by Janna Ruth
Part of me wants to do precisely that. My soul yearns to let go of everything and travel the world, meet other spirits and people, and learn something new every day. But when I promised her, it was in a moment of fear, and there’s still so much that binds me to Berlin. Maybe more than just a few months ago.
“I can’t.”
Aeola’s wind grows stronger, and I find myself stumbling on the path. “You promised.”
“Aeola, please.” Something is wrong. She’s never been this way, not this… desperate. “Are you okay?”
The wind lessens as her face softens. “Of course I am okay. You don’t need to worry about me. If you want to stay here, that’s your decision. I just don’t think like this is the right place for you.” On this softer note, she leaves me, the wind carrying her away.
I don’t try to stop her because, for the first time since I met her, she outright lied to me.
“Everything okay?” Leon asks me when I come to get him.
“Sure.” I give him my hand and lead him back to the citadel, glad that he doesn’t press the matter.
We enter the courtyard to the rhythmic clanking of two battle staffs smashing together. Lukas is sparring with Wulf, giving me my first view of Wulf’s fighting prowess. I always thought that Lukas was quite skilled with his acrobatic moves and forceful blows, but he doesn’t even come close to being a match for Wulf.
The commander moves with a fluidity that reminds me of a spirit in their natural environment, one with their element. He’s in total control of the sparring. Each blow falls precisely where he wants it to in order to challenge Lukas. This isn’t for his own benefit, but Lukas’. Wulf seems to read his intentions like a spirit, expecting each turn of direction or angle. And he barely breaks a sweat doing so.
“Pretty impressive, huh?” Leon asks softly. For some reason, amusement swings in his voice.
I set my jaw, but my eyes keep following Wulf’s movements. “He’s okay.”
Leon chuckles softly. “Yeah.” He claps my shoulders. “I’m going to see if I can find the hall on my own. You stay and enjoy watching them.”
My mind doesn’t truly register his words or the hesitant way in which he walks away. It’s too occupied with admiring the precision and accuracy of Wulf’s fighting style. Every move feels so deliberate, directed to draw out the best from Lukas. I’m pretty sure if Lukas and I would’ve ever got to the sparring stage, he would have dominated me. Wulf, on the other hand, would probably adjust his style to make sure I actually learned something from him.
I have to blink twice when the fight suddenly ends on Lukas’ signal. The younger spirit seeker is huffing and sweating but grinning wildly. Wulf claps his shoulder, saying, “That was good. Really good.”
“Thanks. I kept the training up.” Oh yes, Lukas idolises Wulf completely. He reminds me a little of an overeager puppy waiting for a benevolent pat.
And Wulf gives him exactly that. “I noticed. Your stamina has improved.”
The beaming smile on Lukas’s face seems so out of place I need to shake my head. That’s definitely not the spirit seeker I know.
Fortunately, he notices me then, and a scowl appears on his face. “Looks like we’ve got an audience.”
Wulf turns his head around. When he sees me, he waves me over. Left with no choice, I slowly walk over to them. Wulf leans a little on that gnarly staff of his and smiles. “You want to try your skills against me?”
Just a moment ago, I was mid-fantasy of doing exactly that. Now, I’m blushing again. “No, I’m not at that stage yet.” I look for help at Lukas, of all people.
For a moment, he seems to weigh his options: leave me hanging to spite me or try to impress Wulf. He chooses the latter. “We only just started building up her strength and stamina. I devised a training plan for her.”
His training plan was to have me follow his workout and glower at me for not even coming close to his output. But whatever works for him. It had been what I wanted, after all. Now I want more. “It wasn’t really working for me, though.”
Lukas glares at me. How dare I undermine his boast? “Yeah, maybe spirit seeking as a whole isn’t really working for you, spirit whisperer.”
I guess I’ve lost all the Brownie points I collected with him for bringing down the Erlking. Or maybe it’s another attempt to impress Wulf after the commander has made it clear that he doesn’t like my close relationship with our declared enemies.
