by Shayla Black
While they continued to chat, Ryder lost himself in his own thoughts, only half listening to the conversation as it steered toward Mike’s work. He couldn’t let go of the way Lily had brushed off Mike’s question about boyfriends, wondering whom she’d dated after he’d left. If it turned out to be any of the guys from his old unit, he figured he’d probably end up killing them. Or at least tracking them down and making it clear why they’d be smart to never go near her again. There’d been so many times, over the years, when he’d been tempted to put his hacking skills to good use and keep electronic tabs on her from afar. But he’d been fully aware of his own weakness. He never would have been able to handle reading about her with another man.
But it didn’t mean he wasn’t curious as hell about what she’d been up to.
After they cleaned up the kitchen, Lily thanked Mike for an awesome dinner then told them both goodnight, saying that she wanted to read for a while before crashing. Ryder bit the inside of his cheek as he watched her walk away, knowing it would only have led to trouble if she’d stayed. Mike was heading off to better familiarize himself with the surveillance equipment in the control room, which meant he and Lily would have been on their own. Considering what had happened when they’d been alone in her motel room, it was smart to keep some distance between them. But that didn’t mean he had to like it.
Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he tried, he changed into a pair of sweatpants and used the house’s fitness room for a grueling workout on weights. He then ran five miles on the treadmill, pushing himself to go faster than his usual pace. But it didn’t help take his mind off Lily and the reason they were hiding out there. He was still jacked up on restless energy as he grabbed a shower in the bathroom attached to the bedroom he’d taken, which was right across the hall from Lily’s. He did his damnedest to stay away from her, but after two hours of fighting the inevitable, he finally gave in with a hoarse curse and crossed the hallway. Mike was taking the first watch, which meant he had until 4 a.m. to fucking lose himself in her. And since staying away appeared beyond his abilities, he planned to use every minute of the time he had.
He didn’t bother to knock, not willing to risk her telling him to go away. And she hadn’t locked the door. He opened it, keeping his grip on the handle as he walked in, then pushed it shut behind him, flipping the lock. His sharp gaze had found her surprised the second he’d opened the door, and he didn’t look away as he took a few steps toward the bed, his heart hammering in his chest like a heavy bass drum.
Christ. He’d been so sure he could keep this from happening, but he’d been an idiot. She’d barely been back in his life for twenty-four hours, and he was already here. In her room. He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. Then he finally just said, “Fuck it.”
“What?”
“I said ‘Fuck it.’ I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you. I know I should, but it’s not gonna happen. So fuck it.”
Lily blinked as she set aside the book she’d been reading, unable to believe what he’d just said. She was so excited she wanted to squeal, but was terrified of ruining the moment. He was standing there dressed in nothing more than a well-worn pair of blue jeans that hung low on his hips, his body so gorgeous she was pretty sure she’d started drooling the second she set eyes on him. Broad shouldered. Long legged. Ripped and cut and lean, bringing to mind ancient warriors who fought to the death. She hated the scars that covered his tanned skin, but only because she knew that each mark held a history of violence and pain behind it. They didn’t detract from his beauty. If anything, they only made him more gorgeous in her eyes, since they were proof of how incredible he was. How brave and selfless and willing to put himself in harm’s way to protect others. God, if she’d been thinking clearly after her father’s murder, she would have figured out that Ryder would never let her get away from him once he knew her life was in danger. To do so would have gone against every natural instinct he possessed.
“Is that true?” she whispered, finally finding her voice again. “You can’t keep your hands off me?”
“Not unless you tell me no. You understand what I’m saying? You can always tell me no and I’ll leave you the hell alone.”
Pushing the covers back, she scrambled onto her knees. “No. I mean . . . that’s not what I want. I don’t want you to leave me alone.”
“Be sure, Lily. Because it isn’t going to be nice and easy. I’ve waited too long for it. And the same rules apply.” His hands flexed at his sides, his breathing getting deeper as he dragged that intensely erotic gaze down her body, then slowly up to her face again. His expression was raw-honed and deliciously male, full of primitive hunger and intent. “Just sex. That’s all I can give you.”
“Okay.” It wasn’t what she wanted, but when it came to this man she’d take what she could get.
His gaze got a little sharper. “You even know what that means?”
Her laugh was husky. “I’m not a starry-eyed virgin, Scott. I understand just sex.”
She could have sworn he’d flinched when she said the word virgin. “I don’t want to talk about . . . that,” he practically croaked, sounding like a boulder had lodged in his throat.
“Why?” she asked, her own gaze starting to get a little narrow. “You think I’m . . . what? Tarnished? A slut? Because after some of the things I heard Mike say about your reputation today, that would be pretty freaking rich coming from you.”
“I hardly expected you to live like a nun,” he growled, making a cutting motion with his hand as he stepped closer. “I left. You had every right to sleep with whatever guys you wanted. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill them.”
“Then I’ll be sure to keep the names to myself,” she offered with a quiet snort.
Something hard and male flashed in his eyes, his voice little more than a throaty whisper. “I could always fuck them out of you, Lil.”
Her pulse quickened. “You can certainly try.”
“Maybe I will,” he said, undoing the top button on his jeans.
