by Gina Wilkins
“Mom didn’t tell me that.”
“Yes, well, she’s not very reliable when it comes to communications. I should have made more of an effort to reach out to you myself. I’m afraid I’ve been in the habit of thinking of you as a kid who wouldn’t really be interested in hearing from me. Then I found out I was expecting Daryn and I became absorbed with the changes in my own life. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder with you.”
“It’s okay,” he muttered. “Like you said, I was a just a kid when you left. I thought of you as a lot older than me. An adult, you know? I was on the ranch then, and I liked it well enough there, but then Julian left and then Mom moved me to Springfield, and then she married Bob.”
After which, Betsy had changed her whole persona again. And no one had thought to provide a cake for Stuart’s fifteenth birthday.
Flooded with guilt, she said, “Bob seems like a very nice guy. You like him, don’t you?”
Stuart shrugged. “Sure. But, you know—”
Yes, she knew. He’d liked Stan, too. She doubted that he’d heard a word from his former stepfather since Betsy had walked away. That was the usual pattern in their life.
“Your sister and I think Bob could stay around awhile,” Tate offered, having been quietly listening to that point.
“Yeah, maybe. He and Mom seem pretty happy together. They don’t fight as much as Mom and Stan used to—actually, Mom and Bob don’t fight at all. He just gives her these sort of sad looks and she starts apologizing for whatever it was she did, and then they seem happy again. They had one of those not-fights about you, by the way, Kim.”
“About me?”
Stuart nodded, flipping his hair out of his eyes with the movement. “I don’t think Bob knew Mom had been lying to Grandma and Aunt Treva. I guess she told him before you got there. As much as she lies to everyone else, she’s usually honest with Bob—as honest as she is with herself, anyway. Anyway, I heard her and Bob talking last night and he was telling her it was her own fault she was embarrassed by the truth coming out, and that he wished she hadn’t put everyone, especially you, in such a difficult situation, but then when she started crying he told her it would all work out. So I asked what was going on and that’s when Mom told me she’d been lying to me about you and Tate.”
A spark of remembered hurt and anger glinted in Stuart’s eyes. “That’s when I told her I was fed up. You and Julian got out while you were still reasonably sane and I’ve got to do the same thing.”
“I understand, Stuart—obviously I do. But Julian and I had plans when we left. I had a full scholarship to college, which included room and board. Julian went into the service. You—well, you don’t even have a place to live, though of course you’re welcome to stay here until you decide what you want to do.”
He nodded glumly. “I have a scholarship, but it doesn’t cover room and board.”
“Then let’s consider this.” Tate leaned forward a little, resting his forearms on his knees, a thoughtful expression on his face. “What if you could still go to college and move out of your mother’s home? You could prepare for your own future without completely severing ties with your mother. That’s what your sister and brother did, right?”
Stuart sighed. “But Mom doesn’t have money for room and board, and Bob’s already got two kids of his own in school.”
“I’ll help you,” Kim told him. “I don’t have a lot, but I make enough to put some money away each month. I can contribute toward your room and board. Julian will probably kick in a little, too. And you can work part-time to make spending money. I did while I was in school. It’s doable, as long as you’re careful about your time management.”
His eyes wide, Stuart shook his head. “I can’t let you do that. You need your money for you and the baby.”
“You can get a student loan for expenses,” Tate suggested. “It could be too late for this semester, but you can let your sister and brother help until you get everything approved. Going into debt for an education is never ideal, but with your scholarship and part-time work, you shouldn’t have to dip in too deeply.”
He shifted in the chair, adding a bit hesitantly, “And if you need a little extra to tide you over this first semester, I can probably arrange that. Evan and I have talked about starting a scholarship fund in memory of a friend of ours who died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. He was a high school teacher, wanted to teach on a college level eventually. I see no reason why you couldn’t be the first recipient of the Jason Sanchez Memorial Scholarship. It wouldn’t be a full ride or anything, but it would probably pay for your books and a few extra supplies.”
Though Kim was touched by the gesture—and fully believed his backstory about his friend—she was still a little uncomfortable with his offer of help. She regretted that Tate was once again getting drawn into her family issues, both because it embarrassed her that her family had so many issues and because she was doing her best to rebuild the boundaries between herself and Tate.
“You’d really do that?” Stuart asked, stunned.
“I’d have to discuss it with my business partner, of course. And I imagine he would want to see your transcript and either interview you or have you write a letter assuring us you would take your education seriously so we’d know we weren’t throwing away our money—but, yes. I would definitely recommend you to him, if you can tell me now that you understand the importance of preparing yourself for your future.”
Stuart sprang to his feet and began to pace in front of the couch in agitation, carefully avoiding the baby’s play blanket. “I can’t live with Mom again. Even if it means putting off school for a while or something, I can’t move back in there. Maybe I can get along with her like you and Julian do, Kim—you know, just talk on the phone occasionally and see her at holidays and stuff. But if I try to live with her again, I just know it’s going to lead to a blow-up that’s going to be permanent.”
