Looking out across the yard I watch as a sparrow takes flight. I wish I knew how he felt being so free and alive. What must it be like to go anywhere whenever you want—to not have to worry about when the lights go out having unwanted visitors stalking you in your home? A place where one is supposed to feel safe from the monsters under their bed. How I wish I could spread my wings and fly. I’d fly so far away no one would ever find me.
**
My dad stayed in the house all day yesterday. It was totally unlike him, and he kept Squirrel busy running errands, but he showed up eventually smelling putrid. Betty is cleaning. She is always cleaning, to keep the odor that Diablo and Squirrel bring in on their clothes from the building. I am old enough now that I know exactly what goes on out there, they cook crystal meth in there. It is disgusting. I have been hoping that they would get caught, but either the law around here is too dumb, they are paid off, or they are scared of my dad and his club. Squirrel didn’t come to my room last night, thank god for small favors. I used to scrub my skin until it was a raw and at the point of cracking and bleeding when he would touch me, but I can never wash him from me, he has spoiled my body. I am ruined for any other man to ever be able to love me or touch me, not that I would want one to.
I’m damaged, but I’ve decided I don’t need anyone to love me. Who would want the leavings of a man like Squirrel?
The strangest thing happens. As I am getting ready for bed tonight, my father comes to my room. He takes a seat on the edge of my bed as I sit with my knees to my chest covered by my sheet. He looks old and tired. Worry lines crease his forehead and crow’s-feet line the corners of his eyes. Wiping his graying brow, he looks at me and he has the saddest expression on his face. “I know I haven't been the nicest or best dad. Nevertheless, you know you could tell me if something was bothering you. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
I could tell him right now about everything, I have a mountain of confessions to move off my chest, but I cannot. How can I open up to the man who was supposed to love me and protect me? The man who was supposed to raise me, and show me the best example of how a man should be, when all he has shown me is distance and cruelty? I haven’t had a real mother, only Betty. She has been good to me, but I can’t fully open myself up to her either.
“I’m just nervous that I’m not smart enough to take my test in a few weeks. Now let me get some sleep. Betty promised to take me to the library early so I can take a practice test.”
“Night, girl.” He pats my knees trying to show affection, something he has never been very good at doing. After my dad closes my door, I climb out of bed and put a chair against my door. I hope it is enough to keep Squirrel away tonight. He kept making disgusting gestures at me earlier, and he was taking his hand and motioning it towards his mouth to give the impression of someone giving head.
Curling up under my covers, I try to fall to sleep but I can’t. I try to concentrate on the sound of the crickets, but it isn’t helping. I am so anxious about taking my practice test for my GED. When I pass the real test, I can get a job and start saving for my way out of here. I want to leave so bad, but I get the feeling that Diablo and Squirrel will never let me go willingly. My grandfather tried to take me away once. He came down from Kentucky to see me and he asked if I wanted to live with him and I said yes. He found it odd that a kid would be so willing to go with a strange old man at the first chance she had. Diablo of course made it seem that I was just kidding, but I wasn’t. I would have gone if he had taken me with him. I cried so hard I threw up when he left me behind.
As I am drifting off to sleep, I hear the creaking of the floorboard letting me know Squirrel is there, but then he goes away when I hear my father ask him what he is doing. I cover my head with the pillow; I don't want to hear the lies. My stomach sinks when I am awakened hours later by the sound of my window opening. A rough but familiar hand goes over my mouth. “Shh, it’s me, baby. I missed you last night,” he whispers into my hair. A tear slips down my cheek, as he goes straight to doing what he came to my room for.
His rough hands reach up my shirt and squeeze my breasts painfully. His lips cap over mine, drowning me in his disgusting breath. I cringe as he starts touching me all over. Something wonderful and horrifying happens all at once. My bedroom door crashes open, my father drunkenly staggers into my room, stopping Squirrel dead in his tracks. “I knew you were a whore like ye mother.” he spits at me, wiping his mouth on the cuff of his shirt. “And you, you slimy son of a bitch, that’s my daughter. You watched her from diapers to now, what the fuck’s wrong with ye?”
