My blood had been slowly boiling, building up from a steady simmer, but it was now tipping over, and I’d lost any desire to control it. My hand came up, ready to slap Dane across the face but his fingers wrapped around my wrist before I could, like he was anticipating it.
“Not so fast,” he growled. His grip tightened until it was painful, and he pulled me until we were standing in front of the television. He turned it on, and the news channel was still showing pictures of our families, his sister, and my brother.
I turned my head away, but he grabbed my chin and I had no choice but to see the barrage of images.
“Look!” He shouted. “I want you to see what a monster your brother was! I want you to see how he ruined my family!”
He was hurting me in every way he could, and I lost the struggle to keep from breaking. A sob escaped my mouth, and I fell to my knees.
“You don’t get to cry!” shouted Dane. “It should have been you in that car, not Jewel! Your brother should have taken your life with his, and not hers!”
I started crying harder, and when I looked up at him, his eyes were red, with tears streaming down his face. This was ultimately the one thing that would have torn us apart eventually, but I never expected him to use it against me this way. I finally understood why he’d hated me so much after Jewel’s death. Charlie wasn’t here to take the blame, so Dane took all of his misplaced hatred out on me.
Jade came barreling out of her room, rushing towards us when she saw that Dane had my arm suspended in the air while I knelt on the floor.
“Let go of her!” She yelled, trying to push him away, but he refused to let go, even when I winced in pain.
“NO! She deserves to feel this!” He crouched down in front of me. “I wish it was you! You should be dead, not Jewel!”
“You’re right!” I bawled. “It should have been me, and God, I wish it was because then I wouldn’t be so fucking alone! Charlie was the only real family I had, and he’s gone, and at least if I had died with him I wouldn’t have to face this, or you! I’ve carried this with me since that night Dane, and I would give anything to trade places with Jewel, but you forget that I lost her too!” I swallowed hard, trying to gain some semblance of control before carrying on. “She was my best friend, and no matter what anyone says, Charlie loved her, so fucking much.”
“They should have never been together!” He bellowed. “She’d still be here if it weren’t for him!”
My eyes blurred, and I almost choked on my sobs, but I surged forward. “They were leaving that night. Jewel was pregnant and they wanted to be together, but they knew our parents would have never allowed it. So they left-”
“And Jewel is never coming back because of Charlie! He deserves to be six feet fucking under!”
I wailed as Dane flung my arm to the floor, and I fell into heap on the cold floor. I lifted my head in time to see Jade slap Dane across the face.
“You are the only monster here, Dane! You are so selfish that you fail to see how Kennedy has lost just as much as you have. She lost two people that night, and you’re here telling her you wish she were dead? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Dane’s chest heaved, and something in his gaze registered. His face paled, and he took a step towards me. Jade pushed him back. “Go anywhere near her, and I’ll personally kick your ass. You’ve done enough, now get out!”
He hesitated briefly, his eyes filled with so much anguish, hatred, and pain. With one final glance in my direction, he spun around, and stormed out. I inhaled a ragged breath, but it hurt. It hurt to breath after his cruel words.
It should have been you in that car, not Jewel! Your brother should have taken your life with his, and not hers!
“Jesus,” Jade dropped to the floor next to me, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
She had no idea just how much.
He’d completely obliterated me.
One.
Fractured.
Piece.
At.
A.
Time.
I lifted myself up on shaky arms, and Jade helped me from the floor. I saw that she was crying too, but I couldn’t comfort her.
“You’re not alone,” she said with a sniffle. “I love you. I’m your family, Kennedy. I always will be.”
I wanted to say I know and I love you too but the words were stuck somewhere, and I nodded briefly instead.
She helped me to my room, and eased me onto my bed. I looked around, suddenly feeling out of place, like I didn’t belong here, while Dane’s words replayed over and over and over again in my head.
I wish it were you! You should be dead, not Jewel!
Your brother should have taken your life with his, and not hers!
And Jewel is never coming back because of Charlie! He deserves to be six feet fucking under!
It should have been you in that car, not Jewel!
What I needed to do next became clear, but I had to wait.
As soon as it was nightfall and Jade was asleep, I’d leave. I needed to get out of here, but I didn’t want her to convince me otherwise.
I MOVED AROUND my room quietly, shoving some clothes, and essentials into a small overnight bag. I slipped one of my brothers’ old hoodies over my head, and tugged my bag over my shoulder. I tiptoed my way through the apartment, cringing when my sneakers made a squeaky sound. It was still pouring outside, the relentless downpour and stormy clouds casting a heavy darkness on everything in sight.
I crept out the front door, and ran through the rain until I was in the safety of my Jeep. I had a long drive ahead of me, but I would use the time to think, and clear my head before I showed up at my grandparents place in Madison. I turned the key in the ignition, and took off into the storm.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Dane
I WAS FURIOUS.
I was irrational.
I was out of control.
And I was in pain.
