by Beth Rinyu
CHAPTER 16
THE NEXT FEW days flew by. Kate decided she wanted to keep her birthday low-key, celebrating at home with only Thomas, Theo, Anna, and me. She was going for her treatments each morning and she’d come home weaker and weaker with each one. I looked after Thomas while she was gone, freeing up Anna to drive Kate on the days Theo had to be in the office.
The beautiful sunny afternoon was being overtaken by the looming dark clouds overhead as Thomas and I played with his toy trucks in the backyard. I was amazed at how much fun playing in the dirt could actually be. I gasped and placed my hand over my heart when I looked up to find Theo standing over top of us.
“I didn’t even hear you approaching.”
His shoulders were slouched, his eyes red, and his face long and drawn. I knew in an instant that something was wrong. Anna came out and collected Thomas to get cleaned up for dinner while I remained sitting on the ground staring up at Theo.
“Everything okay?” I asked, even though I clearly knew it wasn’t.
He shook his head and kept his hands in his pockets, jingling around some loose change. I stood up and brushed the dirt off the back of my pants, before we wandered over to the garden area, taking a seat on the wrought iron bench. He was silent for a moment, and when he spoke, his voice was in a defeated whisper. “Kate’s decided she’s stopping treatments.”
These treatments were the last thread of hope that Theo was holding on to for his sister. But as an outsider looking in, I could see that they were only making her sicker, basically doing her more harm than good at this point. I think Kate had finally accepted her fate and wanted to live what time she had left without being used as a pin cushion for the poison they were injecting into her body. I admired her bravery in reaching that decision, but at the same time, my heart broke for Theo because of it. I wasn’t sure of what to say to alleviate the pain he was feeling. I remembered after Evan had died, people would try their best to offer me comfort with clichéd words that were normally spoken after someone lost a loved one. None of them helped, and I was certain there were no words that would help get Theo through how he was feeling either. When the first tears spilled from his eyes simultaneously with the raindrops from the clouds overhead, I knew no words were needed. Instead, I wrapped my arm around him, lending my shoulder for him to cry upon, hoping in some small way that I was able to take away some of the pain he was feeling.
_______________
Kate came down for dinner, basically moving the food around on her plate instead of putting any into her mouth. Theo didn’t eat with us. He said he had to run home to do some things, but he’d be back later. Part of me wondered if it was because it hurt him too much to look at Kate, knowing now that it truly was just a matter of time. Anna had taken Thomas upstairs to give him a bath, leaving Kate and me alone at the table together.
“Did Theo tell you?” she asked, as I started to stand up to clear the dishes. The pain in her eyes mirrored that of her brother’s just a few hours ago.
“He did,” I replied, sitting back down, giving her my full attention.
“I’m not a quitter, I just know when to stop.” She looked up at the ceiling, as if she was trying to keep her emotions in check before finally settling her eyes back on me. “You know, it’s like when you watch a good movie, and then they ruin it by making a sequel, trying to make the magic last longer, when the original is just perfect on its own. I’ve had a good life. I wish it could’ve been longer, but I don’t want to end it being pumped with chemo, just to have a little extra time. In the end it will only yield the same outcome, leaving me a lot worse for the wear. I love my son and I love my brother, and I don’t want to leave them. I just wish I didn’t have to decide between sparing their feelings or my own, but I’ve come to terms that I don’t have a choice in the matter.”
I hated that she felt like she needed to justify her choice to anyone, especially me.
“So, you’re at peace with your decision?”
“I am.” She nodded, picking up the napkin on the table and dabbing her eyes.
“Then that’s all that matters. You’re choosing quality over quantity, and I admire your bravery in doing that so much.”
She let out an excruciating sob. I rushed out of my chair and knelt beside her.
“I feel like I’m letting Theo and Thomas down.” She cried.
I rested my one hand on her thigh while rubbing her back with my other hand, trying my hardest to console her. “You are doing what you feel is best within your heart, and no one can fault you for that.”
“You’re an angel, Jillian. You truly are.” She reached over and embraced me tightly, and I allowed myself to be her harbor in the darkness just like I had been for Theo earlier.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine all the thoughts running rampant through her mind. Fear of not knowing what awaited her. Sadness over forcibly leaving the ones she loved behind, and anger for being dealt the hand she was given. But through it all she was handling it with grace and courage. A courage that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to muster if I were in her situation. And in that moment, I admired her even more than I already had.
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Theo came back much later than expected. Kate had already gone to bed, and I was sitting in the kitchen having a cup of tea with Anna, who had stayed a little later than usual. She too was distraught over the news Kate had laid on everyone.
“Where’s Thomas?” Theo asked, stepping into the kitchen, his face still riddled with despair. He had changed out of his work clothes from earlier into jeans and a black polo shirt.
“He’s in bed already, believe it or not. Jillian wears him out,” Anna replied. I noticed Theo didn’t ask where Kate was. Was it because he was still upset over the choice she had made? “Jillian, I’m so sorry. I feel like I led you here under false pretenses. Instead of being on holiday, you’ve been playing nanny to my nephew. That wasn’t my intention at all. I didn’t know—”
I held up my hand to stop him from talking. “It’s perfectly fine. I love spending time with Thomas, and despite the circumstances, I’m enjoying my time with you and Kate too.”