My father lunges towards us grabbing Squirrel by the neck, and the two of them roll into the floor. Betty is standing in my doorway with a look of horror on her face. She walks around the men beating the shit out of each other in the middle of my bedroom floor. She grabs me by the hand and leads me from the room. “Let them settle it like men, you’ll just get hurt if you interfere.”
“I hope my father tears out his throat,” I admit as I watch Diablo smack Squirrel over the head with a lamp.
“You don’t mean that.” Betty places her hands on my shoulders as we watch while steeping back as the fight continues through the house, carrying into the living room. Furniture is turned over, chairs are broken, glass from who only knows what covers the floor.
“I do, then Diablo would go to prison for murder and we would be free.”
“I don’t know what scares me more. The fact that I think you do mean it or that when you say things like that, I wish they’d come true.” The fighting has stopped. My father is lying on top of Squirrel. I am not sure if he passed out from the fight or from being drunk. Squirrel’s face looks like a bruised peach. It’s shades of orange, red and purple, with hints of blue. He coughs, spitting up blood, and a few teeth.
I can't help but stare at the two of them lying there and praying that they never get up from the floor. Is it evil and wrong that I want them to be dead right now?
In an instant your life can change and everything you have ever wanted happens, maybe prayers are answered, and dreams do come true. Maybe the things—the stories of our dreams and nightmares are real and everything you are scared of but crave does exist. The front door is kicked in and there he is, the man that nightmares and dreams are made of. “Grim...” The name leaves Betty’s lips in a disbelieving whisper. He is scary and beautiful all in the same. I am frozen with fear. This is the moment I have been waiting for.
One two Grim is coming for you, three four had better lock the door, five six had better tuck you in tight, seven eight never mind it is too late...
I am shaking and crying, feeling so many emotions...shock, and fear. The urge to reach out to this man and beg him for my life, to beg him to make me a bird so I can fly away...
I lose all control of myself as I fall to the floor. My body is not able to handle all that is occurring inside of it. I allow myself to succumb to the numb and the black. I retreat inside myself, my walls go up, and I see her in my head, my mother. I know she is with me, and I allow her to hold me, to help me escape the pain, the despair that surrounds me.
Chapter 15
Alabama
Grim
Watching the scene play out from outside is hard. My instincts tell me to barge in now, but Romeo begs me to be reasonable, to do the smart thing—to sit and wait for the right moment. Squirrel and Benji are going at it. Looks like daddy’s little girl has caused quite a stir. Makes me sick, she is just a kid. That could be my Baby messing around with one of my brother’s. Never going to happen, gonna make damn sure of it.
The noise ceases and the quiet of the night takes over, the only sound is nature settling in for the night. Peering in the living room window I see a dead woman. No really, I can't believe my eyes when I see her—Betty huddled around the girl, Red’s daughter, Sarah. Benji and Squirrel are lying on the floor unmoving. I seize the opportunity, kicking the door in. It’s time to keep my promise to Red and to myself.
**
/> Stepping into the house, my gun is cocked and loaded. Romeo comes in through the backdoor and we order Betty and the girl to have a seat.
“Both of ye on the couch now.”
The girl is shaking and hits the floor before I am able to catch her. Betty is standing there staring at me, I don’t know whether she is about to laugh or cry. Her hand is covering her mouth and she is staring at me as if she is seeing me for the first time.
Romeo gets the kid off the floor placing her on the couch next to a now somewhat coherent Betty. I grab Benji by the neck of his cut and roll him off Squirrel. The motherfuckers are going to look me in the eye when I end them. Benji is going to feel my wrath last. Romeo has his boot pressed on Benji’s chest with his gun aimed at his head in case he wakes up. Squirrel is coughing up blood and muttering something under his breath that I can't quite understand. These fuckers look like old men from all the meth they been smoking. I don’t think he has registered my presence yet. “He armed?” I ask Betty and she nods that he is. She can’t stop staring at me. Bitch ahs aged a lot too. Doesn’t look like her years with these freaks have been kind to her.