Lily bit her lip, stunned by how freaking sexy he looked standing there glowering at her, his muscles bunched beneath his golden skin, his abs rippling as he came another step closer . . . and then another. His jeans were hanging even lower on his hips, the soft denim pulled taut by the massive erection it was trying to contain. He was right at the foot of the bed now, but she held out her hands, stopping him from coming any closer. “Wait!”
He’d started to undo the next button on his jeans, but his fingers stilled, his dark gaze locked hard on hers, waiting for her to speak.
Bracing herself for his answer, she asked, “Are you here because of Mike?”
His head jerked back, his straight brows drawn together in confusion. “What? Why the hell would you ask me that?”
“Because you were jealous,” she said daringly, searching his expression. “Is that why you’re here? Are you trying to rub it in his face that we’re together? To prove a point?”
He took a few hard, deep breaths, keeping her locked in his glittering stare. Then he growled, “I’m here because I couldn’t stay away. I don’t give a fuck about Mike. I just give a fuck about you.”
“Good. Then get rid of those jeans,” she said breathlessly, eyeing him hungrily as she moved her legs out from under her and whipped her tank off over her head.
He did just that, and the sight damn near stopped her heart. He swiftly shoved his jeans down, kicking them away, then turned to face her. With his hands fisted at his sides, he let her get a good long look. And, God, did she look. His erection sprang up against his ridged abs, hard and brutal and beautiful, with black hair curling at the base and two heavy testicles hanging low that were in perfect proportion to the rest of him.
It took her a moment to get her tongue working, but she finally managed to say, “Holy hell, you’re gorgeous.”
He immediately scowled. “Christ, Lily. You don’t have to lie.”
She shot
him a stunned look. “You think I’m lying?”
“I’m no fucking oil painting,” he muttered, working his jaw. “I’m scarred inside and out.”
“You think I care about your scars? I hate that you were hurt, but they don’t change how I see you.”
He grunted, obviously deciding he was done talking. He crawled onto the foot of the bed, yanked her ankles between his knees and reached for her panties, ripping them down her legs and tossing them over the side of the bed. Then he ran his big hands down the insides of her trembling thighs, curved them around her knees, and shoved her legs apart, holding them that way as he knelt between them. And after that he just stopped . . . and stared, his chest rising and falling with the jagged rhythm of his breaths.
Resting back on her elbows, her face flushed with embarrassment to be so exposed, she finally asked, “What are you doing?”
He didn’t bother looking up as he answered the question, his heavy-lidded gaze fastened on the glistening pink folds of her sex. “I didn’t take the time to get a good long look at your pussy at the motel,” he said tightly. “Been regretting that ever since.”
She swallowed, her face burning even hotter as she felt her body respond to his sexy admission with a warm rush of moisture. She was swelling and softening like a ripe piece of fruit, her insides aching and empty, desperate for him to get on with it and take her. “Oh, God, hurry. Please. I can’t wait.”
“I know, baby. I’m desperate, too. But I have to get you ready.” He let go of one of her knees and slipped two fingers through her drenched slit, separating the puffy folds, then swirled the callused tips of his fingers around her clit.
“Now,” she snapped, falling to her back. “I mean it, Scott. I need you now!”
A low, gritty laugh rumbled in his chest as he came down over her, working those two big fingers into her opening. He gave a hard, wet suck to each of her nipples, then lifted higher. “Go on, Lil. Screech at me some more,” he whispered in her ear, nipping at the lobe. “Tell me you want me to fuck your tight little pussy.”
“I do,” she moaned, running her hands down his sleek, muscular back. “I want you to fuck me.”
“Say it.” He licked the side of her throat, pumping his fingers into her, then rubbing the moisture on them around her opening. “Say it exactly how I said it.”
She writhed, wanting him inside her so badly she was ready to scream. “Fine! I want you to fuck my tight little pussy. Now, damn it!”
He gave another one of those low, sexy laughs, and the instant she felt his broad, hot cockhead touching her vulva, her hips jerked up to take him in. But he held himself back, not letting her have it. “Do I need a condom?” he whispered in her ear, bracing himself on his elbows.
“What?”
“I’m clean. I get checked regularly, and I always, always use latex. But you said you were on the Pill. So I’m asking if you want me to wear a condom.”
“No. No condom. I want to feel you inside me, skin on skin. Every hard, thick inch of you.”
His breath left his lungs in a shuddering rush, and he reached down, positioning the flushed head of his cock at her opening. He rubbed it around a little, getting it wet with her lube, and driving her wild in the process. Her skin was hot, tingly, her breaths coming in short, sharp pants that should have been embarrassing, considering he wasn’t even inside her yet. But she didn’t care. She just wanted him. Needed him so badly she was going out of her mind.
“Don’t move!” he grated, when he finally started to push himself in. “Stay still!”
She gasped for air, burning up inside. “Why?”
He groaned, the thick sound rough and male. “Because if you don’t, this is going to be over before we even get started.”
“But I can’t stay still,” she moaned, gripping his hips as she tried to pull him deeper inside her.
