Life is a Beautiful Thing (4-Book Box Set)

by Harmon Cooper

  “Body-switching is always … ” I try and think of the right adjective to describe something that is incredibly life-altering and go with my gut: “ … interesting.”

  “Interesting? You can say that again,” he laughs. “I can’t believe someone came up with it.”

  “It was actually a virus,” says Yeshi.

  Latin Supe shakes his head. “I’ve heard that before, but I don’t believe that shit one bit. Calling something a virus is an easy to way to cover up what it really is. I bet the Yanquis invented it so they can fuck with world politics. That’s what I would do if I were president. I’d be having my agents switch with world leaders everywhere and do my bidding.”

  I decide not to explore his nearly philosophical statement when I ask, “What should we expect at the hotel?”

  “You don’t know? You’re in Carloza’s body and you don’t know his casa?” He laughs at this thought.

  “We never visited last time we were in Mexico,” Yeshi explains. “We were in the hospital.”

  Latin Supe’s face sinks to the left, in what could be described as a grimace but also could be described as a person trying to stifle a fart. “Well, parts of the hotel are being repaired after the attack a few days back. These fucking Yanqui military companies think they can just bust into someone’s home and fuck the place up. They’ve been crapping on Mexico for like two hundred years and they think we’re just going to bend over like a bunch of putas and take it!” He loses his train of thought as his mind bubbles over with animosity towards the neighboring country. “Ah, where was I?”

  “The hotel.”

  “Si, the hotel. You’ll meet with Manuel in his office, used to be your office,” he reminds me. “I think he has some ideas about whatever it is the three of you are doing.”

  Me: I guess our amigo here isn’t high enough on the totem pole to know what we’re up to.

  Yeshi: Let’s keep it that way.

  “After the meeting, you’ll rest. You can change clothes too,” he says to me. “Oh and you too.” He winks at Yeshi. “There are plenty of women’s clothes in the hotel.”

  “I’m sure I’ll find something,” she says.

  We arrive at the aeros entrance lobby about ten minutes later. The results of the recent attacks are everywhere: fresh paint has been applied to several walls, yellow tape is attached to orange cones around a fallen portion of the ceiling, large bins filled with rubble sit in the corners of the lobby, building materials rest on pallets near the elevator.

  “They really messed this place up,” Latin Supe says.

  “Understatement of the year,” I say in English.

  We stop in front of a private elevator, pausing for Latin Supe to register his fingerprint. As the doors open, my eyes lock on a small, wall mounted turret affixed to the ceiling of the elevator. Yeshi and I step inside, followed by Latin Supe and another thug with a sagging left eye.

  The door opens on the second to last floor and a spiral staircase comes into view. A huge mural (looks famous – don’t know who painted it though) hangs from the wall across from the head of a stuffed wooly mammoth. I’ve seen a baby mammoth in person at the LA Zoo thanks to de-extinction, but I’ve never seen one quite this large.

  We take the stairs, Latin Supe and goon number two behind us. The single man at the top of the stairs, a Wolverine-sized guy with sharp teeth and modded arms, practically growls when he sees us.

  Me: Security is tight.

  Yeshi: The leader of their organization was killed by MercSecure reps. What do you expect?

  Latin Supe nods at the Tooth Fairy and he takes Yeshi’s bag from her. He pats us down after placing a single-lensed Leak over his eye to scan us for internal explosives. The door opens and we find Manual standing behind his desk, aiming a Humgun at us.

  THIRTY-ONE∞

  Manuel lowers his weapon. “I remember our conversation now. She is Rinchi’s Humandroid twin, is she not?” he asks in English.

  “S-sh-she is,” I say, my hands still up. I feel my heart slowly settle in my chest. Damn these vatos and their pinche kill-toys. I obscenity in thy milk!

  Manuel nods, “Lower your weapons,” he tells his henchmen. The new leader of Carloza’s organization stands, pressing his hands against the front of his black suit. His head is shaved and there is a bandage over his eyebrow. He takes a step towards us and I notice a slight limp in his gait. “I apologize for that. Just seeing … just seeing her face made me thirsty for revenge.”