So much so that it felt like I’d lost my twin all over again. Everything I’d felt the moment I’d found out she was dead, came rushing back with vengeance, only this time the pain was more acute, more alive. I’d woken up with this nagging feeling in my chest, something didn’t feel right. Then I turned on the news, and figured out why I was feeling that way. My mother had warned me about this happening, but I hadn’t expected it to be like how they showed on the television.
I walked into my bedroom, and started punching the wall. Thankfully Reid wasn’t there because he would have tried to stop me and I didn’t want him to.
My fist hit the wall over and over and over again. I didn’t stop, not even when I heard the distinct sound of bone cracking, not when my hand was dripping with blood. I wanted the ache in my chest to go away, and I wanted my sister to be here. I finally dropped to the floor on my knees, and for the first time since Jewel’s death, I cried, and let it all out.
HUSHED CONVERSATION From the other side of my bedroom door roused me from my spot on the floor. I rolled over, and winced, cradling my injured hand to my chest. I lifted it up, noting the dried blood, and the swell of my knuckles.
Using my arm, I lifted myself to my knees, and then stood up on unsteady legs. It was already dark outside, and I checked my phone to see what time it was.
Two a.m.
Shit. Was I out that long?
The murmurs grew louder, and then softer, and I could faintly make out Reid’s voice. I opened my door, squinting into the light, and found him standing in the living room talking animatedly to Jade while trying to keep quiet.
“Hey.” My voice croaked, and my throat was scratchy.
Their heads whipped in my direction, and Jade pinned me with a ferocious sneer. She had every right to be mad. I’d said some vile things – unforgivable things – to Kennedy. Things I said in the heat of moment without meaning to, things that I couldn’t take back.
“Everything okay?” I asked, stepping away from the threshold of my bedroom.
Jade looked at Re
id, and whispered, “You know what, never mind. I’ll do this on my own.”
“Don’t be like that,” he replied. “I’ll help you.”
“Help her with what?”
Jade’s jaw ticked, and her body was taut with tension. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”
“We have to tell him,” sighed Reid.
Jade gritted her teeth. “No. He doesn’t need to know, Reid.”
“I disagree.” They had a stare-off, and Jade relented by throwing her hands in the air with an exasperated huff. “Fine. But don’t expect him to care, or help.”
I didn’t like her tone, but I couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. Still, I wanted to know what was going on. There had to be a reason she was here at this time of the morning.
“Kennedy’s missing,” said Reid.
I straightened. “What do you mean?”
“She wasn’t in her room, and her Jeep is gone,” replied Jade. “I tried calling her but it goes straight to voicemail.”
The storm outside was still raging, and there had been several warnings on the news about roads being unsafe to travel on. My skin prickled, and my gut churned at the thought of something happening to Kennedy after our fight.
“Do you know where she might’ve gone?” I asked.
“There’s only one place I can think of, but I’m not sure she would have gone that far.” Jade’s voice was softer, fearful, and I could tell she was worried.
“Where?”
“Back to Madison, to see her grandparents.”
“Madison, Georgia?” Asked Reid. He looked at Jade with a dubious expression, and I muttered, “Shit.”
My body moved without thinking, and I dressed into clean, dry clothes before making a grab for my keys.
“Where are you going?” Asked Reid.
“I’m going to find her,” I replied, opening the front door.
“You can’t go alone,” he said, following behind me. I stepped outside of the building, and into the pouring rain.
“Dane, you’re not thinking this through. You can’t drive on these roads, we need to wait for the weather to ease up.”
“Not a chance, Reid.” I climbed into my truck. “I’m going to find her.”
He looked up at the sky, swearing under his breath, and then dropped his gaze back to me. “Okay, but I’m coming with you.”
I waited for him to climb into the passenger seat, and then drove out of the lot. I took the only route Kennedy would have taken, and started praying that she was okay.
We’d been driving for almost an hour, and Kennedy’s phone was still going to voicemail. The rain hadn’t eased up at all, and I hated having to drive slower because of all the water. I saw hazard lights flashing ahead as we approached a bridge, and panic started to set in. It wasn’t a Jeep, and if it hadn’t been for the person jumping around with flailing arms trying to get us to stop, I probably would have driven past.
“Help!” An older man yelled. “Please! Help!”
Reid and I jumped out, and as soon as the man saw us, he pointed to the water. “There’s a car down there, and I haven’t seen anyone come out. I’ve called an ambulance, but that was three hours ago. I think they’ve been held up by the storm!”
Three hours???
I leaned over the edge, and my heart fell when I recognized the car that was half-submerged in the water below the bridge.
Kennedy’s Jeep.
I sprang into action, and the moments that followed all blurred together.
Diving into the water.
Finding her unconscious.
Submerged in the water from her chest downwards.
The panic clawing at my throat.
Pulling her out of the car.
Wading through the current to get her to the riverbank.
Kissing her expressionless face, her cold lips.
Telling her it was going to be okay.
Telling her how sorry I was for the things I’d said.
Telling her I loved her.
The EMT’s taking her away.