Wulf doesn’t really seem to care for it, though. He rubs the bridge of his nose before telling Lukas. “You should warm down at the gym.”
Lukas hesitates a moment, but his adoration for Wulf forces him to follow his command without question. “Will do.” As he passes me, he has one last remark for me. “Good luck.”
Wulf waits until Lukas is out of earshot before remarking, “Camille told me you two don’t get along well.”
“Yeah, I generally have a problem with big egos and assholes.” I disregard Lukas and turn around to Wulf, only to find him staring. “I… I didn’t mean… you’re not an asshole or… forget what I said please.”
He smirks, then hands me the staff Lukas used. “Let’s see where you at.”
“I’d rather not.” While I take the staff, I find myself in desperate need to be somewhere else, anywhere really. But Wulf gets into position, leaving me little choice but to stall. “Why does your staff look so different?”
Wulf relaxes his stance and takes a look at his own staff. “It’s one of the ancient ones. Has been in use for over two thousand years by spirit seekers.”
Now, that’s interesting. I step closer, extending out my hand. “And you’re so good they give you the more primitive weapon?” I swallow my words the moment I touch the wood. It’s a difference, like night and day. The black spirit seeker staffs are weapons, exchangeable, but this… this feels like it’s meant to be wielded by my hand. Similar to Daisy’s staff, I can feel its power surging through me.
Only when Wulf clears his throat do I notice how close I stand to him, caressing the staff in his hands. Now that he has my attention, he says with a glint in his eyes, “The ancient weapons are actually the best we have. Our armourers have tried to recreate them, but none have come close.”
I use the time he spends explaining to step away from him, letting my hand fall to my side.
“The SSA gave this to me for our mission under Vesuvius,” he says, running his own hand over the wood, polished by time. “After our success, they made it a long-term loan. Now, do you want to give it a go?”
“I’ve never fought with it before.” I grab Lukas’s practise staff tighter. After having had a feeling for Wulf’s staff, this one feels cold and lifeless. Like the powder Miriam once produced from it.
“Really? Did the Erlking fall on your staff then?” Wulf quips.
When I thought this would become embarrassing, I didn’t mean that kind of embarrassment. “No. I… fine, let’s do it.” It doesn’t look like I’ve got a choice, anyway.
“Okay, well, first grab the staff like that.” Wulf shifts fluidly into instructor mode. “It’s not a stick that you’re gonna swing at a piñata. You need manoeuvrability.” He steps forward to adjust my hands on the staff.
I guess, so far, I have been mostly swinging it around wildly, hoping to hit something. The new stance makes the staff feel more balanced in my grip.
“Feet shoulder-wide,” Wulf continues and takes the same position. “The staff can be used for both attacking and defending. If you want to block a hit, make sure it hits the piece between your hands.” He slowly brings down his staff, waiting for me to raise my own the way I think he wants me to. Our staffs touch lightly. Then he exerts a bit of pressure. “See how this gives you stability? If I hit it here or there…” He touches both ends of my staffs with quick motions, causing my arms to jerk away while I stumble around on my feet. “… your body can’t catch the blow as easily. You can use the ends to deflect a blow, though. Like, hit my staff on either side.”
Sceptically, I look at him. Then I try to surprise him by quickly stepping into his range and bringing down my staff. It doesn’t work for two reasons: one, with my new handle on the staff, I’ve entirely overestimated my momentum, and second, Wulf moves along with me, deflecting my weapon with one fluid motion, causing me to stumble past him.
Flustered, I turn around and re-assume my stance. Wulf grins. He’s clearly enjoying this. It takes me a second to realise he’s not enjoying his domination but the act of teaching me. “That wasn’t too bad,” he says.
“Yes, it was.” I let go with one hand and stand the staff on the ground. “I don’t need to be coddled.”
Wulf snorts. “No encouragement. Got it. Now let me show you the basics of attacking.”
By the time we’re done, both of my arms hurt. I’m not sweaty like Lukas because we didn’t really move around that much, just raising the staff repeatedly in various angles. I’ve already forgotten half of what Wulf said. The only thing I take from this lesson is that I have absolutely no idea how to use my body, which is kind of sobering.