  I recall the video feed Noah forwarded me. Rinchi had made Manuel look like a little bitch a few days back. I clear my throat, “No worries. It happens.”

  “What’s that supposed to me?”

  “Rinchi already tried to kill me once in LA.”

  “Apparently she was unsuccessful.”

  “Only because she killed someone who she thought was me.”

  “Damn her,” he says as he waves his men away with his gun. “Please, sit.”

  Latin Supe, Goon Number Two and the Tooth Fairy exit the room. I feel my lungs fill with air – I’m finally able to take a satisfying breath. Yeshi and I sit in front of Manuel, who is eyeing me funny because I’m in his former boss’s body. The collar of his shirt is open, and I notice a fresh scar on his throat.

  “Very odd,” he finally says. “You’re in Carloza’s body yet you aren’t him and you,” he nods at Yeshi, “you share the same body as Rinchi yet you aren’t her. It’s like a poorly written novel or something, a book no one in their right mind would read. This may take some time for me to get used to.”

  “Actually, about this body,” I say, “I’ve been wanting to switch for days now. If your former boss’s body could be any use to your organization, please find someone for me to switch with. No offense, but I’m ready for something else.”

  Manuel thinks for a moment. “Actually, Carloza’s body may be very useful to us. Most of his enemies still think he is alive. We could step on some toes with his body, especially with the Noriegas along the Texas border. What type of body are you looking for? I can arrange whatever it is you’d like in exchange for Carloza’s body.”

  “What kind of body?” I glance over to Yeshi. Damn I love this question.

  Me: What kind of body should I get? Big? Fat? Small? Muscular? Slim? Blond hair? Green eyes? Nice ass? Hairy arms? Broad chest? Well-hung?

  Yeshi: It’s not your body I like.

  Me: That’s sweet, but flattery will only get you so far :-D. Seriously, what should I go for? Black again? Slender with long fingers? Medium-sized ankles?

  Yeshi: Whatever floats your boat.

  I smile at Manuel. “Find me a black man’s body, muscular… Oh shit.”

  “What?” he asks.

  “Well my life chip information pegs me as a Japanese man named Takashi Ogawa. That may raise suspicion if I’m in the body of a black guy.”

  Manuel sits. “So a Japanese man then?”

  “Yes, someone fit though. I’d like a fit body.”

  “I’m sure that can be arranged. We have good connections with the Yakuza. It won’t be difficult to trade someone for their body, then they’ll have a man in Mexico who looks Mexican, but is actually Japanese, and we’ll have a Japanese man. That person will then switch with you, and you’ll have a Japanese man’s body and we’ll have Carloza’s body.”

  Me: Did you catch all that?

  Yeshi: Stop messaging me and pay attention!

  I nod my head at the Mexican kingpin. “Good. So on to Nelly. That’s why we’re here in the first place, to disrupt MercSecure, ExEx and eventually, the FCG itself.”

  “I think it is important we establish a clear enemy.”

  “MercSecure,” I say. “They’re the ones that fucked with you and they’ve also tried to have me killed … what is it?” I ask Yeshi. “Twice now?”

  “Well, three times if you count the genetically modified Humandroid back in Shinjuku. The one with the tail.”

  Diva-beast I hardly knew ye.

&n
bsp; Manuel growls. “MercSecure … those mother-rapers need to pay.”

  I nearly applaud his swearword – even I learn a new one every now and then.

  “You both are wrong,” Yeshi says. “ExEx is basically the parent company of MercSecure. If we go after MercSecure, it will be like going after a worker bee when the queen is nearby. We should kill the queen first.”

  Manuel leans back in his chair. “Kill the queen … but ExEx is mainly a research company, are they not?”

  “Sauria is the head of ExEx,” I tell him.

  “And he is the majority shareholder of MercSecure, the second being the FCG,” Yeshi says. “I know him personally. He is the man behind the curtain.”

  “The Wizard of Oz,” I say. “The puppet master.”

  Manuel is quiet for a moment as he processes this information. “I will need to do more research regarding ExEx then. I wasn’t aware that this Sauria guy had such a large share in MercSecure.”

