by Brea Viragh
Thessaly took a taste of something and, satisfied, continued to mix. “At least someone understands. My children don’t get it. I miss them when they’re gone.”
Despite the pressure threatening to suffocate me, I found it almost easy to be there. Adding Kai to the situation meant the pressure had lessened. It was four people, having a chat. We flowed on the same current of conversation, went about our work without thought.
Then came the axe…
“Have you ever been married, Kai?”
Nolan chose that moment to choke on his hot chocolate. It spewed across the table and I grabbed the towel. Kai violently patted Nolan on the back amidst hacks and wheezes.
“No, ma’am, I’ve never been married.” Kai continued to pat until Nolan was able to take a breath on his own. “Couldn’t make it to the church on time.”
“How fascinating. Nolan, why don’t we take you to the bathroom. I know how you get when you—” Thessaly was cut off when Nolan began to gag. “Yup, that’s it. Come on, before you puke on the potatoes.”
She led her gagging son away, pausing only long enough to wink. My head throbbed. Ah, now I saw. It wasn’t concern that had her springing into momma mode; it was purpose.
I focused on cutting the asparagus. The sound of Kai’s voice in the quiet knocked me from my concentration.
“I was almost married. Once. We started dating my senior year of high school and it only felt natural to follow through. She was the most important thing in my life. To the point where nothing else mattered, and I put off college to get a job and support her. I was out of my mind in love.”
He trailed off, staring at the counter and the pile of half-cut asparagus.
“She…must have been special,” I said for lack of anything better. Shards of envy pierced me and caused me to still my knife before I did accidental damage. I didn’t care about his past, or whom he may or may not have married.
“I thought she was, at the time.” Kai leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. “Somewhere along the line I stopped thinking about me and focused on her. What would she want, or think, or do. It wasn’t until we were booking the reception hall that I started thinking about me for a change. It didn’t help finding out she had a boyfriend on the side. It was kind of a punch to the gut.”
What a nasty bitch. Horrifying anger pushed my headache to new heights when I considered the woman, the stranger who took on the face of a gargoyle in my imagination, doing anything to hurt Kai. My fingers curled into fists before I could stop the motion.
“I find it hard to believe you didn’t see it sooner. Or that you let it get so far,” I muttered.
Kai made no excuses. “I didn’t have a good radar for a long time.”
“It doesn’t take a good radar to watch your back.”
“I know that now.”
“So why didn’t you say something? Tell me you confronted her, at least.”
“I let her go and used the money from the ring to start saving for college.”
“You’re a wimp.”
“I was in love,” he said simply. “For the first time in my life. At least, I assumed it was love, from the little I knew of it. I know better now.”
No. No love. I didn’t want to talk about love.
Not when a different picture crept into my mind. A man whose exterior reflected his classic tastes, his need for order. A man with a smooth face, light wispy hair, and clear blue eyes. I remembered how love for him swarmed through me and tangled me up until there was only Peter and no more Nell.
There had been a keen sense of terror when I chose to break it off. I wondered who I was and what I would do without someone to guide me along the way. Would I make the right choices, the choices someone else had once told me were right? Eventually terror turned to anxiety, where I questioned my decision to leave. Then I became tired of the questions and learned to enjoy the run.
“I’ve never been good at taking care of anyone but myself,” I told Kai. “I tried once and it didn’t end well.” A shudder coursed through me and I glanced out the window. This wasn’t about me. “Why would you put your own dreams on the back burner for someone who isn’t worth the effort?”
He pinched his nose, bowing his head. “I thought it was the right thing to do. All of my life, I wanted a family of my own. I was desperate to make one for myself, on any terms. She blinded me. The resolve came from nowhere and I knew I couldn’t stay.”
“I guess I can’t judge you. I’m terrible at relationships. I don’t do well with the concept of ‘stay’ either.”
There was his half-smile. “Why do you say that?”
I didn’t have the guts to tell him about Peter. Furious for thinking about the scum in the first place, I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Because I’m too busy to worry about someone else. I keep pushing forward because not only am I in a high stress job, but I want to make it on my own. Get my school loans paid off and be someone. You know?”
“I understand.”
“But I don’t want to get into this now.” I retreated, realizing I’d let my shields drop. It was a struggle to bring them into place again. “We have to prep for dinner, remember?”
Kai chuckled. “I’ll accept defeat this time, though I’d enjoy hearing more about your relationships one of these days. There’s always more to talk about.”
I blinked, grabbing up my knife and slicing through one of the asparagus spears. “Oh yeah? And here you told me you were a man of action.”
“You mean…” He pointed to the ceiling, indicating my bedroom upstairs. “I took advantage of an opportunity. You’re pretty cute when you’re mad! I know I shouldn’t have, but I seem to have a problem keeping my hands off of you.”
“Stop trying to butter me up,” I ordered. “It’s unbecoming.”
“And you’re changing the subject.” The thought amused him.
“Yes, I am. I would rather focus on…” I gestured with my knife. “This.”
“This?”
“Getting ready for the big night. Duh.”
