by DJ Monroe
“Hello, Colton,” Grant said. His voice sounded formal, as if he was talking to a stranger.
Unable to speak, Colton struggled to fight back tears.
“I’d like to know if I could come over,” Grant said.
“Oh, Grant,” Colton finally gasped.
“I just want to pick up the rest of my things,” Grant said quickly.
“Where are you staying?” Colton asked, finally finding his voice.
“At a hotel for right now but I’ll be flying out for work on Monday. I’m looking for my own place,” Grant told him.
“You have a place here,” Colton whispered.
“Not any longer. It’s yours now. I meant what I said the other night.”
Tears streamed down Colton’s face and he swiped at them angrily with one hand.
“So, I’d like to stop by in about thirty minutes,” Granted said. “Would that suit?”
“Of course,” Colton said, so many emotions filling his chest he could barely speak. “You still have a key.”
When the call ended, Colton simply sat on the sofa staring at the blank TV screen and waited for Grant to arrive. The knock on the door brought him to his feet and it felt as if he was trudging through quicksand with every step he took. He wondered if he would feel like this for the rest of his life.
To Colton’s surprise, it wasn’t Grant at the door but Lincoln. He forced a smile knowing he was unable to hide his red rimmed eyes and tearstained face.
“If this is a bad time, I can come back later,” Lincoln said, giving Colton a tentative smile.
“It is, kind of,” Colton said quietly.
“I was wondering if you’d like to go out for a beer or something later. I’d like to repay you for dinner the other night,” Lincoln said.
“Maybe some other time,” Colton said, looking down the hall toward the elevator. God, if Grant showed up and caught the two of them talking, he’d start with the accusations again no matter how innocent it was.
“Sure. Just let me know when is good for you,” Lincoln said, moving back toward his own apartment.
Colton held his breath until he heard Lincoln’s door close. Then he returned to the sofa and waited for Grant to arrive.
This time, the knock on the door had to be Grant and it broke Colton’s heart that he didn’t just use his key and come inside. He trudged across the room toward the door wondering how he was going to survive this—not even sure he wanted to survive it.
Grant nodded formally. “May I come in?”
“Yes, of course,” Colton said, opening the door wide. Why did he feel like they were already strangers?
Grant entered the apartment, looked around briefly and then went into the bedroom. Colton retreated to the patio, unable to watch as Grant gathered his things and packed them into his remaining luggage.
Sitting there at the little table where they’d shared so many meals, so much laughter, he heard drawers opening and closing and Grant gathering his toiletries out of the bathroom. If he stayed outside, Grant wouldn’t see his tears in the gathering darkness.
“Colton,” Grant was at the sliding glass door, one foot in and one foot out, holding up his keys.
Colton raised his head slowly.
“I think I have everything I’m going to need. Anything I’ve left behind is yours,” he paused. “I’ll just leave these on the counter.”
Colton nodded, stood and entered the apartment, following Grant to the door. “I don’t suppose there’s any way you would reconsider moving out,” he said, torn between keeping his pride intact and literally begging Grant to stay.
“No,” Grant said. “I’m sorry it had to end this way, but I have to do what’s right for me. I have to take care of myself.”
“We shared so much,” Colton reasoned with him. “Can’t we even talk about this?”
“I’ve tried talking to you, Colton,” Grant said, one hand on the door knob. “You just don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. We’ve grown apart. I’m ready to move on.”
“Grant.”
“And it’s time for you to grow up and stop viewing the world through those rose-colored glasses of yours.”
“Grant, I’m sorry,” Colton said, choking back tears that he thought he might cry forever. “I’ll do better. I promise.”
Grant shook his head.
“Maybe counseling,” Colton said, grasping at straws.
Again, Grant shook his head and then, with a deep breath, seemed to come to some kind of decision. “Colton, I’m seeing someone else, have been for a little while. It’s over between us.”
His words hit Colton like a kick in the gut, making him gasp. He wanted to scream and cry and beg Grant to change his mind. Instead, he was too stunned to say or do anything.
With his heart shattered into a million pieces, he watched Grant open the door, pick up the two pieces of luggage and a duffle bag and step out into the hall. It wasn’t until the door closed behind him that Colton sank to his knees and burst into tears. They ran down his face like hot acid, burning his skin. How was he going to go on without Grant? He wasn’t even sure he wanted to go on, but what choice did he have?
LINCOLN COULDN’T BELIEVE that the man he’d invited out for a beer just moments earlier was the same one he’d shared dinner with just days before. He looked beaten and lost. If Lincoln hadn’t been sure it was Colton, he almost wouldn’t have recognized him. Putting together what he’d heard a few nights earlier and what he’d just seen, Lincoln was pretty sure Colton’s partner had moved out or was planning to.
The thought angered him.
What kind of madman would deliberately hurt someone as kind and caring as Colton? He fought the urge to go back over there and give Colton a shoulder to lean on, to tell him he understood the pain and anger and to let him know he wasn’t alone. Hearing someone knock on Colton’s door, he stood just inside his own door and listened. All he could hear were low strained voices. Was Colton safe? Would this guy hurt him? He suddenly felt so protective of someone he was beginning to consider a friend.