“You will, damn it.” He captured her wrists and pulled them over her head. “You’re tight as a fucking fist, Lily. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” she whispered, feeling desperate, knowing she only had one shot at getting this right. “Do it, Scott. Damn it, just do it. Please. I need you.” She knew she was begging, repeating herself. But she couldn’t help it. She meant every word. She’d never meant anything more.
He shuddered as he pressed forward, starting to work against her snug resistance as he bore down on her with his weight. Knowing she had to have the timing perfect, Lily waited until he’d pulled back and started pushing forward again before making her move. Lifting her head, she set her teeth into the tight tendon between his neck and shoulder and bit down just as she wound her legs around his hips and slammed her feet into his ass. He roared, jerking hard from the erotic bite, and rammed himself into her with so much force it made her scream. But his shout was even louder.
“What the FUCK, Lily?”
She gasped from the sting of pain as he wrenched back, pulling his cock completely out of her. He shook his head as he looked down, staring at his dick in disbelief, and Lily prayed the best night of her life wasn’t about to end in disaster.
SIX
WITH HER BREATH HELD TIGHT IN HER LUNGS, LILY WAITED for the explosion . . . but it never came. Instead, Ryder simply looked up at her and said, “There’s blood on my dick.” He didn’t sound exactly angry. But he didn’t sound particularly thrilled with the situation, either.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, aware of the heat rushing beneath her skin, burning in her face. “I was hoping that wouldn’t happen. I mean, not at my age.”
She could feel his hands shaking as he gripped her thighs, keeping her legs spread apart. He looked from her face, down to her swollen, tender entrance, then up to her face again. “What the fuck, Lily? How in God’s name are you still a virgin? You’re twenty-five years old.” His voice was getting harsher with each word. “What the fuck is going on?”
Swiping at the stupid tears she could feel leaking from her eyes, she said, “Look, I know it’s stupid. Just drop it. Please.”
Ignoring her plea, he reached out and gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?”
She sniffed and gave a pained laugh. Oh, God. Yes, she’d been hurt. But not like he meant. He’d hurt her when he left. But she couldn’t just blurt that out. Throwing her heart at this guy would send him running from her bed faster than anything.
“No,” she lied, chewing on her lower lip. “No one hurt me, Scott. I’ve just been waiting for the right time.”
“And this is the right time?” His voice was incredulous, his thick lashes so low she couldn’t read the look in his eyes.
“Um, well . . . you know how it is. I might not have a lot of time left.”
“Oh, hell. Don’t!” he forced out through his gritted teeth, bracing himself on his bent arms as he came down over her. “Don’t even say that. If you fucked me because you think it’s your last chance, I’ll—”
“No,” she whispered, reaching up to cup his scarred cheek in her hand. “That’s not why. I’ve wanted this forever. You know that. I know you do. Even if you don’t want to admit it, you knew I wanted you all those years ago. I always did.”
He groaned, burying his face in the curve of her throat. “Jesus. You make me so fucking crazy, Lily.”
“Yeah, well. Back atcha.”
He gave a low, raw laugh, then lifted his head and stared deep into her eyes. “I’m so damn angry at you for not telling me. I could have made it . . . easier.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Yell at me later. Just don’t leave me. Please.”
He opened his mouth, but choked off whatever he’d been about to say the instant he saw the fresh tears in her eyes. “Okay, all right. I’m here,” he rasped, pushing her hair back from her face, the look in his hot gaze stealing her breath. She’d never seen a man look at a woman with so much blistering heat and possessiveness. She felt scorched, the fact that it was Ryder who was looking at her like that making he
r heart feel like it was about to burst from excitement.
For so long. She’d wanted this moment for so damn long, and now she was finally going to have it.
He leaned down, rubbing his lips against hers, the gentle caress mirroring the careful way he started nudging his thick shaft back inside her body. She was sore enough that it burned, but she didn’t care, the emotional depth of the moment battering any discomfort she might have felt into obscurity. There was only Ryder and the incredible feel of his heavy penetration as he slowly rocked and nudged and worked his way back in until she had almost every inch of him packed up deep inside her. All the eager little muscles in her sex convulsed around him, holding him tighter, and his breath hissed through his teeth, his body shaking as he struggled to hold still, giving her time to get used to him.
“You okay?” he asked hoarsely.
“Mmm,” she moaned, spreading her legs a little wider as she arched her back. He must have liked it because he made a guttural sound in the back of his throat as he started giving her easy strokes that slowly worked him in and out. But while it was easier for her, the muscles in his magnificent body were beyond rigid, carved like steel beneath his hot skin, and she could tell exactly how much it was costing him to keep his control. He was still being careful not to go too deep. Not to be too rough. And she wasn’t having it.
“Stop holding back on me,” she panted, gripping the powerful muscles in his back, their bodies sliding against each other as their skin misted with sweat.
He grunted, burying his face in the curve of her throat again. “You’re so slick and hot. I’m trying to be careful, but fuck, you don’t make it easy.”
“Me? You’re the one doing everything. I’m just lying here.”
It was a low, pained laugh that vibrated in his chest this time. “Yeah. But you’re lying beneath me all soft and gorgeous, blowing my damn mind.”