“Trust me, I’m getting settled in and focused. There’s something about spending time in the kitchen…it’s relaxing.” He tilted his head, leaning back in the chair with his arms crossed over his chest.
I took my mug and considered him, sipping. “At some point you’re going to change your mind. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Change my mind about…?”
In spite of myself, I grinned wide, teasing. “Being with my family. Why do you think I have my own place?”
His expression turned sly, and I realized it was the first time I hadn’t thought twice about the joy I felt when I was with him. I hadn’t thought about the flirting. “Because you are a control freak?”
“I—no, I…no.”
“There’s no point in denying it. I’ve spent enough time with you to know. Always have to be in charge, always have to plan what’s going on. Down to the tiniest detail.”
“You’re having the time of your life giving me shit. And I suppose you are the complete opposite.”
“I do enjoy giving you shit. Yeah. But actually, I’m the same way you are.” Kai laughed, stretching his legs beneath the table and yawning. “I always have a plan in place, yeah. I run my own life now and I know where I want to go, the man I want to be.”
“Because of this woman you wanted to marry.” The word dried on my tongue and tasted of dust and jealousy.
“Her name was Elizabeth, and yes, I guess I am the way I am, in part, because of her. I decided to take control. When I see something, or someone, I want, I go for it.” He glanced down at his feet in a move that highlighted the length of his eyelashes. I had no right to be envious of an ex-girlfriend.
“Like a college degree.”
“Like you,” Kai said, rising and coming over to grasp my wrist. His touch lingered, patient and understanding.
“I’m out of your league. I’ve also drawn the line in the sand. This morning? It
won’t happen again. You caught me at a weak moment.”
“I’ll say.” He rubbed this thumb along the soft underside of my wrist in a motion no one else could see if they walked in now. I felt the force of it like an electric shock. He traced a pattern, stoking the flame and drawing a veil over my mind. I couldn’t think straight. “Weak and ripe. I can still taste you. My dick gets hard when I think about your naked body.”
It was too easy to forget myself. To imagine the surroundings away until it was only Kai and I, alone. He was a charmer, definitely, but a cute one, and I couldn’t deny our chemistry. Or the insistent tapping of my heart against my sternum each time he touched me.
“You can force the issue if you want, but it won’t take.”
Okay, he was attractive. A skinny sort of sexy, with an air of adventure about him. Seeing him in front of me, a wave of pleasure went from my head straight to my groin and got my motor humming.
I’d vowed to be pleasant. Not only pleasant, but cooperative. Which meant I had no business thinking such thoughts.
“It won’t take,” I repeated. “I promise.”
“You shouldn’t look so lost in your own home,” he countered.
I jolted out of my reverie. “What?”
Kai moved his shoulder. “It’s an observation. You have a way about you here. It’s different from the night we met.”
“The games are played on my own terms at home. Here?” I gestured to encompass the room. “The rules are different. Too many external forces pulling me in different directions.”
“Then you know what you have to do? Make your own way. This may not be your home turf anymore, but if you don’t stand up for yourself, you’ll go mad.”
“Who said I wasn’t?” I asked coolly.
“Here’s another observation. I—”
He broke off and there was a moment of silence. I didn’t interrupt him, not because I didn’t want to, but because I had trouble trusting my voice.
“Take this how you will,” he finally said a bit tentatively, “but I’ll admit, I watch you. I see how you react when your mother pushes you, or when Nolan gets in one of his snits. You act like you don’t belong, and it’s a shame. You’re like a wild rose someone tried to cultivate in a pot.”
I needed to say something to get him out of my head. Or rather, his image of me.
The train of thought was interrupted with Thessaly’s return, a pale-faced Nolan trailing behind her.
“I hope we aren’t interrupting anything!” The way she spoke made it quite clear she wished for the opposite. The twist of lust I may or may not have been ready to recognize soured. The glare I received from Nolan strengthened my resolve. Stay away, girl, for your own good. You have no business with him.
“We’re doing what you said. Getting ready for dinner.” I gave Thessaly the same look I reserved for unruly patients. The kind that would wither a lesser person but only made her grow roots.
Eyes lit, she snapped her head back in unison with the apron ties. “Fresh. Now, if you’re done with the asparagus, go grab those pomegranates from the cabinet and help me peel.”
The air of good humor was gone now. Disappeared faster than chocolates on Valentine’s Day. There was no point in being agreeable anymore. The charming Nell would have to come to the surface later. At the moment, the whirl of emotions inside of me made it difficult to focus. To do anything except curl my fists in frustration and let the rest of them know I wasn’t in the mood.
I pushed away, dropping the knife with a clatter and leaving a row of vegetables still in need of attention. “You know, I think I need to use the little girls’ room.”
My mother lifted her eyebrows. “Running off so soon?”
“Don’t walk away,” Kai said.
I rolled my eyes. “You’d think going to the bathroom was a federal crime in this house. It’s fine. I’ll be back.” I stuck my hands in my pockets. Doing what I did best. Making peace by removing myself from the equation. “There’s a lot of work still left to be done. I’ll only be gone for a minute. I wonder how long the average pee takes.”
