"Aaron?"
Aaron wanted to look up, to acknowledge that James had spoken to him, but he just didn't have the stamina. After several seconds of silence, Dunbar sat down beside him on the stairs. After more silence, James wrapped his arm around Aaron's back. Something about the warmth or the strength of that embrace caused Aaron to lean into James's side. James heaved a sigh.
"What's wrong, my Raven?"
Several minutes passed before Aaron replied. He clutched one hand with the other. "Did ye love her?"
Her, James let the concept roll through his head then realized that Aaron meant the Robbins girl. "In some fashion, I believed I did."
"What's that mean?" Aaron had started a little rocking motion and James had to fight down his urge to restrain his mate.
"It means that I did have some affection for her. She's beautiful and I thought the match would be to my advantage," James squeezed Aaron's shoulder gently. "I thought I would never see you again. Everything changed for me when I found you aboard the Maid. I cannot imagine being with her now that you are here, do you understand?"
Aaron stopped his rocking and looked up into James' eyes. "I don't, darlin'. It makes no sense t' me that a handsome young lad such as yerself would want this when he could have . . ."
The expression on Aaron's face and in his eyes when he indicated himself nearly brought James to tears. Aaron was so disgusted by himself that it made James sick. He caught one of Aaron's hands and pressed it between his own. "I can't control my heart, Aaron. I've tried. I've made substantial efforts to turn my heart's compass to point to another. The harder I've tried, the worse it became. I don't have a choice! I've never been happier in my life, Aaron, than I am with you. She never filled me with joy like you do. What good is having that when all I want, all I've ever wanted, is you?"
Briefly, James wondered if he had said too much, been too ardent. Aaron sighed heavily and James felt a shudder pass through him. What was going on in that beautiful head? Finally, Aaron looked up at him.
"Is the havin' as good as the wantin'?" The pupil-black eyes were still concerned but there was an element of disbelief and, to James' great pleasure, happiness therein.
James smiled and leaned in to kiss Aaron, his long fingers seeking out Aaron's matted curls and his nails beginning to massage lightly at the other man's scalp, drawing a full-throated groan from his lover. "Even better."
)O(
Chapter 38:
April 1719 - The New Command
They arrived in Nassau by the end of April. The first few weeks were spent settling in. James attended a whirlwind of social events to establish his position, mostly without Aaron, explaining that his wife was unwell from the journey. When it became apparent that Aaron would have to come to certain functions, particularly a dinner the Governor was to hold in honor of the Commodore, James made sure that everyone knew his beautiful wife was a mute who only understood French. They lived at first in a small apartment at the fort itself but James located a house on a cliff overlooking the sea that was isolated from most of their neighbors. When he told Aaron the name of their new home, Aaron had to chortle with delight: Rum Harbor. They both viewed it as a good omen. Rosemarie, the cook James had in Port Royal, gave them the name of a relative who was as reliable. Once Beatrice was established, they revealed the secret to her.
James Dunbar pressed his face into his “wife’s” black hair and sighed. Aaron had been resistant to the idea, at first, that he should become Erin in public and marry James in a sham ceremony to spite the small minds and laws of the world he had joined. But the protection it afforded them, as well as the opportunity for them to be together forever, had changed his mind. Aaron whimpered in his sleep and turned over. James adjusted his position so that Aaron rested on his chest, his face buried against the flesh.
“I love you, Aaron,” He said softly, one of his hands playing with the black hair, the other taking Aaron’s now beautifully manicured hand in his. He kissed the gold wedding band on the third finger and interlaced his own fingers with Aaron’s, letting both hands rest on his stomach. When he left Aaron in the hands of that madman McSwain, he never thought he’d see him again. Finding him, learning that they could love one another, and devising a way to spend the rest of their lives together made him tremendously happy.
Aaron seemed happy too, for the most part. Certainly he enjoyed their intimate moments together. Aaron never denied James anything that he wanted and took the initiative often enough. But once in a while, James would catch Aaron looking out the window or watching the fire glow on the hearth and he would see the most devastating sadness on that lovely face. At those moments, James would go to him, drawing him close and just holding him, placing no demands on his lover, just offering silent comfort and reassurance.