The kid is starting to wake up. When she sees me, she faints again. What in the hell is wrong with the girl? I know I am ugly but damn. Betty brings her to and this time she doesn't look at me and she stays alert.
“Get up,” I order Squirrel to his feet. He slowly stands wincing. I am sure Benji done some internal damage. I pat him down and take the small pistol he has inside of his cut. “I’m going to ask you one time. Did you kill Red?” The girl’s eyes go wide as I shove his gun in his bloody mouth. Tears are pricking the corners of his eyes from the pain. “What’s the matter, a cocksucker like you must be used to having something in his mouth. That’s the only reason I can think of for you to go against your patch...against your brothers, your family. You like sucking Benji’s dick? I bet you bend right over and take his cock right up your ass don't ye?” I push the barrel of the gun further in his mouth as he shakes his head. “That’s right you’re a rapist. You touch that kid? Did you put your dick in Red’s daughter?” He doesn’t move.
I look to the girl in question. “Did he touch you?” I ask her as she cries and nods her head that he has. “Did you want him to?” I have to ask. I want to know exactly what has been going on around here. She shakes her head as heavy sobs escape her chest. The floodgates open as she screams and cries, splitting my heart in two as I hear the pain free itself from her body. The girl is carrying so much hurt, it’s hard to listen to or even look at her.
I don’t wait for more answers or ask any more questions. I want to pull the trigger—to blow a hole right through Squirrel’s head. I want to watch his blood and brains splatter on my face and against the walls around us. With his own gun turned on him, I back Squirrel up until he meets the wall. I bend down with the gun still in his mouth, and if he moves, I won’t hesitate to pull the trigger. Picking up a chair off the floor, I order him to sit. “Got any rope?” I look to Betty. She nods and fetches it for me. I secure Squirrel in the chair.
Romeo pulls Benji to his feet and we secure him in a chair next to his piece of shit of a friend. Betty starts to ease herself from the room. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going? You’re supposed to be dead, whore.” She sinks back down on the couch next to the kid. “Keep an eye on her, and if she blinks, shoot her,” I tell Romeo as he crosses the room to sit between her and Sarah.
Grabbing Benji by the top of his head I jerk his face upwards. “Couldn’t let her be happy could ye.” I spit in his face before I sucker punch him in the eye. “Which one of you did it? Which coward fucking killed the mother of my child?” Neither of them move a muscle.
“Get them outside. I don’t want the girl to watch.” Romeo leads Betty and the kid outside where our bikes are waiting in the woods away from the house. I couldn’t risk them hearing my approach.
Squirrel speaks up, “It wasn’t me. It was Benji, and he paid me to give him a key to your place. I didn’t kill the woman.” He pleads for his life with his eyes.
“You let him rape your daughter you sorry piece of trash.” I look to Benji and he doesn’t meet my eyes as he replies.
“Didn’t know until tonight.”
“Is that a fact?” I laugh and I don't hesitate as I pull the trigger and watch his blood rain down the wall behind him. I had planned to make him suffer but finding out your daughter is being raped by your best friend, your patched brother is punishment enough. As a dad, my heart hurts thinking about it, so I gave him a quick death. But a man who touches a kid, he’s going to fucking suffer.
I scavenge the house looking for something I can use to show Squirrel how I feel about a man putting his hands on a kid. Garden shears are laying against the wall near the back door. Perfect.
Making my way back into the living room, I smack Squirrel to wake him up, he seems to have passed out due to exhaustion. “I want you to look at me, motherfucker.” I grit my teeth, trying not to let my anger get the best of me. He looks at me, and I can see he is on the verge of passing out again. “You like playing with your dick so much, whip it out, motherfucker.” I untie his hands. “How big of a boy are you, when you are face to face with someone your own size?” He doesn’t say anything. “I said whip it out, motherfucker.” I force his hands to his pants. He looks at me with terror in his eyes. “Fine, have it the hard way.” I jerk his pants down. His little dick is hanging there, nasty bastard. I take the garden shears and open them placing a blade on each side of his dick.
“The girl asked for it. She wanted me, I was gonna marry her,” he lies through his teeth.