  “It isn’t exactly public knowledge,” Yeshi says. “Several holding companies own Sauria’s shares of MercSecure. Those holding companies are held by other holding companies, which are then owned by Sauria himself.”

  “El jefe.” Manuel cracks his knuckles. “In my trade there is only room for one true kingpin. I will look into this man and we will develop a strategy for taking him out. For now, let’s move onto the topic of Nelly. My people on the inside tell me she’s been moved from the coffin wall to a private cell.”

  “Coffin wall?” I ask. “That sounds shi-tay … ”

  Yeshi says, “Literally a coffin in a wall. They shove the inmate in there sideways, as if they were loaves of bread. It is a form of extreme solitary confinement developed in the aughts. It was originally used in secret prisons in other countries.”

  “You know a lot about that,” I say.

  She nods and her bangs bounce against her forehead. “I once had a client whose company designed the coffins. The more space they shaved off, the better.”

  “Yes, it is shit,” Manuel says. “However, it will be much easier to get to her now that she is out of the coffin wall.”

  “Prison break?” I ask. The words almost sound silly coming out of my mouth.

  “Obviously, you are familiar with data-switching,” he says.

  The reason my life chip information says my name is Takashi Ogawa is because of a data-switch. Body-switching changes every bit of information from one life chip to another, a full swap, one for one. Data-switching simply swaps the person’s data, making someone appear as if they were someone else. This was why the FCG thought I was dead. My data ‘died’ in Ogawa’s body after he was killed. For all official purposes, I am now Takashi Ogawa (but you can still call me Meme).

  “I am a product of my environment,” I say and I don’t really know why I say it.

  Manuel folds his hands together and places them on his desk. “Imagine I send someone to Nelly and she data switches with this person. Now Nelly is still in her same body, but her data is in someone else’s body. They change clothing. Nelly exits the prison as a guard using this person’s data. It will take the FCG at least thirty minutes to realize there’s been a switch.”

  “Wouldn’t the prison realize it was Nelly upon check-out?” I ask. “I’m sure they check all the guards. Besides, it would look like Nelly. The data may be different, but she would look like Nelly.”

  “What if we control the person checking the guards in and out of the prison? Better, what if we swap Nelly’s photo for the photo of the person that will switch with her? So her photo data matches.”

  “You can do that?”

  “We will do that. We can do many things; our reach is long,” he says.

  “Why are you letting her keep her body?”

  “She didn’t seem very happy in another person’s body,” Manuel says. “I can’t blame her; I’m the same way.”

  “How do we get her across the border then?” Yeshi asks.

  “I remember she has a Humandroid companion, doesn’t she? A kind of bitchy little lapdog that we built a new body for, complete with Humandroid Soldier arm PHASRS.”

  “Noah has PHASRs?” I ask. “Those will be useful. Anyway, he’s with her baby now.”

  “Sí … and a mother should always be with her baby. Who’s the father?” he asks me.

  “A guy named Antimeria. He’s Sauria’s butt buddy, one of the people that had Nelly placed in jail.”

  “Let me think for a moment.” Manuel leans back in his chair for the second time, taking a few deep breaths.

  Me: Is this dude strange? He looks like some celebrity from the early 2000s. I can’t quite place the name though.

  Yeshi: Not any stranger than you.

  Me: Am I really that strange?

  Yeshi: Do I really need to answer that? :-*

  Me: Thanks for the kiss. I’ll save it for later. Pitbull! That’s who he looks like, a shitty pop artist named Pitbull.

  Yeshi: That is a horrible name for a musician.

  I glance over her to see her eyes flicker as she views Pitbull’s music videos in her head. A subtle frown appears on her face.

  “I’ve got it,” Manuel says, clapping his hands together. “This is exactly what we will do.”

  THIRTY-TWO∞

  Noah was changing Rebel’s diaper when he got the private message from Anonymous One, aka Meme.

  Meme: Noah, we need to talk.

  Noah: Changing a dirty diaper right now…

  Meme: Put that shitty diaper down and give me a moment will you?