In the last few weeks, Aaron had taken up a beauty regime of sorts. Mostly, he was using some honey-based product to treat his hands, hoping to soften the calluses and to reduce or eliminate the powder marks. When he caught himself chewing his nails, he would slap his own hands. James wanted to tell him that all of this was unnecessary but he just didn't have the heart. For the most part, Aaron wore breeches and tunics when no one was around but if someone was announced, he would scurry up the stairs and eventually return in a day-dress--one that did not require a corset. Aaron hated the corsets that his nicest dresses required he wear.
"No!" Aaron cried out in his sleep and James tugged him closer so he could whisper comforting words in his ear.
Despite the fact that he was and should be happy, James worried. He had fallen in love with a Aaron Johnson who, despite being treated abominably, still had the fire within to attack McSwain in retaliation for the harm he inflicted upon someone Aaron cared about or to prevent that harm from being inflicted. This Aaron Johnson seemed tamed, like a feral dog, brought to the knee of a master. James didn't want that; he wanted Aaron.
"James?" Aaron's voice was quiet in the predawn room. "James?"
"Here, love," James said and stroked a hand down Aaron's spine. "I'm right here."
"Don't leave me," A sob broke through and James set Aaron away a bit to look down into his face. Aaron's eyes were open but he wasn't seeing anything. "Please, God, don't. Not again. I c-can't . . ."
"Sh," James pressed a kiss to Aaron's forehead, noticing with a hint of a smile that Aaron's hair was past his jaw in length. "It's all right, my Raven. I won't leave you."
"James!!" Aaron wailed suddenly, his hands flailing against the navy officer's chest as if trying to catch something. "Jamie . . ."
For James the next minutes stretching into nearly a quarter of an hour were torture. Nothing he said or did could wake Aaron from his torment, and the former pirate wept bitterly. At one point, he could no longer speak for the hard knot in his throat, tears welling in his own eyes and being shed unhindered. He had done this to Aaron and there was nothing he could do to change it. He cursed himself again for leaving Aaron on the Saucy Maid all those years ago. I shouldn't have listened to him; I should have taken him with me no matter the consequences. A quick death for the both of us would have been preferable to-to this, James mused darkly.
"Aaron, my love," He managed to speak finally. "Please, wake up. It's all right. I'm here with you. You aren't alone."
He shook Aaron's shoulder gently and it seemed to finally impress upon Aaron. The gasps of agony slowed after a moment. James wiped the tears from Aaron's face and noticed that they had subsided a bit. He was able to wipe his own face then and draw a huge steadying breath. It hit him then that the truth of the matter was that he would be leaving Aaron again, fairly soon. He had a mission to deal with a pair of French privateers that were plaguing the area and it meant he might be gone from Aaron's side for a month or more. After a moment, he managed to get Aaron to open his eyes.
"Are you all right?" James asked, studying the pupil-dark orbs.
"Bad dream," Aaron managed to mutter. "Y-You went off t' sea an' got killed by a pirate. Ye came t' visit me
but you were a ghost an' I couldn't touch ye."
Aaron shuddered and James decided not to tell Aaron about his mission just yet. "It was just a dream, Raven. Just a nightmare. That Ike never happen."
He got no response from Aaron and looked down to see his lover was sleeping soundly, pressed as hard to his side as possible. James heaved another sigh and slid his arm around Aaron's waist. He wasn't able to return to sleep. What had he done?
)O(
Lieutenant Chambers stood on the front step and waited for someone to answer the door to Commodore Dunbar's home. It seemed to take a long time then gradually the door opened a crack. A blue eye appeared in the gap and studied him with some concern.
"Mrs. Dunbar?" He asked, flashing a knowing and reassuring smile at Aaron. "The Commodore asked me to come by to see how you were doing."
James had been gone a week. Chambers had only just gotten back from a trip to retrieve supplies with Captain Hyde aboard the Swift but the note James had left for him was worrisome. Aaron turned his eyes from Chambers' to the harbor and his disappointment became quite obvious when the Valiant--the ship James had sailed on--did not appear.