Nolan grabbed his phone. “Let’s find out. I’ll time you.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Thanksgiving night. A time to be grateful and eat until your pants don’t fit and the bathroom is your second home. My stomach flipped for a different reason. One that had nothing to do with the feast.
Thessaly took her place at the head of the table and rushed her cue to speak. She’d planned the menu down to the last pomegranate seed, wanting to set the tone for the evening. A casual decadence. Homemade kombucha from a farm down the road was served in champagne glasses with long, delicate flutes.
When she mentioned our seating arrangements, I stole the single chair Nolan had occupied last night, forcing him and Kai to sit next to each other.
I’d like to see him pull the same stunt tonight.
When the food was set and the drinks poured to satisfaction, Thessaly rose to address the table. “I’m thrilled beyond belief that the family could all be together today.” She drove her fork down and speared a green bean. Held it high for the family to see before lifting it to her lips.
A ritual sacrifice.
“Let’s eat, drink, be merry, and celebrate this day of giving thanks. It’s been ages since we’ve had a cause to celebrate.” She scanned the table, fluttering her lashes at Kai before snapping the bean in two with her teeth.
“What cause?” I cut into the turkey, almost expecting to see blood rise from the tender white meat.
“Nolan and Kai coming home.”
“I didn’t realize it was an occasion…”
“It is. Everyone is together again,” Thessaly said, “and we can all sit around the table and express our gratitude.”
“I agree,” Kai commented out of nowhere. “Thank you again for welcoming me into your home.” He sliced into his potato and shot me a grin somewhere between sweet and wicked.
Tensed, I realized then I was waiting for something to happen. What, I wasn’t sure. But there was a hint of anticipation in the air, a loaded pistol ready to fire during Russian roulette.
“Nell, you need to do something with yourself.” Thessaly made the comment in an offhanded fashion.
“Oh?” I speared another bite with my fork, keeping my gaze fixed downward. “Why would you say that?”
“Because you’re single and can’t find a man to save your life.”
“Ha, ha. Oh, goody. Here we go. I’m glad we’re getting this out of the way early. It’s better to dive into the fray before dessert, right, Mother?”
Dessert already lay on the counter, awaiting our attention. Chocolate-and-honey-covered figs. Add in asparagus, and an arugula salad with pine nuts, and pomegranate? I saw the meaning clearly. They were all aphrodisiacs. The woman would stop at nothing to get her way, and I was determined not to follow her down the slide.
“I’m sorry,” I continued. “I hadn’t realize my choice to stay single was such a point of contention for you.” Sure I had. But what else could I say for myself?
“I’m simply saying what’s on my mind,” Thessaly replied blithely.
“Let’s not do this with an audience. If you have something to say, then wait until after dinner and take me aside.”
I gave Nolan props for keeping his mouth shut. His eyes met mine and he held his tongue for now, raising the kombucha, nosing the fermented flavors, and tasting.
Thessaly bristled at my tone. “You are all invited guests under my roof. You can say what you want, and I can too.” When she spoke again, it was with meticulous politeness. “This subject has been bothering me. I worry you’ll never find someone to make you happy.”
Curran opened his mouth to comment but was silenced with a single warning look from his wife.
“To succeed in life, Nell, you need to have strength at your back. Your family is one thing, but finding love…” Her killer gaze shifted to Kai. “That’s another matter entirely.”
&nb
sp; “Look, I’m hanging on to my holiday cheer by a tiny thread, Mom.” I kept my voice level and my eyes on hers. “How about we talk about something else? The dead horse you’re beating is nothing but a skeleton.”
“I don’t see why Nell’s relationships keep coming under scrutiny.” Kai scanned the table. “I’ve only been here a couple of days and yet it seems like the conversation always cycles around to her. It’s actually a little disappointing how such a kind woman seems to fall short of expectations in your opinion”
“I don’t need your help, thanks.”
I didn’t need it and I didn’t want it. The meal sat uneasily, threatening to revolt in my stomach. My clothes were suddenly too tight. I waited a moment before dealing another blow. “And by the way, I don’t see why you won’t push Nolan the same way you try to bulldoze me.”
“Nolan is young yet.” Thessaly let her hand drop to cover her son’s, ignoring the faint sheen of sweat on his forehead. “He still has time to find a nice woman. Besides, I know a certain girl who owns the bakery in town who happens to be single.”
I swallowed the nasty words that wanted to spring forth, feeling the first stirrings of true anger. Already I vibrated with it. Felt it swell to fill the room and every inch of me. My voice was calm, even with temper and frustration clutching my vocal chords, each eager to have their say. “Nolan will probably never find a nice woman. So why don’t you get off my back for one night. Please?”
Thessaly leaned forward. The look she gave me was hard, victorious. “Everyone has a choice to make.”
“Yes, and you want to make mine for me.” The tines of my fork squealed against porcelain. “You can’t change a person’s life with words. Saying them over and over only leads to bitterness.”
“Don’t say such things in front of our guest.”
“She can speak for herself. She’s competent and has a mind of her own,” Kai interjected. “I’ll make it clear here and now. I won’t sit and listen to you badger her without saying something.” Heat flashed across his face.