Finally, he heard the door open again, heard low voices, Colton asking if they could talk and the other man refusing.
“He won’t even try,” Lincoln muttered to himself.
The door closed again and he heard footsteps moving down the hall toward the elevator. Lincoln took a chance, eased his door open and peeped outside. The same dark haired man he’d seen before stood at the elevator. He had several pieces of luggage and what looked like a duffle bag. Definitely someone who wasn’t coming back for a while—maybe ever.
It reminded him of the last time he’d seen Jon.
He closed the door silently, his heart breaking for Colton. Fighting the urge to go over there, Lincoln wandered through his apartment and ended up in the bedroom. Jon’s letters were still stacked on his night stand, neatly arranged with his last letter, his goodbye letter, on top.
Anger flared in him again and he hated it, hated the fact that he’d fallen hard for the younger man when every instinct had warned him against it. Had Colton been warned as well and decided to fall in love anyway? He picked up the letters, inhaling Jon’s scent. His body didn’t react like it normally did but sent his thoughts to Colton, broken and hurting, just across the hall.
Jon wasn’t coming back.
He knew this in his heart and soul and knew there was one way for him to end this relationship once and for all. Carrying the letters into the kitchen, he placed them upside down in the sink. He found a lighter in a drawer, flicked it on and picked up the letter that was now on top.
He hesitated. Maybe he should read them one more time.
With a shake of his head, the decision was made. He touched the small flame to the corner of the envelope, holding it up in the air until he was sure it had caught. Then he placed it in the sink and flipped the letters back over. Now, the letter he’d just set on fire was on the bottom and he stood there watching as the flames quickly spread upward, licking each
letter gently before engulfing it.
He thought he detected Jon’s scent rising from the sink and reached for the handle to turn on the water to put out the flames. It was just his imagination. But the hurt and anger he felt over the loss was not his imagination. He let the emotions wash over him, sliding into his heart, hardening it. He would never fall in love again.
“No,” he said to himself, pulled his hand back and watched them burn. “Never again,” Lincoln said aloud. “Thanks to you, Jon, never again.”
The flames were already beginning to die out, their fuel, the ridiculously expensive stationary nearly gone.
No matter what happened next, even if he was alone for the rest of his life, Jon was gone. Completely out of his life as of that moment. He would never forget what he had with the other man but he would never forgive him for breaking his heart and hardening it to any other.
Chapter Ten
“Man, I know I promised I’d come over tonight, but something’s come up,” Richard said and then added, “Besides, you sound pretty out of it. Maybe you need to try to get some sleep.”
“I will,” Colton said, disappointed. “I will.”
He was pretty sure what had ‘come up’ was someone Richard met at Paddy’s, but he was too tired and too defeated to argue. This had probably been the worst week of Colton’s life. It might be better if they waited until the next morning anyway. Maybe, Richard was right. Another glass of wine, a hot bath and maybe, just maybe, he’d get some sleep.
“I’ll make breakfast,” Colton promised.
By the time Richard finally showed up, it was nearly noon on Saturday. Exhausted from tossing and turning through another sleepless night, Colton had about given up on seeing him altogether. Richard seemed to be putting distance between them, which he didn’t understand. He planned to ask him about it.
Or maybe Colton was just letting his imagination get the better of him.
“It’s almost noon. Where have you been?” Colton asked when he let his long-time friend into the apartment. He looked rumpled and grumpy.
“Overslept,” Richard grunted.
“Your phone is off. I keep getting your voice mail,” Colton told him.
“Forgot to charge it,” Richard muttered, brushing off any further questions with a wave of his hand.
“Well, I guess breakfast has turned into brunch,” Colton said, and headed for the kitchen where he’d been preparing vegetables for their omelets.
Richard helped himself to a cup of coffee and watched while Colton moved around the small space, pulling eggs and cheese out of the refrigerator.
“Have you talked to Grant?” Colton finally asked, trying to keep the question light.
“Only briefly,” Richard told him.
“How did he sound?”
“He’s hurting as badly as you, Colton,” Richard said.
“I doubt that,” Colton said, sounding angrier than he meant to.
“A break up like this isn’t easy no matter the situation,” Richard told him.
“You mean his new lover isn’t helping him out with his ‘pain’?” Colton asked, glancing over his shoulder to see Richard’s reaction. This time he was unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice even though it made him feel petty and small—and mean.
Richard looked a little surprised but Colton was sure he knew about Grant’s affair.
“Yes, he told me,” Colton said.
Richard avoided his steady gaze. “I’m not getting into that with you,” Richard said quietly.
“Have you met him?”
Richard didn’t answer.
“I’m going to take that as a yes,” Colton said. “How long has this been going on, Richard?”
Richard shrugged. “This is none of my business. It’s between you and Grant.”
“Why? And why not now? I thought you were my best friend, Richard.” His voice was tinged with anger that had been building since Grant left. He tried to keep it under control as much as he could, but his resolve was slipping. “I would think best friends would tell each other when they know their partner is having an affair.”