Kim nodded and tried to speak reassuringly, motioning for her brother to take his seat again. “You’ll need to talk to the school, find out if it’s too late to get a dorm room. There are usually some last-minute cancellations, so you should be able to get housing. It’s going to be easier for you to take care of things from there than here. I’ll call Julian and ask if you can stay with him for a few days. I’m sure the reason he turned you away yesterday was because you told him you weren’t going to school. He didn’t want to be responsible for enabling that impulsive decision.”
At least, she hoped that was the only reason. Surely Julian would help once he heard all the details. As Stuart had pointed out, Julian knew quite well how it felt to need to get away from their mother’s chronic chaos.
“In the meantime, you should call Mom,” she added. “Despite everything, you know she does care about you. About all of us, I guess, in her own strange way. She’s probably worried sick. Or if you can’t talk to her just yet, call Bob and let him know you’re safe and that you’re developing a sensible plan for your future.”
“I’ll call Bob,” Stuart agreed only a little grudgingly.
“Good. I’ll call Julian.”
“And I’ll get out of your hair,” Tate said, standing.
Seeing at a glance that Daryn had fallen asleep on her blanket, Kim stood, too. “I’ll walk you out. Keep an eye on the baby while you call Bob, will you, Stuart? I’ll just be a minute.”
Stuart nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll watch her.”
* * *
“You’re sure Daryn’s okay in there with him?” Tate fretted as Kim closed the front door behind them, leaving them standing on her tiny porch.
“She’s sound asleep. This busy weekend has worn her out. I’ll probably have to wake her to get her ready for bed. She’ll be fine for a couple of minutes.”
He nodded. “So, finding y
our brother here was a big surprise, huh?”
Though it wasn’t at all cool out, she crossed her arms tightly over her chest, reliving the shock of seeing Stuart on her doorstep. “You could say that again. And about that…as generous as it was of you to offer, you don’t have to give Stuart money for school. Julian and I will help him figure out some sort of plan.”
“I’m sure you will. That’s what brothers and sisters do, right?”
“Supposedly,” she agreed wryly.
“The thing is, Evan and I really have discussed setting up a scholarship fund in memory of our friend. I’ll have to tell you about him sometime, he was a great guy. Still miss him like crazy. Anyway, we were going to do it for this semester, and then we got busy and kept putting it off. I think he’ll be pleased that I’ve found a worthy first recipient among our group of friends.”
Before she could argue any further, he rested a hand on her shoulder. “As I told Stuart, it won’t be a lot, but maybe it’ll help out. If it keeps him from dropping out of college before he even begins, Evan and I will both consider it money well spent. Jason would have felt the same way.”
It would have felt both rude and ungrateful to continue to resist, especially when the gesture seemed to be a genuine tribute to Tate’s late friend. Still she couldn’t help feeling a little awkward about it.
“I’ll leave it all up to you and Evan and Stuart, then,” she said. “I’ll give Stuart your email address, and he can send you his transcript and whatever other paperwork you need, but other than that, I’ll stay out of it.” All of the lunch friends had shared email addresses and phone numbers in case they needed to make contact.
“That will work. So, do you have a place for him to sleep tonight?”
She shrugged. “He’ll have to make do with the couch.”
“I’m sure that will work for him. Most teen boys can sleep anywhere.”
Pushing a hand wearily through her hair, Kim sighed. “It’s been a crazy couple of days.”
“I know. But I think your decision to attend the reunion has accomplished some good things, don’t you? You had a chance to visit with your grandmother, and to reconnect with your brothers. Maybe Bob will step up and help your mother see that her behavior is hurting the family. Maybe once Stuart is out on his own, Bob and Betsy can focus on strengthening their relationship, which already seems pretty good, considering.”
“Until Bob gets as fed up with her as everyone else eventually does,” Kim muttered.
“Has it ever occurred to you that your mother has a lot of insecurities herself? She lost her father young, her mother was admittedly distant and critical, her early marriages didn’t work out. Maybe Betsy learned to push people away before they could hurt her. To create a world she wanted to live in because the real world was too difficult for her to handle.”
After taking a moment to consider his surprising analysis, Kim moistened her lips. “You’re being rather generous to her. But, if there is some truth in what you say, she has been very selfish about her choices in dealing with her problems and disappointments.”
“I guess you never know how people will choose to cope with adversity,” Tate said quietly.
She spoke more brusquely. “Anyway, thank you again for all you’ve done this weekend. I promise I won’t ask for anything more of you. Oh, and thanks for returning Daryn’s bottle, even though it wasn’t necessary for Lynette to ask you to. She could have just given it back to me tomorrow.”
Tate cleared his throat. “Yeah, that’s what she said when she found it in the fridge. I sort of volunteered to drop it by. Since it was on my way and all.”
“My house is a good five miles out of your way from Lynette’s apartment to yours,” she said with a shake of her head.
“Maybe I just wanted to see you one more time this evening.”