  Noah: You’ve clearly never changed a baby’s diaper.

  Meme: You got me there.

  Noah: Hold on. I need to go somewhere private anyway.

  Noah quickly made sure the new diaper was in place. The dirty diaper went into an odorless incinerator built especially for disposable diapers.

  “That’s a good girl.”

  Rebel was a beautiful baby, full of life and curiosity. She hardly cried, which was a good thing, because Antimeria absolutely hated the sound of crying children.

  Holding Rebel to his chest, Noah briskly walked down a spiral staircase that led to an elaborate, three story basement beneath Antimeria’s home. The basement housed a large entertainment area, a gym, a wine cellar, a library and an Olympic-sized pool. The pool area was Noah’s favorite place to sit. It was also a good place to hold a private conversation as there weren’t any cameras poolside – Antimeria was ashamed of his girth and preferred not to be videoed.

  “Okay,” Noah said. “I don’t have video feed here, but I figure it’d be better to talk to you in person.”

  A video appeared in his head. The video showed Meme in the body of Carloza sitting on a chair next to Yeshi.

  “I’ve added Yeshi to the feed too,” Meme said.

  “Hi, Yeshi. Long time no see. Do I detect something different about you?”

  “Hi, Noah. We can discuss it later.”

  “Let’s get down to business old chap,” Meme said.

  “Old chap? I’m hardly old.”

  “You’re a Neunbolt!”

  “That’s beside the point. What’s the plan? How are we going to get Nelly out? Poor Nelly! She really is suffering in there.” he whispered.

  “Well, we’re working on something large here.”

  “How large?” Noah asked Meme.

  “We need you to bring Nelly over the border.”

  “Me? You do realize I’ve been under constant observation since they brought me back to LA. Antimeria always has at least three MercSecure guards here watching me.”

  “Where are they now?”

  Noah glanced at the spiral staircase. “Upstairs. I’m in the basement.”

  “We need you to bring Nelly across the border,” Meme said.

  “Why can’t Carloza … I mean Manuel organize a trip across the border?”

  “He’s using his connects to break her out of prison. By the time they get her to the border, the FCG may be onto him and they may
suspend all the border immunity passes owned by their organization. It’s a stretch, but it’s definitely a possibility. The prison Nelly is in is heavily guarded. We don’t know exactly how long it will take them to realize she’s been busted out.”

  Rebel started to cry and Noah patted her back. “There, there, little Rebel, you’re going to see Mommy soon.”

  “Is that my baby?” Meme asked.

  “Your baby?”

  “I gave birth to her … Actually, I would have died if it hadn’t been for Yeshi. She may have a second career in midwifery.”

  Yeshi said, “Noah, we are going to need you to get out of that house at some point to meet Nelly.”

  “I understand, but what if they suspend Antimeria’s border immunity?”

  “Simple. Bring Antimeria with you,” Meme said.

  “Do what?”

  “I hate to be blunt, but you’ll need to kill his guards and bring him with you.”

  “Do what!?” Noah’s voice raised an octave.

  “Okay, that sounds too harsh,” Meme said. Noah heard someone mumble in the background. Meme listened for a moment before saying, “We will send you a package tomorrow disguised as… something for a baby. What do you need for a baby?”

  “You’re being serious right now?”

  “Hell yes I am,” Meme said. “The rest of what you’ll need will be in the package. What do you need? Tell me something that won’t look suspicious…”

  “Send me a package of diapers,” Noah finally said. “I’ve been ordering tons lately. Rebel gets a rash if she uses anything but disposables.”

  “Will the guards check the box?”

  “They didn’t today; they almost never do. The guards don’t strike me as being the sharpest scissors in the salon, somehow.”

  “Good to know,” Meme said. “We’ll meet soon, Noah.”

  THIRTY-THREE∞

  Curious, Rinchi cocked her head to the left and stared at Bill Bleak as she checked his vitals. “You sure are a handsome man. I would hate to have to change that.”

  He struggled to say something but it was useless with the gag. Globs of saliva had formed at the corners of his mouth, pooling with the blood around his lips.