe a baby shower too, for Jo?” Jasmine added.
“Yes,” Blake said excitedly. “One last big family get together with a bunch of reasons to celebrate all thrown in together before Jo and I move to London, what do you all say?”
“I’m in, I love a good party,” Marti announced first.
“Me too,” Jasmine nodded. “And I shall take full control of the baby shower, eekk I am so excited!” she squealed.
“Yep count me in,” Robert said simply. “But Jasmine? Don’t go getting broody, not for a couple of months yet anyway,” he winked playfully.
“Mom?” Blake asked as he turned his attention back to Julia.
“I am looking forward to it already,” she replied with a tired smile. “Now all of you go and get off home, you all need to eat and rest; I’ll see you all in the morning.”