“Colton,” Richard said, holding up both hands. “Stop.”
Colton turned and placed both hands on his hips. Keeping his voice low and steady he said, “I feel like something has happened between you and I, too. You hardly ever answer my calls. It’s like you’ve distanced yourself from me for some reason. Is it because of Grant?”
He’d lost Grant. What would happen if Richard decided he no longer wanted to be friends as well?
“Sometimes, it’s better for best friends to stay out of other people’s lives and let things happen on their own,” Richard said.
“He’s not involved with some loser from Paddy’s is he?” Colton asked.
Richard shook his head. “No.”
“Well, that’s good news anyway.”
Colton’s last word caught on a sob and he turned away so Richard wouldn’t see the tears he constantly fought to keep under control these days. He had promised himself he wouldn’t cry in front of Richard.
“I know this is hard on you,” Richard said softly all the while keeping his distance in the small space. “I know you’re hurting, too.”
“At least when Jeremy left you, you were kind of expecting it.”
“True,” Richard said.
“This was right out of the blue,” Colton said, glancing at Richard. “Or was I the only one surprised?”
Richard didn’t respond and Colton took that as a yes.
What Richard wasn’t saying told Colton as much as what he did say, Colton thought as he expertly flipped the omelets onto plates. He added a garnish of sliced avocado and placed wheat toast on the side.
Without a word, Richard took the plate he offered, refilled his cup and turned to leave the kitchen. Colton followed. He had a million questions about Grant and his new lover, but it was obvious Richard wasn’t going to tell him anything. If he’d been going to gossip, he would have already done that.
“And Jeremy didn’t immediately jump right into someone else’s bed,” Colton said when they were settled at the little table on the balcony.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Richard said and then sighed in exasperation. “Can we please change the subject.”
Shouts and laughter below caught Colton’s attention and he turned his head to watch Lincoln with the boys on their makeshift basketball court. The big athletic man challenged the older boys, easily taking the ball from them or catching it on the rebound. He also made sure the younger ones could keep up. While they watched, Lincoln handed the ball to the smallest child and then picked him up, urging him to shoot for the basket. He missed by a mile, but he was smiling broadly when Lincoln set him down.
Colton smiled in spite of himself when the other boys started shouting that it wasn’t fair. He glanced at Richard to see if he was watching. He appeared to be but he didn’t seem to be enjoying the scenery as Colton hoped he would. Just because Colton and Grant had split up, Colton still had high hopes for Lincoln and Richard to meet. He wanted them to be as happy as he thought he and Grant were. But maybe Richard was right. Their relationship, at least over the past few months, had just been a sham.
“Still want to hook me up with your neighbor?” Richard asked as if reading his thoughts.
Colton shook his head. “We can try to set something up again but I’ve just about given up on trying to help you get your life straight.”
“Oh, no! What will I do!” Richard gasped, placing the back of his hand on his forehead and pretending to swoon. And then he stopped. “Uh oh, who are you going to help now?”
“According to Grant I’m a busybody, a meddler. Causing more trouble than if I’d left things alone. If I ever expect him to come back to me, I’ll have to change.”
Richard shook his head. “He’s not coming back, Colton.”
“You don’t know that,” Colton said, stabbing his eggs with a fork.
Richard ate i
n silence, glancing down at the basketball game from time to time.
Colton tried not to talk about Grant but it was impossible. He had gone over the whole evening in his head a million times and still couldn’t understand how it got so out of control so quickly. He couldn’t even figure out what he’d done that was so wrong. And he still couldn’t understand how Grant had gotten involved with someone else when Colton thought he gave the man everything he wanted right there at home.
Now, he talked it through while Richard listened patiently. His friend didn’t seem to have much insight into what had happened even though it was obvious he’d spoken with Grant and knew as much about the break up as Colton himself.
“I just have one question,” Colton said when it became obvious that Richard wasn’t going to give him any information about Grant or his new lover or anything else for that matter.
“As long as it’s not about Grant,” Richard said and then tried to explain his point of view. “Colton, he’s my friend, too. I promised him I wouldn’t get any more involved than I had to. And besides, I’m not qualified to advise anyone on relationships. Not with my track record.”
It sounded like the basketball game down below was breaking up. The boys gathered around Lincoln who appeared to be giving them some kind of directions. As the boys scattered, he shouted, “We’ll meet back here in thirty minutes.”
Colton smiled at the sight. “He really is a good guy,” he said to Richard. “You...” he clamped his mouth shut, ending the sentence abruptly. He was doing exactly what Grant had accused him of.
“I what?” Richard asked.
Colton shook his head. “Nothing.” And then he asked, “Richard, do you feel like I meddle in your life? Am I a busybody?”
Again, Richard grew quiet and then finally said, “Actually, now that you’ve brought it up, I do feel that way sometimes.”
Colton was stunned at that remark. “So, you’re taking Grant’s side in this.”
“There’s no ‘taking sides’,” Richard said. “But I do feel as if sometimes you get involved with things that you should not.”