The corners of his mouth curved up into a tired but grateful smile.
“Well, why don’t you take Jillian down to the pub tonight and unwind a little. I don’t mind staying a little later to keep an eye on Thomas if he should wake up. I can get a good catch-up on my shows,” Anna suggested.
I glanced at Theo, leaving it up to him. I was game either way. “Jillian, did you feel like going?” he asked.
“Sure, if you’re up to it?” I didn’t want him to feel as if he had to go to keep me entertained.
“Yeah, I can actually use a drink or two...or ten.”
“Okay, let me just run upstairs and make myself a little more presentable.”
“I think you look quite lovely just the way you are,” he said with total sincerity as I brushed past him.
My eyes locked with his, and I felt my face heating, certain my cheeks were a tinge of red. “Well, thanks for that. I promise I’ll only be a minute.”
Anna was grinning from ear to ear when I looked her way. As I headed up the steps, I was unable to get the way Theo had just looked at me out of my head or my heart.
CHAPTER 17
THEO AND I walked down the cobblestone street to the pub that wasn’t too far from Kate’s house. Before we left, he had asked me if I was okay with him inviting two of his friends to meet us there, and I happily agreed. Along the way, we ducked into a little antique shop that was getting ready to close for the night. The owner was more than happy to allow us to wander around while he straightened up.
“They have some great old pieces of furniture in here. Wish I could get them home on the plane with me.”
“What would you do with them?” Theo asked.
“Paint them. A friend of mine has a booth at a flea market not far from me. I’ve redone several pieces of furniture, and she allows me to sell them there.”<
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“Do you make a lot of money doing it?”
“Not really.” I ran my hand along the smooth wood of the old oak dresser. “By the time I buy the supplies, and the time it takes to do, I’m pretty much breaking even. But it’s therapeutic to me, and I love turning old things that were once loved into something new to be cherished again.”
He smiled. “I really love your outlook on things. You know that?”
I shrugged and we continued browsing, stopping at the display of pocket watches behind a glass case. “My grandfather used to have an old pocket watch like these. It was in our family for years until he lost it, so it never got to me. I always had a thing for them.”
“Well, these are really nice. Why don’t you buy one and start a new tradition of handing it down?”
“It wouldn’t have the same sentiment. My great-grandmother had gotten it for my great-grandfather before he went off to fight in the First World War. It meant something. What would I do? Give this to Thomas and say, ‘here you go, I bought this at an antique store because I thought it was cool’?”
I understood completely where he was coming from. Some of the most expensive things didn’t hold any value unless there was a special meaning behind them.
We came out of the shop both empty-handed and continued with our walk. Theo was silent for a good part of the time before blurting out of nowhere, “Are your mother and father still alive?”
I thought that was an odd question to come out of the blue with, but I replied as if it was a perfectly normal one. “They are, but I’m not particularly close with my mother. My dad took off when I was six and didn’t show back up in my life again until a few years ago. So, needless to say, I don’t have much time for him. Why do you ask?”
He shrugged. “I just realized after all these months of talking to you, there’s a lot I still don’t know about you.” He was right. That was a topic we had never covered. I had told Kate all about my family when we were on vacation, but never Theo. “Brothers or sisters?”
“Two brothers. My mother got remarried when I was eight and popped them out one right after the other. I always felt like the odd man out with their new little family, so I spent a lot of time with my grandmother. I think my mother preferred it that way. I was a reminder of the man who walked out on her and her old life. My grandmother said you only get one true love, and my father was my mom’s. She claimed my stepfather was just someone to fill the void in my mother’s life.”
“Do you believe that?” Theo asked, stopping when we reached the old brick front building that housed the pub.
“That my stepfather was filling a void?”
“No. That you only get one true love in life?”
“I’m—I’m not really sure.” I forced a smile.
He shrugged. “Just wondering.”
“Well, what about you?” I countered just as he placed his hand on the door of the pub, readying to open it. “Do you believe that we only get one true love?”
He stilled, appearing to be seriously pondering my question. “I don’t really know because I don’t know what it’s like to be in love.” His tone was apologetic as if he was admitting that for the very first time.
“But you were married. At some point you must’ve been in love with her.”
He shook his head. “Looking back now, I think it was more that I was in lust with her. That wears off quickly, and when there’s no love to back it up, there’s not much left.”
I raised an eyebrow, and he opened the door, allowing me to enter before him. I stepped inside, feeling immediately welcomed. The quaint interior had the same old-world charm as the exterior. Low ceilings held up by wooden beams, with a stone fireplace along the back wall. An array of different types of beer bottles filled the shelves behind the small mahogany bar, which was lined by a few wooden barstools. Small round tables mixed with booths filled the main sitting area. It was so much cozier and relaxed than the bars at home. Like a true place you come to unwind instead of a local pickup joint. A curly-haired brunette, sitting across from a dark-haired man at one of the booths waved at Theo, signaling for his attention.