“You know what, Squirrel? I had to watch the mother of my child die, and now both of her girls have been raised without their mother. I am going to watch you bleed out just like I watched her.” Without another thought, I squeeze the handles of the shears bringing them together and cutting through his veiny flesh. His blood is spurting out, and I rip his appendage off as he screams.
“That’s what happens to sick fuckers who want to put their hands on a kid.” I force his mouth open and shove his dick in it. “Choke on it you sick bastard.” I spit on him as he slumps over into the floor. I grab a rag from the kitchen, wipe down the shears and the gun, and place both beside of Benji. I walk into the bathroom to wash the blood and gore from my face the best I can.
At the last minute I spot the building out back, I peek my head inside to see the meth lab that they must have been using to cook all their drugs in. Benji’s motorcycle is parked under the carport. I walk over to where Romeo has the women and tell him to get them further into the woods and be ready to roll when I say go. I go back inside of the house and get the keys to Benji’s Harley. There is a gas can on the carport. Careful not to get any on myself or to step in it, I make a trail of gasoline from the building to where Benji and Squirrel are in the living room. Heading back to the carport I start Benji’s motorcycle and get it ready. Taking the rag I used to wipe my prints from inside, I take it in my hands curling it up. I remove the gas cap and shove the fabric inside the tank, leaving a piece of it hanging out. I get ready, this could be the craziest thing I have ever done, but the crime scene has to be destroyed, all of it the building, the house, the bodies.
I take a deep breath, pull my lighter out of my cut, and set fire to the rag. In a rush, I push the motorcycle sending it crashing into the lab and run as fast as my legs will carry me from the explosion that is getting ready to take place. Just as I dive into the woods, all hell breaks loose. The building explodes, the fire spreads quickly to the house. The alarms are blaring. Their neighbors are standing, watching the home burn, in shock. They don’t even notice us as we make our getaway. Betty and Sarah are unable to speak. They were barely able to climb on the backs of our bikes.
We stop in the next town to fill up our tanks and rent a room for the night. I know the kid has to be in shock and in need of some sleep, she about fell asleep on my shoulder. After we check into our room,
I send Romeo for some food. Sarah will be hungry when she wakes up. “I can’t believe you came for us.” Betty is looking at me like she wants to reach out and touch me to make sure that I am real.
“I sure as fuck didn’t come for you. You’re supposed to be cold and in the ground. Woulda done you in back there but was afraid the kid would need you. So thank her. She is the only reason you are still breathing.” I cross the room and look out the window watching for Romeo to get back. I need a shower, but I don't trust Betty for a minute. I should have killed the cunt. Stupid fucking bitch.
**
“Are you going to kill me?” Sarah is looking at me with her mother’s eyes.
“What gave you that impression? I have spent the past thirteen years searching for you, so I could bring you home with me, so you can live with your sister.” She looks at me puzzled.
“My sister?” She asks unsure of being able to trust me.
“My girl, Baby. She’s your half-sister. I loved your mother, and I made her a promise to get you from the Devils Rejects, this is me keeping that promise. No one is ever going to hurt you again. I promise I will always look out for you. You will never live in fear again.” She nods in understanding as tears well up in her eyes but don’t fall.
“What about Betty?” She looks over at the woman with pity.
“Honestly, I would have left her back there to burn. She hurt your mother and me. If it weren’t for her, things may have been a lot different. Your mother might still be alive.” The girl is looking at Betty differently as if she is seeing her for the first time. “You don't have to talk to me about it, but when we get to Kentucky, I am going to get you taken care of for you know the stuff Squirrel did to ye.” Looking at her and saying the word rape, makes my chest knot up, and I can feel the anger boiling in my veins again.
**
Traveling with Sarah and Betty is making our trip back go over a day longer than I intended. I am afraid I am going to miss Baby’s birthday all together, and I know Romeo is missing his woman and kid something fierce. I wouldn’t mind being home right now myself and having Sunshine writhing beneath me.
Just Ride Black Rebel Riders' MC Volume 1 Page 18