“That was pretty…” Wulf catches himself quickly. “Well, I enjoyed it.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“We should do that again,” he announces. “But first, we need to get a handle on your NAV. If you have got nothing else planned, I would like to run the tests tomorrow.”
Tomorrow? Tests? I suddenly notice that I have no clue how the NAV is calculated. “If you have to.”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure you gonna do well.”
Oh, dear. Now it’s tests and expectations. Too bad I can’t think of anything I could plan spontaneously for tomorrow.
CHAPTER FOUR
TO SAY I’M nervous before my NAV test would be a gross understatement. I never really went to school like everyone else. There was a time I did, but I don’t like thinking back to those months. Essentially, all it taught me was that I am stupid and won’t amount to anything in my life. And then I went and proved my teachers right by living on the streets for eight years.
My mum did most of my schooling, but it was a haphazard mix. Some writing, some numbers, but mainly she told me about the world, spirits and people, history and culture. I don’t know a lot of facts or science, but I can see the big picture and understand relationships and communities. Problem is, those things are never truly the subject of tests.
Even worse, I hate what tests mean. A test will determine how well I’ll do as a spirit seeker, just like a test determined I should be taught amongst eleven-year-olds at the age of fifteen. You do well or not on one particular day, and it’ll determine the rest of your life. In my opinion, society overly relies on tests when it comes to people’s abilities.
Ever since I’ve come to work with the spirit seekers, they’ve told me I would score high on their beloved NAV. But what if I don’t? What if I spectacularly fail their expectations, and it turns out I’m not really attuned to nature? Sure, I can see and hear spirits, but that’s not all that goes into the NAV, right?
Well, apparently, one part of the NAV test is a medical exam. Wulf and Miriam await me in the lab with an unknown woman. Without further ado, Wulf explains, “We’re going to start with the medical tests before running the cognitive ones. This is Frau Leibinger. She will run the tests, assess your physical capabilities, and do a blood test.”
“With needles?” It’s the first thing that pops up in my mind.
“Yeah, we usually don’t do the cut and drain method anymore,” Wulf quips, but he only sets my stomach aflutter, and not in a good way.
Look, I know needles aren’t bad… not in a sterile environment, but that’s the thing. When I see a needle, I think of heroin or blood poisoning. I’ve seen a guy die because he stepped on a used needle once. It was bad enough to get the tetanus shot with Leon, but I had closed my eyes then and never actually saw the needle. Now I can see several of them lying on a tray, ready to puncture my skin.
“I just don’t like them,” I mutter.
Nevertheless, I step towards the nurse, who’s the only one who smiles at me. “Don’t worry. You’re not the only person who’s not a big fan of blood tests. If it helps, I’m very good at my job.”
I guess it does since I find myself sitting down in the chair and looking the other way, which means staring at Wulf and Miriam with their overly expectant faces. Okay, doing this in front of them is definitely awkward. “Do you have to watch?” I’m starting to think there is a way to fail a blood test off the bat.
“No,” Wulf says promptly. “We’ll wait outside until you’re done.”
“Don’t worry,” Miriam says, her face brightening a little. “It’ll be over soon.” Then they’re both gone.
The nurse rolls up my sleeve and halts for a moment. “Lichtenberg figures. You got hit by lightning?”
The memory of the Erlking makes me shudder. “Uhm, yeah.”
“Remarkable.” She wraps a tight strap around my arm and pokes the elbow with her fingers, looking for a vein. As she does so, she keeps up a constant chatter. “So, you’re joining the spirit seekers? That’s exciting.”
“Is it?” I concentrate on the red-blinking button of one of Miriam’s computers.
“I don’t know,” the nurse admits while cleaning the site with an alcohol swap. “I always imagined it must be cool to see spirits. Though I guess it’s a bit creepy. To be fair, so is knowing that there is an invisible creature with a murderous mind around you at all times.”