Something about his tone made a little ripple of panic run through her. “We talked about this, Tate. About last night being an aberration. About getting back to the way things were between us before we ever left for Springfield. We agreed that was best.”
He looked at the hand he had resting on her shoulder, and his fingers flexed a little. “I’m just not entirely sure it’s possible.”
The ripple of panic gushed into a flood. “Please don’t do this, Tate.”
He lifted his eyes back to hers. “I know you’ve got a lot to deal with right now, so I won’t push you. But I’m not sure I can pretend nothing has changed. I can act a role for other people, Kim, but not with you.”
She bit her lip before saying in little more than a whisper, “I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
“You’ll never lose that.”
She wished she could count on that, but sadly, she knew better.
Reading her expression, he sighed. “Stop lumping me in with all those other guys, Kim. If you’re going to shoot me down, do it because of my own shortcomings, not for someone else’s.”
“It has nothing to do with shortcomings. You’re a very special man, Tate, and if I had no other obligations, I would… But I have to put Daryn first,” she said firmly. “You of all people should understand why I refuse to risk disrupting her life.”
Tate scowled. “So you’re never going to date again? You don’t think your daughter would expect her mother to have needs of her own?”
“All I need for myself is to be a good mother and a good therapist.”
Tate’s low snort held both skepticism and annoyance. “Very noble. And very full of hot air.”
She gasped in outrage. “I was being entirely honest.”
“Not even with yourself,” he contradicted. “You want and need a hell of a lot more than that in your life. You’re just afraid to go for it. With good reason, maybe, but it’s still based on fear, not logic.”
She looked away from him, keenly aware that they stood on her porch with cars passing on the street and her brother and daughter waiting in the house behind her. “This isn’t the time or place for this conversation.”
“No.” He looked vaguely regretful. “I should have waited. Like I said, I can’t seem to be anything but completely up-front with you. Before this weekend, I was able to mask my feelings for you—maybe even from myself—but now I can’t imagine never being with you again as more than lunch pals. I can’t fathom seeing you for an hour once a week across a restaurant table, not seeing you or hearing from you in between. Never spending time alone with you again, touching you, kissing you.”
His voice had deepened as he finished, and Kim shivered a little in response to the sexy rumble. It would be so easy to take the short step that separated them, to wrap herself around him and lose herself in him again. Everything he said resonated within her—but it had not escaped her attention that not once during that impassioned speech had he mentioned her daughter.
She swallowed hard. “Just give it time, Tate. Once we’ve put this weekend completely behind us, you’ll be relieved that I, at least, didn’t get carried away with it all. You know you don’t really want to get involved with a single mother. You said to Evan only a couple of hours ago that being solely responsible for Daryn would scare the stuffing out of you.
“Well, the thing is, Daryn and I come as a package. If I were looking for a relationship with anyone—which I’m not—it would be someone who isn’t afraid of long-term commitment and parenthood. Since I’m not sure anyone like that even exists anymore, I’m going to stick with my policy, despite what happened last night.”
“I know Daryn complicates things, but—”
She took a step back from him, her chin rising. “My daughter is not a complication.”
“Poor choice of words,” he said, raising a hand in a gesture of apology. “I didn’t mean it quite that way.”
“I have to get back inside and put
her to bed. Good night, Tate. Maybe I’ll see you at lunch Wednesday.”
Barely giving him time to begin a response, she whirled and stepped through the door, closing it behind her with a snap. Or was that the sound of her heart breaking, when she had done everything she knew how to protect it from that?
Looking as though he’d hardly moved a muscle, Stuart was still on the couch, his eyes focused on the baby.
“She’s still asleep,” he reported unnecessarily.
“Thank you for watching her. Did you reach Bob?”
“Yeah. I told him I’m here with you. He said he was glad I’m safe. He wants me to come to the house tomorrow afternoon and talk with him and Mom, but I said I’d have to think about it. I told him I’m moving out, and he said he’d go with me to the school housing office if I want him to. He even said he’d help out with some expenses, even though I know he’s got his own kids to take care of.”
Kim was relieved that Bob seemed to be supporting Stuart’s decision. Even if it was just because Bob was ready for his stepson to move out of the house, at least he seemed willing to help. “I think this will work out fine for you, Stuart. I know you’ll do well in school. You won’t regret going.”
“I don’t mind so much going to school,” he admitted. “I just didn’t want to live at home any longer.”
She smiled a little. “Yes, I think you’ve made that clear.”
He cleared his throat, and she thought he looked a little abashed. She hadn’t meant to embarrass him with her teasing. She supposed he just didn’t know her well enough to read her clearly yet. It was long past time to remedy that situation.
“I’m going to put Daryn to bed,” she said, moving toward the baby. “After that, you and I can have some herbal tea or something and talk for a while before bedtime. You’ll be sleeping on the couch, I’m afraid.”
“I don’t mind the couch. I’ll go out and get my bag while you take care of her.”
“All right. I have to be at work by seven-thirty tomorrow morning, so Daryn and I get up pretty early.”