“Oh, there’s Jo,” Theo said, leading me over to where they were sitting. The man got out of the booth as soon as we approached, shaking my hand as Theo introduced him as David before sliding in next to the woman, who Theo introduced as Jo. I sat down first, and Theo took a seat next to me.
“So, Jillian, anything you’d like to know about this bloke here, Jo and I could tell you. We’ve known him since primary school.”
“Wow!” My eyes widened. “So all of you go way back!” Theo had told me before we left that Jo and David were married. I couldn’t imagine knowing your significant other for basically your entire life. There was something so special about that. “So, did you guys date back in school?” I asked.
Jo let out a loud laugh. “I hated him! He used to be so mean. He’d pull my hair all the time.”
“Ah, come on, love, you know that’s because I really liked you.” David laughed. There was something about the two of them I instantly liked. Just like this place, I was basked in comfort by their mere presence. Theo went up to the bar to get some drinks. I usually wasn’t a beer drinker, but I did like the beer in Germany and I was in an English pub, so I figured why not? Theo promised he would pick one that wasn’t too heavy and to my liking.
“I just think it’s so cool how you, Thee, and Kate met on vacation and all stayed in touch.” I had learned within the first ten seconds of meeting them that they referred to Theo as Thee.
“Yeah, it is really neat. I always have the best intentions of keeping in touch with people I really click with, and it never seems to work out. I’m so glad it has with them. They’re great friends.”
Jo’s warm brown eyes lit up in a smile. “Thee is really great, and so is Kate. It’s such a shame.” She looked down at the table for a moment before lifting her head, focusing on me once again. “So, you’re from New York?”
“Yeah...” I answered hesitantly. “But not the city. I’m about a forty-five-minute bus ride away.” I always felt the need to clarify that ever since meeting DeAndre.
“Still that’s got to be exciting being so close to all of the excitement,” Jo continued just as Theo came walking over maneuvering an armful of beers like one of the waitresses back at the beer hall in Germany.
“Are you impressed?” He grinned at me as he placed my beer in front of me.
“I truly am.” I smiled back.
He gave David and Jo their beers before sitting down beside me and swallowing a big gulp from his own glass.
We were quite a few beers in and having a great time. Theo and David had done some shots of vodka in between and were getting louder and sillier, reminiscing back to when they were younger. “Oh bugger!” Jo exclaimed in a loud whisper as she looked over Theo’s shoulder.
Theo turned around to see what had her attention and jerked his head quickly back in Jo’s direction. “What’s she doing here?” The frustration in his voice was evident.
“I don’t know!” Jo threw her hands up in the air. “She had called me with something work related right after you texted us to meet you here. I told her it would have to wait until after because David and I were heading out to the pub.”
David rolled his eyes. “And let me guess, you told her which pub?”
Jo meekly nodded.
“And I suppose you told her Thee would be here?” Jo’s silence answered her husband’s question. “Honestly, Jo, sometimes you can be so daft!”
I knew just by their conversation and without even looking that it was Phoebe who just walked in.
“Oh, there’s everyone,” Phoebe called as she approached our table. Her smile quickly faded when she came closer and saw me sitting next to Theo. I had gone from being totally at ease to feeling like the odd man out. She threw a disparaging glance Theo’s way and then forced a fake smile at me. “Jennifer, it’s nice to see you again.”
“Ji
llian,” Theo corrected. His frustration was evident. “Her name is Jillian.”
“Oh, sorry. Names that start with the letter J all sound the same to me.” She pulled a chair from one of the other tables and placed it at the end of ours, then brushed her hand across Theo’s cheek, and asked, “How’s your sister doing?”
Theo shook his head, and I could tell all the sadness he had temporarily tucked away in the past few hours was resurfacing once again. While I sat there nursing my beer, wishing I could escape, I learned that Jo and Phoebe were coworkers. I got the impression David didn’t care for Phoebe too much because he hadn’t spoken much at all since she had sat down. Neither did Theo for that matter. Not that they could’ve even if they’d wanted to. Phoebe hadn’t stopped chattering, taking a few breaths to tap at something on her phone every now and then.
“Roger!” Phoebe stood up and planted a kiss on the cheek of a tall man who stopped at our table with a drink in hand. He was completely bald, appeared to be around my age, and was rather attractive. I sensed a certain arrogance about him right away just by his smug smile.
“And the night just keeps getting better,” Jo whispered, then sighed loudly.
“Jillian, I invited our coworker Roger, so you didn’t feel left out, being that we’re all couples here, and you’re not.” Phoebe placed her hand on top of Theo’s, and he snatched it away.
“Jillian, that’s a beautiful name for a beautiful lady.” He had just gotten here, but his posh British accent seemed to be slurred a little by the effects of alcohol. “I was at a stag party for one of my best mates when Phoebe texted me telling about this cute little blonde in need of my services. So here I am, happy to serve any of your needs.”
“Oh, God!” Jo exclaimed in disgust.
Theo closed his eyes, let out a deep breath, then slammed his beer glass down on the table. “Phoebe, can I see you outside, please?”