Reid driving us to the hospital.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting…
Until finally.
She was okay. She was alive. She was breathing.
I sat down next to her hospital bed, exhausted but too afraid to leave her side, and held her hand. My mind was replaying everything over the last few hours, and the guilt consumed me. This was my fault. I’d wished her dead when the thought of really losing her terrified me.
What have I done?
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered against her slightly warmer hand. “I can’t unsay the things I said, but please, don’t leave me.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Kennedy
I STOOD ON the dock overlooking the lake and its still waters. I was calm, surrounded by a sense of peace, and absolute quiet. Charlie used to bring me here when I was younger, and because it was our spot, it was one of my favorite places. Laughter broke out behind me, and I turned around to find him and Jewel walking casually in my direction, hand-in-hand.
Was I dreaming?
I had to have been if they were here.
Charlie looked up and smiled. He was happy.
I jolted forward, and raced towards them, hurtling myself into his arms.
“Hey, Kenny.”
His voice, so warm and caring, greeted my ears, and my eyes welled up after not hearing it for so long. God, I missed him. So much.
“I’ve missed you,” I murmured into his neck.
He kissed my temple, and replied, “I’ve missed you too.”
He placed me back on my feet, and I turned towards Jewel. Her smile was wide, and I couldn’t stop myself from throwing my arms around her too. She laughed, and hugged me back, making it feel like two years ago wasn’t the last time I’d seen her.
I pulled back and stared into her blue eyes that looked so much like Dane’s. Her golden blonde hair hung over her shoulders, her skin, still sun-kissed from hours spent next to their pool.
My best friend and my brother were standing in front of me, and I could actually touch them, as if they were alive. The reminder that they weren’t was enough to make my lungs, and my chest, burn with longing.
“Where am I?” I asked, looking between them. “How are you here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” laughed Charlie. “This is Heaven.”
Heaven?
Did that mean I was…
“You’re not dead,” said Jewel.
“Then why am I here?”
Charlie smiled down at Jewel, and they each took my hands as we walked down to the edge of the dock.
“I don’t understand what’s happening,” I said, taking a seat between the two people I loved more than anything.
Jewel patted my leg. “That’s okay, you won’t be here long.”
“You were in accident,” said Charlie. “That’s how you’re here. But someone saved your life.”
“I don’t remember anything.”
“We know,” said Jewel. “That’s why we’re here.”
The scene in front of me changed, and we were suddenly standing in an emergency room at the hospital. I recognized the girl on the bed, and let out a gasp when I saw it was me. My clothes were wet, my hair stuck to my face, my lips blue.
“You were in accident,” said Charlie again. “You got stranded on the side of a bridge in a rainstorm, and someone collided with you from behind. Your Jeep hit the barrier, and landed in the water, where you stayed unconscious for three hours before you were rescued.”
I looked around the room, at the nurses buzzing around me.
“Technically you died,” said Jewel. “But somehow you hung on long enough. It’s like you knew he was coming to get you.”
“He?” I asked, looking between them.
Jewel grinned. “Dane.”
“Dane saved me?”
She nodded, and when I looked forward again, we were st
anding in the waiting room. Reid and Dane were there, and Dane had his head in his hands. He was saying something, but I couldn’t quite make out what.
“He loves you, you know,” remarked Charlie. “It’s just taken a bit of time for him to realize it.”
Jewel huffed beside me. “He’s always been stubborn. He needed a kick in the butt.”
Dane’s face was twisted in anguish, and I thought I’d heard him crying.
“We had a fight,” I said quietly. “He said he wished it was me who had died instead of you, Jewel.”
“Oh I know what the dummy said, and there’s no excuse. He’s wasted so much time hating you because Charlie isn’t alive, and you were the closest thing to the person he blames for what happened to us. I just wish he’d let go of everything keeping him from you.”
“From me?”
“He’s your person,” said Charlie. “Like Jewel is mine. He’s who you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with.”
“But how?” I asked, confused by everything that was happening. It was bizarre, really, and I was struggling to make sense of it.
When I turned my attention away from Charlie, we were back in the emergency room.
“Our time’s almost up,” said Jewel. “They’re about to bring you back.”
“No,” I cried. “You can’t leave me again. Why can’t I stay here with you guys? Please?”
“Because you have to live, Kenny. You’re getting the second chance we never got, and we wanted to make sure you did it right.”
I wrapped my arms around Charlie’s waist, and closed my eyes as I held him close. “But I miss you, Charlie. I don’t think I can do it without you. You’re all I had.”
He chuckled, and returned my embrace. “You’re not alone, and you never have been. I might not be here anymore, but you have people who care about you. Don’t allow you past to dictate your future. And always remember that I love you.”
He was slipping away from me. I could feel it. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I needed him too much.
He dropped his arms and stepped back. When I opened my eyes, we were back on the dock.
Jewel took my hands in hers, and looked at me with watery eyes. “I miss you, Kenny, every day, but I’m always with you, even when it feels like I’m not.”
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