"Doin' well enough," Aaron muttered after a second though he seemed determined not to let Chambers gain entrance.
"May I come in?" Ellis had decided that he wouldn't take "no" for an answer. A meeting through the door like this would not give him enough information to make sure that Aaron was all right.
Several long moments passed then, reluctantly, Aaron opened the door and allowed him inside, closing the door quietly behind him. Chambers turned to study Aaron but the former pirate simply walked away, heading into the parlor. Chambers followed.
"Would ye like a drink?" Aaron asked casually. He indicated a bottle of rum that sat on one of the end-tables. It was open and mostly gone.
"No, thank you, sir," Ellis said respectfully. "I just came by to see if there was anything you needed. James asked me to."
"Ah," Aaron muttered then sat down on the settee. "Only thin' I need is Jamie, Lieutenant."
Chambers found himself at a total loss for words. What could he say? James told him that he had abandoned Aaron aboard the Saucy Maid many years ago. Though he had kept his word and rescued Aaron from McSwain, it had been sheer luck and coincidence that allowed him to do it. Chambers changed his mind abruptly and reached for the bottle of rum. Aaron cowered back, practically throwing himself to the opposite side of the room from Chambers. The reaction caused Ellis to grit his teeth as he tried not to be sick. James had never revealed to him the depth of the horror that Aaron lived through but in the weeks he'd visited with his commanding officer and his spouse there had been a growing awareness that Aaron's trust was not lightly given. He had hoped that Aaron had come to know him a little but it was very apparent now that he didn't know him enough.
"I won't hurt you," Ellis managed to say after a moment. "Not only because James is my commander but, more importantly, because it is not in my nature to do so. Whatever that foul thing did to you aboard the Maid, I will never allow it to happen to you again. I know you can't trust me like you do James. But do know, please, that I will do everything in my power to protect you, hmm?"
"Why?" Aaron asked after a second, his blue eyes meeting Chambers' with a spark. It was a spark of fear and something more.
"Because I love you," Chambers said then took a long drink of the rum. It was sweet but quite powerful and Ellis nearly choked on it. When he finished swallowing, he replaced the bottle on the table and stepped back. "Don't ask me how or why because I don't know. Perhaps it's like the feelings some midis get for their captains' wives. Maybe it's because I love James so much. I had only been in Port Royal a few days at most when we sailed on the Venture and found the Saucy Maid. I was almost completely besotted by James at the time, so thrilled to be serving with the Great Pirate Hunter Dunbar that even his slightest confidence in me or task set before me was an honor. I had, at one point, considered approaching James about my admiration for him--not in any improper way, of course, but just to let him know how important it was to me to perform well for him. And then we came across the Maid and found you."
"Me?" Aaron refused to meet his eyes but was clearly not relieved by his confession. "I'm a sorry excuse fer a human bein', mate. What could possibly possess ye?"
Chambers assumed a chair opposite Aaron. "Again, I don't know. I've never believed in love at first sight or, indeed, in any such romantic notions. In fact, I should probably have become incredibly jealous of you. After all, some would say that we were rivals for James' affections. Yet, I saw the two of you together and it didn't matter to me. I knew without James telling me even at the time that you had been badly treated. During that voyage back to Port Royal, James told me the whole thing in a manner of speaking. All I had to do was look at him when he spoke of you or when he was with you and there was no doubt in my mind. James Dunbar is a gentleman in the finest sense of the word. If you have his respect and admiration, then there is nothing more that needs to be said."
A long silence followed. His words seemed to have distressed Aaron more than they comforted him. Chambers fought down the sigh of frustration. What did he expect, really? From hearing Ike's testimony, and James', and from witnessing Aaron's behavior for himself, he knew Aaron had been mercilessly abused both physically and mentally. That he was inside this house at all at this precise instant was miraculous enough. What had he been thinking?
"Well then," Chambers said after the quiet became unnerving. "I suppose I shall be off. I will return in a day or two to check on you--."