I sigh deeply. “Not every spirit wants to murder you.”
“Oh, that’s good to know.” Her words are followed by a sudden jab. Then the strap around my upper arm is released. “And you’ll be taking care of the rest. Thank you.”
The stinging pain in my arms makes it harder to keep my fingers relaxed. I want to ball my hands or tap my fingers. Instead, I concentrate on her words. “Thank you?”
“For your service. I know that fighting spirits comes at great risk. So, thank you for keeping us all safe.” I can feel and hear her change the tubes attached to the needle. “You’ve chosen a dangerous but hopefully rewarding line of work.”
I hope she’s right about the rewards because the balance seems a bit skewed towards dangerous at the moment. Once she takes out the needle, I breathe a sigh of relief. The nurse puts a cotton bud on my arm and asks me to press down while she labels the three tubes. It’s weird to see my blood lying there outside of my body, and I’m glad I decided not to watch it being taken.
The rest of the medical tests are fairly standard. I wonder how all of that features into my NAV, but maybe it’s a lot more complicated than I thought. The nurse isn’t too happy with my weight, but that seems to be a general concern, not one related to my potential skill set.
Finally, she packs up. “Right. So, all of this will be sent to the lab, and we’ll let you know in two to three days.”
“Cool.” In reality, this makes it even worse. After everything that’s yet to come, I won’t even be getting a result, but have to fret for days. How high do I have to score on the NAV scale so they allow me to stay?
She has barely left the lab when Miriam and Wulf come back. Miriam goes straight to her desk, retrieving a big box of material. Wulf takes a seat at the table in front of me. This time, he shows an unnerving smile, as if I’ve got nothing to worry about. “Let’s run the tests.”
Miriam hands him a pen and an evaluation sheet, and my stomach tightens. Then she hands me a tablet with a number of files set up. “We’re going to do a series of cognitive tests. First, there’ll be some videos, then a few sound files and some pictures. Once we’re done with that, we’ll do the VR tests. My favourite.”
Slightly overwhelmed, I concentrate on the tablet in my hands. Miriam taps the first video. “Please tell us what you see.”
The little video is taken in the Alps. An outcrop shows a grey stone with a greenish tinge. In front of it, a group of gnomes is busy digging out a nest for themselves. They’re o
f a different rock type with milky white bands layering their entire body like a fashionably striped shirt. I draw a total blank for what the name of that rock could be, though.
While I try to rack my brain for rock names, Wulf clears his throat. “You don’t have to identify it. Just describe as much as you can see.”
“Oh, okay.” I replay the video and start talking. “So, I’m not sure what type of rock the gnomes are. They look a bit like granite, you know, light grey with a lot of quartz, but they have this parallel banding instead of a grainy texture.”
“Gneiss,” Miriam says softly. “It’s a metamorphic rock that forms when granite is put under a lot of pressure and temperature.”
I can’t say I’ve heard that one before. Looks like I need to take a crash course at rock identification. Luckily, gnomes aren’t super common around here. “Right, so...” I notice that Wulf is staring at me. He hasn’t written anything down yet.
When I look at him, he blinks and quickly makes a note. “Please continue.”
“So, yeah, they’re gneiss-gnomes. Judging by the weathering, they’re quite old. They are...”
“No, I meant, continue with the next video, please,” Wulf interrupts me. “You’ve already got full points for this one.”
The next video shows a group of nymphs bathing in the lake under a willow tree. “So, there are three nymphs in this one...”
Once again, Wulf doesn’t let me finish. “No, there are two.”
I turn the tablet around and point to where a third one is hovering just under the water surface. Wulf squints and leans forward. Miriam tries to look as well, but she gives up quickly. “I can’t see any of them.”
Wulf leans back again and makes a longer note on the scoring sheet. “Three it is.”
His quiet confirmation puts a smile on my face, and I feel a lot more confident about the rest of the videos.
For the next test, Miriam hands me a set of headphones. “We’re gonna play a couple of sound files, and you tell us what you hear.”