"Would ye care t' stay fer tea?" Aaron's voice was so soft that Chambers nearly didn't hear him.
"What?"
"I asked 'would ye care t' stay fer tea,'" Aaron replied, his eyes finally meeting Chambers'. "Without James, 'tis hard fer me t' eat. Per'aps if I had some company?"
"Oh," Chambers straightened his back. "I would be honored, sir."
Aaron had to smile slightly at that then winked at Ellis. "We jus' won't let yer Commodore know ye been dinin' wiff pirates, eh?"
Chambers grinned and nodded. "It's best if he never learns that part, I suppose."
He watched as Aaron headed off to the kitchen to inform Beatrice, he gathered, that there was a guest for the meal. Chambers surreptitiously leaned over and grabbed the rum off the table to take another healthy swig of the stuff. When he resumed his seat, he noticed his hands shaking madly. Confession may be good for the soul, He thought, but it's hell on the nerves.
)O(
Chapter 38:
Late June 1719 - Reunion
Beatrice stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched Aaron pick at the food she'd prepared. If I were a lesser woman, she remarked to herself, I would be insulted that he didn't eat my food. But she knew the reason why. The Commodore was supposed to be back almost a month ago but he hadn't returned yet. When that handsome Lieutenant Chambers came by for tea, Aaron was able to choke down some of the food she prepared. The Lieutenant had spoken to her a time or two when she was marketing and she had told him how bad the situation was. As a result, Chambers had increased the frequency of his visits, coming to tea most evenings. Beatrice wasn't sure it was helping. Aaron's face had thinned dramatically in the last fortnight.
"Captain?" Beatrice stepped into the room and approached Aaron cautiously. He was still very nervous around her. "Would ye mind if I had a bite to eat with ye?"
For a moment, Aaron eyed her curiously then nodded. "Please, love. It tastes mighty fine but I'm afraid ye made a bit much fer me."
Beatrice smiled and took a seat beside Aaron, beginning to place some of the food on a plate for herself. "'Tis a bad habit. I'm a mum, ye know, and I have more than a few mouths t' feed. Do you like what I've prepared?"
Aaron nodded and she saw him stab a piece of meat with his fork to eat. As he chewed it, she saw his face take on a look of surprise. After a moment, he swallowed and spoke. "It's the best roast beef I've had since--well
, since Rosemarie made me some back in Port Royal. Ye both are fine cooks."
"Learned from the best. Our mum was cook at a fine estate in Shropshire an' made all sorts of fancy meals fer her master," Beatrice began to eat and Aaron poured some wine into her glass. She looked askance at him. "Should you be doin' that, Captain? Won't you be worried I'll put you in a compromising position?"
Aaron grinned a bit and Beatrice found herself breathing a sigh of relief. After a moment, Aaron spoke. "Even the Bible says t' take a little wine now an' again, milady."
"Very true, Captain," She responded. She took a sip of the wine. "Ooh, that's lovely drink. Thank you. Do ye have a favorite dish, sir? I'd be happy to cook something special for you."
Aaron took a bite of the turnip mash she'd made and took his time before answering, obviously enjoying the taste. "Not sure, milady. Food ain't never been all that important t' me. An' then when McS--when me crew mutinied, I-- . . ."
When Aaron stopped speaking, Beatrice looked up at him to see his eyes had taken on a strange expression. Not only was there a deep sorrow on his face but he didn't seem in control of himself. Beatrice felt her eyes widen in horror as Aaron pushed away from the table, rose and left the room. She wanted to follow him but was unable to convince herself to do so. She waited for several minutes, totally at a loss. Finally, she obeyed her initial impulse.
"Captain?" She passed through the foyer first then checked in the salon. A glance into the drawing room didn't reveal anything either. Worried, she returned to the foyer and went to the Commodore's office. "Aaron?"
She opened the door without knocking. The office was dark and she was slightly afraid she would trip over or step on him. She listened carefully and heard, off to her left, the sound of someone weeping softly. She extended a hand in that direction and her fingertips brushed against the soft silk of Aaron's hair. She heard him inhale sharply and stumble away from her.
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